My sister

[Nora27]

My sister is a 30 year old female, who graduated college in 2000 and became very successful in her life. She went into teaching and liked what she did. We lost our brother in 2004 who also graduated with her the same year and they were both very close have noticed a little change in her after his death but didn’t think this can be a problem.  Later on in life she lost her job October of 2008 and ever since I have noticed a major change in her attitude. She has major mood swings and always looks sad. I can not talk with her anymore we always end up fighting. She’s always loosing things and does plenty of mistakes and never wants to take responsibility for her actions. What I have recently noticed is there are certain times during the day that her eyes are pure red and those are the times she’s quite and loveable. I believe this could be some kid of addiction to some kind of drug. I need a confirmation that it is and if so, what can I do to help her. She doesn’t want my help in anyway but I’m afraid she might hurt herself one day.

[gizzy32]

If you truly believe she is abusing drugs or in some type of danger, would you be willing to try an intervention? It's true that we have to help ourselves, but sometimes we are in no shape to do so and need need an eye opener and some help. It's normal for someone abusing drugs to lie and say they are not. I hope she stays safe and I am sorry about your loss. Keep us updated ok.

[dominosarah]

All you can do is just be there for her when she is ready to tell you what is going on.  If she needs money dont give it to her......Please keep us posted        sara

[Nora27]

I have asked her many times but she insists that she is clean. I have tried to talk with her and she doesn’t want to listen. She’s getting worst daily and I am just not sure how to go about helping her. I know in this situation she has to want to get help but she’s not up to it yet at this time. I feel that she’s throwing her life away and I need to help her. I just don’t know where to start.

[ZJILLIAN]

I am so sorry that your family has been having so much pain. I am an only child but I can imagine how awful the loss of a brother would be and then to have the family dealing with the loss in so many different ways that end up pulling people apart. It sounds like you are really hurting for your sister and your parents. (How are you doing?)

I agree with bmdad above and will only add that remember the relationship is and was firmly in place although she is not acting like it right now. Maybe one way of talking with her is telling her how you are struggling with the loss and feel that she is moving away from you emotionally and that is very painful for you. Note for her the changes in behavior and how lonely it makes you feel. See what happens with that approach without actually mentioning the drug thing. Go slow, there is time.

[bmdad]

It's really hard to say but if someone usually thinks there is a problem, chances are there is. You can talk to her and support her as much as possible but if she is using she is the one that is gonna have to want to quit. Have you asked her if she is using anything? If you do and she instantly gets very defensive, that would be a good sign. You just have to be careful how you go about it. Many times with addicts if you pressure too much they will just push you away.
I'm so sorry you lost your  brother. I can relate as I lost my sister about 3 years ago. She was also 30 at the time. I know how hard it is on you and your family. I know my parents still aren't the same because of it. They are 90% better but can still tell it affects them. More people will respond to your post and give you some better advice than what I can. But if I can be of any help, please let me know. Best of luck!
Brian