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731081 tn?1256283166

My story on adderall/amphetamine addiction and abuse

Well i wasnt going to take the time and post anything tonight but i really really need to get a lot of stuff out and talk about my problem...I have been on this site since dec and its truly an awesome site for help and support..Ive read a lot of stories and its amazing of how many people out there struggle with addiction...But anyways im going to try my best and describe my experience and problems that i face with my own addiction...PLEASE take the time to read this even if i end up making this a long discussion (and please exuse me if i mispelled anything or didnt explain it the best way)I have been on adderall/amphetamines for over 5 years now..I am currently 24 years old.. I was diagnosed with adhd when i gratuated high school....The first time i took an adderall, it made me feel like the best i have ever felt in my life....It made me feel "normal" and i thought that FINALLY i found something to fix all the problems in my life....Back then i would only take a pill if there were available and one day i went to my doctor and i told him that i tried adderall and said that it really helped me (which it did at the time) and asked if i could get a prescription...He told me that i have to see a phsychiatrist first to see if i was actually diagnosed with add/adhd...So i went through the process and i was officially diagnosed with adhd....I was soo happy of course that i qualified to get the meds...Let me just say that i never did any drugs (on occassion) throught my younger years..I drank and occassionally smoked some weed from time to time but i hated doing that because of the way it made me felt...I never had a desire to try any drugs because i was always scared to or just was always strong enough to say no and stay away from them...So back to the main story...I got my prescription and things were great for awhile....I was actually surrounding myself around people, i was getting things done that normally i would dread to do, and basically i was just HIGH on life!!....At the time i was prescribed 30 20mgXR a month....I started a full time job and i was going to school full time at the same time....School was an hour away and i worked 2nd shift...I managed to handle them (work and school) pretty well for about 6 months...I was doing "ok" in school and i never missed work and also was doing good at my job....At the time i never knew the potential of getting addicted to the drug..I heared a friend say that you can become depending on it and it can become addicting but i was always was a strong person and i always had a good head on my shoulders to not allow myself to give in to drugs because ive witnessed growing up what they can do to you (my father was an extreme alcoholic and i witnessed some very horrific stuff with him and it tore apart my mom and family, my parents are divorced bc of his acions and alcohol abuse)..I always was worried about my health and always pretty much stayed healthly and in good shape....Well  things would soon change..One day after my classes i was driving home and i was extremely tired and i of course couldnt miss work...So i took that one extra pill before my shift started at work..I was really worried when i took it because i thought i was going to overdose!!...I managed to go through the night at work fine and i realized that its not going to hurt to take an extra pill here and there when i am tired...I started to take an extra pill on occassion and controlled it to only take them when i felt tired so i can get through work...That went on for about 3 months...School was very stressful for me and i eventually didnt finish and i dropped out (which is the biggest regret of my life) and i was just working full time...I eventually changed work shifts where i would work sun-tuesday one week and sun-wed the next week...my hours were 6pm-6am...I always had off thursday, friday, sat, and every other week i had off wed..Well since i was out of school all my friends were currently in college and since i had off the last part of the week i started going up to the college and partying it up...Since i had off alot of days i started to take the adderall just to stay up and party...I was scared at first when i drank on my pills but eventually i looked past it and it didnt bother me....I started to get pretty bad and i went to my doctor and asked for more pills...I then was prescribed 30 20mgXR pills and 30 10mg amphetamine pills...At the time when i was partying i started to snort ridilin pills that my friends had and basically evrything (my morals) just took off...I met a girl at the college and i was the best bf ever bc i was always high on life...Time went on and we both were doing good and i eventually started realizing that i had a problem...I would hint to my gf from time to time that i was somewhat addicted and i was constintly doing research on adderall....Well things got a lot worse!!...I am just going to cut to the main point...I was running out of my pills within two weeks after i got them.....I called my mom many many of nights telling her i needed help because it was just wearing on me soooo bad...I would get soo frustrated bc i thought i was the only one that is experiencing these problems....I finally went to my doctor and full blown told him that i want off them and never want back on them EVER again...I told him everything!!...I was literally ruining my relationship whith my family and gf....I got off them and i knew what i was in store for but i was willing to be strong this time....Well during the time i was off my pills, i started to have other problems in my life...I started to see this other girl and i told my gf and things just took a SH*T...Things were soooo stressful and all i could think of was that i could handle this stress way better if i got back on my pills....I convinced myself that maybe i really need this drug...I thought it was the only thing that works for me....So i enentually saw another doctor and i got my pills back...I gave them to my dad so that i could take them like i should...That only lasted for a month until we got in a fight and i told him that i wanted them back in my possession bc i needed more!!  I started missing work a lot more bc i couldnt sleep and it was really making me look bad...I am currently prescribed 90 20mg amphetamine pills a month and i am just out of control..I got them filled on jan 19th and i am out already...I sold 10 pills to my friend but that means i took 80 pills within two weeks!!...I got laid off from my job bc of my performance and am currently unemployed...Adderall ruined my life and i just want my old self back....I struggle with a lot of money issues and i cant handle the stress with dealing with bills unless im on my pills...I cant deal with anything pretty much...All that i do now it seclude myself from society and get high on pills...Most days and nights when i take them now, all i do it sit on the computer and constinitly think of stuff that i need to get done...I dont even get stuff done anymore bc the pills are not working anymore...I cant control myself and always think that i need more....I drink more when im on the pills and the mood swings are out of control...ANXIETY is through the ROOF!!...but as much hell that i put myself through i continue to take them over and over again!!...There have been many of night where i thought i was going to die bc the anxiety was sooo bad...But that next day i do the same thing over...I know the consequenses that im going to face when i dont have my pills, but i just want to be STRONG this time and have the will power to quit for good...I dont have insuarance now so i would have to pay alot next time if i get them filled...I seriously would LOVE just to go to a rehab and get away for ahile but i feel like im at a dead end because i have bills and cant afford to do that...Just please give me some advice and whoever reads this that goes through the same thing, i would love to hear from ya!!
6 Responses
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Avatar universal
I got hooked on Adderall in college a few years ago and thought I would stop after I graduated in 2010. 2 career jobs later, I was in full-blown active addiction and never thought I would get out of the grips of the drug that ran my life. I needed help. I could have never quit alone. First, I had to admit there was a problem. I ended up going to rehab and now I am in Narcotics Anonymous. I used for 6 years and now I have 14 months clean. :-) You can get your life back and feel normal again. The longer you wait, the worse it gets.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
adderall ruined my life
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi.. You got some really good advice from Gizzy and Worried.. When I was doing crank.. I would isolate also.. You would think we would be out and about wired out of our brains.. But as with all drugs it secludes you and consumes you.. As you know there are some physical wd from speed.. as worried said the sweating fatigue also headache and the feeling of being disconnected.. although nothing like an opiate wd still there.. The mental is the *****.. Forcing yourself up and out is the only way to combat this.. exercise movement.. Eat well.. Sleep as much as you can your mind needs it.. Distance yourself from friends that use..Biggest down fall for a tweeker is their friends.. Stay busy.. The speed wants you to believe you cannot handle the stress.. Life has stresses.. but speed adds a whole new dimension to stress.. This is only temporary.. Post for support check out aftercare.. Talk with your Dr. and cut yourself off.. Once your brain and body heal you might find school doable again.. It is never to late to chase a dream.. I wish you well.. lesa

Helpful - 0
718869 tn?1236260459
Welcome to posting, glad you took the time to tell us about you. Both of the upper post are right. You can do this, it will be hard even hell but it wont last. You can even go back to school, even if it's part time. I know you dont have ins. but you can google aa or na missings that are close to you. Go to them and talk to them they might even know of some place you can goto and talk to someone. You can do this. You made it through high school without this drug so you should give your adult life a try. Living clean is just a good feeling. Not have to think about where or how you are going your pills. You can do this. Keep reading keep posting. This form has helped so many people. Good luck!
Helpful - 0
401095 tn?1351391770
they say amphetamines are not physically addicting..highly mentally addicting..but i am not sure about that..my friend who is bipolar/stay manic btw/is prescribed focalin...she was in a depression 3 years ago and could get out of bed...so hence the amphetamine focalin...she has not missed a day taking it and she is not an addict by nature..never abuses it but she is addicted to it..she tried to quit and managed 3 days without...the 3rd day she was up sweating all night..to me that is a physical symptom in a way...she was depressed and lethargic..and she caved...so it is not an easy drug to quit..affects ur dopamine receprtords like narcotics but in a little bit of a different mechanism..very similar to cocaine..she had no idea they were addictive nor did she know the klonopin she takes each night is addictive...i dont think she really cares due to all of her psychological probs and i kinda preached to her about the focalin...she is so high strung she does not need it and she bounces off the walls to the point i am finding it difficult to be around her....she rides the mania high tho..loves to be manic but she is in a controlled mania if there is such a thing...very sexual tho and even her mild mania is gonna get her into trouble so i dont see the need to add amphetamines to it...she needs some of her meds for life and to function but that one is not one of them..but now  she is addicted and i dont see her getting off as she would not be able to handle the depression that will come with it

lots manage this tho..it is not physically harmful to CT this drug....the thomas recipe would help especially the tyrosine and the supps to calm and help u sleep..there is an article in my journal on things to help stop ampetamines and make it easier...i am glad u r going to stop and there is lots of support here
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It's not just about being strong and willpower, there is so much more to recovery and quitting. This is the insanity of addiction and doing the same thing over and over. I watched my life fall apart and gave it all i had to quit, but without any help or making changes to my life i could not stay clean. You say you can't afford rehab, but there are always options.

Just like you, using drugs helped me deal with stress, gave me that energy and i thought they made me happy, but in the end it only digs us a deeper hole and makes life unbearable. I understand what your saying, trust me. My record clean time was 11 days in 5 years, i kept saying i can do this, but i couldn't by myself. Can you get to any meetings? Is it possible to see a counsellor, you could save for that by stopping the pills. My best piece of advice is to get some type of help, it's so much more than just saying i am gonna quit (for a true addict).  Keep posting and keep reading and come up with a plan for your recovery, you can do this if you put your mind to it man. Good luck.

P.S. There is also an add/adhd forum which could also help too. You have come to the right place for help and I know you can do this:)
Helpful - 0
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