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Avatar universal

Nasty lil demons....

I failed. I wasted 2600 days off work detoxing and here I am day 3and not feeling any better. So what do I do? I let fear take me over and went to my Dr. I told him the truth. I've been taking more than the prescribed 6 pills a day of my norco 10/325. I walk out with a script for 90 norco instead of the normal 150 for the month. Along with a new demon. Methadone. 3 days I made it. From all my lurking here I was half way there. But I have to work tomorrow and I can't do it like this. God give me the strength to wean this nasty evil demon. I want a normal life. I don't even remember life before this all started 10+ years ago.  It took 3the pharmacies to fill this script. First one didn't have it. Second one said I was flagged and refused. That should've been a sign. I know its unlogical but why can't I safely wean and be ok without these nasty withdrawals :(
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Avatar universal
Keonsmommie, I know the feeling. Sadly I actually felt that bottom barrel hopelessness as I kicked. Sweated. Even screamed and didn't know why other than I needed to. Remember what I tell myself. I'm a mommy. Our kids need us and they need us normal. They don't need memories of mommy sick on the couch or mom is too lazy to get up. On the pills or off. Its all the same. A mom not doing right by her kids. When I think about a pill I think about 'momand come do this with me' my kids deserve better and I'm being selfish by denying them that simple request. We suffer enough in these economic times. Is it really fair we take away the one free thing that makes the difference. Us.
Helpful - 0
1275696 tn?1349701121
You are sooooo right!!! Methadone withdrawl is hell!!! I was on 130 and dropped down to 10 and hopped off... that was four days ago and I am kicking, sweating, freezing, and hurting like its day one or two. This is a nightmare, and I havent thought about heroin in years, untill now. I dont know how long this withdrawl will last, but I hope I last longer..... (not a suicide threat!!!! just saying it feels like I will either die, or get high again if it last much longer. I AM LOSING MY MIND!)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Bama I needed to be scared. I need the cold hard truth.  This isn't a sugar coating process :) about the fence. You're right. I will admit it. I'm scared. I'm afraid I won't ever feel normal. But I also know that one these lil yellow demons I'm just lazy. I'm not normal. Who am I kidding. My first step was admitting to my Dr and boyfriend in the last few days. Now I'm accountable. Second step is will power. You are dead on about 'ithe will just do my normal dose or just shy today and make up tomorrow 'and then tomorrow comes and you look at that bottle and say 'ithe have enough for another day of mu normal dose' before you know it your looking at 20 pills thinking 'howmaybe can I wean in 2 days worth of meds?' Next thing I know I'm down to 5. Take them in one day thinking its my fault at CT it is tomorrow.  Oh yes I've been there. More times than I can count. This time I'm accountable to others. Not to mention that red flag at the pharmacy terrifies me. I can't fill another script. What's the an out come from something like that?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I didn't mean to scare you about the methane. It scares me. Its the only pill i have fear of lol. I've never taken it. Just saw the effects it had on others. And wanted you to make an eeducated decision.

I can understand the taper progress. Especially if you have to work. My job consists of Alot of.focus too. And i had to take time off to detox. It wasn't possible for me to work as sick as i was. So i completely get it.

Whether you choose to taper or ct its a personal choice. Everyone's circumstances are different as well as our bodies.

Just be.careful of not staying on track with your taper. My experience was I'll surge today and make it up tomorrow. Just take out what ya need. Don't carry the whole bottle around. Limit temptations the best you can.

This isn't an easy process. It takes Alot of willpower to taper. I wish you the best. You can do this. Get prepared. And just do it. I found the more i thought about it. Detoxing or tapering i drove myself nuts. When i made uo my mind to finally quit. It became easier.

For some reason i think your sitting on the fence. I sat on the fence for three months or more. So Im not judging you by no means. I want you to know your not alone in this. Ill help you as much  as i can
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Omg you guys are scaring me. Thank you :) I'm not on anti depressants.  No health insurance till open enrollment in July. I know I need to see a neuro surgeon for my back which comes with tests I can't afford without insurance. It started like some if not most.  Lying in the fetal position scares to drink cuz I required help to simply pee. I was refused by 3 chiropractors and sent to a spinal Dr. After an MRI I was promptly prescribed oxy and norco. Tool the oxy knowing nothing of it. Never used the norco. Yet filled the scripts every month. Soon I had 5 bottles of 90 norco saved. Couldn't stand the oxy. It made me sleep all day. Soon I was functional walked fine a lil limp. But not oxy pain. The oxy to norco wasn't too bad of a switch. Soon I had bad days. Norco wasn't working. Yet refused to go back to oxy. Tolerance built and soon 4 a day turned to 10 a day. Now I find I take them just to Ward off wd's.  I broke down. Took a norco slept some of the night. But even with an open window and ceiling fan on in winter still sweated thru my clothes. Froze out even the dog who was cuddling under the blanket on my chest for warmth. Now how far into work can I make it before I need another. I hope I'm strong enough I don't.  I have to work and today I work in a very high demand high thought level setting.  I can't be clouded with the sluggish fog of detox. I feel trapped. I have to work. I'm training for a higher position and need to function. Thank you all. I will beat this and you all may never rid me even when I'm clean :) lets pray I make it thru my day :) I know the toughest part will be mentally. I know when that clock hits 8am I will want another. Why? Cuz I always take my second one at 8. Another between 10 and 11. Another after lunch at 1. Then 3. 5. 6. At that point its chasing a high or happiness. I dunno. Right now I feel normal. I can't look for a high. I need happiness with normal. Stretch out the time frames and wean. CT is not an option. Missed 2 days of work already :(
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
HI  after being on methadone for 6 1/2 yrs  I know what it does to people most are walking deth in4 to 6 yrs as far as tapering you could be off the norco in a month or 2 it took me 8 1/2 mo to get off the methadone the norco will keep you sick aa month methadone you dont even start to get better for 3 mo then its slow process back to reality just taper off the norco and leve the methafone alone you dont want any thing to do with it its evil stuff I wosh you all the best with your tapeer keep posting for support good luck and God bless.......Gnarly
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Please don't take the methane. Its a completely different class of drug. It has a long half life compared to the norcos. That's why Alot of people stay hooked on methadone the rest of their lives. Statistically speaking. And its a lot harder to get off of. If your wanting to taper then do it on the norcos. Im not for tapering. But its a personal decision. But whatever you decide i beg you no methane. My personal thoughts on methane conjure up heroin addicts. And your not a heroin addict. Your a norco addict. But that's my thoughts. I don't mean to offend anyone by that statement. Again my thoughts.

I went to my pain management doctor yesterday for the last time. I fired him yesterday lol. But when i was waiting there was a woman who looked like death worn her over. She was skin and bones and very sick. I asked her if she was ok. And she whispered in my ear "ill be fine after i get my metadone". It broke my heart. I asked her how long has she been on that stuff and she said five years. Five years. She was only 45 and she looked 65. No joke. She couldn't even hold her head up she was so sick. That crazy doctor had her pumped up to 90 mgs a day. Scandalous . I think your doctor had good intentions i hope. Most don't know how to treat addiction in my opinion.

And here's another story to scare you. I had a coworker on liquid metadone she was up to 120mgs a day from the clinic. She stole her husbands done. And sipped it all day. Well one day she took xianix with her done and passed out. She went to sleep at her desk. Managers talked to her in private. They wanted to help. She lied about her addiction and was fired. She really needed her job. And now nobody will hire her. She's lost everything at this point to metadone. So again i before you to flush them down the toilet. How many norcos did your doc prescribe? If ya can't quit cold turkey when taper. But no metadone. Your current dose on norcos isn't that high. What id the done grab you so bad you'll never get free¿ something to think about. Seriously. Another question id like to ask you. How long are ya taking the metadone¿ the longer you take the more severe the withdrawls. Are you taking an anti depressions¿ they really help in mood elevation and help control my moods and help keep me calmer.

But the big question is what do you want to do would your boyfriend hold your pills so you can't over use?  Do you go to na meetings?  Another thing that will help you is buying the na/aa big book. Its written to use at meetings. Its their bible so to speak. And are you on an antideprersant? I know Im throwing you Alot of questions. But you need to.think about this. Also don't beat yourself up.getting more meds. Stay focused on the here and now. How many clean days do you have? And i know work is brutal during detox.

Im not judging you or your choice on what to do. But i think yiuve got a wonderful partner who wants you back. Would he hold your meds on the norcos and make you take them as prescribed and help taper you.

In my experience noroc withdrawls last about five days. Metadone can last Alot longer. Be safe and responsible with your plan. Add after.care as soon as youbfeel up to.it. Its a wonderful program. You'll be amazed at all the people on pills. And you won't.feel alone

please reconsider the metadone. What your plan? What are you truly feeling mentally  as well as physical. Your friend bama...sending you hugs and support
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I honestly have had a hard time posting since yesterday on others. I feel like I am about to fall and give up the near week of nothing. Just don't thing I have the right. I had to say something here. DO NOT TAKE METHADONE. I work in a methadone clinic and it is terrible. there are people there since the late 80's one lady broke her back spent six weeks in the hospital the six months in a snf and was discharged straight to us. She dosed for years I watched her die slowly. She is not the only one either. I personally feel that methadone is the gov's way of legally dealing dope. I just wish there was another way for you to taper off the norco. I feel like who am i to say that to you but i just would hate to see you being stuck with methadone. Please if you need to know more, you can send me a message and we can talk that way.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Btw I have a question regarding withdrawals. I've read all the common ones.  Cramps. Restless legs. Oh the chills in my bones were I would tighten my body and throw it on the bed. Those I got at night. But one I hadn't heard. Change in taste buds. White film I'm mouth and on tongue. Is that normal? I can't smoke. Which is a good thing lol cuz I taste everything and gag. Coffee. Once a 4day cup a day habit. Can't stand it in my tummy or the taste. So now I have claw your eyeballs out nicotine and caffeine ed's.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you all. Yes the methadone script is new. I was told I could wean off norcos with the new script. I'll be honest. I'm terrified to try it. The red flag. They listed the drs. On it. One from the er after an auto accident. A dentist. The others.... OS's from my drs office. There is a huge PA turn around. And 3 in office at any given time. I'm so scared. Staring at this bottle of norco. Thinking maybe just one will take the edge off. Most important.  I held accountability to my actions. I confessed to my boyfriend of 3 years on Sunday night. I've been so afraid he will throw it in my face. Tell the world or hold it against me. You know what? After 12 hour days he comes home. Goes out. Gets dinner. Offers to draw me a bath. Does laundry. This man can't stand pills so doesn't understand withdrawals. But he's trying. Why did I confess? Cuz I need to be accountable. I want to know what potential our relationship has without these demons. Considering the entire relationship has been on them and him living through my bi pilot mood swings when I run short every 2 weeks and I'm mentally preparing for the worse. Now I'm crying. God I hate myself for getting into this mess. Thank you all for your kind words and support and letting me vent. :)
Helpful - 0
1979360 tn?1328143865
just a thought.... nothing more, and nothing less...

but, if there were flags thrown up when you tried to fill the script and it took you that many places to finally have someone allow you to fill the pills - doesn't that let you know right there that it should be done, for good? or, that you should be done with the pills for good?

please stay strong. stay positive. and honestly, i would just give them up CT and walk away from them for good. that is what i did, but everyone is different. please keep us posted on how everything goes - or at least ket us know what it is that you're planning to do, now that you have MORE pills.
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
If you think the norco withdrawals are bad you ain't seen nothing yet if you go on the meth. DO NOT START THE METHADONE
Face the demons and beat them down.you can do this.
get down to business.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I haven't read any previous posts, so sorry if you've answered this already, but is the script for methadone new?  Cause you can work through day four off of Norco!  You Can!  I promise!  Getting your mind on work and off of the withdrawals is the best thing!  It was for me anyways.  Just saying.  You can do it without the methadone!  I was on both.  The methadone withdrawals were worse.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Ooops darn auto correct on phone. 2 wasted days off work. Not 2600 lol
Helpful - 0

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