Need help with Hydrocodone addiction....

[km357]

I've been on and off of pain killers for years....not usually for pain, just for the high. Taking them when I have and can get them, then going through the dry spells of not having them and generally being ok. As I would only take 2-3 a day maybe. Now for the last year or so I have been getting them more frequently and they seem to not work as well....of course so I have had to go to 4 sometimes 5 a day. I am poor without a job so every dime I have goes to this stupid addiction. I know better. I'm not stupid. I'm sick. I need to stop before it gets worse, kills me or I get arrested for buying from dealers. I have now been off for a little more than a week ONLY because the damn dealer that I get them from won't return my calls or texts and I know he has some, he told me a week ago he did and I never heard anything again. Not sure why kind of game he is playing. I am thinking maybe god is intervening here?  lol not likely.  I am so angry, irritable, sad, depressed, anxious, exhausted and I feel like I am insane at times. NO ONE knows...only you who are reading this. I can't tell anyone close to me now. I just can't. I need help, what do I do? How do I cope better with the withdrawals? Please anything would help. Thanks

[km357]

Thank you for all the feedback. I broke down and told a good friend about my addiction. I was completely honest. So that felt good to tell someone. I am looking into going to NA meetings....looked up the schedule in the area and there are quit a few. It's a start...

[gnarly_1]

HI GO  a head and post when your desperate as well as when your not
we all come to the realization that this lifestyle is no longer for use it is slowly killing you and it alreday has both mentally and emotionally ...im no one to talk I road the narcotic train for 16 1/2 yrs and it took a substance abuse conlsor the better partof a year to convince me I had a problem after all I was chacing away back pain at the time on methadone something I regret ever going on I to hid my addiction although at lest my oldest kids new about it they where in college at the time so you may want to seek some console or mabe go to an N/A meeting you only need the desire to quit to attend but everybody reaches there limits just dont do like me and watch you whole life with your kids go by in a fog no amount of money in the world can give me that back wish you luck stick around you will see similarity in your lifestyle with some of the others this is often all it takes to say enough is enough ....God bless.....Gnarly  

[littlebit667]

When you are really ready to stop and stop spending your money you will stop.  Keep coming back and read some of the other stories about stopping.  It really helped me pull the trigger and get off.  I started for back pain, but over the years the addiction took over.  Yes, they do cause insomnia.  I figured that out when I could not get to bed until 2 or so and would not get up til 11 or so.  It sucked..missed out of half the day and was bored out of my mind.  I had the fuzzies all the time and nothing seemed to make me happy....or sad....just numb.  That is no way to live.  When you get really, really tired of wasting the money and time looking for the pills you will quit. I hope it is sooner than later.  You have to decide and when you are ready come back and we will help you.  Take care and good luck.

[km357]

Thanks for your reply, I think god or someone is trying to help me....but I'm not accepting it or believing it. I've had a lot of pain and depression in my life and its hard to live with sometimes. Pain emotionally, not physically. Not long after my last post I got more.... Norcos this time. I am almost out, I find when I am almost out i start to panic and want more so I don't have to wait. I KNOW better but I can't seem to stop. I am powerless. They are starting to make me feel worse too I noticed. More insomnia, more agitation. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone here....family especially I feel like they would be so angry and not forgive me. I feel like an awful person. I know deep down I'm not but drugs make me awful. I have a boyfriend who is my best friend but he lives in another state and we try to make it work. He doesn't even know. I felt if he did he would break up with me. I haven't had the desire to do any other drugs, just opiates and I do take anxiety meds prescribed by my dr but I hardly notice the difference unless mixed with Norcos and I know that cant be good. I'm old enough to know better. I'm going to try and stay on here and not just post when I am desperate and have nowhere else to turn. Thanks for your comments...

K

[km357]

Hi Laurel453 and thank you for your reply. It really helps to get comments back. Well not long after I posted maybe another week I did hear from that guy and he brought me some Norco 10 mg. I feel so bad about it. In fact right now I am crying cause I feel like a failure. I KNEW I shouldn't get them again but I couldn't control myself. I am truly powerless over this. Now I've been taking again for a week and and a half and am almost out again. Again with these I only take 1-1.5 a day. If I had more there is no telling how many I would take. I really know I need to stop but I really feel like I don't have the will power. No one knows about it. I can't tell anyone. I feel ashamed and scared. I also mix them with my anxiety meds at night to help me sleep because I find that now they can cause insomnia. I KNOW what I need to do but I think I need help and support in doing it. I wouldn't wish this on anyone...it hurts, it feels awful to hide it and I'm so mad at myself.

[dedicatedtostop]

I do believe it is god interveining... Maybe your addiction is the reason( like most) that you don't have a job. You probably just don't see that yet. Think of all the possibilities you have when you become clean, the sky is the limit. Congrats on a week, if you can make it that far, the worst is over and you got this!!!!!!!! Think of all the pain and suffering you went through for that one week, if you use again it all starts over again and I am sure you don't want that do you?! I personally would not wish it on my worst enemy and I mean that w all my heart. Force yourself to get out and exercise, I SWEAR it works wonders!!!! And if you don't believe in god, now is the time to do so. He will carry you through. Hang tight you have this beat, change your frame of mind and stay determined. Keep posting!!!!!

[laurel453]

Hi , welcome here, Km... hydros was my DOC too  and i also felt so insane at the end of my using days... that i knew like you that i had to save myself from that hell, i was so sick too... you have been clean for a week, congrats, btw :) ,,, how are you feeling today ? there are some advices on the health pages ( right side of your screen) thomas recipe and amino acid protocol.... On the whole, we are adviced to lead a healthy life with exercise ( it help you more than you can imagine now, it will help you to boots your endorphines, something our bodies need producing by themselves after years of using ) , healthy eating ( proteins, vegs and fruits ), rest, get rid of your toxics friends ( erase those numbers, this is a no way back decision, you are saving your life, Km ) ... and aftercare... have you thought of attending any kind of aftercare ? NA meetings ?