Why not start attending meetings now?
sounds like you've had a rough time. i feel for you.
i have suffered health problems due to the abuse of my drug of choice. my primary motivation for getting clean is my health. i'm not sure what motivates other people to get clean. i think if you were to ask people who are clean what motivated them to GET clean, you'd get different answers from all of them. my 2 biggest ones are health and not wanting to be a slave to the urges/rituals that go along with being an addict.
as it is, my health is the only thing that REALLY gets me motivated. if for any reason i fear problems with my liver, i can get clean and stay clean without looking back, period! this is something i absolutely CAN'T do without that fear. eventually, as time passes and i decide my liver is fine, i can no longer tell myself no. anyway...now i have heart palps and other things that are motivating me. i am certain that if i don't deal with this now, i'll pay for it at a young age. my health is motivating me to get clean and hopefully stay that way.
if you find what motivates you, you can do it. i'm a barbiturate addict. barbiturates and alcohol aren't all that far apart. infact, it has always been common to do them both together because of how 'wasted' the person gets from it. this easily leads to death.....but thats beside the point for most abusers. in any event...i'm not an alcoholic, but i know the intoxicating effects of it and i know that if i didn't love barbs so much, i'd be an alcoholic instead.
you just have to find your motivation. at this point, health could be your motivation. the damage it's doing to your body is extreme....it's causing you to need even more addicting substances just to function. i often find that i have HUGE cravings to get high sometimes after i've been clean for a while....and on the occasions that i do give in, i'm always disappointed because rarely is the high ever even worth the guilt and pain that it causes with it. at this point for you, is it worth it to drink? do you even feel anything from it?
all i'm really saying is to find your motivation and hopefully it'll get you somewhere. mine has actually gotten me some clean time i had never expected to have. hopefully the same can happen for you.
Hi Jason. Welcome to the forum.. it ***** when we find ourselves in the center of active addiction. ya know you can put a stop to the vicious circle you find yourself in.. make a commitment right now right here. between the drugs and drink you are walking a thin line with your life.. as Sara said. Hit a meeting today.. They helped you to achieve 8 months you can do that again.. and as my my_mayberry said find your motivation.. you had it once it is still there.. It would not hurt to be honest with your Dr and get some testing done to endure your health.. sure hope you stay around read some and make yourself acquainted with the forum . take care of you ok for you are really the only one that can. lesa