Neighbor/friend with pill problem. Been dragged in the middle and now the family (my friend and her husband) hate me.

[chloe802]

I have had new neighbors since sept of last year. I have live here for 13 yrs, 14 this Oct. I became almost best friends w/ the lady next door. She has a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old, husband, and their niece (15) stays w/ them due to her mother's (My neighbors sister) drug prob. So, we became close. I have driven her son to school and picked him up for 2 months before she got a car. I bought her flowers for mothers day because her family didn't do or get her anything. I really went out of the way to be her friend. She has now had 3 inncidents (that I've seen) where she has been "screwed up" on pills. I knew she had/has a prescription for xanax, but she admitted to having a prob w/ soma's. I never judged her and talked w/ her as a friend. Well, for the 2nd time, her husband called me from work to go pick up their son from school. The first time she showed up unstable, not able to walk, talk, etc. The teacher and principal wouldn't release him and took the 2 yr old from her until someone else could pick them up (that's on the emergancy list) So, I did the first time. A month or so later, it happened again. I got to the school, when she showed up behind me. I told her to leave and I would bring her son home. She was like a zombie. She couldn't sign out her son, tried writing w/ the eraser end of the pencil. The pricipal and teacher were once again witnessing this. I told her to go again, when she just turned around and started walking home. All the sudden, some stranger jumps out of her car and asked where she was going and that he drove her up here. I then realised he was the guy that was going door to door in our neighborhood selling windows and installation. He came to talk to the teacher and principal and they told him to go on his way and the family will get their own car later. THEN he says, "But there is a baby in the car..." OMG- It just dawned on me she left her baby in the car AND let a stranger drive her up to the elementary school, left her baby ALONE w/ him, then FORGOT about her. So, to make a long story short, I got both the car seats (and the baby who didn't have any shoes on and was in a soaking wet diaper) and got them in my SUV. Then, she shows back up. I drove her home as well, but she couldn't even make out a sentence. Her husband came home and he asked me what happened up at the school. He is a policeman, he was going up there the next day, so I told him the truth (of course) and he would of found out anyways the next day. This was strike #2 at the school. 2 weeks before that, she OD'd, and her step daughter found her passed out on the stairs and called 911. She spent 5 days in the hospital. I minded my own business the whole time. After this last school inncident, CPS were called to the house. SO- Point of my story- Through ALL this drama, and me being a friend worried about her and her kids, she turns around and tells her family, the neighborhood, that I'M THE ONE ON DRUGS and that I was in rehab!!! Nothing against rehab, but I was never in rehab, and I have a script for anxity med myself. I had to defend myself to her husband, strangers, etc. It made me sooooooooooooooooooo mad that after all that, she would say such horrible things that are not true. Then, she became friends w/ the girl down the street and they have both ganged up on me along w/ her family (Like we are all in High School!!!) I sent her an e mail simply asking and explaining that I wanted out of the drama, because after so long of helping and being a friend, it back fires on me, the family is all happy again, she is sending me nasty text messages, etc. I have never once had to text/call her husband, but when he called me to pick up his son, he told me this is his # and to save it in case something was to happen, etc. I also think she thinks and told her family I was the one that called child protective services. I never did. I was the one that told her to go back home and not show her face in the school. I know that is not helping the prob, but I was saving her from the school calling on them. They are a good family, I believe from what I've seen 90% of the time she is a good mother- I just never seen her so messed up than she  was that day. So- WHat do I do about living NEXT DOOR to ppl that hate me for NOTHING I DID??? I DIDN"T CALL CPS- All I did was what the husband asked. It's summer and I see them everyday- And I do not like being accused for things I'm not and have not done. It's hard to ignore 20 million ppl right next to ya- I don't want her husband, and she flipped out when she found out I texted him and told him I was a closet pill head. WHAT DO I DO??? I want to set the record straight!

[laurel453]

exactly  :)

[dominosarah]

Never realized how true those words were till i cleaned up.

[laurel453]

i like what your father used to tell, sara, so true.

[mellie4]

You're going to have to ignore them.  There really isn't anything else you can do.  And her husband must know the school called CPS; they have to; it's the law.

As far as her lying about you, you really can't take that personally.  She's an addict and right now she's desperate.  She's probably scared and thinking that this is all blowing up in her face and it is.

But no matter what, the children need to be protected.  If something were to happen to one of those kids, you would never forgive yourself.

If it was me, I would distance myself as much as I possibly could.  You were trying to be a good friend, and you were.  But now you just have to stay away and ignore them and any comments that are made.  Don't feed into the drama and soon enough it will die down.

[dominosarah]

My dad used to tell me "sometimes the bridges you burn are your own".  I think that is what she did.  Its not your job to help clean up the mess she has created, that is her job.  

[laurel453]

yeah,i would turn her away in the most politely way. what if after helping her  once again you got yourself in deeper trouble or pain ? as you have said you have gone through a lot , it's time for being your best friend to yourself now.

that is not to say that if you see her cleaning her acts, detoxing and making efforts to stay clean... then, you can start slowly to see if you can rebuild your friendship, of course but not before.

[chloe802]

So, I figured she is not in the right mind, and maybe she will see the truth. She WAS my friend... I hate to see her ruin everything, possibly lose her family. If she was to apologise and ask for my support, do I turn her away? I know addicts eventually get tired of their addiction and do need support. I know she has her family (Her side, including her mom are all addicts, too) but, she has told me I was the only person who understood and didn't judge her, call her names. If she comes back- Do I turn her away or be her friend? How was she even my friend to begin w/ if she said all those lies about me??

[dominosarah]

Just let this go.......You cant deal with people who are living a lie.  You have been thru some very tragic things and i am sorry.  I hope you have found some comfort~~~~~sara

[laurel453]

sorry for all you've been through, chloe...life is not easy and sometimes is really hard.

yeah, for your sake, leave her and everything relating her behind. i'm sure she is just now like a barking dog furious after being exposed in her lows in front of you and you know the most primary reaction is attack....leave her alone in her "barks" and be indifferent to her  and enjoy your life as much as you can ...:)

[chloe802]

Thank you- It stinks when you end up not getting along w/ your neighbors... I have never had this prob, living next door to ppl who want to make your life hell. It's just me and my daughter, I'm done w/ my 2 yr LPN, getting ready for the state exam, then going back to work. I just got divorced a month ago, my daughter lost her biological father (my ex) 5 yrs ago, AND her step brother died when he was 4. MY BEST BEST BEST friend was murdered 2 yrs ago- SO, we have been through a lot. I just don't need anymore... and this is very minor compared to what we have been through. I thought we finally had peace in our lives. I was thinking about specializing in drug addiction/alcohol addiction. My husband was an alcoholic- that's another story itself. So, you are right. I will be the big person here and just let things go. You can't help someone who doesn't want the help.

[laurel453]

chloe,  i think that addicts come in many sizes ( including  being nice or not very nice people, people with or without morals, religious or not, addiction is an illness and makes no differences with the good and the bad people but  the health issues  and pshycological dependency are the same in all...) so i think you have here a very addicted person and a not very nice one at the same time.

I would be counting my blessings of having discovered her real personality apart from the depth of her addiction, better sooner than after being hurt by her  deeply..... So ignore them and chin up, you tried your best but with the wrong friend, try to find a better friend and forget about her. You seem to be the one giving, its time to find one you can  have a healthier relationship ...It's a bad thing having them as neighbours, of course but.... you can't change this just live with it ;)

good luck :)

[chloe802]

I just re read my post. What I meant was I texted her husband about the situation, and when the wife found out I texted him, the wife said, "Well, don't talk to her. She is a closet pill head." I had panic attacts when I was going through a divorce, and my dr. temporarly put me on Konipin, .50- which I don't even take or go to the dr's anymore.

[chloe802]

NO, NO, NO- Not me- The wife said I was. I'm not. But, thank you.

[chloe802]

ks156- Yes, I am ignoring them. That is what most adults would do, so you are right in which I am.

CPS did not take away the kids. I think the only thing that has saved them is the fact he is a big time officer in a major bigtime city (Not our little nice town.) She was in rehab a year ago for vicodin abuse. She is now on suboxone, has a scripy for Kolonipin and xanax. The Dr that prescribes her the suboxone would not give her a script for benzo's, so she went elsewhere. I do not know where or who she gets the soma's from. She has told me all this before, she knows she has/had a prob. She would get real upset w/ herself when she would screw up. I told her if she was tempted to get soma's, not to, and come talk w/ me and we ould go work out, go to the park w/ the kids, keep her busy. Never once has she come to me for that. I believe once her husband would go to work and after she would take her 4 yr old to school, that is when she would do what she would do. I could never get her to answer her phone at that time or the door. She would just text me. I have told her a lot about me and my past. THE PAST. I jsut got divorced and she went as far to say "Text your own husband. Oh, I forgot, you don't have one. Lol"... AND she is acting like a child and posting stuff on Facebook!!! (I took her off) I'm ignoring them and they keep on trying to get under my skin. I just flooooors me after being a friend and being kind, this is what I get in return. You see, I have a major passion for my flowers, gardening. I made new garden in the lot I bought which is next to their house. I spent MAJOR time and $$$ w/ these flowers/gardens and patching and laying grass. It looks beautiful. My whole backyard is all gardens w/ rock paths, ponds, NO GRASS w/ a patio. She told the neighbor she was going to rip up all my flowers. Are we in High School? Her 2 year old will see me and say "Hi Chloe!" And her mom will say, "Don't talk to her...." It's ridiculous. And I garentee this will happpen again- Not w/ the school. There is only a month left and I know she knows not to screw up. I jsut want out of this caos. So- What if everyone is gone and she OD's w/ her baby running around. Do I just ignore it or would I call 911? Then I'm the bad guy no matter what I do. I feel I will ignore them, but, if I see a child in danger, I'm calling for help. Innocent children are innocent children. AND- Her husband is a poor example for what he represents. After all this, he left her and the kids alone to go on vacation. That's the end... there's troubleinourstate-

[dominosarah]

We are here to help you if you have a problem with pills~~~~~~sara

[dominosarah]

You know the truth, the school knows the truth and that is all that matters.  The neighbors will think what they want, you cant control how others feel.  The kids are what is important here and that is the bottom line.  Hopefully someone is watching over that family.  You did say you texted her husband and said you were a closet pill head and i am sure that added the fuel to this already messed up situation....sara

[kc156]

ignore them

[troubleinohio]

wow that is terrible...and btw, why would anyone be mad at ANY PERSON who called CPS?? I sure as hell would have called them and would have openly admitted it to anyone who asked me too. What she is doing is so dangerous. What did CPS do? they didnt take the kids away? THat is crazy...that she left a baby in a car and forgot about it?? wow...Ive done a lot of vicodin in my time, but never once have i ever lost control or endangered my children let alone forgot where they were. She is not only near death herself by overdosing regularly, she is greatly endangering the lives of her children. This is a ticking timebomb here. I hope CPS does something with her kids before its too late. As for your situation in all of this, I wouldnt even worry about what other people think of you. Any normal responsible person would think that calling CPS is justified in this situation...good luck to you and keep us posted