Avatar universal

Newbie Starting Day 1

Not sure how much time I will get to check in often, but I ran across this site and I am thankful to God that I did. I am a 30 yr old mother and wife with a great education and a wonderful job. I began taking Lortab as a "If you can't beat em, join em" scenerio with my first husband who thought I was "much nicer" to him when I took one ;-) This was in 2002 after I gave birth to my son and I saw right away that I could work full time, take care of my infant, keep a clean house, and still have energy to spare. The habit was no where near life-altering (maybe 2 a day) at the time and I quit quite easily when I decided to get a divorce go back to college in 2004 - cold turkey with no withdraw... After a year, I gradually started using again. I have not been clean, other than a day or two at a time when I had simply ran through my supply, since 2006. I went from 2 or 3 a day to 10-12 a day, and eventually learned that the blood vessels in the nose absorb the med faster (bad idea) but I have always thought "I have control of my habit". I always looked down on the 'dope heads' and 'pill ******' in the community that I knew would never amount to anything because their lives revolved around a pill. My sister and 2 friends know about my habit only because they use too. My new husband (of 2 years) is aware, but not informed. He tends to look the other way and throw snide remarks in my direction when the topic is brought into conversation. But no one other than the 3 afore mentioned females have ever saw me use. They are all very open about their addictions and call me "the functional addict". My career however, hinders me from seeking help publicly, therefore, I am on my own with my choice to get clean. I have tried to taper slowly over the past month or so, but after I would get down to 3 a day, I would work my way back up again. Today I decided was the day and as I sit here writing I am head strong and confident that I can do this. However, it has only been 30 minutes since I indulged myself to my final 'greenbean'. I would like to thank everyone that is a member of this community for just being here. Going at this alone has been one of my greatest fears, and I'm sure later tonight (and especially over the next 30 days) I'll be needing somewhere to go to deter my thoughts...
12 Responses
Avatar universal
your story is so much like mine!  I too was a secret user and am a lawyer who could lose my license if found out.   YOU CAN DO THIS!!!  And congrats on finally admitting it!  I could not be doing this with out this site.  This site is going to save my life.  I'll send you and message in your inbox with a couple must haves.  Good luck and welcome to the site.
Avatar universal
Thanks so much. This site has given me a much more positive outlook on quitting...
495284 tn?1333894042
I am getting ready to head out the door to work but wanted to just say hi to the 2 of you.  You will find a ton of support here.  You dont have to be a prisoner to these pills anymore.  There is a life out here with your names on it~~Detoxing is not fun but it is necessary to go thru.  Stay positive as you can do this!!!

Will check on you 2 later~~Stay strong          sara
Avatar universal
The people here really are a godsend.  I've been fairly headstrong through most of my detox so far.  But when I'm feeling down I come post, and within minutes most of the time there is somebody there with kind words to help you.

I'm beggining day 4 today, just forced myself to do 50 push ups, 150 crunches, and now I can say I am feeling better.

I'm sure he will come around soon enough, but a poster here named gnarly gave some great advice, "you are just going to have to be ok, with not being ok for a while". This will pass, I'm four days clean from the "greenbeans" and "blues clues".  And with the help of my girlfriend, and everybody that posted here I am still fighting the good fight.  And you can make it too!

If you haven't already, check the thomas recipe and the health pages on this site, they have a lot of things there that make our lives easier during this detox he!!.  Look them up, and try to grab them before the symptoms really start to set in.  

Good luck, stay strong.  Do whatever you must to clear your mind of everything besides getting better.  It will come.  I'm about 86 hours in, and after getting up, I almost feel normal.

Stay strong, more posts will come later, just keep checking In.  :)

Avatar universal
I am on day 3 trying to kick a norco habit and am in the same situation.  My profession keeps me from doing more than trying to kick it myself.  I am the only one who knows my secret, not my wife or anyone else.  I tapered down to 3-4 a day and then ran out.  The worst part so far has been not sleeping well and restless leg.  It was bad last night and finally got to sleep at about 2am.  I am determined to kick this crap out of my life though and mentally am staying strong.  I think even with little sleep last night, the withdrawal symptoms are getting better already.  The most I took was about 7 a day for a very short time (5/325) and then tapered to 3.  I am hoping I am gonna get some energy soon, maybe the weekend.  I know these pills have been all I have thought about over the last 3 years and my family deserves better.  My relapses in the past were due to bad withdrawals but it is not so bad this time.  I have always got my pills from my Dr. and I don't even have an appt for another 2 weeks for a physical.  I know he wont give me anymore anyway so that is not an option.  Good luck to both of us.
Avatar universal
I know you may think I'm a lunatic,  but honestly the greatest thing that happened to me was my girlfriend finding out about my relapse.  Most people close to us are a lot more forgiving than we give them credit for.  If you tell your wife it could possibly be a great thing for your recovery.  Keeping it a secret hurts us.  I have two parents well into recovery that I am terrified to tell, but I've decided soon I am going to confide in them.  The more people that love you, that know your struggle, the more support you will receive.  Honesty is tough, but we kind of deserve some of the consequences, as they will be upset at first (at least in my experience) but they het over it, and will help if you ask.  Just like us here.

Good luck to both of you, I'm halfway through day 4 and have walked over 2 miles and 50 pushups and 200 crunches.  Keep your heads up, it DOES GET BETTER!!
Avatar universal
Wow you all... I just came home from a meeting at work and honestly, the first thing I wanted to do was hit the bathroom (my hiding place) and get a little boost... Instead I logged on here just out of curiosity. I really think it'll be okay... I am actually quite head-strong when I really want something. I have never took the leap to stop because I have always been the strong one in my family. It seems as if everyone always needs something from me and I can never make time to quit. I am 110% sure my husband will be there for me through the next few days, he has just never wanted to talk about it (ignore the problem and it will go away I guess). And for me, I don't want him to have to see me broken... He has always admired my strength and endurance to keep things going around here and avoiding disappointing my family has, in a sense, fed my addiction. You can't go through WD at work; can't be detoxing on vaca at the beach; take a long weekend and everyone wants to go to the lake or the movies... There's just always been something that I had to stay medicated for. And it's not for a 'high' because you don't get high after you're this far into it. 4 hrs in and I have to clean my kitchen lol... Cleaned all morning after my LAST fix so I will know I won't have that worry while I'm sick... Other than my nose feeling like I stuck a firecracker in it and set it off, I'm still good for a few more hours... But I will be back in a bit I'm sure... Thanks to all of you
Avatar universal
Have you thought of maybe asking your husband to come to this site and read some stories of people going through detox?  Many people, me included put everything out there, and if he can see the struggle you are embarking on, he might be a little more understanding.  Its going to be tough, I won't sugar coat it, you will need some form of help, and an understanding loved one can do wonders for us in our detox.  Keep posting, it gets busier later in the day, and others will come and post, we're all in this together :)

Avatar universal
He's kinda familiar with all the issues that go along with detoxing. He has many family members that are abusers and thats his real issue with it. He has never taken anything stronger than acetaminophen, never drank a beer, never smoked a cigarette, etc. but he has seen the affects of all sorts of addictions through his childhood. The only issue he has ever had is gambling, which he overcome after a few bad weekends at the card table. When the subject is mentioned, he compares the two and I have tried to explain that the physical symptoms are more of a barrier with substance abuse than the psychological ones... He chose the right path to get away from 'family tradition' and inevitably married into it anyway. He has seen how it destroys lives and has chosen to pretend that I don't have a problem. However, I'm happy to report that when he came home from work a little while ago I handed over my stash (approximately 100+). I asked him to do away with it for me, no questions asked. And that was that.
Avatar universal
Good for you.  You cant be tempted if you dont have them.  Get the herbals they help and keep busy.. If you sit and think about it you'll go nuts, get up and clean or bake or run up the stairs just do something.  Lots of people on this site say the same thing if your busy it's better.  Good for you, i'm so proud of you.  I finally told my husband and all he said was i love you and i'm proud and went back to life as normal.  It's just ignorance so dont be mad.  We're here for you!
1680450 tn?1306254193
This is a lot easier said than done, but you're definitely on the right track. The first step is realizing you need help, then you get the support, help etc. and go from there. Reading other peoples' stories here truly helped me. Everyone's stories spoke volumes to me, and although we're all different -- we're all here to achieve the same things through this entire process.

PLEASE keep posting here and keep us all updated. The more you post, the more you help others through their recovery, it'll in turn help you through your recovery!
1331115 tn?1536362140
Great job on getting rid of the little devils as if they were around they would be calling your name. You should look into the Thomas Recipe and/or the Amino Acid protocol. I used both during my w/d and it definitely helped. Exercise is key it will help speed along the detox process. In addition drink plenty of fluids as it will help flush your system out.

Having your spouse's support is essential as I don't know if I would have made it without my lovely wife. I wish you luck and keep going it is a great feeling to get your life back. God Bless---Rick
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495284 tn?1333894042
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