No Feelings

[bratty5]

My bf has 51/2 clean and sober (I know by NA stardards no difference) and used and drank to not face any feelings and now he can't seem to feel anything for anything how long will this last???

[refusingbondage]

Bratty, your first paragraph almost mimics the most recent conversations going on in my house lately.  I am sorry you are going through this.  I am on the opposite side of this situation but I know had hurtful it is.  All I can say is hang in there and give him some time.  I think that if he continues working his recovery and hopefully getting into some form of therapy - it may help him deal and get back a lot of his old self.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

That would be "cold turkey" - -

Look up anhedonia in the dicionary..... thats a huge problem for methamphetamine and X users.  With supps and nutrition you can help a lot.  It is a problem for any addict in recovery.  But your friend is also correct and time heals these wounds. A very important part is recognising the problem for what it is. When using we deplete so much "brain candy" that we need nutrition (and supp's..) and time. It does resolve in virtually all cases...... Most indicate a 4 - 18 month period depending upon what DOC and how long. It does begin to resolve before these time frames - but it takes awhile for everything to work......  Exercise is a key thing to do to help .... anything that stimulates the body to release endorphins ..... coincidentally, sex is one of the better venues for endorphin releases..........maybe you can help him...............best of luck to both of you......keep learning...thats important - and congratulations for being so interested .....

[bratty5]

sorry i don't know what c/t is

[bratty5]

We have talked about it and he is the one that told me he doesn't really feel anything and he doesn't know what to do. He says he is trying to figure things out and he doesn't know who he is. He says he loves me and he wants us to be together but he understands if I can't wait for him to figure out his life,feelings, etc....

I want to wait but its just hard after going through his addiction, staying by his side when he went to jail, and now recovery. I thought this was going to be the easy part.....not. It's just hard to love someone so much and they can't seem to show any emotions. I feel like I am in a relationship alone.

[refusingbondage]

Hey there... I cant guarantee anything with your man because its all very individual and very personal, but I can say with all surety that I have been clean now for about 8 months and went through the unemotional thing as well.  I am still struggling with this part.  For me, being an addict for so long, you kind of lose yourself somewhere along the way and have to work to get it back.  I personally feel I will never be the version of the person I was pre-addict but I am also not the person I was in active addiction - I am emerging a new and better version.  This is difficult for the people close to me as well.  I am working on the ''feelings/emotional" part of it all.. but its still an issue.  I have been told by long time recovered addicts that it gets better in time.  He needs to start thinking about *why* he is an addict - really getting in deeply within himself.. this has helped me.  I have also been told that the people in our (our meaning addicts) lives do not have to necessarily accept all this and its not really fair to them.  And I agree, but sobriety is first and foremost.  You have to choose what you can handle and you have a right to those choices.  I wish you the best and hope you make it through this difficult time..  What does he say about it all??  Does he know he has changed and kind of turned himself off to feelings?  I felt it right away but it also cemented it when it was brought to my attention by various people.  

[bratty5]

He has been clean 5 months his drug of "choice" first vic then meth back to vic and finally alcohol. All this was over around 5 years from when he first started talking the pills. I think the biggest problem is that I have only been with him for 2 years so I never knew him before all of it but I am also thankfull I didn't know him when he was on meth. I was married to someone who used meth and I think if I knew him then I never would have taken a second look. As far as being more emotional....you're right I am, but when he was drinking he was more sensitive and wasn't so closed off to emotions. I have been all over the internet reading and trying to understand what he is and will go through.......but to be completely honest.......I just kinda thought he would stop drinking and everything would be the same, he would just remember it all. Nieve I know now, but all the changes are hard because we were great before we never fought or had a hard time talking to each other, we were always laughing and having fun. Now it feels like we have nothing in common except our daughter. I'm not a big drinker and I don't drink now at all out of respect for him, but or favorite thing to do was going to the bar and playing pool and dancing and we did that alot. Now we don't do anything.........except meetings (NA). I go with him sometimes because the only ALANON meetings are on the same days and time as his meetings and in the town next to ours and i figure it is more important for him to be at NA and since he has no license and we have a baby we are kinda limited. Especially when everyone we know drinks..........even if it's just a beer after work.

I have to admit that there are alot of things I miss about the man I fell in love with but there is plenty of things I don't. I wish we could get back the good things we lost. When we met we clicked instantly and now it feels like I am living with a stranger. I am NOT giving up or ready to walk away, but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it.

Doing the best I can to hang on................................

[road2recovery]

I am sorry for what you are going through, and know it must be so tough...I know it is hard for you to understand unless you have been an addict, but there are many programs like alanon that can help you understand...
What was his DOC?  Also, did he do it c/t??

I also wanted to say that , even with my husband who is not a addict, I do beleive that men don't feel like women do to certain situation..For instance, my hubby is great...But there were times, while raising our 4 kids, that i would cry over things , and he would say "why are you letting this bother you"?  I could never understand how some things just didn't bother him...NO OFFENSE to the men here..lol...But i think we are just more hormonal, emotional then men....Now before his drug use, Was he different??  I mean did he feel things differently then he does now??
I can tell how much you love him, and I sure hope you can work through this...
god bless
r2r

[lulu7777]

HI!  I am new to this site, but not new to being an addict.  My main thing was Heroin.  Although, I don't recall ever turning any kind of drug down, being someone who suffers from chronic pain, Heroin was the drug for me.   I was drawn to your comment about N/A standards.  Granted I have only been to 2 meetings.  One was a year ago and the other last week and God willing tommorrow will be my third.  One day at a time, right?  Anyway's about being clean for 5 1/2 yrs being no different.  I get the part about wether it's one day or one year, still an addict, can still relapse, etc...  There is a huge difference in as far as how difficult or easy it gets the further along you are.  I just thought I would throw my 2 cents in, for whatever it's worth.  Also, I have heard about some people who are addicted to meth have a hard time ever feeling anything again.  EVER.  It was on a special on MSNBC or Intervention, something like that.  Was that his drug of choice?   Choice, that sounds so weird to me.  Seriously, when did we make the choice to be an addict.  Fun life, huh?  NOT!!!!!

[bratty5]

Sorry 5 1/2 months clean. I read around and found PAWS and it says it is part of it but it doesn't make it any easier. Does anyone have any advise for me? I love him so much and I want us to make it through this but it is so hard.

[worried878]

years or months or days?