No More High?? Even w/Norco's AND Dilaudid???

[mandee500]

I have been taking pain killers steadily for about 2 years now - only interrupted by a few (less than 5) times I w/d, either because I wanted to try to quit or because I ran out too soon and couldn't buy any on the street. I was an alcoholic for many years prior to the pill addiction. I've tried so many other drugs (coke, acid, x, shrooms, crack, meth, etc.) and alcohol and pills are the only ones that got me. I remember the first time I had kidney stones, the pain medication they gave IV was a dream! At home I remember how much a 7.5/500 hydro would have me flyin, feeling great, cleaning house, being a better parent. Now I'm up to 2 narco 10/325's every 3-4 hours (as prescribed) plus 4 mg dilaudid (bought on street) every now and then just to try to catch that 'buzz'. I do have legitimate pain (Fibro, Sacroiliitis, 2 bulged and one slipped disc) but I take just as many pills on a good day as I do a bad day and I need pain relief but liked the buzz SO much and now I can't seem to get it. I know you develop a tolerance and that opiates have no dosing caps for that reason but geez, how did I get here? I take 150 - 225mg of Lyrica, 20mg Prozac, 200-400mg provigil (as I can get my hands on it) plus the pain pills daily. I don't even feel good anymore! I'm so tired my eyes go goofy when I try to focus, I get more nausea than buzz or pain relief from the pills, and I'm moody as hell (understatement). I feel miserable. The saddest part is I really DON'T want to quit - I just want the buzz back - how LOW is that? Anyone else have this same problem? Where it just quit feeling good but you can't seem to stop? If I take even more will I get the buzz back or fade out like Mr. Jackson? I do feel as though it's hard to get a good breath sometimes when I've taken too much. But honestly the pills are the lesser evil for me - alcohol was ruining my life AND my poor son's life, and every single flippin time I don't have pills I turn back to the bottle. I just want the pills to make me feel like I used to  then I could still be a good person, have my 'fix' (which i seem to need something to alter my state to have fun/function properly - and have needed it since about 15 years old). I'm almost 29 now and have a decent job, a family I love so very much, and I've finally found a Dr. who genuinely cares about me and my conditions and is super liberal with his script tablet - WHY is THIS happening now? I could live a good life and take my prescribed medicine and feel good and be happy but NO! Of course not! Now that I have everything I thought I needed in life I'm almost more miserable than when I started this addiction. ANY AND ALL ADVICE WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!

[hydros]

Take suboxone.  I was on 30 norcos methadone perks and oxy plus Phentermine and b12 plus drinking and smoking I am clean and sober since Feb 3. Suboxone is a miracle!  Worth every bit

[hydros]

Tale suboxone

[Eebb26]

This is an old post. Wonder how it popped back up

[BlueOpiate]

As usual, Tiffany's take on it and advice is spot on, IMO.  You have a serious substance abuse problem that sadly sounds like it could lead you to a early death.  I know from how I was, you probably chuckle at reading that.  Why not keep taking the pills if they make you feel good?  I thought the same thing, have legit pain sometimes, and also had a liberal doc.  It really was and is sad that I could march into my docs office and tell him "this is what I want to try" and he would just give it to me.  I was slowly killing myself and knew I had to stop.  I wanted to stop and was sick of chasing the high I could never get again.  Sick of feeling like crap when I didn't have pills, sick of the whole ball of wax.  It sounds like you are sick of only part of this death dance.  You said it yourself that the pills no longer get you high, this should really tell you something.  How would you feel if you take the same amount you do right now back when you first started doing this?  Chances are, you would have died from that amount, I know I would have.  You have children, they deserve to have their parent around clear headed well into their adults years.  I pray you see you need help and want to quit but right now, I don't think you want to.

[tgtiffany]

First of all you're an addict and an addict with a doctor who is "super liberal with his script tablet" is NOT a good thing.  You say that you NEED the fix, and have needed it for a long time now.  I think that you should try therapy or counseling.  We as human beings are not made to HAVE to take pills to be happy or have fun and function.  You know this.  I know that you do.  I think that counseling would help you though.  How old is your son?  I know that my husband's final straw that made him quit taking hydrocodone were his kids.  He wanted he son to grow up and be able to say "I wanna be like daddy!"  I think that you should try to taper down on the pills.  Go clean and find your REAL pain level, as I know that you have one.  Maybe CT isn't for you, as you said you went straight back to the bottle.  That isn't a cure either.  You're just masking the problems with other problems and then more problems on top of that.  You CAN be happy without alcohol and pills.  I know as an addict most don't realize this and they are so afraid of the sober life.  But I really think that you need to get to the root of the problem for your addiction.  You KNOW you are addicted as you said and taking more and more and more to get a high won't get you anywhere.  I take that back, it will get you somewhere, but that somewhere isn't where you want to be AT ALL.  I know you haven't be online for some time now, but when/if you do come back I know there are lots of people here that can help you. This site is awesome!!

[Peachezzz17]

I totally understand..I'm starting to believe its the same with most! The pills make u feel so good and would give me a rush that I could do anything! Clean more work harder etc..but that feeling NEVER LAST!!!! Your gonna need more and more and evetually it just leaves ur body so depleted you can't do anything without them!! I use to think like you.I figured if they made me bettr and happy y not stay on em foreverr =) STOP CHASING THE HIGH cuz its a horrible outcome. The more u take the harder its gonna be in the long run! Good luck and keep us posted*

[IBKleen]

Boy, if you decide to come back on again, I would love to talk with you. Hope to see around.

[mr.lucky66]

It really sounds like you want to get high again and have no desire to quit. This isn't a place where you get advise on how to get high or make your pills work better and give you a buzz again. You sound like you really have a serious addiction problem as evidenced by your drinking and the pills were hiding this. Maybe you should really look at the pills and the booze as the same problem and try to deal with it. all the best.

[bjmbb]

I quit for that very reason. I was taking norco. I just wasn't feeling anything anymore and I started taking more and more until I would blow through my whole months worth in a matter of days. Even then the good feeling stopped. I would just stop while your ahead. Go through the 5 or so days of hell. I was told it would feel like the flu and it did. I am now on day 6 and so glad I did this. For mayself and my family. I wish you the best. Read as many stories as you can on this forum. a wealth of info.

[worried878]

snortin..dont...hits u fast but u will do ten times more cos it leaves u faster!  over and done in a matter of less than an hour no matter what u snort less u keep snortin...DONT DO IT!  plu ur nose will look all crusty and u will get sick from snortin that stuff into ur lungs....dont do it

i got to the same place..ur choices r move to a stronger doc..dilaudid is pretty strong//not orally well absorbed tho...or shoot, snort or chew...or QUIT...cos no matter what u do u will hit the same place u r now again sooner or later..and probably sooner...it just isnt fun anymore..brings depression and a feeling of loss vs elation...a loss of urself...and no matter what u do or how much u take/ u will never get that feeling of that first hydro 7.5 back again...it is gone and u r chasing sumpin u will never feel as freely and carelessly as u did many oons ago...probably time to let go....and in a way u r lucky the drugs r making u feel this way cos this feeling is gonna force u to let go eventually..some never do get this depression from using..and they do not end up in a good place as a rule...keep posting and hang tight

[avisg]

Yes you do go back to feeling like you did before you used.It takes work and exercise helps quicken the pace. I quit when I found out my 8 year old son had cancer plz don't let it get to the point that it takes something that serious to get you to quit.I am lucky he is healthy now .

[mandee500]

I guess I just don't know. I would love to hear stories of how folks knew it was the right time to quit, learn how others' addictions to opiates progressed and ceased, maybe I just want to learn how to go back and feel how I used to, or see if it's at least possible. I know I sound wishy washy and rediculous but I'm just trying to be honest. Thank you for responding.

[cathy5841]

HI mandee,  I really dont understand what kind of help you are looking for...you say you are not ready to quit...but yet you are asking for help....when you are ready to quit this forum is a great place for support.  what kinda of support are you looking for?

[mandee500]

I forgot to add that I'm contemplating snorting..... I feel like that would give me the buzz and pain relief I'm looking for but I really really don't want to go down that road - please help.