1383825 tn?1315232262

No more vicodin

I am on day 11 of no vicodin. I've been taking it daily for 14 years. I remember the first pill I took, because it made me feel so good. I cleaned my apartment and felt happy. Now even though physically I may be threw the worst of it, mentally I'm really having a rough time.
Believe it or not, I decided to quit while I still have pills. Another crazy thing is that I quit because I love Jesus. I'm not a churchy church person, so I don't give a sh*t about that in terms of keeping up appearances. But I do care very much at this point in my life about what Jesus wants me to know. I don't have any doubt that he loves me and is by my side, even if I take Vicodin. But personally, I just need to be closer to him.
So, I found this website. And my friend said I can't do it on my own. I'm a busy Mom, I don't want to go to church meetings, or any meetings. I just want to be closer to Jesus.
My husband is an assH*le a lot of times, but I love him. I can be an AssH*le too, huh? But that was one of my reasons for popping pills. Now I have to just live with his assH*ledness. Also I have a lot of things to do. Everyday. Work, House work, kids, food, people I love and love to care for. Pills honestly gave me a super boost to do all of that. If I started drooping, I'd just take some pills.
And they were my duct tape. I'd be literally coming unglued, mentally or physically, and I'd tape myself with duct tape - Vicodin.
So, Here I am still with all the work to do. All of the people I love, and no pills.
I love the honesty here and I guess I haven't been honest ever about this but I want to stay off vicodin, so I thought I'd write SOME f*cking thing on this forum. I know one thing it can't hurt, right?
16 Responses
271792 tn?1334979657
Hi & Welcome,

If you can stay clean without support, more power to you. I wish you the best. I was never able to do that but that does not mean that you can't.

In the first paragraph you stated that you still have pills. In the last paragraph you stated that you have no pills. I am confused. If you still have some around it would be a great idea to get rid of them. The temptation will bite you at some point.

I assume you are feeling better physically so you don't have any questions about that. Well, good for you for taking a huge step to better your life. Take good care of yourself.
Avatar universal
Congrats on stopping. You pointed out that basically you are still in the same environment, same life, same expectations of you from other people, same everything, except one difference, you've taken the pills out of the picture. For me, when I removed the drugs but kept living the same lifestyle, it would lead me to a relapse. Not saying this would happen to you, but I found real sobriety, when I got sober and changed things, by going to meetings, getting support, learning about myself, and making changes to myself. Dealing with things differently, basically, making changes in my life. Living sober when you've been living on drugs for over a decade, is a huge learning experience. I think it's key for you to have a support group, people that you can go to and relate to and get advice from. Meetings, or a therapist, or whatever you choose. I think that will be a huge asset for you to stay sober. However, this is only my suggestion, I cannot speak for you and ultimatly you will decide, in my experiences though, the time I was truly sober was when I was taking suggestions and doing an AA or NA program. Also, as IBKleen said, if you have pills I would highly suggest getting rid of them, because even though you are okay right now, sometimes a relapse can be really impulsive, you get the thought and desire and suddenly you are taking them, but if you don't have those pills in the house, it may allow you to avoid a relapse.  Good job for stopping, thats awesome.
1383825 tn?1315232262
Yeah, I still have pills around. So good point on that. When I say, "no pills" I mean INSIDE me. As in: "no pills have been put in my mouth for 11 days." That is a BIG f**ing deal for me. And I can see tht my impluse is pretty weak - or strong - I was already thinking about an upcoming work trip and how I'd take a few just in case I woke up with a hang over and needed to function.
Also good points about my environment. I agree about therapy. Life is pretty hard right now.
Thank you so much for encouraging me. It really means a lot. Especially coming from you both, knowing what it is like. I'm pretty blown away by that.
352798 tn?1399298154
Well all of us here will tell you that at one point or another, your will power will be overcome by the addiction. It is never a good idea to keep them around, so flush them now while you have the strength.
    I could not have gotten through this without my Jesus, and all of the friends here who have helped me tremendously. I hope you choose to stay here. You will find great support and comfort from being a member.
1383825 tn?1315232262
Thank you.
From reading some posts. I know you have been a big help to many people.  I am praying that whatever healing you need will come strongly and swiftly.
Every night I lie down to sleep and know I haven't taken any Vicodin, I am at peace. I am  longing to know my true soul, my true dreams, my true joy.
The pills are everywhere though. My husband is on them, my sister too. I told my husband that I was quitting. He is proud of me. He locked up his pills. I hate that. I am so double minded. He's taking care of me. Plus I know if I can quit, it is a good thing for him too.  I love him, but he thinks he cannot function without them due to pain.
I was in emotional pain and very drained, but not physical pain. I am not trying to get in his head. Mine is enough now.  
Again, be well and be strong and thank you!
Avatar universal
Hey L,  I hear what your saying.  Hang in there! God is faithfull but you gotta ask for help and then trust.

I started vicodin about 7yrs ago with a girlfriend who was already hooked (still praying for her). Mainly used it on the weekends with alcohol just as a recreational drug.  The alcohol intensified the high.  Been big into bodybuilding for 25 years but now the large amounts that I have to take have taken a huge toll on my energy, peace, and happiness.  Its all I can do to get through a workout and then completely drained for hrs after. Did not realize how addicted I am till I decided to quit cold turkey a couple weeks ago.  Could not cut it so I started back. Decided to quit the booze first.  Its been 7 days since my last drink.  Havent went for more than two days without alcohol for the past 10yrs.  Feeling a bit more strengh but not where I should be.  Had only two V today.  Oh, yea and for your info the amounts Ive been taking on the weekends and mid week party days range from 15-30.  

Cant wait to be my self again. Tired of being tired.  Also major bouts with depression.
Good luck to anyone getting of this demon drug.  Never thought Id be like this.

God Bless
Avatar universal
I have been clean from oxy for 89 days. The hard part for me was not the withdrawls. Don't get me wrong, it hurt bad for many days. I for about thirty days missed my friends that made me warm, happy and alive.  I feel so much wamer, happy and alive now more than ever.  All I do is think of all the reasons I quit and all the reasons I have less things to worry about. Number one- my family. Number two- fear of running out. Number three and the biggie- fear of the pain of withdrawl. But then again I had no A HOLES around. I quit without a treatment program and that made me feel powerful and for once in control.
Congrats on stopping however you do it, and have pride in the fact that you recognized a problem and hit it head on.
352798 tn?1399298154
     Your husband is trying to help you by locking up his pills. That is nice. I also hope that you become that shining example of how much better it is to be living clean. If drugs are all around you it can be very hard. It will take a deep resolve, I know, because I did it.

Be strong. Perhaps this site can be your aftercare, it has sure helped me.
Avatar universal
I relate to your words so very much! I also have an as*holish partner, that has way too much mouth, and I pop pills so it hurts less when his tongue is brutal. But now, I got to figure out what to do. Either leave him, deal with him, and if it;s the latter...how? So I know how you feel. When I think about no pills forever, it kind of feels like chopping my arm off, and ripping off the duct tape. But, I think for you and for me, there's hope that we can deal with everything in a good way. A way that won't require us to be slaves to a drug that hurts us in so many ways. Yea, it's good for pain, yea, it blocks the hurt, but do I want to live my life always worrying about the pharmacy, doctors, refill dates, insurance and if I run out? What about waking up feeling good for once, because I feel like crap when I wake up now. If I could just wake up without having to have a fix, I think I would be content. We will find our way with Gods help. Godbless you.
Avatar universal
I am prescribed Vicodin for pain from Fibromyalgia and neck disc issues.  My doctor upped my script last time I was there without discussing it with me from 7.5 to 10.  I didn't realize it until I was taking it a few days.  I never take more pills than prescribed but have taken them closer together and then dealt with the wd's later.  My problem is that I have the chills, hot flashes, nasuea, and just bad feelings every time a pill is due in anywhere from 3 hours to 1 hour.  It has been like that the entire time I have been on it.  I have never felt "high" or anything good except my pain being gone.  I am starting to think the downside to them outweighs the pain relief.  Did anyone else have withdrawl symptoms when they were taking the pills as prescribed?  Even if I take one every 6 hours (exactly as prescribed) I still feel withdrawls before the next one is due.  I can't imagine going from 10 and 15 pills a day to nothing.  You people are strong!  

Lindsey:  I am also in the process of getting closer to Jesus.  If you haven't read "The Purpose Driven Life," get it from the library... You will love it.  I also loved "Joshua" and that series.  

Thanks for any advice
1349329 tn?1276985202
I'm having the same problem, only with Tramadol.  My Dr. prescribed it for Fibromyalgia and Disc Issues.  In the beginning, the first few months, it worked fine, but then I started having the same thing your referring to, feeling like I'm going into Withdrawals around and hour or so before my next dose.

I have only taken them as prescribed also.  I want to get off them, but when I try to cut back, the Anxiety is so bad I can't take it.
1383825 tn?1315232262
Just realized how I don't have to worry if I act weird these days! If I do, AND I am clean then I know I'm just being the real me. So that's cool!
I still have a strong desire to know Jesus better. I think need to chill because the more real I am (clean and genuine), the more I will grow closer to Him.
352798 tn?1399298154
I am not sure what you meant by your need to chill. I understand getting closer to Jesus, but be careful if that means not being here or some other support group. Treat addiction as the enemy of your soul, for it is.
1383825 tn?1315232262
Couple of years ago I was reading about spiritual warfare and came across an interesting passage. Your last comment made me think of it. I'll go look it up as I think it'll help others. It had to do with Pharmacology and witchcraft, I think. When I first read it, I knew what it meant to me. That the pills WERE the enemy of my soul. I kept holding back from the truth and kept taking them. Anyway the book is three inches thick. I hope I can find the passage quickly.
352798 tn?1399298154
Here is what some are saying;   Pharmakeia is a Greek word found in the New Testament that means medication, pharmacy, magic, sorcery and witchcraft. Its root is pharmakon which refers to a druggist, pharmacist, poisoner, magician or sorcerer. God clearly states that Pharmakeia (the use of drugs) is a sin in Galatians 5:19-20a; "The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft" (Pharmakeia).
1383825 tn?1315232262
You Rock! That's exactly what it was about. Satan wants every single soul addicted! In my life, I'm 50, I've found that when I follw the lead and love of Jesus, I watch amazing things happen. I am floored by His power and very personal care for us. My power is puny and selfish. His is pure and good. Thank you for sharing. You are really a big help and such a good bounce house for my jumping, clumsy struggle to stay clean and be honest.
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