Norco Addiction, withdraw process

[Tat2guy]

My name is, well my name don't matter...I've read a lot of these and haven't ever commented... I'm 29 years old, and well bottom line I can take 30 norcos, the lil yellow bananas a day and not feel anything but normal.. I've been taking them for nine years.. I own a very successful business, and worked my *** off to make it from the ground up, I have 3 perfect kids and a beautiful wife that loves the hell out of me...I have money power and success.. And a ****** up addiction.. The work I do I can't just half *** it... Anyhow four months ago I stopped entirely went two months without ****.. Cold turkey wanted myself to feel the pain... And I did.. But I gave in a couple months ago.. My body wasn't working with my mind and I took two pills.. Felt like superman, told myself no I'm only takin two a day.. But you know how that goes. Bam right back to thirty a day
..here I am on day two of being clean, I have two more days till I go back to work.. The worst part is my wife looks at me like I'm a joke and am just going to start back any time.. What she don't know is she helped me so much last time... I just took one little bitty *** suboxone, and it didn't do ****... And no they aren't dr supplied.. I don't know I just know I deserve to hurt....I deserve this feeling..... But goddamn, it's so hard knowing I could take them and bam be back to superman in minutes... I was so ****** proud of myself last time I quit.... I just hate the mental anguish.. I have so much on my plate....

[Ben727]

Let me just say that I agree 100% with Kyle. My overall point is really that addiction doesn't discriminate and there's no "beating" it, no matter how good you are at other things. This would have been very hard if not impossible for me to swallow at 30. This addict recognizes and acknowledges that he will never be "stronger" than his addiction. Tat2, I had to cut out several close friends simply because they might have pills. I wouldn't dream of handling them, I would relapse. Kyle, here's another example of where your straight shooting is a neccesary part of the overall message, thank you.

[kyle505]

I admire your all out commitment to getting clean; shining the light in to the dark corners and seeing what you can scare up.
However, I don't want to sound like a broken record, but some of the things I'm reading are a concern. Don't romanticize the addiction. Don't ever think for one minute that you can control any aspect of the addiction. And don't over think the addiction. It is simple; it will never stop. Staying clean is a life-long battle that you face every day. Granted, the longer you're clean, the easier it is to recognize the triggers and the temptation, but that's it. Having above-average intelligence means nothing to the addiction. I write this because I want you to go in to the next phase of recovery with your eyes open. 15 years of using has taught me a lot.

[Ballgame]

Question using this situation as example. You took a lot per day then stopped for a year. Does the body readjust itself so if you took a pill because you hit hurt that one pull would work? Because right now one pill doesn't work.

[Tat2guy]

So crazy, I know what you mean about congratulating yourself, r inability to do so rather...  A lot of people might look down on me for saying this, but we have a stronger mental aptitude then most, the same drive that made us addicted, is the same drive helping us get off of them,  the thought I made myself repeat in my mind, is that I deserve the pain, I deserve the anguish.. I made myself look at the pills hold them and even count them out to sell them, made myself feel the temptation, and controlled it..

[Ben727]

I hear ya on the inability to cut and paste on the got dam iPad. I spent five minutes trying to figure a workaround and couldn't. I'm still clean, 14 days, haven't felt tempted in the slightest. I'm waiting for the trap to spring tho, I feel like somehow I shouldn't have been able to pull this off. The Latin quote can be translated several different ways, but the most common is: "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall." It is a proverb. Every time I start to feel pleased with myself for quitting, I check that feeling right away. I've been a **** up for close to seven years, regardless of what my stat line says. This has caused damage to others. I need to earn back the right to feel proud.

[kyle505]

Great posts. Great advice. My two cents - no matter how good, how talented, how successful you are, the pills are better. They will control you, influence you, and eventually bring you to your knees. Just an observation.