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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

Norco: what is the danger?

I have been on the Norco 10/325 for about seven months and can't seem to taper but don't want to miss work due to the anticipated withdrawal.  I was clean from pain pills for three years and it was hell getting off them! I swore I wouldn't ever go back but then I got into AA. I go to a meeting every day and my life has gotten soooooo good. I have a ton to lose but found myself able to talk my doc back into giving me them after a surgery. I am taking more now than ever!  I am writing hoping to get some awareness of the path I am going down. I don't drink anymore and follow the principals of the program but I am going to meeting high on Norco and pretending to be sober. It's not good. I don't have a sponsor because I know she will make me give up the pills. I feel like my life is manageable but in my heart I know this drug is very, very destructive. Pls tell me I don't work better or feel better on the pills that it is an illusion and what is going to happen to me if I don't stop now. Thx
13 Responses
Avatar universal
Hello Unmanageable, Welcome to the forum. what will happen is your tolerance will grow and you will need more of the opiate to achieve the same effect. you may lie about your pain Dr shop you may look for them on the street steal them from friends and family our it may lead you back to alcohol.. you could loose your money your home your family your very spirit. your freedom.. you may get dope sick every months till your next refill. our emotions are deadened while on them laughter does not touch our heart.. we live in a fog only we cannot see...you may loose your health damage your kidneys liver our heart.. nothing good comes out of addiction.. I do not mean to sound harsh but the reality is addiction is harsh and at times unforgiving.. you believe in aa but here you are high and attending. the power of addiction changes ourselves on the deepest levels.. I will send a prayer that you find your way and find the truth of your being and get honest so you can regain what it is you have lost and what you stand to lose.. lesa
Avatar universal
You've said it best yourself, first by your choice of nickname: Unmanegable. Second, you said, " I don't work better or feel better on the pills that it is an illusion."

You already know. Those happy little pills (my pill of choice as well, just another brand name) make you THINK you need them. They lie to you. They make you numb but make you think you are functioning. They call your name, they become your best buddy, your rock, your.... dependence. And it's all CRAP.

As you already know, they w/d are heII. Absolutely. But think about WHY - because your body has been fed this synthetic junk and has stopped functioning like it should. The more you take, the more the cycle perpetuates.

You do NOT need them. W/D will be heII. When you come out the other side, you will realize how nuts it was that you relied on them so much.

I was managing in my life okay too - until suddenly, I was on the verge of NOT. It happens that way. Starts out all fun and games, then slowly turns into "just one will make me SO much more social/happier/relaxed/focused/energized"... which turns into "OHMYGOD I'm running out of pills what the heck am I going to do and how will I make it?!?!"

Stop the madness!!!!! I'm just recently off that roller coaster myself, just on day 5 heading into 6.... I'm still having trouble seeing the light at the end. But it's there. I've see it before.

You can do this! And you're worth doing it for!

Avatar universal
Thank you so very much. You are right about everything. It all comes down to honesty. I have known that feeling, only briefly but I have known it and the freedom that comes with it. I got stuck on my fourth step and someone told me I am just walking around with a million dollar check in my pocket afraid to cash it.

I hear almost every day that when we get honest and make a list of resentments, acknowledge the fear and then tell it to someone in step five we can finally drop that rock and be our best selves.

The reality for me is that I am tricked into thinking I can handle this and my work day goes better. I am a better mom etc when I know that is a lie. I want to find the strength to get through the withdrawal and stop forever but that other part of me is too overpowering right now. It tells me to stop later. I romanticize those days have had going to the mall on my break, having a couple bucks in my pocket and looking good in my work skirt and heels...thinking you guys have no idea how great this warm fuzzy feelin of well being is and I will never have to give it up.

What I am forgetting is what you said about the tolerance I am already doubling the dose and sometimes don't feel it all or pretend I am meditating in a meeting when I am really falling asleep.

Thanks for helping me get honest. I need a kick in the ***. I have turned all my problems inward and now I can see small signs of it unraveling. Ahhhhh...

I would appreciate more warnings if you have time. Thanks and pls don't hold back.  Again I need it.
Avatar universal
I hear ya, sister. :-) I was a better nurse, wife, lover, corporate American, writer, chef, etc etc etc. Except I wasn't.

I could do really well, believe me. Did a good job of covering up my use. It was pretty easy, I had real pain and a real script. And then the pain stopped and the use didn't. And man, I felt GOOD. I was sharper! I was hotter! I had no fear!

Problem is just as you said it - then it started to take more to get me there. So I ran out of my script before it was due to be refilled. I started looking elsewhere. But I was still functioning! And functioning well!! Right?!?!?!

Well, no. I later found out my voice changed. (Huh?!) I didn't slur or anything that noteable, but my voice quality changed. Sometimes I sounded "sick" or stuffy or soft-spoken. That's a real problem because I speak publicly a lot. And I manage a lot of people, most of it over the phone.

I found out later my schedule was really off, and peole had started to wonder why. For example, I slept GREAT - but I slept a lot. I was tired by 7 at night. Unless I popped a pill, then I could go ALL night and frequently did. Only to have to be back at work at 5 am when I was dead. But I could fix that, too, by popping another pill.

I was forgetful. I couldn't manage my team's quite as well. People figured I was just overworked (which I was), but I wasn't performing well. I just felt good about it.

My relationships started to suffer, but again, not to a degree that was alarming. I didn't really make or want to spend time with sober friends - how boring they were! I was frequently too tired to care about my hubby's day, but so what, right? I mean, he was doing fine.

So it was a nice cloud of comfortable....... lies. So yea, I was functioning - I hadn't lost my job or anything, I hadn't lost my family, I wasn't dropping the ball too much. So in my head, everything was okay.

But, it wasn't at all. I was half-a$$ing everything. I didn't laugh much anymore. Nothing really gave me JOY except those darn pills. I let myself gain 30 lbs because who in the world wanted to exercise? I lied to my doctor to talk about pain I no longer had to get more pills. I found other sources to get more pills.

So if you're telling yourself you're ok, you're as good of a liar as I was. :-) You're here, on this forum - so that tells me you're looking for help and support. Maybe the bad doesn't outweigh the good of quitting yet, but it will. The real question is do you want to wait until that happens and this delicate house of cards your maintaining crumbles? Only you can answer that.

The great thing is the people here are here to support you - whatever your decision. We may not know you personally, but we are starting to know ourselves and can understand. So, keep posting. Decide what you want to do. If it's to get clean, we're here for you. I'm here for you, and I'm cheering you on.
Avatar universal
Yes you are starting to feel the down side of addiction. your work will soon take notice. we think we hide it so well but in reality we hide it from no one the only fool is ourselves just as we are our own worst enemy. I raised a family as a active addict I had my moments of clarity but far and few between I can tell you it is my greatest regret. I have fuzzy memories of things that should bring me joy and comfort in my later years. opiates rob us of our memories. the time I thought I was super mom cleaning having kid parties what not I was there but not present. this is time I can not get back. how many times was I preoccupied with thinking about my drugs my next drink when I could have been there with my family.. as for how it makes us look that is the biggest deceiver for in the mirror we do not see what others see.. skin tone off tired eyes no luster our hair becomes dry and brittle we loose muscle tone.. the list is endless the negative but for me what hurt the most was my spirit felt contaminated.. I felt dead inside. I had so many secrets so many fears I was so focused on looking inward my life passed me by.. not till I hit my bottom and it was a very deep one did I get honest and when I did I told everyone I just about shouted it ! and when I did this it was a feeling I can not describe It was a joy I have never known.. I hope in some way my truths can help you to find the courage to face yours for you your family are worth a good life a free life a life based in reality..
Avatar universal
Thank you so very much. You are right about everything. It all comes down to honesty. I have known that feeling, only briefly but I have known it and the freedom that comes with it. I got stuck on my fourth step and someone told me I am just walking around with a million dollar check in my pocket afraid to cash it.

I hear almost every day that when we get honest and make a list of resentments, acknowledge the fear and then tell it to someone in step five we can finally drop that rock and be our best selves.

The reality for me is that I am tricked into thinking I can handle this and my work day goes better. I am a better mom etc when I know that is a lie. I want to find the strength to get through the withdrawal and stop forever but that other part of me is too overpowering right now. It tells me to stop later. I romanticize those days have had going to the mall on my break, having a couple bucks in my pocket and looking good in my work skirt and heels...thinking you guys have no idea how great this warm fuzzy feelin of well being is and I will never have to give it up.

What I am forgetting is what you said about the tolerance I am already doubling the dose and sometimes don't feel it all or pretend I am meditating in a meeting when I am really falling asleep.

Thanks for helping me get honest. I need a kick in the ***. I have turned all my problems inward and now I can see small signs of it unraveling. Ahhhhh...

I would appreciate more warnings if you have time. Thanks and pls don't hold back.  Again I need it.
Avatar universal
Sorry hit the same post again by accident. I am off the pills for about 24hrs right now and feeling slimy.  

You are all right about the job thing too. I actually just got a promotion. Tricked them all again I am thinking...when are they going to find out I am really  a fraud hiding pills in the altoid box in my            
  desk. Crushing them as fast as I can before
someone sees me. So gross.

In AA they say we all come in on booze and go out on vicotin and I thought it wouldn't be me but it is. I quit the the pot and the coke. I never go
out. I have no friends. I  am 42 and cannot
manage to have any intimate relationships inky besides my kids and I catch myself saying weird stuff sometimes I think it's silly and appropriate but sometimes it's really not. I have no filter.

Crap! The doctors office just called me back. I am tryin to get an early refill of course. I went right into that mode of scammed, manipulator thinking I can do with withdrawal stuff later cause I way more important stuff right??

I need to hear more if you guys can about how it changed you cause even when I do get off of them. I did tell my doc I was not liking who I am becoming not that I? Me? Would ever be an "addict".  But I know when I crave booze I think of stories of how it's taken people out and I don't pick up.

This situation really has me cause my new job is all sales and if I don't pick up the phone I do t make money and most times I find other things to do cause I am high. Help me pls God.
Avatar universal
You will just simply start taking more and more and spending all your money on them- I started at a few then was doing 35-40 a day at my peak, 12 at a time, snorting them, chewing them- spending thousands a month. You are on a slippery slope better quit while u are ahead, took me 4 years and had to get on Sub to kick it but I'm clean 100 days now
Avatar universal
Hi. So - how are you doing? Have you made any decisions?
Avatar universal
Thanks for checking up on ke, it's nice to be able to be honest. I got the refill of 120 last Tuesday after being off them for about a day and a half. I was actually starting to feel ok...got this rush of power when it was wearing off but the other voice telling me to take more won out I guess.

I am snorting it which I have never done before. In a panic about losing ground at work. Lying about about my production and sitting around at home alone a lot. I am getting kicked out of my house and can't find a new place in the same school district. My ex stopped paying child support so I am in a legal battle there. I am overdrawn and keep drinking coffee and taking pills to dull the stress. Been good about making AA meetings but worried someone will question my bloodshot eyes. Skin is starting to breakout. Muscles ache. All I think about are drugs and how I am failing at work and how lonely I am. Haven't had any intimacy for almost five years tryin to get clean and sober. I don't have a sponsor and I am not doing the steps. I only meditate about three times a week. I thought I was resting on my laurels but not sure if I even have any laurels.

Pills aren't making me high just tired and ugly. But I still can't live without them. What do I do?
1568041 tn?1311615212
You are going downhill quick sounds like. Time to get off of this runaway train now.  You are already miserable....so add being sick for a few days to get over the wds. It isnt gonna kill you. And you are already going to meeting so GET a sponser ASAP. Look I could sugar coat this but I wont because that wont help you. You can do this but you have to want to and then actually do something about it. So get moving!! Good luck.
Avatar universal
Hi Unmanageable.. I'm glad to see you checking in.. you need to call the pharmacy and cancel any refills and get honest with your Dr. what you are experiencing is just a taste of your bottom. we do not have to hit it you can catch yourself from free falling. with everything going on around you the drugs are preventing you from dealing with it.. ya got to get clean and honest for yourself and for your children.. speak up in aa speak up till the truth is completely out you will then know a taste of freedom. wishing you the very best.. lesa
Avatar universal
You only THINK that you can't live without pills!  That's addiction talking and you know it! You can barely squeak by WITH them!   Stop being an imposter in your own life!  You have a job and kids;you have responsibilities like every other adult. And you don't like the status quo right now!  Change it!

You need to come clean in AA.  Why do you go?

Try and get some help and some kind of support system going.  It's tough doing this alone...
Stay in touch!
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