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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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990354 tn?1307132886

Not Ready...

Hey Everyone, It's Ali ...just writting blogs cuz I can't friegen sleep.  So I decided that if I am going to attempt to change my life than I would have to be honest.  So HONESTLY THIS STINKS!!  I hate this WD and the worst has not even come yet cuz I still have some sub in my system....and i'm so so depression that I have cried and can't leave my bed for the past 48hrs!!  My life was 100 million times better when I was taking my usual low dose of pills.... what the hell is wrong with me, all I want is to go back to my life and be happy and the only way that seems possible is on drugs!! I'm not sure I am ready to give it up, I am def willing to cut back big time, but I can not see myself sober at this point............. anyone else in this boat?
6 Responses
Avatar universal
Please don't give up. In all honesty u r NOT living while on the pills. Once ur sober u will DEF see that. Withdrawal sux...this I know...but YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS!!!! Please just hang in there. Nobody said it would be easy, but its soooooo worth it!  
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Kas
Avatar universal
Ali--I woke up at 8 this morning. I usually don't get up before 11. Seriously. I'm not sure what's left in my system at this point but it ain't much. I feel really good. Frighteningly good. Took half of what I was allotted last night--which for me...eh. negligible. I'm not sure I even realized how absolutely crappy I felt while taking all these. I have literally been in a fog.

Kas is right. You aren't living. Keep cutting back. Cut until suddenly you're looking at that pill and think: nah. Not necessary. Maybe later. If I can, you can.

Chin up. You don't realize, really don't realize, that these things that have been allowing you to function...just ARE NOT.

Hang in. Please.
990354 tn?1307132886
Thanks guys, I had a little slip today and took something! :(  But I'm ready to seriously cut this down until I can take some time and just go cold friegin turkey... I just need a few todays to get past the WDs but my life never stops.... ughh I feel 100 millon times better just taking a half today!! I don't get it, why can't I feel good without it....i seriously don't want to get out of bed unless well ya know unless I have a reason to get up!! It's so sad...but I don't expect people to feel bad I ****** this up and now tommorow I'll face it.....

Good Night All...i'll pray for us all, maybe God can take some of this weight from me and all of you :)
990354 tn?1307132886
Had a brief slip everyone but going cold turkey today!  Lets hope I make it through...
983679 tn?1276833336
you can do it. we are all here for you. I am on day 6 and like you 6 days ago i was only gona * see* if i could make it and now i can. You CAN do this. yes it takes streignt, prepare ypurself, buy dont scare yourself. after day 3 every min starts to get better in my experance. I wish you all the luck in the world. You need to be clean, we all do.
Avatar universal
I hear you!

It was about 2 years ago that I was completely messed up into MS-contin.  I quit then, cold turkey.  WD was wretched to make it sound nice.  So, about 6 months later, I stepped back into "round 2" of MS-contin.  Life was good again...  However, knowing what I knew from the first bout, I promised myself a few things, and set some boundaries.  And it worked.  Now I find myself without again...  But, I do have access to other similar substances - I choose to use and try to not abuse...

Perhaps my story is a bit different than most.  I'm sure most people on this forum will quickly bash me for this post.  I feel there is a HUGE difference between use and abuse.  Myself - I have arthritis and a bum knee...  In addition, I'm supposedly bi-polar.  After being on 20+ different anti-psychotic meds / anti-depressants / anti-anxiety / I came to conclude that opiates are by far the best mood stabilizer I've ever found.  I quit the bi-polar meds at the same time as MS-contin on round one.  I got sick of med change number 50...  And from the tiny doses I now take, I only feel pain relief and *slight enough euphoria to elevate my mood.  Again, I'm sure most of you will quickly bash me...  But in defense of opiates, I'll at least say from my own experience with other doctor prescribed substances - that at least opiates are natural, and have never made me suicidal as  the other meds did.

Most people out there end up on this forum because they have no self control.  And I do have pity for those - don't take that the wrong way, as I was EXACTLY at the same spot a couple years back.  Allowing things to get out of control is very easy.  And the pain that comes from doing so is horrible.  

However, all said...  don't take my words as a model to live by.  My story is much different than most.  If it is that you think you should stop - then obviously it bothers you, and you should try.  In this forum, you'll find help.  You'll find those who are completely against opiates because of the pain and suffering they CAN bring.  You'll find good, honest, and caring people who have similar stories.  You'll find comforting words, advise, etc..  Myself, I use for reasons, keep it at bay, and have no convictions about why or how little I use to self-medicate.  
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