Not feeling well.

[refills]

Hey everyone. Been on the board but hesitating to talk about myself. Truth is I'm not doing to well at all. I'm really down with zero energy. A little about myself to remind the posters that have been around for the little time I've been recovering. Sept 3 is my new birthday. Life long drinker with 14 years of taking Xanax while gabbing all the pain pills I could with all my aches and pains. The last year I really tried to kill myself.

I take Nortriptyline for depression along with 20 other pills daily. I hate most of them.  Melatonin I do like, Neurontin and Trazodone, I'm trying to rid myself of. I feel like a zombie. My arms and legs feel like I'm under water. I'm dizzy all the time with blurry vision. This brings me to one of my bigger problems. (almost forgot) Nov 28th, about 2/12 months, after detox, I had a smaller stroke deep in my cerebellum. The balance and vision area. What gets me is that I don't know whats causing me to have all these problems. The recovery? The stroke? or the damage I may have done to my brain. Which I was told after the stroke that I do show evidence of. Tomorrow I have meetings in the morning then see my psychiatrist, who is in charge of my meds. I can never get my point across like I want to. My brain gets tied up and next thing I know I'm walking out the door 50 bucks later.

I am trying to keep a positive thought. I try and encourage others going through their tough times while I'm losing ground with myself. I'm not going to meetings other then 2 groups a week, no AA or NA. I push myself so far but getting into a project just leads into an unfinished mess. Hate to bum you guys out. This is me.....ike

[weaver71]

If you are paralleling my recovery, my heart truly goes out to you. I wouldn't wish such a long recovery for anyone. Having my brain cooties makes it a bit harder, but I can say this with confidence, it hasn't been worth it all that long, but it is ultimately so worth all the effort, beyond what I had imagined. From about 26 months until now, my life has finally become better than I believe it has ever been. It wasn't all at once, but at 2 years I really felt my mind and body coming into their own. Now I am slowly sculpting them, it is like I have some influence over my life now, nobody ever has control over their life, but it is possible to have positive influence. I hope you turn that corner soon, the patience you have been learning will help you the rest of your days, anything will be possible for you after this, anything.

[refills]

Thanks Weaver, I remember you talking about the rough time you had. I seem to be paralleling your recovery. Trust me, I listen and follow up on all suggestions. All you guys have already been there.

NewLife. Thanks I received your message. We most definitely have to put our brains together. Thanks again guys!.....ike

[newlife52]

Hi....I sent you a PM......I have had my share of brain surgeries....same issues, same part of the brain.

Wanted to reach out privately.....maybe I can help.

[weaver71]

I would add Omega fatty acids to the protein mix. Fish oil is the most concentrated and digestible, but flax or hemp oil helps for vegetarians. Our brain is primarily made of Omega fats and the amino acids build neurotransmitters, so those two are the building blocks of the brain. They suggest fatty acids to autistic, ADHD, Bipolar, Addiction, pretty much anything having to do with brain function. Keep adding good things, they will dominate the bad things, eventually. Hang in there, it took me a real long time to balance out, you will find your peace.

[refills]

Thanks gnarly. I will get some of the whey protein mix.  The torture I've put my brain and body through is truly a sin. Time to ingest something healthy. Another bad day though. I hope it is the meds because if this is the new me then I'm in big trouble. Well I've taken anything and everything in my life that's bad for me, now it's time to take a few things in my life that's good for me.  Thanks again....ike

[refills]

Thank you gnarly. I'm going to give that a try. It is true enough that I have given my brain and entire body enough to deal with in less than 60 years than I should have an entire lifetime. Yet once again today I feel like a wet dishrag. Hey all those years I was dumb enough to try anything that hurt me, now I'm smart enough to try everything that can help........ike

[gnarly_1]

Hey Dude sorry to here your still feeling c rapy  you may want to get up to walmart and pick up a can of whey protien shake mix it is only 16 bucks for a 2lb can  just a scoop in a glass of milk it will give your brain the amino acids and raw protein for energy  drink 2 a day it will help with the energy crash  it took me a good 90 days to even begin to feel better so hang in there  dont give up 5 min b/4 the miracal
...................................Gnarly..................................

[NeverAgain127]

Hi honey:

I take Neurontin too....for nerve pain.   Please know that you shouldn't go cold turkey off it; can cause seizures.  Check with your prescribing doctor about weaning off.

Good luck honey.  I don't have much respect for psychiatrists.  They are script-writers; nothing more.   It kills me how in the movies and on tv, characters will say "you need to see a psychiatrist" if someone needs therapy.   These guys DON'T do "therapy" they just pull out their Rx pads and write away.   I'm convinced half of them get kickbacks form big Pharma but that's just me.

Hang in there my friend..better times a-coming!

[Merri123]

Seeing the neurologist is the step in the right direction. Bring the same lists with you again. He is the one to get you back into therapy. I can't stress enough how much cognitive and speech therapies are needed and how much they will help you. Also did you ever get a neuropsychologiist evaluation?  Different from a psychiatrist. They evaluate everything and help you make a plan to get through it and get back to where you were. Very good and insightful. You can't fake it either. They saw through everyone of my husbands lies and nailed everything going on with him 100%.

You are doing good. You have to just keep plugging along and being patient. Nothing will happen overnight bc of the stroke. But in 6 mis you will see a big difference for sure.

[refills]

Debbie, Neurontin is 1200 mgs daily, down from 2400. Trazodone is 100mgs (low) down from 150mgs (still low). Forgot to mention new administrator. The neurologist or my pcp.  Although todays doc did send me home with 2 scripts. Guess which two? Ahh, I guess life moves on. You back from the beach yet? Is Michael doing better? Don't we all have problems in one form or another? Take care.....ike

[atthebeach]

Ike who is going to administer meds for your taper?
You didn't get "refills"?
What dose of neurotin and trazadone are you still on?

[refills]

Wow thanks to all you guys. I feel really blessed to have all you guys watching my back. Vi sorry about your losses. Robin I hope you feel better real soon as well. Debbie, Jade thanks for validating my concerns with Neurontin and Trazodone, they gotta go, and Vicki about my spelling. It takes me a long time to go back and spell check everything and I still miss a boat load of mistakes. Thanks to everyone for just being there and helping me along. Is this place special or what?

Back from the psychiatrist. Took a list with me and my wife went into the room with me as well. I explained in length all my thoughts and concerns. He gave me a few antidotes about progressing through my tough times and asked me if I needed any "refills". I had to laugh to myself. (I hate that name, didn't know it or I would stick around for so long) I looked at my wife, rolled my eyes, and stood up to leave. I don't blame the doctor I blame myself. Why would I put a doctor in charge of my meds when he doesn't believe in them? My wife just got off the phone with a Neurologist who took care of me in the local hospital. Already have an appointment next week. Once again though I'm playing the waiting game. I'm so disappointed. I guess I shouldn't expect too much too soon. Tough times for sure but I'm still standing.....If you guys weren't here I wouldn't know what to do!........ike

[atthebeach]

Hey Ike your symptoms are probably a combo of your detox, stroke and current meds. Trazadone & neurotin have many of the same side effects,
Dizziness, blurry vision.
The xanax withdrawal can be very lengthy.

Be encouraged you are healing each day.
Congrats on your clean time.
Time will be your healer.
Try to continue to be patient.
I am proud of you my friend.
Sending peace, prayers and comfort,
Debbie

[NeverAgain127]

Awww...sweetie, I'm so sorry you're feeling like crapola.

Me too.  I was just dx'ed with high blood pressure (genetics, I guess) and my doctor put me on a low dose of generic Toprol.  My BP has come down (although it is still in the high range) and I feel AWFUL.  Stomach issues, can't digest anything, brain fog, headaches, etc.

And this ridiculous snow...man, I feel like I'm in some cheap horror flick.   I'm near Boston, and every other day there is a snow storm, LITERALLY.  

It's enough to drive anyone batty.  

I was thinking...can you have a friend/family member come with you to the doctors?  Help you keep your questions/concerns straight?  

Just try to take it one day at a time, my friend.  No one I know is too thrilled with life right now...everyone is struggling from lost work hours (due to snow), home damage (again,snow) treacherous driving conditions (need I mention that nasty white stuff again? )

All these gray cloudy skies have a tremendous affect on mood, I believe.

Set small goals every day...tiny ones...and have some mercy for yourself.  Being a human being is hard.  It's the little things we have to appreciate...a funny joke, petting our dogs/cats, watching the sunrise, looking foward to Bruce Jenner's interview with Diane Sawyer...(c'mon, you KNOW you are going to watch it!)

I'll say a prayer for you honey.  

Hugs,
-Robin

[Jade59]

Hi there...I was put on Neurontin 4yrs ago.  It caused SEVERE anxiety just like you're describing.  I had to stop taking it for that reason.  Put weaning from this drug at the top of your list to speak to your Dr about.  You said at the beginning you wanted to stop taking it anyway.  I stopped c/t.  You definitely do NOT want to do that.  You will want to wean slowly, trust me.

I have never taken Trazadone, but I've read here what others have gone through who couldn't tolerate it.  Could be part of the problem, as well.  I am betting much of how you're feeling is the Neurontin, though.  

Hugs to you.  The feeling is dreadful, I know.  

[vicki595]

You are not close to being brain dead and actually you articulate very well and spell properly...lol!

You're anxious. It may not be totally in your control either; you take a lot of meds and that needs to be looked at closely.  It's getting late now so try to relax in bed. You may need to learn how to let go and just empty your mind...just stop thinking for a while...it helps to listen to the night sounds and think of only what you can hear...

Check in tomorrow if you make it to the doctor and try to relax.

[VICourageous]

I am so sorry to hear this refills.
For me when I came clean off those 3 drugs back in 2012, I was told it would take a good 2yrs for my brain to balance back because of long, long  drug & alcohol use. There are Billions of wiring up there and I call it all the Chems, Hormones and Transmitters and so much more. I did not want to take anything while I wanted my Brain to heal. I ended up very close to a Heart Attack which the DR said I did do a lil bit of damage to my heart. I had 2 blocked arteries that lay in front and over the heart. This really turned my world around. I ended up on Heart meds and there was plenty. My plan was to never ever go and get a scrip from a Dr again!! I did have 23 months in when this happened. So i noticed I was feeling so sick everyday and just could not get a life. I had the DR pull one and now I only have 3, but really do not need that 3rd one. After this I have been coming back around. Since my last post I have been so busy with 3 Churches and meetings at least 4 times a week and I I hit 2 in one a couple of nights.  Both AA/NA even if I had not drank in over 10-12yrs..(I forget). SO my point is that just make sure that all the DRS know what each one are giving you. Also do some homework and look these up on your own. I always love the info I get from the pharmacist. I found out that some of these meds are just money making meds and I can do it with my vit/min and certain food and light exercise. I do not like the LIGHT exercise because I had always danced or hiked and so on. Now I have to move kind of mellow ,so I do not over pump the heart. EVERYTHING you are going through is a Bummer and does bring on some depression. I thank my LORD that I have finally past all the depression and being bored and so on. Lots of emotional changes for the past 2 & a half yrs. I thought I was never going to see the light. I also had most of my family pass last yr, this month too, so that really did a number for awhile..BUT now Jesus keeps opening more & more doors and it did move so so so so so slow to get even this far. I do wish you all the best. Like I told you awhile back, I have the up-most respect for someone who can come of the booze and benzo..The Methadone was bad enough, but it was the benzo that took the longest for me both physical & mental. Hey!! At least I am scared straight these days..I wish u all the best and good health that you can get..Just do your own homework on these pills too. The Drs are always mixing things that should not be mixed and the pharmacist can miss it too.
You are in my PRAYS!
Bless
Vickie

[refills]

Thanks guys. Where to start. MRI, when I had the stroke I had 2 MRI's, and one MRA. I had contrast with one including my neck. At that time I couldn't stand to go into the machine. My anxiety has exploded from real bad to unbearable. Some nights it's like I'm hallucinating. I'm to the point where I just can't take it any more. I'm trying to express all my concerns to both of my doctors, well 3 counting my neurologist downtown, but things get twisted around. Tomorrow, if we make it to the doctors, 6 below tonight, I'll have my list that I want to address. BTW, I still have no cravings. I seemed to be going strong with my recovery. The sad part is I think it's because I'm close to being brain dead. I want to thank you Vicki and Merri, I really needed someone to talk to tonight. Gotta get busy on that list...Spinning like a top right now. I really thought I would be better by now. Oh boy another night closing in on me............ike

[Merri123]

I agree with Vicki.

Also Sunday nice expressing yourself is difficult at times (that is the stroke) maybe right it all down.

Make a list of your symptoms.
Make a list of what you would like with your medicines
Make a list of your questions and concerns with your symptoms and medicine

You are still recovering from the stroke. Have you had any cognitive and speech therapy? If not I would ask your doctor to order it. It will help a lot. Stroke is considered a traumatic brain injury. You need to advocate for yourself and what you need therapy wise. Bring your wife along if you need to talk to the doctor (she can leave the room for any conversation with him and you then) so she can reiterate what she has seen with you. When my husband had his accident that resulted in. TBI, I had to do a lot of talking and demanding to get him the continued care he needed.

You will be fine the brain is weird but it heals itself. They say 2 years after a stroke or trauma is when you won't progress any loner. You are only 3 mos out of the stroke. You have just begun to heal and have a lot more to do. Just try to be patient and do everything you can to help. Speech and cognitive therapy is the most important factor in thst process.

Your medicine will decrease too as you get better. My husband had a box of medicine. Now he takes only his Lexapro.

[vicki595]

Hi- Have you had a CT scan of your brain or an MRI?  I'm sure you're getting discouraged with the way you're feeling and I think you need to start with a scan and then look at all those meds for side effects.

Are you tapering off the Neurontin and trazodone?   Are you getting enough sleep?  I'm sorry you're not doing well.