OMG IM ALIVE REALLY ALIVE!!!!

[tigerlily11]

OMG!!!! Im ALIVE!!!!! I have not felt this good in YEARS!!!!!!!!!
I could not stop saying that to myself today. For those of you that dont know me, Im 11 days clean off lortab, vicodin, roxy, oxy, whatever I could get my hands on, and good lord I felt like I was dying for the last 10 days. My mind and body tried every trick in the book to get me to use thru the withdrawal because it just hurt sooooo bad. It felt like my emotions and body were on a rollercoaster. So I did the only reasonable thing I could and said f*** it, might as well add some real rollercoasters to it!!!

Everybody here had told me just to get up and get out and I figured the kids had been cooped up for 10 days too so might as well go for it. Like atthebeach said "Fake it till You Make it!!!" Now let me tell you even yesterday I was pretty much still laying in the bed writhing on pain whole body hurting mind doing a number on me trying to talk me into just one pill. Well, I had read somewhere on here that you just get thru by not taking a pill NO MATTER WHAT, so thats what I did just kept sticking it out. And then I heard (from Gnarly1) that this battle is 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental, and this battle is either won or lost in your own mind. So I took that and ran with it and decided I am going to win this battle. Now my mind and body were telling me to just lay in the bed feeling like I was dying or take another pill so I could feel better.

But I got on here and everyone was like NOOOO you have to get up and move, both to get the endorphins to your body and the feelings of accomplishment and doing something without the pills to your mind. And, let me tell you, turns out these people here, who have been through it before...they know EXACTLY what they are talking about. I just spent 9 hours at the amusement park with 3 kids, and had the time of my life!!! I had energy to keep moving, actually realized how sluggish and slow I had actually been on the pills, honey I aint moved like I did today in years!!! And something else I noticed, I was happy. I didnt get irritated at the kids at the lines at anything. Now, I didnt even realize that when I was on the pills, I actually didnt have any energy and was a grumpy b****. Matter of fact, probably until yesterday I would have argued just the opposite, that I Had to have the pills to function, that they gave me energy, made everything easier, made me happy and sociable. LIES!!!!!! Im here to tell you right now LIES!!!!

And I didnt have to sneak around, hide in bathrooms or whatever to pop a pill. That was nice! And now we just got back to our hotel room and I have a jacuzzi here so Im off to relax in there. Man, life is soooo good right now!!! Please anybody reading this, if your just starting out just keep going, fight it thru to the end...It is MORE THAN WORTH IT!!!!!!!
Loving my life right now!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

[0421]

Hey there I just read all of your post, I read alot of them but missed yours, so heres to you
CONGRATS and keep up the good work. I can not relate to the three kids and no job but I do know as my son and husband died and I went and lived with my son for two years before I could  get out on my own.  Then ended up with a broken leg and many other problems and became dependant on the dag pills. but today is 100 days that I have been on this journey. You are insperation to all, so keep on going, and good luck and prayers to you, B

[tgtiffany]

*dances around in a circle* TIGERLILY!!!  How are you doing??  I hope excellent :)  Been working so can't post as much, actually should have left 5 minutes ago too and I"m not even completely dressed haha lol see ya ;)

[tigerlily705]

Hey Gnarly1! I am doing fine actually...25 days clean and just trying to survive! I have been getting up everyday and doing SOMETHING. So that helps, also Ive been here, reading, and continuing with church and therapy. Actually I went and saw my new therapist in this town today, so that was good! She seemed really nice, of course today was just forms and questions mostly and I go back in 2 weeks.
My tooth still really hurts, but Ive been alternating Aleve and Ibuprofen and telling myself Ill be ok. Ive been looking around trying to find a dentist to pull it that takes payments or something, havent found any yet, but not giving up!
Im working really hard on getting childcare for all 3 kids so I can get a job and then just pay for the tooth and get some money to get a place to live. SO Ive been working towards goals and feel better than I ever did on pills! I still have ups and downs and feel kinda blah and not much energy, but I just keep pushing through and making it another day, telling myself everything will be ok. :)

About the message, I had to change my account...Its not tigerlily11 anymore, but tigerlily705...I couldnt remember my password (guess I was foggy from the withdraw when I made the account lol) and was unable to fix it, so I have not got ANY messages since I had to change to this account. Im super sad about it, but I just had to accept it, it was something I couldnt change, but what I could change was my attitude, get over it and made this new account. MAn, that serenity prayer has really been pullin me through!!

So, if anyone has sent something to tigerlily11 can you PLEASE resend it to me at tigerlily705?
This will be my only account from now on, and I am gaurding the password with my life ;)

Thanks and hope everyone is having a great and blessed day!
Just remember WE ARE IN THIS FIGHT TOGETHER AND WE WILL WIN!!!

[gnarly_1]

HEY GIRL  just checking in on you hows the tooth anyway hope your getting settled in at you folks house it will give you a little break with the kids....I got my grandbabys tomorrow
I sebnnt you a message so check your e/mail anyway have a great day.......Gnarly

[scaredintn888]

Your posts are very inspiring!! I am on day 21 and am so proud. It is so nice to hear somebody say they also feel blah as that is the word I use to describe how i feel. Thanks for your encouraging posts! Keep em coming

[tigerlily705]

Thank you Debbie! I truly believe I recieve your hugs and blessings, and thats what keeps me going! It is so nice to know there are people here that support me. Not as many people seem to comment anymore, but thats ok I guess it just means Im doing ok, not in crisis mode you know? So thats a good thing. Im 24 days clean today and thats awesome for me. I still am having ups and downs, good days and bad, but I just try to soldier through them and do whatever I can to make it through the day sober. So far its been working. Ive got this cracked tooth now to deal with but Im determined to get through it with no narcotics. Im still feeling depressed and blah somewhat but it gets better everyday and Im seeing a therapist and taking an antidepressant, and of course going to church and reading the bible and developing a relationship with God. So I guess overall Im good these days. Feels good to be away from those demon pills!!! Now I just have to figure out life, get daycare and a job and a place to live and get my tooth pulled and just keep soldering on living life...should be a piece of cake compared to all Ive already been through right?