Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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1827057 tn?1397520277


Today I am 31 days away from 160+mg/day oxy cold turkey and here is what has gone away and what remains.No more worrying about getting pills.I can sleep.I can sit still.I know that I can work,get through the day.I am able to run 3 miles with not much of a problem(like I used to do).No waking up with the feeling of impending doom.I am not paralyzed by fear of the future although I do have some major events coming up that I will have to deal with.I am starting to get back to a routine and taking care of problems instead of letting everything go.I don't have to lie now.
  I am sure there are other good things but I am not able to think of any more right now.The negatives I am still experiencing are a lack of energy and motivation to socialize.I am not too proud like I was before because I was clean of anything and everything for 2.5 years before this last time and fell head first back into this.Also,A more than vague feeling of anxiety and discomfort in general.My arm may not be of nearly the use it was before I broke it and I can't do alot of the things I used to be able to do.I am hopeful it will heal more now that I am using it more and my body is absorbing more nutrients.Anyway,Thank you all for trying to help especially the newest people who are trying to beat this addiction.I hope I am able to help.  
17 Responses
1808884 tn?1324345703
Yes, practice, practice, practice and don't listen to negativity from anyone or yourself.  This isn't easy!  Wow, that's a little negative, but it is the truth!  Just get through today!  That's the way you got through the past 30!  I think of people from AA and NA and the stories I heard from the old timers when I was going back when I was high a few years back.  One guys said his addiction is like a gorilla locked up in a cage in his head!  That sticks out with me sometimes.  The more advice we get the more we will use what helps us!  
I ran 3 miles the other day and walked 3!  Some days it's hard.  I actually only do it on my days off now.  I really should at least go for a nature walk, even if it's only 15 minutes.  That's a mile.  Right now, getting my head better is what's important to me.  

Anyway, I think your doing great!  Try not to "expect" anything!  Just get through today.  I know we have things in our future.  What ever it is in your future, try to isolate what you "can" do 1st, then do the second and just like your 30 days, you will get to your goal or what ever it is that you have to do.  I have to look at things like that!  I didn't before.  I don't worry about socializing.  I can't!  That is not what this is about!  When I used to go to meetings I thought that was what a lot of people were going to the meetings for.  I would not feel pressured if I was you.  I think that we should push ourselves because they say when you least feel like going to a meeting, that is when you need it the most!  That's what I go by.  I remember going to meeting when I just got clean and I hated the anxiety I felt.  I think we need to really learn who we are.  Find something you love about yourself and if people don't like you, that is their problem.  Put you first!  Put your recovery first!  I think it is so great that you go out running like you do!  That is part of you!  You are real and that is the coolest thing!  Love yourself for that and people will love you back and if they don't that's their problem.  God, I wish everyone could go to the rehab I went to!  This counselor, a woman, that read very well, used to read us The 4 Agreements.  At first I was like what's this?  I was confused.  The way she read it was so pleasant and it was refreshing to here a different way!  A different way of see life!  So refreshing!  I read it almost everyday!  I believe God gave me these gifts!  This world is crazy and we got lost in it and didn't like it until we found something that could make us cope with the craziness!  If we work and practice hard enough, we can learn to tune out the crap and just get the good!  It does take work!  Someday after the work, you look back and say, "I am glad that I took the time to do that!"

CONGRATULATIONS!  YOU ARE AMAZING!  BELIEVE IT!  You may know this stuff already, so take what you want!  Peace!  Keep going!  I still get anxiety, but it does go away if I distract myself!  Good job on you job too!  It was hard for me at first and some days it still is.  I look at people and think, "This is life!"  We all suffer, but some let themselves suffer more than they have to!  Practice, practice, practice!  

Oh yeah, I just got some Tibetan prayer beads for my wrist!  They are for when you meditate or pray, you put them in your hand and count and say a mantra or little prayer on each.  It helps.  I guess like the Rosery.  Yesterday, I told myself all day and click my beads a couple times at work, "Keep it to yourself!"  I blab a lot!  The beads really helped and also, just seeing them on my wrist reminds me of what my goal is for the day and I pray about it!  I also have temporary tattoos that I order on line that help.  Some are Japanese.  They say, "Tranquility", "Health", etc.  I put them on the underside of my wrist.  I also put Henna on the top of my hand sometimes.  It makes me feel peaceful!  Just some ideas for you!  Take what you want or nothing!  I am just planting some seeds, like other's have done for me!

You really help me so much!  You don't even know it!  
1814148 tn?1332485798
Wowzas thats alot of positives! I've only ever known cold turkey. Imma an all or nothing kinda girl lol. Congrats on having the willingness to run..I wish I was there. I too struggle with wanting to socialize. Ironic, since I have never been that way. I deal with alot of people at work as nurse as well as my home business. But given the option to go out with friends, I avoid it like the plague. I agree that feelings of self-worth impact the social scene. Looking back on the factors that may have precipitated my relapse, I would have to say that social isolation and unwillingness to attend meetings were the kickers for me. I try to get out a few times a week even if it kills me. It is an important part of my recovery. And I must admit it helps me to feel "normal". Repeating good patterns will reinforce your recovery and rebuild your confidence. Keep sharing and commenting because your words DO help others. Keep up the good work! Peace :o)
1801781 tn?1461629469
Wonderful!  Keep up the positivity and good work!
1827057 tn?1397520277
Thank you.Yea rn,I too have never been very social and Those pills or whatever substance in my life really helped that.I was going to meetings every day(100s inall) four years ago and it was not for me.I am way better quitting on my own.I thank you guys
Avatar universal
Congrats on all Brother!
I'm coming up on 30 days and have a lot less going for me than you do.
Keep up the good fight...
1827057 tn?1397520277
Hi lbsu,hang in there thirty days is so close to normal and normal we are not so affected by everything.Things arent super peachy here I have just been through this so many times that I know I cant even trust my own thoughts and to try and disregard the bulk of them.It's way later than 30days that I am going to have to really watch it.Keep it up.alot has gotten better in just the last few days for me.Not with any special effort just the time I think.
229538 tn?1300377767
Congratulations on that 31 days and congratulations on a very inspirational post ! Well done !  Jimmy
Avatar universal
Yeah dude great job! I had the same stuff, opiate fatigue really bad no socializing whatsoever, but it gets better and better I'm at like 4 months or so and doing really well. Just stick with it man, it's such a hard truth we have to come to, Reality!  I'm truly glad for you and everyone on here that's doing right and have hope for the one's that are struggling, I know I did for a very long time and I put myself through hell. I'm putting on weight and look so much better I'm picking up hot chic's like I used to left and right! It's such  a better way of life, I couldn't get a woman for anything when I was using I was so F'd up all the time everyone could tell. Now my family is proud and I'm starting to believe again and have dreams and goals, when I was using I truly had nothing!  Don't sweat beyond 30days too much just worry about today that's all that matters in the beginning, break those habits and build a solid foundation. Don't go wrong like I did so many times, get clean and think I can just take one I'll be ok, NOT! I'm here for ya!
Avatar universal
You are an inspiration to us!!!

Congrats SO much on making it one month. I cannot wait to reach that point!

Great job!
Avatar universal
Thank you for posting and being honest. I really relate to the not socializing or not having the desire. I force myself but it feels fake.
Tomorrow is 3 days for me. We are so close with clean time.
1843491 tn?1322859611
thats awesome? Can the same thing be done with methadone? how long were you on your pain meds?
1808884 tn?1324345703
You came off some heavy stuff!  Just remember that!  
Avatar universal
HEY CONGRATS that was quite a habit you broke im happy for you
you hit the first milestone are you getting aftercare it is a critical part of detoxing and often skipped any way if you are cudos if your not get pluged in somewhere it will help keep you clean good luck and God bless......Gnarly
1827057 tn?1397520277
Thanks alot jimmy
1827057 tn?1397520277
I was on for about a year you might as well say,this last time.It can be done with methadone but I read your post and I would listen to gnarly about the subox.  he knows alot about that stuff.Don't do that.
495284 tn?1333894042
Congrats on your clean time!!  You are doing great so keep it going!!     sara
932659 tn?1332118704
Congratulations on ONE MONTH!!!  That is awesome, keep it up :)
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495284 tn?1333894042
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