Please Help Me - Please!

[So_Alone]

I have been abusing hydrocodone for 6 years (10/500) up to 25 per day. I went to multiple docs (before they all became linked) and never had trouble getting a prescription.  Then, things changed and my ins co dropped my regular doc and I was advised to go to a pain management clinic.  Well, they are very strict and are only prescribing me 90 for one month!

I have no other way of getting pills.  I don't know anyone who uses them, nor would I know where to go to buy some.  So, yesterday, at 4pm, I took my very last one - and I am Losing it!!  I can't stand it and my thoughts of just ending my life are more than just passing.

I just took a xanax and am hoping to sleep, but so far, no luck.
PLEASE any suggestions??

[CrazyBird26]

I think that calling my doc is a great idea. However, the guy I get the scripts from is just a scrip doc. He wouldn't care one way or the other. I just need to stay accountable the next time I actually see a REAL doctor and tell him/her that I am an addict and can not have narcotics. Thanks for the tip!
Robin

[clean_in_ks]

I still feel alone, too.  I have a hubby but he can't understand why I can't just take 1-3 lortab 10 mg a day??  He has deep resentments about all the much needed money I spent on drugs.  
I sleep in a different room so I can w/d, stay up have the night, fix about a million pillows, a longggg hot pad for my back and butt, and talk on this web site.  The good thing about this is people in Spain and Australia are awake when maybe others aren't.  And they'll talk to you, too.
OK  I think that's all.  But I feel alone a lot, so when you get to feeling a little better and want to post, most nights I'm here.

[kyle505]

If you are done then you need to call and cancel the script; let the doc know that you're stopping; that you have "issues" with pain meds and want it noted in your record - you want to be red flagged. If you can't or don't make the call then you aren't going to stop. Having meds in your future will lead you to relapse.
A crazy, soap opera like sense of drama is a big part of detox, and often distorts common, ordinary things. It is a normal part of withdrawal - HOWEVER - it really wouldn't hurt to call your doc if suicide keeps popping up in your head. Better to be safe.

[clean_in_ks]

It's me again, ha!  I forgot a couple of things.....see my dead brain cells!!
Generic benedryl was approved by my dr when I was finally clean for sleep at night.  Sublingual (melt under tongue) melatonin will help w/sleep, too.
You can buy the swallow kind, but then you have to process it thru your liver and kidneys before it benefits you (like waiting on pain pills to kick in, ha) Anyhoo, on the expert article I read on this sight, Dr. David Arneson says because melatonin is a natural hormone our body makes, but slows down producing as we age, and has wonderful antioxidant properties, you can take a dose every 1/2 hr up to .....he talks about a test case of 100 mg and no side effects, but you would never want to take that much. (Oh yeah, and the room needs to be dark)  My sublinguals are made by Nature's Way, about $4 bucks a bottle and are 2.5 mg.  I have to take quite a few, but I think it at least gets me to sleep by 3 a.m. or so. (seriously......I would love to be sleeping, too)  We've just worn out our poor brains over a LONG period of time and the two words I have real trouble surrendering to are:  TIME.......&.....GRADUAL.  What's that.....and especially as I get older I just gag on the words but know I must accept them to have serenity.
I twitched around terrible.....this too shall pass is a great phrase to recite over and over as you w/d.
I think that's all I was going to mention this go around.
See our brains are affected sooooo much.  I pray I heal ok since I abused drugs for sooo long.  And I'll be praying for you, too!

[clean_in_ks]

Oh how similar I am/was...I was taking 20-30 lortab 10 mg when my crisis hit.  "Nobody likes changes except a baby w/ a wet diaper"...that's me...and most addicts.  We love and hate the dern things!  I started a taper weaning deal on my own and got down to 10/day b4 I ended up in ER for a 12-14 hr breathing episode. I DID NOT have any xanex.  I had already abused and w/drawn from that!  I could have used at least 1 or 2 during that 12-14 hr breathing deal.  My oxygen saturation was fine.
I have read that opiate w/drawal makes you feel like you are dying, but truly isn't dangerous.  I did get referred to a psychiatrist/dr. that was approved to prescribe suboxone.  It helps some people and you can read about it online.  I quit the suboxone on my own (hated it) and quit the dr., too.  THE MAIN THING I WANTED TO SHARE:  I had lots of suicidal thoughts during my weaning.  I even had thought out how....car/garage, cutto knife (actually hid that in my room).  DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!! It's the drugs talking to your mind.  After you clear, some, you won't hate yourself so much, dread life "after pain pills", wonder what it's all about, and all that line of thinking.  Hang in there......get help where you can.  It seems to be plentiful online.  I didn't listen to music (which I dearly love), get online, write letters, type, nothing for the 6 yrs I was taking pain pills.  I didn't want to.  Everything in me was numb/deadened.  It WILL come alive again when you quit numbing it....PROMISE!  
I am 60 days clean and it feels like 60 yrs today.....but each day, hr. and minute is different.  I still can't sleep; I'm still tired; and I still have lots of legitimate pain in my back and sciatics.  I did buy some amino acids yesterday which I read about on this site under article by experts link at the top of med help.  Also, bought some magnesium flakes to put in the tub.
Lots of people just buy epsom (sp?) salts at walmart.
I'm one of your MANY cheerleaders.....your thinking will change.  You will be different tomorrow than today....and on and on.  If we have one foot in yesterday and one in tomorrow....we're peeing all over today!  Gross but graphics are good sometimes.
Blessings  

[CrazyBird26]

There IS and end in sight! I went through the exact same things. I did go to the ER and they gave me some Phenregren for nausea and vomiting and some Adivan for my legs. These were short doses - 3 days only - and I gobbled them up in 2 days. But you have Xanax and that should work. One night I just embraced the fact that I was not going to sleep so I just stayed up and read and watched movies with my legs, hands and head just a-shakin away. Your body will sleep when it's ready to. You might just get 20 mins here and there, but you will eventually sleep.

I cried to. AND, (this is a good one for you maybe) I grabbed my pillow and beat my bed in frustration. That wore me out and then I started laughing. Let me know if that works for you.

[So_Alone]

THANK you.  I can't sleep much, even though I have now taken 3 xanax.  I think that's what is driving me crazy - the lack of sleep - the legs that won't stop shaking, the constant cravings - Ughhhh!  My hands are shaking, I am crying, I feel like I have the worst flu possible andfeel like there is no end in sight.

[CrazyBird26]

You can do this! Just posting here is a big step. You are not alone. None of us are. I truly believe that. I posted for the first time today because I ran out two weeks early and am coming up on a refill. But because I posted and got some help from some of the people you are talking with now, I was able to call the pharmacy and void the script.

I am on day 9 of being pill free. I have been taking Norco's and Oxy's like candy (15-20/day combined) for the last three years. I have no money and have pawned things to buy these silly pills that I was telling myself are "legal and prescribed by my doctor". It's bull!  I am an addict and that's all there is to it.

I am happy to help you through your detox. It's gonna get crummy but my advice is to keep reading posts, eat when you can, sleep when you can, take lots and lots of hot baths or showers, and pray pray pray. I will pray for you too!

[So_Alone]

I am SO sorry you lost your partner.  I don't know if any words can ever ease the pain you are feeling - but I do know it gets easier.  I, too, lost someone dear to me - and after the anger & sorry went away, I forgave that person and realiszed she was now at peace.  Not much consolation, but thank you for sharing with me.

[So_Alone]

The feelings of suicide come and go.  When they come, it feels so overwhelming because my mind keeps telling me the pain, and all of the other symptoms i'm currently suffering will be over.  I fight my mind, saying this is only temporary because of the withdrawals.

No, I am not waiting for my script, I am done.  I have to be done.  This addiction is a vicious rollerocaster and I need it to stop.  I am now 22 hours since my last pill - maybe that's why my emotions are all over the place.
THANK YOU everyone for your support and words of encouragement.  It's nice to know I'm not alone out there.

[GarbageAddict360]

Take a deep breath and give yourself credit for reaching out here.  We all understand the fight it is to get off of pain pills and getting to day 4 is a feet within itself.  I want to point out that suicide is never the answer.  Think of all the people that will be affected by this loss.  I know first hand how much it hurts to lose someone close to you. My partner of 7 years took her own life 23 days ago and it is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  I know there are hotlines out there for you to talk to people when you are feeling the way you do.  REACH OUT!  If you want to quit this, we are all here to walk you through what to expect and how to deal with the uncomfortable symptoms ahead. Just let us know what it is you are trying to do, quit forever or make it until you get your next script. If you are ready to say goodbye to this addiction than CONGRATS and we are all here to help you through.  

[Life360_Dave]

I DO believe you have enough to do a fair taper at least to limit what your going through. I cant tell you a dose as is not allowed here but just start to taper taking at the necessary time, but you will need to put some effort the first 2 days. this will keep enough in your system to make it. You think you need a whole dose but you may not. As the drug begins to leave your system you will need less and less

[waterLilly7]

Hi Friend,
just liek wht the others said, and I too was curious if you are wanting to quit, or wanting to get some more as soon as they are available?

my advise, jump off now.

I am so happy I did, you will be too.

hugs,
Lily

[bigeasy1124]

The first 4 days of not having any are going to be tough. If you are wanting to get off of them you can make it, but if you are just looking to make it to the next script then I think it is going to be harder. My opinion you have to make the choice to either get off of them or just live until the next script. If you don't need them. I would suggest stopping. I abused hydro/oxy for a year and I am only on day 6 of being clean, but I will never go back to them. I would rather deal with pain the rest of my life.

[IBKleen]

Hi,

Listen, we are here to help you and support you but first things first. If you are considering suicide PLEASE CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY.