Avatar universal

One day at a time!!! Needing support!!

Well I never knew what "rock bottom" actually looked like until 8 days ago. Now to many, my rock bottom was as low as I wanted to go. I know it could have been worse. Here is my story...

I was in the 7th grade when I was put on adderall. They helped me through school but over the past couple of years I've been only using them (well abusing them) for what I thought was my personal benefit. And over the past year it only went down hill. I found myself stealing them from my family and friends, I would make up any excuse in the book to my doctor to get a new prescription (eg. I washed my script when I had just had it filled) and I even changed some of my prescriptions. Needless to say, I was caught by my doctor who only called me in and gave me a slap on the hand. Thinking that would scare me enough I continued to go about other ways of getting them. I knew I had a problem but never wanted to admit it. Well last weekend, I was having a girls weekend and took some from one of my friends. Well, she caught me. It ended up getting back to family who decided to confront me. I decided to come clean to them, including my fiance'. I am getting married in 2 weeks and was terrified that he would leave me. Because he is an undercover narcotics cop. BUT... my family including my fiance' have been nothing but supportive. I went to visit my dr and told him that I had a problem. He suggested various types of treatment, but not having insurance right now, they can all be rather pricey.

I have not had them for 8 days. Each day gets better and better but I know I still have a long road ahead of me. And even though I have my families support a part of me still feels so alone. I need someone to talk to who understands what I'm going through and knows what I am feeling. This is supposed to be the best time of my life... I'M GETTING MARRIED IN LESS THAN 2 WEEKS!!!!

Thanks for listening to my story!!! I know life will only get better from here.
5 Responses
Avatar universal
I know how you are feeling, and you WILL be ok, but you have to want it. Im only 17, and have been abusing all kinds of drugs since i was about 11 years old, recently(past year) i have been taking roxicet in very high mgs daily(30-100mg daily), recently reality gave me a slap, im moving out in 3 months, i cant support my self with a pill addiction, i also get 25 thousand dollars when i turn 18, im afraid this would be gone wayy to fast. I am about to be engaged and my fiance' would not agree with this aswell, this being a relapse of last year (took 60 kpin in 3 days and was sent to holly hill).  I have put family thru absolute hell, stolen pills from my parents, sold all my items ive ever gotten since i was about 11 and all the money has gone to drugs. So now im 17, addicted to pills and other drugs and have basiclly nothing of my own. I recently decided i want help, i told my parents again even tho i knew it would hurt them, i had to for my safety. I am now on my 4th day of being clean, my doctor put me on suboxon, it takes the pain away. It is addictive but easier to be weined off of rather than full on opiates. You have come to the right place for support, you can do this, if not for your self, think about your husband to be, your friends, your family, and your life. You CAN do this. Have faith, dont pop that next pill when you feel like you have to have it. You dont. Its all in your head.
683878 tn?1301547268
You did the right thing by coming clean. It amazed me when I finally did. I too lied and stole to support my addiction and put people through hell in the process. I thought I would be abandoned by everyone if they knew the truth but was surprised at the support I did receive. I suffered an extreme amount of guilt for a long time, but everyone encouraged me to move on as they had forgiven me. Gaining everyone's trust was another issue: it just takes time to rebuild it.

I had a profitable business and had a great income but lost everything due to addiction. My wife of 10 years left me numerous times, gave me an insane amount of second chances, and I continued to walk all over her. I'm still to this day, paying for my past mistakes.

Just remember that addiction affects everyone around us as much as it affects us. People will generally forgive and be supportive as long as your honest. I always lied to my wife thinking that I was protecting her from knowing the true me. It never worked. It's so much harder to be honest with people, but you will feel better knowing  you did the right thing. Your future husband is great for supporting you, so keep that in mind if you get tempted to use again.

It takes time to feel normal again and you might feel that you could never be who you were prior, but I can tell you that once you do feel normal, then you will never want to feel any other way. Keep your head up cause you can do it!
1310633 tn?1430224091
I'm proud of you for coming clean, Sister.

I bet that was the hardest thing you've had to do in your life, no? Welcome to the first days of the rest of your life of sobriety!!!

Congratulation on your upcoming nuptials! At least you'll be sober and have actual memory of the even instead of a fuzzy, vague 'sort of memory' of your wedding day.

We're all proud of you for coming clean and taking these steps towards sobriety, Sister.

Keep posting... it truly helps to spew on here.

1580085 tn?1400940838
i just wanted to wish you all the best, it took courage to come clean to your folks etc,
you have the rest of your life in front of you, and you can now enjoy it, have a lovely day.
              take care , sudie
498385 tn?1362449404
I like this ...we are as sick as our secrects,, secrets die in the light of exposure.just like a mushroom lol .. you are on your way keep in touch with ppl here.Hook in with other ppl who are recovering ,I know for myself I went and still do go to aa and na,love both of them and have many ppl in my life sober and I went rock bottom all the way right down to the streets!!! the emotional pain that i lived in for years was the "bottom" for yrs . I just didnt know how to get out ,,i found out that i had to become willing and willing to do anything for my sobriety...i hope this helps you many blessings to you and your family
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