Hi everyone. I didn't relapse, but I started thinking about what would happen if I did. Basically, I'm 12 days clean from oxy and I thought to myself what would happen if I took like 50 mg just one day. Keep in mind I used to do 100-150 mg a day. And I know, as you all know, the true answer to that question. But here is what I'm looking for an answer to : let's say you had a crystal ball and it told you that one days lighter use would not cause you to go full out again. Like as if you had a magical pass to do it once and never again. Not true o know, but please stay with me here - just pretend that were the case. If you went 12 days clean, and then did half of what you used to do, for just that one day, with no repercussions and no further use, would doing it that one day cause you to go through WD again? Would it cause you to have anxiety attacks? What would that one day do to you or would it have no negative post use affect? And I know this is a tough subject and I'm not secretively looking for permission. In reality it's the opposite. I had an opportunity to use today and chose not to. A chance encounter with an old friend could have allowed me to make that error in judgement today, but I was strong and declined and felt great about doing so. So instead of actually doing it to test the boundary, I decided to post this question here, and fulfill my curiosity this way. Trust me when I tell you that I am in a great place right now, have no desire to use, and I'm proud of myself for feeling this way. I'm really just curious and thought it would be safer to throw the question out here - not a popular question I know - rather than use myself as an experimental lab rat to get the answer. So again, all things being equal, all cosmic intervention, all spiritual guidance, all karma in check, if you used half of what you did, for one day, after being clean for 12, and you were guaranteed to never do it again, what effect, if any, would that one day have on you.
Please don't yell at me for asking. I'm just sitting here, feeling like Captain Pholosophy right now, knowing that if you're not growing you're dying, and somewhat bored I guess. Thanks for listening.