One is too much and a thousand is not enough

[bemis]

Cravings really bad today. Day 6 without oxy, day 2 if we count the vicodin step back. And by the way  - those vicodin didn't help very much. After I posted, I felt so stupid. I stepped back for that? I usually screw up in style, man. I am so scared of the sinking feeling of waking up Monday morning to go to work, to return home to extreme emotions. I want to be proud - I've made serious progress, I guess - but I feel so blue. So yucky and blah. When will I feel some joy again?

[brandiroars386]

Don't you just love all of the different thoughts and support we get here!!!  It gets easier, it is still a day by day situation and sometimes days are harder than others.  I haven't felt this clear in almost 4 years.  It's so worth it, the pain and unknown of WD was difficult, but God am I so thankful for it.  Keep moving forward, post here often.  I count on this site everyday now. You can do it, we can do it together!!

[Kbusymom]

I love what msdelight said.  What an awesome perspective.  Hang tough, it gets better.  I feel a little stronger each day.  You can do this!!

[cali_soleil]

One day at a time...   and one MINUTE at a time if that's what you need to do. Try to stay focused on what you want from life.

And Yes!, you have a rock of a boyfriend! My husband has been my saving grace for the very same reasons.

- Karen

[msdelight]

Stay up bemis! You're going to have money, freedom, nothing to hide, dignity, self esteem, clarity, and emotion. What's a little flu compares to that?

[bemis]

Oh - and positive thinking: Money (I could have bought an island), no secrecy or shame, proof for (heaven forbid) my kids, should they ever encounter this ugliness, and *bonus* - libido. Ah - how long opioids have dulled that sensation. Pardon me, but the first is stability and the last is very visceral. And all of them give me hope.

[bemis]

ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!! Yes, that is a campy 80's sitcom, but also a good mantra. YAY! All I gotta say is, I pray that I sleep okay Sunday and Monday. But our bodies are amazing things, aren't they? At some point, it will get so tired that I'll just drop. I can't imagine how proud I'll feel in two weeks, then in four, then in eight. I'm going to get through this, come hell or high water. Thanks, guys. I'm so grateful I can post as often as I need to do so.

Can chat rooms or forums be addictive? Ha. Hahaha, Kidding.

[digger1976]

You'll feel joy when you get home Monday night and think I did that, ;) Try not stressing about it, just roll with it, you'll be just fine my friend!

[bemis]

Good point - self-fulfilling prophecy, yeah? The more I delve into this, the more irritated I become. How can one little substance wreak so much havoc? And is it immoral to want to have an altered experience? At times, when I was judging myself for my use, I calmed myself by blaming "puritanical ideals". One's duty on this Earth is to suffer. Don't dance, don't sing, and you sure as heck don't get high. I'm going to jump in the bath and maybe go for a ride with my bf (he is one of THOSE people who is not susceptible to excess of any kind - he is the picture of moderation, and has never (!) done any illicit drugs. Butthole. Thank goodness for him. He will help me through this, I know. I'm very lucky for my support. Thanks, domino - I needed that perspective change!!!

[dominosarah]

It's coming so keep holding on.  It takes awhile for our brain to start working again.  Dont look at Monday the way you are, look at it as it will be another day clean!!