Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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3048701 tn?1486134538

Operation Freedom Underway

The only way to get to the other side of Hell is to walk straight thorough the middle. 

Hi all - I've always lurked on this board, trying to find courage and inspiration from my brothers and sisters in this battle. 

Whereas many of you can blame your doctors and agonizing pain for this predicament, I can not. What started as a great way to enhance a weekend buzz (4 beers with 4 Norcos) has spiraled out of control.  I guess I have an "addictive petsonality."  I knew I was in trouble when I started taking the painkillers in the morning. That was the beginning of the end. 

The carnage that ensued is a disaster.  20 norcos per day, or roxys, or whatever else got me thru the day.  Three years now.  I'm ashamed of the money i've spent to feed the monster I've created.  I'm a "professional" with a multiple degrees, making great money, but for what?  Every morning, the first thing I look forward to is a handful of pills, to calm the antsy felling of withdrawal.  Now, the meds don't make me feel good, they just keep me from feeling sick.

I once read: at first, the man takes the drugs.  Then the drugs take the drugs.  Finally, the drugs take the man.  

I will not be taken. WE must not be taken. It must stop, and I have decided the time is NOW. 

Tapering sounds great in theory, but I've tried it before, only to give in to temptation weeks-in.  I've correctly heard it described as "death by a thousand cuts."  I don't want that again, and my career won't stand still long enough for real help.

My solution: Get away.  Leave.  Take a week (7 days total) away from my career.  Get away from my pill suppliers.  My wife knows everything and is completely supportive. 

We are here.  "Operation Freedom."  A remote stretch of beach, hours from home and my supplier.  Just the two of us.  Today is day 2. 

I've arrived loaded for bear.  I packed the Thomas Recipe, Ambien, some Clonidine, about a dozen Klonipins, and even some weed.  

I'm typing this post (my first) as I sit under an umbrella, on the beach, reading a book.  Simply trying to not feel sorry for myself.  "Sleep" (or whatever that was last night) was brutal.  I can't believe how much I kicked and thrashed, in spite of my cocktail of sedatives.   My other symptoms of withdrawal?  All of them.  Upset stomach, nausea, sneezing, and Lord - the fatigue!  Why does my skin feel like it's burning from the inside?  Arrghh. 

As a kid, I heard about addiction, and wondered why people were powerless to fight it.  I always told myself that if I had an addiction, I would fly to Alaska and just get away from the problem. 

Well, this ain't Alaska, but same concept. I have no access to my poison, and I will be damned resolved to stay clean when I arrive home in 5 days.  

This is the only way.  Pray for me, guys, and I will do the same for you. 
22 Responses
Avatar universal
Sounds like you have a good plan! Most important is stay to plan. What day are you on (sorry, just skimmed post). After 7 days you'll still be a bit under the weather, but able to function and see the rewards. Can I ask you, what is your main reason for quitting? I know you can do this, just want you to be prepared for the temptation part of these shanangins? Here for you.
Avatar universal
The sun has been really helping me as well.  I feels great on the skin.  I dont know why but the pool is great, the chlorine does better for me than the shower/clear water.  Maybe that is all in my head.

I am on hour 30 and i am pretty well into every symptom.  So ill follow this conversatio and hope we can go thrugh this together.

ANYWAY, good luck to you and stay strong!
3048701 tn?1486134538
Thanks, Self.

This is day 2.  Last pills taken Sunday night.   My motivations to stop are common to all of us:  guilt, money, fear of legal - career - health - familial consequences, desire to regain control, and I've decided that NOW is the time.  I can't handle acute WD while balancing a  "normal" (fast-paced) work setting.  

Just gotta stay focused.  I can do this.  We can do this.
2083449 tn?1381358308
Hi Walk, and welcome! Sounds like you have a great plan and have all the bases covered for detox! Glad that your wife is supportive of you!  I wish you all the best! My question is what will be you plan when you go back to the real world and once again are near to your pill suppliers? Or have you not thought that far ahead yet! (smile)  it's so very important for your success to make sure and cut ties with all your suppliers! Anyway, good luck with your detox! Please keep us up to date on your progress! Feel free to post if you feel anxious or need support! Take care!
3048701 tn?1486134538

I had to physically-remove myself from my supply.  I hope you can maintain your willpower to resist.  I understand it gets rough, especially day 3-5, do be prepared, walk tall, and resist the drugs calling you to destruction, much like the sirens called the argonauts to destruction on the rocks.

We are about to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, but we must fear no evil.  Stay strong.
Avatar universal
Let the games begin.....I have faith in you, Keep us updated and reach out when ya need.
Avatar universal
Homey, we were walking thru hell when we were using, didn't know, nor did we want to.. Now I can see, when you get the next few days under your belt, personally, I see nothing but darkness, black, all the qualities I was always so against, but thata where that life takes you to, and it can and will keep you. But thank GOD, I, with his help found my way back.. You are doing great!! Keep it up, and no more pills.
Walking Tall, where were you when I needed you??? Many days ago! Your awesome!
Avatar universal
Meant to call you honey not homey.. I hate autocorrect!!
Avatar universal
Stay in touch with us...there's incredible support here.

Please think about what you'll do to stay clean following your detox. Many will tell you this is the easy part and I found that to be true.  Leading a sober life has little to do with strength and will power. It's a complete lifestyle change and way of thinking.

I like the idea of getting away to detox. Others may view it as escapist but it's best to be away from sources for that first week. Things can get pretty rough and the temptation to take "just a couple" is intense!

FYI:  Immodium works great for more than just diarrhea so pick some up if you don't have any...
3048701 tn?1486134538
Thanks, guys.  You've already helped me focus on the next battle.  A more important fight.  "Operation Stay Clean."

I've (stupidly) focused on overcoming the withdrawals, which WILL happen because I have removed myself from my poison. Now I must mentally prepare myself for the "real" world next Sunday, when I get home.  I have pills there, and my supplier will be calling, or texting.  Oh, geez, the money I've spent.  It makes me sick to think about it.

I've got to prepare myself for that.  Flush the pills, delete some contacts on my phone - walk tall, reclaim my life and dignity!
Avatar universal
Wow. Fantastic. You are strong. You will do this. I hope you get some relief. This is very powerful and so are you. Thank goodness for your wife too ;) my husband also a professional has also made the same decision. He has kicked the habit in the ***. He looks younger, loves me with more intensity and feels like a million bucks! Go. Fight. Win.
Avatar universal
Yup!  Walk tall and carry a big stick...

Definitely flush the pills when you get home. The temptation to grab a few is huge so be sure your wife is with you. No kidding, addiction is so cunning, you'll have four pills in your mouth before you can think about it!!

Text your supplier NOW. You need to be proactive with everything. The work begins right now and it's likely the most important thing you'll ever accomplish. There is much nobility in overcoming addiction...
Avatar universal
Trust me, your attitude is refreshing, to us to me!! Sometimes our initial post and some thereafter are so desperate as was mine, but sometimes when someone with your confidence comes out, it lifts us all!! Your really doing well. I agree with the above text, call, and delete and get rid of those pills before you go home.. Don't think about the money, don't look back only forward, your an inspiring guy!! Believe it!!
Avatar universal
I quit, with this autocorrect! Woman not guy!! Sorry! It corrects everything except the right thing. grrr
Avatar universal
I believe ii will leave this conversation, go find or start a group for autocorrect, thinking and autorrplacement.. As pills no longer seem to be my main problem.. This is gonna be the death of me. Medhelp today the Ellen Show tomorrow, I think I finally see my future.
Have a great Night All!
Avatar universal
Wow...very heart felt and inspiring words!!! You have already taken the most important step---the decision to GET OFF THE PILLS!! Congrats to you!!! My DOC was Percocet 10/325. I took about 16 per day for 13 years. I can tell you the saddest part of my addiction is that I can never get those years back. I am 34 years old. Today I am 28 days CLEAN, and I know I'm never going back! Keep going forward...you have another rough 5 days ahead of you. After that the physical will be gone. Good luck!! Keep posting it really helps!!
3048701 tn?1486134538
Your encouragement means the world to me.  Day 3 is tomorrow - supposedly the worst. My trainer at the gym once said that "pain is weakness leaving the body."   My plan is to use that discomfort to stenghthen my resolve.  Let's roll!
Avatar universal
You have a great atitude....trust me atitude means everything in recovery!! Pain is temporary, pride is forever!!! Good luck :)
Avatar universal
I'm on day 2 myself but because I ran out - not because I'm willingly quitting like I should be. I live near the beach and I'm always out in the sun and saltwater. I think that is why I don't have the bad leg pains and fatigue like most people do. The insomnia though - that is something I can't get over.
Good luck to you! My prayers are with you. You sound like you got a great plan and an awesome attitude! :)
Avatar universal
Congrats! I'm also on day 3.... We can do it! I use that quite all day at work to get me through it! Just focus on the present and why your doing! I'm working through this which is torture but also keeps me busy.. Try to keep as busy as you can and it will keep your mind off it! Congrats let's kill this effin beast
Avatar universal
I hope you are feeling better, I wish you success also and am sending love your way too~
Avatar universal
smoke the herb about an hour before bed and take whatever you do for sleep... should help you get the zzzzzzzzzs helps me..
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