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Opiate Addict - Please Read

Day 2 no opiates. My friend recommended this to me as I'm pretty much alone besides God. I do have my husband but unfortunately he is very ill. So I'm feeling like **** trying to get through this as it's been a consecutive 2+ years and more before that - opiate addiction. My good friend who recommended this also recommended the Thomas recipe which is helping immensely. I add marajuana to the recipe because it's too hard for me as it hurts too much. I've tried doing it many times but have always failed. This time I had to follow through and commit. This is the longest I've been able to go, 2 days. I'm so tired of feeling guilt and feeling so controlled by a drug. I am starting to feel a great sense of freedom. Losing weight will just come natural because the guilt will go away. So anyways, here's where I'm getting at, my husband like I said is very ill. He has many prescriptions for pain as it is a serious condition. He doesn't know when or what to take at what times so I am the one to administer and control them. How am I supposed to do this in a way that does not trigger me? It's just me and him. No kids and no one to do this for me. Until, God willing, he can do this for himself. I had my own scripts so it's not a trigger in that way, but a trigger is a trigger. I'm trying to finish this withdrawal whilst taking care of another human being. This is the addiction test to the max. God is saying "are you sure your done?" And I'm saying yes. Any supportive advice would be much appreciated. Please no negative comments. My heart aches enough already.  
22 Responses
Avatar universal
"God is saying "are you sure your done?" And I'm saying yes. Any supportive advice would be much appreciated."

Congratulations on 2 days. You didn't mention what kind of pain meds you were on but 2 days is 2 days off. It's going to get more uncomfortable before it gets better, but the worst will be over before long.

Of course it's going to be hard to feel bad and not to take the pills you're helping administer, but if you really have had enough you can make it. I have faith in you.
7808984 tn?1406680965
your friend has pointed u in the right direction....there are awesome ppl on here that have a wealth of knowledge, congrats on day 2
Avatar universal
Yes, a big congratulations on 2 days !!!
Your doing a very brave and admirable thing for yourself.
Taking care of your husband must be very hard and exhausting, as you are trying to take care of yourself !!
Hopefully you can get some sort of network supports out there for just you.
Well done on deciding to quit.
I wish you nothing but the best success for yourself. I prey your husband gets well.
Take care : )
Avatar universal
Welcome friend you've made a huge step and I believe you can do this. First of all, congratulations on 2 days of freedom! Secondly, this is a very tricky set of circumstances you're in. You will need a strong support system behind you to resist the temptation to use when there are pills all over the house. Go to NA asap and get a sponsor, someone you can call when times get tough. A strong desire to quit is going to be your greatest asset. You have God and all of us (stay close here ) and perhaps is there a close friend with whom you can share and who can hold you accountable? Please tell your doctor as well.  Is there a way to have a home care nurse to dispense your hubs meds and teach him how to take them? They could be prepared for the week and she could hide the main supply? Count them?
Keep on going! You can do it. Just make sure you plan it well.  Here if needed!
Avatar universal
The longer your clean the less you will feel guilty. The depression will let up also. The guilt is a killer, don't let it get it's claws in you!! It's the pills telling you all this. Stay close to the form and vent all you want to, My heart goes out to you and we will help you get and stay clean, just listen to the long timers and do what they say. Oh the new ones can help you also. God Bless You
4522800 tn?1470325834
Hi and Welcome..I really like what MsDelight said..This is a tough one. I had over a Year in when my Mom started to get pills..She would hide them so I would not be temped..BUT the thing was it became a mind game to know they where around. I told Hospice when they came in and they put them in a lock box to be opened by them or a trusted family member. Is there anyone who could do this??OR if you go to meetings and get some numbers you could call one and keep them informed when you have to give a pill out..Other then that it is going to take a lot of Strength to do this. Taking care of someone is very stressful and it can cause triggers as well. Just be SAFE!! I sure do pray that your Hub will be OK and YOU too.
BE STRONG AS YOU CAN BE!!
Bless
6726276 tn?1421126668
Remember you're not alone. Like you said you have God & now all of us here on Medhelp!  Pamela
Avatar universal
Hey thank god I found some one to talk here about my addiction let me star saying I was taking hydrocodone 7.5 7 pills at the or sometime maybe 9 I decided I have enough last Sunday night a day when cold turkey now is Saturday morning I think I'm starting to feel better just the craving of the pills and no sleep is killing me cuz I have to work everyday and no sleep really suck so my question how long u guys think I'll be to star to feel normal any help please
Avatar universal
Keep it up your almost done with the hard part and congrates and keep reading all the posts on here there are hundreds that will help, the Thomas recipe, really helped me .
Avatar universal
Hey 88 I am glad your here there are many that have made it keep reading and posting we need to hear you  and thanks
Avatar universal
I have no words to express to all of you my gratitude. This keeps me going. I'm in the process of in home support services for my hubby but I was going to do it myself so I can get paid for what I'm already doing. He is not one to let people in. If I told him this is hurting me he would all together throw them away, very sweet, but unfortunately he really needs his medication. So it's just me. I need to think of something cause every time I open my closet they are right in front of me. But I do count them for the week but as he can't take them himself I have to handle them most of the time. On a good time in the day he can do it but those times are few and far between. So far I've been able to resist during this detox so I think that's a good indication that I might actually be done this time. I pray so. I don't want to do this anymore. I am not stupid and know his pills will haunt me some days if not all, I just need to figure out how to keep myself accountable as you say. No one physically here around my home that I know of that can do that but do have a friend to text or call if she'll have me ;) ;) msbearsfan can't remember your user name!
Anyways, day 3 or whatever, I've put myself out for the last few days to get through. Im having that feeling in my brain that's telling me my brain is missing its chemical which makes me feel that dizzy and off balance thing. I'm staying hydrated, just hate that dizzy feeling! That's why I got off anti depressants! Still have chills and very uncomfortable. Get cravings but of nothing in particular, just craving something. Obviously to fill a void. Not sure how to post to everyone still haven't quite figured this site out but thank you so much to all of you who posted. I'm glad this exists. I've done NA many times but honestly the way of thinking doesn't work for me. I want to work the program how I want to work it and most sponsors want you to work it their way. So I'm a bit confused where else to go for help. I'll have to pray on it. Done the church support groups as well, just scary to go back for me. I'm not totally clean so I don't know if they'll support me and accept me. I take xanex for anxiety as you see I'm very stressed by my husbands condition. It's not even fully explained obviously it'll take me pages! And I smoke weed because that's part of his medication as it's the main thing that takes him out of pain. So with that I've told him once I'm through this well talk about that and I'll get there when I get there. I can't do too much at once. But I did quit smoking cigs 2 weeks ago so I'm so happy about that. God is just transforming me in such an amazing way that I've been asking for a long time. I just needed to make the first step and kick this habit. Thanks for loving me and accepting me and supporting me. Don't feel quit alone now.
Avatar universal
And when I said I smoke weed because it's my husbands meds, what I mean is, I smoke weed because I'm an addict!!!!! Sorry to put my addiction on him that's not fair of me.
Avatar universal
Congratulations on Day 3, it should start getting better after the next few days.

The Xanax should help you sleep and that will make things easier on you. The Thomas Recipe even suggests a benzo, but that will be far worse to come off of than what you're dealing with now if that becomes an issue.

If the weed is helping smooth things out I'm not going to fault you on it. but I smoked weed during the first time I was on Suboxone and think it hurt me from staying clean after I tapered myself off, and I ended up going back on it for 2 more years.

I'm not an advocate of !2 Step Programs, but you do need some support mechanism and aftercare plan to keep you clean. If a church group is more to your liking make use of it.

Stay strong and the worst will soon be over.
7671414 tn?1395660495
Congrats on day 3.A lot of great advise here for u.welcome.Now,as far as the meds your Husband has.My Mom had Lung Cancer 4 years into my taking loritabs.I had been off mine for 6 months when she started hers.It was the hardest thing and I fell to my addiction.She had so many that my taking 2-3 a day was nothing.at the time that is all I took.Well, one week I felt guilty and went back to my pain dr.When I picked up my Mom's meds I also picked up my new script...Then I would be ok and not taking from her.fast forward days.My Mom passed away.I had just moved in and all our meds were in her room,alll, when the sheriff came in they took everything,mine too..I did not even notice til mid afternoon when I went in her room to get my meds and they were gone.I panicked called sheriff.They said to bad for u we destroyed them.Called the dr,he said sorry see u next month...It was the worst time of my life.I had to do everything without anything.My Best friend was gone and I needed my pills to get through.That was the first month I bought them off the street and here I am now.It was a short version of a very sad story.I wish I would have had someone come in and help.Please find some health care and some after care for yourself.I wish you and your Husband a long and very happy Life.Im glad u are here.
6063300 tn?1430430571
I am here for you sweetie! This is hard and I fight every day to stay clean and sober! You text me when you need me! I love you so much and am so glad you are reaching out here and I so love all the people on here and they will become your new family!
Avatar universal
Im so glad you found your way here....and proud your detoxing and getting rid of all those toxic meds....you will feel better soon...better physically and soon youll be feeling mentally better....I hate to hear about your hubbys circumstances. ...my husband is sick too...he was in a terrible car accident 10 years ago and takes many many pills for stuff..oh and hes an addict. ...and so am I....so I can say I understand.  I also know what its like to feel like your all alone and nobody wouldnt or cant understand what your goimg thru.....but theres a whole commu ity of people just like you.....and me...and her...and him.

it feels like 1000 times harder to quit when the other half of the house takes meds...a trigger is a trigger....and thats something you will unfortunately have to deal with...however when I cleaned up he didnt but I learned not to focus on his meds....I had many failures at first...but I kept up the good fight. Took some time...I hope you do better than me in that part of recovery..bc I was a slow slow learner.

get ready for an emotional blast to come....thats the wonderful second stage of detox...healing our brains...but le5s save that for later. Right now to get ya thru the first week lets just focus on detoxing.
do you feel like sharing more?? Like what were you taking how long and how much so we can help you.....

we dont judge eachother here and its a safe place to get your feeling out...

its nice to meet you...if you want you can pm me....ill support you. Ask me anything or we can talk. ....hugs bama.
Avatar universal
Thank you guys again so much for the support. I think I'm through most of the detox. I'm totally being challenged as it's available in the house but I'm staying strong. I want to get all the poison and toxin out asap and move on. Bama88 what I was taking was norcos 10/325 and the 7.5/325 about 6-8 a day?? I never counted like that so that's just a guess. I really appreciated your message. That meant a lot to me and actually made me tear up. So thank you. That means the most to me. It is a strange feeling to hear someone else explaining exactly what your going through. Something that I can it explain but only feel. I hope you are well and strong and blessed.
And bearsfan1966 I love you. Thank you for introducing this to me. It's where my heart gets warmed up and connected with others like me especially in the same circumstances. I'm so proud of you. You are such an inspiration. I hope you know that! xo
7671414 tn?1395660495
"you are such an inspiration" That came from u..Right back at u!!! What u are going through is so moving that I cry when I read your posts..It brings back so much of what I went through with tabs..Thank u so much for being here.(hugs)
Avatar universal
Ok guys. It's been like 10 days and I'm still sick. I'm hurting so bad. I hate this.
7671414 tn?1395660495
Congrats on day 10..Yay me too.. I am still going through it also.But,here we can go thru together..Keep on going..
Avatar universal
What day r u on? I feel like I'm dying.
Avatar universal
Glad your on day ten...hate to hear your still sick...tell us whats going on so we can help...

how are you doing with the hubby thing?? What do you need help with..

lean on us when you dont have anything to lean on....
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