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Opiate Addiction Recovery

Hello all,

I have been browsing the forums for quite some time now and now has decided to join. I will make my story short. It started, much like most people's, with pain. Surgeries, accident, etc.. pain, that had led to narcotic prescriptions: Vicodin and oxycodone most of the time. I take anywhere from 6-13 5/325 Norco per day. And supplement it with Tramadol. At my worst, I would take 8-12 50mg Tramadol per day.

When it started threatening to ruin my life, I decided it was enough. I want off these things. I tapered off Tramadol: now 2 weeks completely without it. Norco, on the other hand, I did not have the will power to taper. I actually called my doc and asked for a taper schedule. But couldn't do it. So... Here I am, with 2 pills left and not wanting to do this anymore. (Well, i really want the Norco.. Actually, crave it, but will not ask for more.) I hope I will not.

I am honestly quite terrified to be off Norco. I have taken it for so long (5-7 years), that it has become my personality. I will take my last 2 pills tomorrow and then will be off. I feel completely alone with this, as no one (not even my husband) knows about it. And if I tell anyone, I risk losing my job and ruining my reputation.

So here I am, looking to give and get support as I go through this process of getting clean. I saw many helpful posts by people who lend their help to others and have already received quite a bit of support, albeit indirectly. Thanks so much in advance.

RainyDay75
41 Responses
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229538 tn?1300377767
You are not alone here my friend ! We here know all the horror stories and I mean ALL !  There is a lot of support here and please stay with us . You can do this and no it wont be a cake walk by any means but YOU will get your life back in the long run ! I don't quite understand what you are saying about your doctor , He wont help or doesn't know what to do ? If so then find a doctor who will help you like an addiction specialist . At the amount you were taking I would get professional guidance . No doubt your blood pressure will go up as with other health risk . We all have been threw what you are about to do . We are here for you and will help you threw just like members  helped me when I came here in 2007 .. Good luck ! Jimmy
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Ok so your posts sounds EXACTLY like my first post on the site.  Totally a slave to norco's but i was 30 plus a day for about 10 years.  Same story started with pain but then just for the high.  No one knew not even my husband and i was DONE with the pills.  Also telling professionally would be fatal.  so i quit may 11th and haven't looked back. Here's my two cents for you.  DO NOT TAKE THOSE TWO PILLS. i took the one i had left and that day BLEW!  all it did was make me want more and more and more.  It was a god awful day, and one didn't do anything for me but make me want more!  so, day one thru day three sucked big time until i figured out that the only way to get any release at all was through exercise and getting my natural endorphines pumping.  I ate valerian root and melatonin like it was candy for the first 3-5 days, be warned the valerian root stinks so bad don't even smell it if you can avoid it, hold your breath, gulp some pop and pop em in and swallow then run away from the residual stink! lol.  This battle is one truely won or lost in your head.  YOU MUST KEEP THINKING I WILL SUCCEED. if you think you wil succeed the symptoms are not as bad.  but you absolutely positively get off your a$$ and MOVE!  if you just sit there and think about how you'll feel you'll drive yourself bat sh*t crazy, so keep busy. your going to think oh my god i can't even blink but i PROMISE you if you get up and move, take really long walks all your symptoms will get better and you'll basically feel better while that blood is pumping.  So YES you can do it, the question is when are you going to do it????  good luck and keep posting this site saved me and i hope it will you too! :-)
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Avatar universal
I am here with you. I am on the same boat as you. My fiance does not know that I am addicted to vicodin, no one knows except my cousin. My cousin and I were like vic buddies, we would swap so we never ran out but tht got old and I got sick and tired of having to depend on her to get me the pills when I was out and her begging for my last supply when she was out. NO LIFE TO LIVE! I am trying to get her off of them as well but this is something you do when you are ready. For myself, I was like you, so ready to be off the pills and yet so scared to be without when I took my last 2. I am 4 days clean and I will tell you my hardest days were 1-3. Today on day 4 I am feeling really good, I just have that craving for thr euphoric feeling the vic gave me. I would pop 2 pills and clean all day or do anything my kids wanted mommy to do. Kind of like a happy drunk... lol. Anyway, you can do this, we all hv the same feelings of being scared to quit when we decide to go off the pills. It's ok to be scared, and what's even better is when you feel you need someone to talk to you can get online and chat with anyone here. This website is one of the things thar helped me 50% if not more. I thought I was the only one who had a deep dark secret. To know tht others know how I feel and what I have to go through to get clean is a blessing to me and everyone else who feels as if they are alone. GOOD LUCK YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!
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Avatar universal
Wow, you guys are awesome. I am amazed at the support you provide. I am new to the site and somehow didn't see your posts until now. I need to get a bit more acquainted with how this works.

I cannot go cold turkey right this moment because I am working and need to be able to concentrate on my job when I'm there. But I can actually do it very soon, as I have 5 days off in a week. I am terrified and excited at the same time. I cannot continue doing this anymore.

I am the most afraid of the depression and anxiety that can happen with withdrawal. So I will be posting often. :) I just need to remember that it is temporary and will pass. Is there an effective taper schedule out there? Thanks so much in advance. I am touched by your responses.

Kindest regards,
Rainyday75
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Avatar universal
Hi...  Can you try to at least taper a little until next week?  That would help a bit.

Stay in touch here...
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Avatar universal
Yes, I will try and taper. Which is why I haven't taken anything yet. It's interesting: I can take vicodin at midnight, go to bed at 3am or so, wake up the next day and it would be 12-14 hours since I last took it. No withdrawal until I find that I need it for entertainment. The w/d sets in around hour 20 for me. Then I start getting restless, unable to concentrate, with cold sweats. Hmm...

Maybe I should hold off until I Start feeling it, and then take only 5mg to relieve symptoms?
Helpful - 0
271792 tn?1334979657
If you can go 20 hours, why don't you just stop? the reason I say that is the mental battle is going to be more than the physical. As long as you have them available the temptation is there. If you get rid of the pills and buckle down to get this done, you could be pretty much out of the woods by the weekend. And so you know, taking one when you feel the withdrawal is NOT a taper...for me it would be torture.

I hope it all works out for you and you get off of these devil pills.
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Avatar universal
Well.. It's my last day/night to work tomorrow and then.. Then I am going off. I am so scared. God help me. Thanks for all your help guys!
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Avatar universal
Ok.. 21 hours without meds. I think my wd has officially kicked in: diarrhea in spite of imodium, fever, blood pressure is through the roof and RLS. Not to mention anxiety.  I so wanted to avoid feeling this. I circled and circled a clinic where I would almost certainly get some vicodin, but in the end decided against it.
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Avatar universal
Ugh... Could use some help. I realize that tomorrow will be worse. I have one .1 mg clonidine. Should I take it now for cold sweats? Does it help?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
HI  your going to make it threwq this try to keep your head on wile doing this and tell yourself its only temporary in a week you will feel a lot better remember to force the fluids a hot bath will take away a lot of symptoms and get cofortable with the saying......''you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile....remember to try and not let fear into the equation it will only make it worst this is 1/3 physical 2/3 mental and I truly believe its a battle one or lost in ones own mind.......as for your clonadine its a med only a doctor can tell you its proper use it breaks the rules if I do  so pick up the phone and give him/her a call in the morning post often and spend some time reading the other posts it will pass the time and you can pick up on a few more hints and tricks to doing this good luck and God bless..........Gnarly  
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Avatar universal
Hey thanks for your response. It truly is mental, a lot of it is. The physical stuff is not pleasant, but so far tolerable. You hit it right on the spot: I am afraid. I have had these meds for so long that they became me. I don't know how to rediscover my personality when this is over.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
HI..... ya it really a much larger battle being played out mentally here its also all about attitude stay as positive as you can keep telling yourself I can do this I will make it and dont be afraid of it the next 4 days are the beginning of your new clean and sober lifestyle
keep posting .....I will try to get with you ether later tonight or tomorrow I will check back to see how your doing good luck and God bless.......Gnarly
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Avatar universal
It helps a lot to know someone is listening. How did you manage to stay clean? Sweet dreams.
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Avatar universal
HI.....well my usual way was the school of hard knocks .....this time I had 8 1/2 months to prepare wile I tapered off 150mg of methadone it was a grind but so so worth it the first thing I did was put aftercare into place 6yr2mo ago I quit the alcohol weed and everything else recreational ..did it with the help of N/A......I still had some time to live in denile about the methadone though today is 632 for the methadone and all other opeites as for my after care N/A for most of it but for the last 3 yr I have been seeing a substance abuse conslor that and a good relationship with God I attend church and a mens bible study with 3 other recovering addicts in it....so when I came here all this stuff was strange and new to me but I new what I had to do and its best to have a plan rather then a plan to fail listen to those here that got the clean time we have many members that have several yrrs clean time.....O and dont let me forget my wife who has 23yrs clean in this year .....this is one thing that its best to keep your guard up at all times but you get out of it what you put in it takes work but the new you will be so so worth it  good luck and God bless......Gnarly
God 25 after 12 and im not even remotely tired I hate being bipolar ugg.....    
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Avatar universal
Wow, that is impressive. Methadone is so much more difficult to withdraw from than the vicodin. I am so impressed you did it. And you wife... All hats off to her. I can't even imagine 23 years clean. Just can't.

I appear to be in the same time zone as you are and am also up. But I am actively withdrawing, so it's no surprise. I actually just looked up NA meetings in my area. I may have the courage to make it there tomorrow. See how it goes. Any advice?
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Avatar universal
lots of advise first never loose sight of the phrase .....'''just for today''' for you it might be better top say just for the next hour...but remember you can never change yesterday and if you start planing tomorrow you will miss what God had for you today...I use to tell people to fight it dont give in but after doing it a wile I realized it was more like I finely surrendered to it
im an addict I accept that......I know I have to put in to it to get any thing out of it
remember what your going to go threw is only temporary
and never loose sight of the grand prize you get you life back your not going to be chained to a pill bottle anymore  I got more but this might be a long nigh for both of us .....I have to fight Addiction as well as bipolar disorder and its been day 4 of not 1 minute of sleep
I need to get in and see the doctor and let her adjust my meds something ant right here
Im not even tired although my thought process are slowing down a bit but im in the middle of a classic mania .....they dont scare me like they use to but there never no fun you cant concentrate but I could probably get my house panted over the next few days if I do nothing about this......bad idea I need doc to fix this it feel like im running on pure speed so mabe we can keep each other company tonight....im in phoenix az where do you live ?    
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Avatar universal
I am in portland, or. So you're completely up without being able to concentrate well? That doesn't sound fun. I just re-read "Day 4 with no sleep." Seriously? And you're here giving me support? You sound like an amazing guy. I am terrified of telling my husband about my problem. I just don't know how he will react. He is wonderful though: sweet and caring.

You do have a point about God having plans for you. For now. I keep forgetting that. I really need to get back to God. I've been away so long...  I used to go to church, and really try and live a life of a Christian. I want all that back.

I just took that clonidine. Actually a few minutes before I saw your post. It's supposed to make me drowsy, but we'll see.  

How often do your manic stages last?
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Avatar universal
YA putting God and Jesus back into the equation really helped me threw I know for a fact I could not have gone threw 8 1/2 mo of tapering off methadone going in and out of withdrawals along the way but today I not only know Jesus as my God lord and savior but also as my deliverer on oct 18 2009 I walked into church that sunday a broken man I had taken my last dose of methadone the saterday b/4 and this would be the first sunday
of my new life ending a 16 1/2 yr addiction to narcotics ....all I could do was cry and cry out to God to spare me the real horrific withdrawals I expected and he came threw with flying colors
my detox was no fun but nothing like the extream withdrawals I had experienced b/4 when I matablised all the methadone out of my body by accedent that happened  at a mens retreat  I went to bed at 10 got woken up with fuull blown acute withdrawals at 1 in the morning...it was awful my whole body convulsed I manged to get out of the cabin so I wouldent wake any body felt really alone out there up in the middle of nowhere it took me an hr in the shower to gain my composure enough to figure out I need to take my morning dose at 2 instead of 7 am that one night really scared me I thought I would have to go threw that kind of withdrawal for 4 days I couldn't handle it for 2 hr how on earth was I going to get threw it......I got very close to God going threw this would have to recamend just finding a good church though and tonight dont forget to pray I will add you to my never ending prayer list it make a huge difference ...I spend 6 nights a week out here 2 to 3 hr a day helping people get free of this stuff but its Gods plan for my life my wife Cat and I   are trying to set up a 1/2way house to help people detox somewhere you could go for free so God is birthing something just dont know quite what or how soon but he is slowly been putting people in our lifes that want to help us along im 49 all my children are grown and gone accept for my last son Josh hes 18 but with the ression and all has been having a hard time finding work but I know when he can it will be his time to leave and we will have successfully raised all 5 kids out the house and freeing up our time...man 20 to 2 and again still not even remotly tired this s u cks.....        
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Avatar universal
I've been reading your posts to each other because Its almost 5 am in my area and I am having another sleepless nite with nothing else to do. Probably have gotten 4 hours sleep the past 4 days and its driving me up the wall. How do you cope with the anxiety that comes along with insomnia?  I guess I shouldnt complain because the first few days of my detox were brutal and here on day 6 battling sleeplessness is still better than those first few days but man I am going nuts.  I wish I at least had some energy where I can do something instead of vegging in front of the tv or computer.  Anyways Hope I didnt interrupt you guys to much, but any advice for sleep would be very appreciated. Thanks
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Avatar universal
HI  your welcome to keep company with us ....im seeping some ''yogi'' kava stress relief tea as we speak the sleep thing su cks  it usally only last 2 weeks to a month but go on line and find somebody that carys this perticalur tea it usually dose the trick but in not only a recovering addict but I also suffer bipolar disorder and thats why I havent slept in 4 nights
just hopelessly wide awake with racing thoughts I go threw one of these perodicly  just one more thing to deal with  what part of the country you from  where both out west
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I live in the toronto area up in canada, Its pretty cool how similarities in our lives can bring people from all parts of the world together. Ya the sleeping thing is really getting to me, Its like a roller coaster ride where at times I accept it as part of the process and other times like now its pissing me off.  I am trying to spin it to work for me where if I do get some sleep I chalk it up as a moral victory but its getting harder and harder to do that the longer I go.  I'm going to try getting myself something tomorrow. So you enjoy the all star game down there?
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Avatar universal
I live near to the ball part 10 min away but im not into ball sports im an outdoorsman got to chase it race it ketch it or kill it to draw my interest but ya heard there giving the tickets away
from my daughter she works at a leagle office right next to the ball park
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Avatar universal
well im off to try and ketch even a hr of sleep would help restore my mind here that tea has already started to work so im out of here have a nice night everyone Good Night
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