I hear you, and this non medical source I get them from, we aren't even tight at all, I'd have no problem cutting him loose in that regard. I just wonder everyday I wake up clean, today only being day 2, lol, will I ever get my life back, where I wake up and the thought of scoring isn't the first thing that hits me like a ton of bricks. It's like feast or famine with these things, either I have have hundreds of em, or i have 0. The people closest to me, have no idea of my problem, and the only thing they can surmise, is that I'm manic depressive, high low high low, they have no idea its due to being high as a kite or sick as a dog. You're message is not pointless and it DOES help, I'm by no means in a position to talk, and I know how hard it is when you have money burning w hole in your pocket and million easy scores, but I hope you beat it :)
I am definitely to the point Stevo that I not only don't feel normal, I feel sick as s**t without them. Unlike a lot of people I've seen post on here, I still do get very very very high from them. I guess the finality of calling my md's and telling them I have a problem scares me because I know I will be cut off for good. I want to be clean so bad, but don't want this feeling soooooooo bad too. It's the worst feeling I've experienced. I've been doctor shopping like crazy, and although I know I can't really get into legal trouble, because I'm not forging scripts, etc, they're all 100% legit, and the doctors know about each other furthermore, I feel guilty. I have a beautiful wife, condo and a baby on the way, and I want my old life back bad. I think I need aftercare sooooo bad, like NA etc...thanks for your advise man.
Girl, I just read your post to me, and was so encouraged, and now I read this post... DON'T go buy tomorrow! Please... I have had money available as well as sources since hour one, and I am trying sooooo hard not to give in! I know there is a better life on the other side of this pill-induced hell of constantly counting pills, wondering when you'll run out, where you'll get the money for more (not to mention the moey for your BILLS), etc. And you know you don't get that wonderful hIgh like the first time anymore, it hasn't been long wnough since you quit, not that I want you to wait, and then buy! You have to take more and more just to feel normal; it took 20 mg of hydrocodone to get me out of bed every morning! Not energetic, just out of bed... Ugh!
Although I am by no means a long-time sober person - its only been 52 hours since I last used, but that being said... Take the money you would buy pills woth tomorrow and go shopping - buy something completely useless and/or frivolous, like a Coach purse, or a massage, or a mani/pedi, or some Seven jeans... whatever floats your boat that you usually will not buy for yourself. One item I suggest is the Miraculous Bra from Victoria's Secret! 2 added cup sizes and unbelievable cleavage, all for the bargain price of $50 - even if you don't need those two sizes like I do, lol!
But seriously, stay strong, and get through this - I know how hard it is... I have 3 tylenol 3's in my medicine cabinet right now that have been there since day one - SIREN CALL!!! I don't know if I'm stupid, but I kind of feel like it's a personal test to me. I've been off hydros for 52 hours and have managed not to take even one of them (although they do SUCK compared to hydros or percs).
I'm sending prayers your way now, and hugs... you are young, and YOU CAN DO THIS!
RedRyder
I know how you feel. I have alot of hookups for pills too and it makes it a HUNDRED times harder to quit. AS far as your prescriptions, If you feel strong enough, you can always call your DR and say you dont need them anymore. That way the prescriptions wouldnt be sitting there tempting you. as far as your friend who sells, If you dont want to lose him as a friend, you need to talk to him and tell him you are not using anymore and ask that he not talk to you about it or attempt to sell you any. Unfortunatly a HUGE part of getting clean is cutting out the people in your life associated with the drugs. It is hard to lose friends, but chances are they arent ready to quit like you are and You need to be around support. I know this is a pointless message, I wish I could say just the right thing to help. I hope my words give you a little insight though.
I am a 24yo female addicted to Pain killers for 2 1/2 years. I have tried to quit more times than I can remember and am 2 days clean right now. I get paid tomorrow and Know what Im going to do. Big Sigh. We can do this. It takes time and practice, But we can do it. Good luck!!
I'm sure your at the point now where you have to take them to feel normal. That's where it ends man. Life is too short to count pills all the time. Make a decision and throw them things out. Lose the phone numbers or change yours. To quit for good, all your habits have to change. At times when you normally use, or are out looking, go to a meeting. If you feel you can't get away, try rehab. It's a safe environment and will give you the tools you need to succeed. Only you can break the cycle of insanity. The question is, are you ready? If so, start today!