Over 600 days down the drain...

[wanting2stop]

Crazy how life works.. Not really sure what to think anymore. I have been having cravings for a long time and finally gave in. I have been back on these stupid pills now for about 2 months and feel just as crappy mentally as I did before I stopped the last time. Over 600 days clean down the drain and now I already find myself having an excuse not to stop tomorrow. I have my daughters soccer game. I cannot believe I am right back where I was before.

[wanting2stop]

Thanks for the replies you guys....

I am on day 2 with nothing and of course I feel all the flu like symptoms. Not too bad just uncomfortable and very tired and the runners. Drinking lots of water and trying to be positive. I know I can do this as I have done it before! It really ***** what we put ourselves through. As far as the addiction or pills, it is like a roller coaster. It will be nice to get off the ride and get myself back again! I just need to loose some weight so the back pain will go away.

[pharma9]

No 600 days are not lost.You learn from each failure and success.
You have to get back on the horse and keep going.
This is a lifelong battle and one you can not lose.
I am  about 3 weeks short of 2 years and still am tempted.
I say to myself that my job and family are more important to me than a fleeting high and resist but boy....sometimes it is close.
When I feel that I really need a pill,I pop a b12 or vitamin c and somehow that satisfies that urge and I keep going.
I have learned that I do not need that"high" in my life and it is becoming a distant memory but sometimes the feeling hits and the hard part is getting past it
Whey protein powder,vitamin b12,vitamin c.....anything healthy and legal that gets me past the urge.

[gnarly_1]

HI  its always sad to read these especially with over 600 days clean but I have come to find out if you let this go for 1 minute grow complacent for 1 second this disease will  bull dose you into the ground....about all you can do from here is learn and ask yourself ''what will I do different'' get back up dust yourself off and start over if you need to detox where here for you ......you know the drill and you will make it out if you stop now if you dont ....who knows where this will take you ...hang in there do the best you can everything will work out now that you cough it look forward to helping you back up keep posting for support good luck and God bless......Gnarly

[killmypain]

We all slip up from time to time... When I decided to quit (this time), it took me a few weeks of yo yoing. The symptoms of the detox were uncomfortable and I knew it would feel better if I took a pill.... then I just wanted to feel the buzz again.... then I was using again for a few days... then I'd quit.... same old same old. I do believe that if you slip up and use, its ok. just get back on the horse.... don't give up. if you only use once or twice, maybe your symptoms of w/d won't be so bad.... I don't know. I don't have the will power to only use once or twice. The last time I tried it it turned into a 6 month bender and I had to start all over again.... I am now 28 days clean!!!!! This forum saved me.... seriously saved me. Once you make it through the detox, week 1.... week 2.... U need some sort of after care and a plan of action.... call someone or get on here when you are tempted to use again.... make sure you cut off all access to those damn pills cause they are the devil. I know now that I can NEVER use again..... I have to work every day to stay clean. I have been offered many times another pill..... It has been 28 days since the last time I gave in to the temptation. This is the hardest fight of my life but my sobriety is so very important to me and my family. You can do this.... don't beat yourself up if you slip a little.... this s*%t is hard! Just pick yourself up, dust off, and start another day without the pills..... Goodluck!

[samesame1]

All is not lost. I am in same boat as most - facing the detox/withdraws after being thru it many times. I seem to always fall victim to that demon in my head when I am clean. He uses my voice and assures me that one pill will boost me for the day, and the roller coaster starts. The buying, sneaking, lying, knowing that when the ride is over - hell awaits again.

I wish I had previously had your forethought to stop yourself when you caught yourself heading back. I am now done AGAIN and facing the oncoming doom. I know all the symptoms, and fortunately I haven't ever OD'd due to my addiction.

Though, my 1st time coming off them, I didn't eat, sleep or hydrate thru it and ended up having a seizure (was living on 5hr energy). I now know better. Have been reading the forums and have been prepping by buying supplies for my symptoms and even dosing on vitamins before my symptoms start.

At least I know now that someone else is using my voice when considering that 1st pill back into relapse, and I am praying that I recognize that fact when he starts talking. I hope I am as aware, awake and comitted as you were when you realised.

If you slip and realise, the GOD BLESS YOU! Please do your best not to give up on you. I sure won't. I haven't even given up on me yet. :)

I will try to hop on here with comments over the next couple weeks. I get lost in the forums so it may be easier if you decide to note me. I am open to all support and to all needing support.

My personal non-medical opinion, tapering drags it out and makes healing take longer. Subs and other 'replacements' just trade one addiction for another or a crutch - ya still gotta come down. I do NOT advise barbs at all (valium, xanax, etc), as they are addictive and if your relapse there is a HIGH propensity to die.

I have illegally gained a few phenergren to try and knock the edge off the nausea, so I can eat while going thru it. Please pray for me and my health, as I will for you.

[dominosarah]

Pull yourself together,make a plan and stick to it.  Beating yourself up just gives you more reason to use.  There is no happy ending with this addiction and you know that.  Dont become a statistic, get yourself healthy again.  You can do this!    sara

[ImDONENoMore]

My goodness the pressure we put on ourselves!!  Addiction is a lifelong battle - and all you can do is continue to work on your recovery and if you slip up, you just need to get up, dust yourself off, and start again.  Do NOT allow yourself to feel defeated here - that feeling will only lead to more relapses - feel GOOD about the fact that you stayed clean for so long and trust that you can do it again.  It's time to move on and start again!!

You can do this - but you already know that right?  :)

[ThisCantSuckForever]

No, it is NOT 600 days down the drain. It is 600 days that you did not use. And when you're ready, you can make it 601. It doesn't all have to be in a straight line to count. :)

[vicki595]

Okay. It's not what you did it's more :"What are you going to do about it"??

Addiction just travels a bumpy road and I think recovery does as well. To me, a relapse is nothing more than an indication that we need to do something different; we need to get our guard up extra high, we need to pay attention to the signs of a relapse...our sobriety has to be number one at all times!!

Just get back on track and keep posting here. I'm sure you feel badly about this but it's done so don't focus on it anymore!!

[Jimmy1975]

Listen my friend I did the same thing and I am sure most on this forum have so don't be so hard on yourself ! I went 6 months a year Ect. You get the picture ..Took me 4 times on the Yo Yo !  So you know what just try and do it again and even again until you get it right . You are amongst friends and comrades here .. Jimmy

[quitinoxys]

Hey wanting do you want to quit again? You did it before you can do it again Don't beat yourself up it happens  The bigger question is what are you going to do different this time to stay clean? When you stopped the last time did you do any aftercare as it makes all the difference in staying clean. Come on back and talk to us.---Rick