Overcoming The Urge to Relapse

[SouthJersey99]

First off, I apologize in advance for asking this about such a mundane drug, but I'm having problems. I realize that this may not be as serious as the opiates/prescription drug issues of others, but I'm hoping someone might have some perspective for me regardless of the drug involved.

I recently discontinued use of synthetic cannabinoids (commonly known as JWH-018 or "Spice"). Prior to my use of these synthetic compounds, I was a heavy cannabis user (daily). I live by myself and suffer from dysthemic disorder (long-term depression) as well as borderline personality disorder and various anxiety issues. These drugs were crutches for me to pass the time and alleviate the boredom associated with living by myself and having nearly no social or family network. They gave me something to look forward to at the end of a hard day's work and positively impacted my depression (or at least made me feel that way, which I still consider to be a sign of efficacy).

I've had to discontinue use of the synthetic compounds due simply to a lack of availability due to a recent DEA ban on the substance. I can no longer partake in cannabis either due to random drug testing on the job, so I'm more or less being forced to discontinue all use of both. Not having gone into this cessation with proper mental preparation, goal setting ect, since the choice was not voluntary, I'm struggling here to rebuild my shambles of an existence left in the wake of my long term use of these drugs.

I've allowed most of my social network to dry up and most of the people I can no longer contact if I wanted to due to changed phone numbers, locations, ect. Those that I still do speak with have normal lives, families, ect and none live anywhere near me. Over the last 2 weeks I've spent most of my time staring at the walls and talking to myself just to stimulate some facet of my mind to avoid breaking down completely. I have almost no motivation to do anything despite these circumstances, so I'm facing a vicious cycle that will surely lead me back to cannabis irregardless of the drug testing program simply to keep myself from going off the deep end entirely. My depression has increased 10 fold and I've become openly hostile to people around me on a regular basis (which is something I never do). I feel like a different, far worse person now than I ever have before.

How does one cope with this without a social or family network? How does one break through this incredibly repressive depression in order to establish basic functionality post-cessation? I've considered group therapy, but I object to the religious overtones of these programs and I fear I won't be taken seriously since my problems don't involve "real" drugs. I can't afford private counseling and I don't qualify for free or discounted counseling due to my income. I have no one to talk to about this whatsoever, so I'm really stuck here on what to do.

Any suggestions on a path forward?

Thank you in advance.

[TooThoughtfulDan]

I have had some tough battles with drugs and currently am trying to stay clean from hydrocodone.  There are support systems that do not cost anything.  AA and NA meetings are great.  The give REAL social support.  After a short while, they meet you at the door, say, "How's it goin?" and make me feel like I belong there.  You will find it's ok to talk about how crummy you feel.  This forum is helping me in the same way.  It is reassuring to me to connect with people that are battling the same demons.  12 step meetings are not for everyone, I know, but if you have never been to one, it is well worth a try.  Just don't stay cooped up in your house all alone, because your addict mind will terrorize you until you lose and relapse.  Read all of the posts on this sight you can, these folks know what they are talking about.  I am past much of the physical detox, this time, and now I am especially vulnerable to relapse.  I feel so good, why not feel better (my addict mind whispers seductively.  You can control it now...........). the truth of the matter is I cannot.  Today I began investigating less invasive surgeries that can be done for my back, to keep me from filling more pain med scripts.  You are totally to be commended for coming to this site and sharing your tough battle with the members here.  I personally wish you the best success.  Please keep coming back. Dan

[gnarly_1]

HI .......the physiological addiction can be just as strong as any physical addiction and when helping people detox I always tell them this is 1/3 physical 2/3 mental you may not have a physical addiction but the mental one can be just as challenging .....I to developed a strong addiction to weed for many years and was miserable when I dident have any so I can relate never got into the other stuff but I have heard about it more and more now that it is becoming ileagle  in many states the best advise I have for you is to get into a support group like N/A to help you deal with all the emotions of coming off this stuff dont know how the new sinthetic stuff will be but it was no fun coming off the weed I was eratatable for quite some time couldn't sleep and generally miserable .....just know in time it will pass ....the aftercare will help you deal with the falout and will help you to retrain your brain to live drug free.....it is the very way we think and reason that has to change as addicts in order to concur this disease ....I never take it lightly when someone tells me there addicted to weed .....there was a time in my life I was there with some help from n/a or a drug conslor you can concur this people dont realize its the physiological addiction thats much harder to break then the physical addiction anyway keep posting for support we can help you threw this good luck and God bless......Gnarly  

[tryingtocope39]

It would be a wise decision to talk to your doctor about starting some anti-depressants. Of course, only a doctor can diagnose you, but a lot of the symptoms you have described sound like classic depressive disorder. There are many different anti-depressants on the market that can help you. Please, talk to your doctor.