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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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1123583 tn?1260165937

Oxy addict - 5 years - 600-700 mg/day - I got a plan!!

Here we go again. Same problem, different forum. I've been battling with Opiate addiction for the better part of 5 years. I've quit 2 times before (though, if I ever really quit, would I be here now?), once with suboxone and once with 5 40mg methadone (orange wafers) that I broke into halves and weened down on for a couple weeks. The time with subs, I started with one a two a day for 4 days, then 1 a day for a week, down to halves, then quarters. It took a little over 2 weeks before I was functioning without anything. That was a good run, I was so proud of myself. It lasted about 6 months. It's been about two years since I started back and one 30 mg Roxy a day has lead to 5 or 6 80's a day, along with 6-8 30mg Roxys in between doses. Between 600 and 700 mgs a day total, for the past 4 months and about half that during the year leading up to it. As I type this, at 2 am on a Sunday night/Monday morning, I've consumed 400 mgs since I woke up at noon today.

The first couple times I quit, I found that distracting myself on the internet to be very helpful. Hence my presence here. However, this has to be the last time. I have a new girlfriend that I have been dating for about 4 months now, and I love her more than anything and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I know she will leave me if my plan doesn't work this time. She knows about my addiction but having never done a drug before, she barely grasps how excruciating the detow is. I tried to quit about 2 months ago and almost lost her because I didn't feel like having sex and was not giving her enough atttention. Obviously, she had no idea how difficult it was going to be. That lasted 2 days and I decided that I needed to wait until I really had her commited to me before I put her through my withdrawal attempt. I feel that time has come, she she is in love with me and has promised to stick by me no matter how bad it gets. I believer her this time.

Even so, I've decided to spend some time away from her during the process. My father recently passed away and left me a little money. I own my own business and I'be been working nonstop through the holidays so that I can take 2 weeks off of work to get this over with. That time is almost here.

I decided to get as far away from the town I live in as possible, as opiates are readily available. I've found this to be first and foremost the best possible way to aviod giving in and making that phone call. Or filling that prescription. If you are in a place where you know no one, you're alot less likely to give in to your cravings. When you truly have no other choice but to continue withdrawing, your chances of succeeding improve drastically.

I'm taking a trip to Sedona, Arizona. I had never heard of this place before but it has a history of being a spritual place, with energy vortexs and alot of other hippy stuff that I'm really into and I think it will be a positive atmosphere to roll the dice in again. Most importantly, I know no one there and will not even attempt to get ahold of anything. The town offers alot of spiritual balancing and cleansing mumbo jumbo that can's hurt to try. I plan on staying for 2 weeks and coming back a new man. It won;t be easy but I have to do this. I refuse to be 30 years old and still losing this battle. I'm turn 30 in August.

I plan on updating anyone who is interested in my progress on a daily basis. I won't want to, and I'll have to force myself to commit to it, but I feel that's ll part of the process. To establish a routine and force myself to do things I really don't feel like doing.

I have plenty of money for food and vitamins and massages and all the others things I've found to be helpful in this process. There is no reason that I shouldn't succeed this time. I am the only one holding myself back and knowing that I traveled so far and spent so much money in recovering will only help motivate me.

I intend on sending my girlfriend a link to this thread once I have left so she can see how I am doing. Of course I will be calling her everyday, but sometimes talking on the phone and expressing myself properly verbally is a challenge. I feel that she can rest easier knowing everything that I am going through and reading about the day to day goals that I will accomplish while I am away.

That's all for now. I'll be leaving in about a week. I'm nervous, scared, desperate, hopeful, disappointed thaqt it's come to this. Please feel free to ask any questions. Or offer any advice. I also welcome any criticism, any skeptisism.

Battery of my laptop about to die.

Tune in!!!

-Mike
44 Responses
1123567 tn?1318236860
Hey, I am interested in seeing how things go for you. I moved 35 miles away in July and that was the first thing I realized, cut off your connects and surroundings and people/things that enable you and it makes it 10 times easier.

Keep me posted?
Avatar universal
Good luck to you!  I'll be checking in to follow your progress; you can do it!
Avatar universal
Hey buddy.. Good luck and God Speed to you on your journey... It will be tough but I KNOW you can do it... Sedona is a Magical place... lots of good energy there.. plus it is SOOOO beautitful there.. and the AIR is clear... so remember to BREATH...

Much love and LOTS of PRAYERS your way!

NorcoQueen
1123583 tn?1260165937
Thanks for your well wishes. And as far as keeping anyone posted, this is where it's all gonna go down. Which makes me realize another thing I despise about being hooked on these damn things: I used to love to write. Actually, I still do. But I find myself more and more looking at it as more of a chore, likle so many other things in my life I used to enjoy; video games, reading, sex. That a little pill can take away any enjoyment and interests that you've always had is acinine. That I continued to take them upon this realization is even more so. And what is a life without the enjoyment of prticipating in the things that you're interested in? For that matter, what is life without sex? No life at all, I say.

That's why this has to work, I'm tired of not living. I'm tired of feeling so disattached from my life, like I'm just observing it and not taking part in it. And not enjoying it.

I'm tired of not sleeping unless I take a pill before I go to bed. I'm tired of not being able to wake up without one. I'm tired of my day revolving around my next dose. I'm tired of relying on medication to function. Without it, I'm in a lot of pain. But nothing can hurt worse than the mental anguish I endure on a day to day basis.

I could go on and on but I have a felling that most of you, and most definitely any one of you bothering to read this post, already know exactly where I'm coming from.

Soooooo..... I've been working alot to make up for the days I'm going to miss and haven't had a chance to check in. I'll be leaving on Sunday or Monday and will have all the time in the world to write here about what I'm going through, how I am feeling.

My biggest fear is that I will lack the motivation to even open my laptop to record my progress. There has been several occasions during my half-hearted attempts to quit that I've been literally unable to force myself to communicate with anyone in every sense of the word. Even after promising myself that I would this time. My goal is to be able to look back on this post and read about the horrors I experienced as a reminder that I never want to go through them again. Even with that motivation, I've found myself laying around for 22 hours a day with my laptop right next to me, still unable to motivate myself to use it.

But no tthis time. This time I'm doing it right. And maybe someone else that is trying to quit will stumble upon this and it will help motivate them, or at least reassure them that they're not alone. And if all goes well, that it's not impossible, as much as it seems so.

So I will definitely update, as often as possible. I read a book a few months ago during the peak of my desperation about depression. This was a drug free guide to overcoming depression which mostly focused on changing your daily routine, to basically go about living your life in a whole new way. For example,: in my case, I shower after work so I can get that extra half hour of sleep. Now, I'm gonna try showering at right when I wake up. Also, I am that guy who rarely answers his phone, usually only doing so if I absolutely have to, or if something is really important. And then, only if I am medicated. Anyone who's ever been as bad off as I have become absolutely 100% know what I'm talking about. Be suspicious of anyone letting their voice mail fill up and not checking and erasing their messages. Either they owe someone money or sometimes even more realistically, they just don't want to deal with it. 'It' being any and everything. I'm now going to answer any and every phone call. Regardless of how trivial the matter, or how repugnant the person calling, I will answer each and every phone call.

That truly sounds excruciating right now.

Other things include changing your diet, eating at different times. Exercising more, Common things that I feel like normal people do anyway and are very important. That I stopped caring about a long time ago.

Thanks again for the kind words and again, if I pull this off, believe me, anyone can. As far as addiction goes, without going into detail, I'm about as bad as it gets.

Feel free to drop me a line, you will me my family, my friends, my enemies, possibly my supporters, the reason to go on, the reason to give up and most definitely the reason to keep writing.

I'll be packing all my stuff on Sunday, my first day off and first opportunity to do so. I've got a small checklist that I'll post after I get done. Any additional recommendations: more than welcome.

2 days!!!

-Mike
Avatar universal
I have friends who have been to sedona and have loved their it is a mystical plac to be and I think the perfoect spot for your time of recovery and rediscovery!!! Enjoy the scenery, take some beautiful walks, when you can!! I know there are people out there whowill help you heal your soul and body. Good Luck I look forward to reading your experience. You write well, maybe we'll se your experiences in print one day and you can be the rock that helps others.
401095 tn?1351395370
This is a great place to be right now..lots of support

ur decision to remove urself from temptation right now is a strong one...In the end u will probably have to ex-communicate from anyone assiated with drugsincluding letting ur DR know as well///no nitty gritty details..just a simple statement I want no more narcotics

No drug can do this for u...sub nor methadone..they can ease wds..but neither will keep u clean long term unless u do the work on urself u need to do..and this u probably have already figured out

Sedonia is a beautiful place!  I am flying there to stay with a friend from pheonix in february..perhaps find some meetings there..if u have not tried any aftercare then perhpas it could add to ur fantastic plan

keep us posted//pm of u would like
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