Well, Guess what? Here I was whining about going through w/d's not even a week ago. I have had refills on my script and I find myself right back at it. WTF is wrong with me. Im splitting my pills and chewing halves again of oxy. I didn't learn my lesson? I didn't suffer enough? Why, Why! WHY!
I have been given enough as prescribed for a month, but I find myself abusing again and I WILL run out gain, I am already on par for that.
Last week, I went to the ER crying like a baby to come clean and tell the ER staff I was going through withdrawals and come clean I was abusing. but the wait was four hours. I returned home without seeing anyone and found myself in some kinda weird comfort zone and wasn't suffering after the tears. keep in mind, I am a grown man, 49 years old. I suffered that night and even walked around the block at 3:00am cause I couldn't shake the ebiie geebies. The next day, my refill arrived and i was right back at it.
Granted, I am in pain, its legit, but why am I abusing and chasing a feeling I cant find anymore and setting myself up for more w/d pain. I friggen hate the w/d's I HATE THEM! There is nothing worse. I did however take five 20mg oxy and put them in a old pill bottle and write "w/d" across the bottle. So you see, i am setting myself for an attempted taper later on. Like I know I am going to make myself suffer. Why am I doing this to myself. I am an intelligent person, I know better.
Anyone who's been where I have, maybe chime in and give me some advice. I cant say I am ready to quit, because... I am truly in pain without the meds. Is there maybe a better med? What am I missing here?
Thanks for listening to my whine,
-Dez
Hi there, what an incredibly painful situation. I too started off due to my chronic pain, with a legal script - though either way we start, we all end up in the same hell, we are all addicts. I have been on oxy(yes, some days got to the 160mg mark if I am completely honest) /T4's/ativan for years...2002 was my accident and that is my biggest fear too...what the hell am I going to do with the pain??? I began abusing the meds though, higher and higher doses...I realize I can't trust myself to take the oxy as prescribed. It become a monthly withdrawal hell...right now on day 4, still suffering. I don't want another repeat performance next month...that and I'd like some of my missing life back again. Today, after hearing from all the wonderful and kind people here I started thinking more and more about the subtle ways it started going down-hill. I didn't hit rock bottom yet, but well on my way. I'm trying to put into perspective how I would rather live...not being able to walk or stand more than a block/few minutes I think may be easier than this CRAZY roller-coaster of addiction/withdrawal/rx filled over and over. One day you WILL have to stop, for whatever reason....OD, Dr changes his mind about your condition, financial reasons...could be many things...but wouldn't you want to stop on your own terms? Take back your own life again? I know I do...just not sure I'll be strong enough to act on my own advice ;) One item I REALLY know I can't give up, and that's the T4's or else I would be bed-ridden. Though I can honestly say, I didn't abuse my script or suffer through withdrawal when I ran out.
Thanks so much for the fast replies. Thanks for the supportive words and ideas. At this time, day two of w/d, I just cant imagine the pain getting better. I lost half my left foot and all my toes due to bacterial meningitis a few years back. The left foot wasn't just cut off and a flap put over the end, they gutted it like a baked potato and rebuilt the stub with muscle from my stomach and skin from my thighs. I find today, i would have been better off with an amputation I think.
The pain in the feet is terrible. I just mismanaged my meds and ran out before i was supposed to due to pain levels. If I do decide to continue pain meds, I am going to have to look at a different dose. But being clean and not on the dope anymore has really peaked my curiosity. I know I cant go on forever taking pain meds. Something has to give eventually, someday. Now do i want to w/d on 20mg Oxycontin x 3 a day or build to 120 mg like I have read about in different forums. I think i saw someone was up to 160mg a day. YIKES. I also have the option of vicodin at times and that's the 7.5 every 8 hours. I can pop those like skittles. The oxy will make me feel burnt and fatigued if I take to much. I'll admit, sometimes I chew a half at a time when the pain is real bad and im not getting relief from the so called time release.
I do realise i have a problem now. But I was so afraid to live with the pain and no relief. Thanks for telling me about your experiences after the w/d's. It gives me hope, I cant tell you what it means to me.
Thanks you
I can totally relate to your situation. I went thru the same **** you are going thru right now. If you truly want to quit get a docters slip or take a weeks vacation from work and tough it out. The first week is pure hell. Drink lots of fluids,and eat lots of fruits and veggies. What helped me the most with the heebie jeebies was my docter prescribed me some clonidine .1mg to help control the restless legs.
If you have any more questions shoot away. We are all here to help you thru this.
Good Luck
Army
Avisg is correct about the pain... I too found after the meds were all out of me and some time had passed I can control my pain so much better with just ibuprofen. I do get massages from time to time and that helps. I have bulging discs randomly all the way from my cervical to lumbar spine and a few other pain issues. I am happier not being a slave to a pill and having some pain than letting the pill dictate my life.
So yes...check out the health pages...there is a lot of info in there. Keep posting....ask all you want....there is lots of support here. How much were you taking per day and for how long?
Good luck ... JoAnn
A large % of us have cronic pain issues .Most of us have found that after a 1 to 3 months off of the pain meds are pain has reduced greatly .There are other medications that are non narcotic that take the edge off ,there are many alternative pain treatments available .If you look in the" health pages" there is something call the amnio acid protocol take a look at that it has supplements and vitamins that can help. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.