Oxycodone Addiction

[Kayla721]

I started doing Oxycodone (Percs) about a year and a half ago socially. Never for pain. And I LOVED them. I love the feeling they give me. They make me feel happy and carefree and just making dealing with every day life a little easier. Throughout the past year and a half of my life, it's gotten out of control. I can't go a single day without a perc. And I get them illegally. The few days out of the year and a half its been I haven't had any and it was pure hell. I'm always stressing about running out and where I'm going to get my next fix from. I have no family support, I'm on my own. My family doesn't even know. I told them a few months ago that I had a problem and they really just blew it off and now act like I never even mentioned it to them. I know I need to go to rehab.. I'm just scared to loose the only thing thats never let me down in my life (percs). I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm so tired of being dependent on a drug to make me happy everyday. Any advice?

[Kayla721]

Thanks guys for your support. I'm starting to look into short inpatient rehabs. I think if I can get past the detox stage an outpatient rehab will help. But I need to somewhere to detox first. I can't quit on my own, the withdraw symptoms are to severe and I know I'll end up relapsing (cuz Ive done it quite a few times). I've tried Suboxen (sp) before dhodge2000. Honestly it messed me up more then the pills do then it makes me sick afterwords. I think I would need something else besides Suboxen. I am starting to look into some short inpatient rehabs then hopfully they can direct me to an outpatient one. I have a surgery coming up on October 20th though so I think my safe bet is just to wait until I recover from that because they are giving me strong pain meds then what I'm even addicted to after my surgery ( but i'm defintaly going to need them ) I'm scared do death to quit because it's been the past year and a half of my life but I know its time and I'm going to end up loosing everything if I dont. Any advice on how to tell my fiance that I'm still using? I'm scared to death to do it and I have no idea what to say. He's going to be heartbroken.

[dhodge2000]

Honey,  you have to be ready to quit and kick this demon out of your life! Trust me, we all can relate to what you say, but I really do think suboxone may help you ON A FAST TAPER UNDER 4 WEEKS! I was going to do it but chickened out and just did CT and here I am. I feel better, nit 100% but I feel like I got this whipped. I wasn't ready when I posted a few years ago here, then I cam back but still wasn't now here I am, CLEAN!! You can be too! Stop thinking you can't and think how you can! Think of how it will feel to come home and not have to worry anymore, you can finally relax, enjoy your home, your car, your fiance. STOP NOW! Don't waste another minute.

1) Make a plan to QUIT either CT (if you can) or OP detox
2) Find support, trust honey, you will need it and it helps
3) AFTERCARE - NA, here, counseling, whatever works
4) Accept and love yourself, live one day at a time, and work everyday to NEVER EVER go back to where you were.

I personally accepted the WD as the price I paid for being silly and getting on the pills. I was scared as hell but, you know, once that's over, you kind of think differently. Your whole life won't be around pills, so that's when you need the support.

It sounds like you can't take off for 90 days and I couldn't either, but try to plan a week off, detox, and get a plan.

We're here to support you!

[laurel453]

i wish i have it, Kayla... i really wish i could have the advice on how to keep your job, pay the bills and go to rehab .... but you are fighting for your life here and if you say that what you need is going away , do it, Kayla...

you said that you stayed 5 days and relapsed, right ? Did you work on your recovery during this time ?  you did it alone, i suppose and being and doing  alone  this fight is really hard, almost imposible for us......I  suppose also that you still have the numbers of your dealers, delete them asap...  talk to your doctor and ask for help... i know there is something called  like 90 meetings in 90 days with NA, try it ......find an addiction counselor.... be proactive because  as i said, you are fighting for your life and there is nothing more important now ... never give up on this fight and do whatever you think it may work for you...

[Kayla721]

Thank you for your great advice. I'm just scared to take the first step. The longest time I have gone without any for the past year and a half is 5 days. And those 5 days were probably some of the worst of my life. This addiction has completly taken over my life. My fiance' didn't know for the longest time, I hid it from him. When I was serious about quitting last time I told him everything. He was upset that I lied to him but also supported me in quitting. That's when I quit for 5 days. He thinks I've been clean for like a month and a half now and that's not the case at all. I feel like no matter what I do to try to quit I always go back. I know I just need to be strong for myself and just do it, but its so much easier said then done. I've already lost so much in my life because of this addiction. I lost all my friends, some know, some don't. But I've just lost contact with them all because when I'm not working I just sit at home and get high by myself. Luckily this addiction has not affected my job that much accept me being a few minutes late a couple times (which isn't a big deal to my work as long as it's not a habit, which its not). But as for my social, family, love, and sex life it has affected. I can't even make love to my fiance and enjoy it anymore cuz my body is always numb. We don't have any kids right now either, which I think is a true blessing because before I bring a child into this world I want to have my own life on track first. But to back track a little bit, I realized this addiction was out of control when I started looking forward coming home from work to get high instead of seeing my fiance and dog. And it's still like that, by the time 3pm rolls around everyday I can't wait to get off to get high because thats when my cold sweats and shakes start to happen. I know I can't keep living like this. I'm going down a really bad path and I'm not going to end up anywhere on it. I'm really considering rehab but I don't know what I'm going to do about work and my bills. I can't loose my job, house or car. In this day and time no one can. My fiance can't aford to pay everything on his own. We work as a team. And I thought about an Outpatient rehab but I know my addiction is to strong now for that to work. I need to go away for atleast 60-90 days to get this under control. Atleast. I know how bad this has gotten. And I don't know how to tell my fiance that i'm still using everyday when he's so proud of me for quitting, he tells me everyday and it takes me everything i have not to  bust out crying when he says it. I just feel like everything is out of control and I can't loose him to top it all off with. I just can't. Any advice on the rehab/work/bills/ect laurel?

[Kayla721]

Tony, i feel your pain. its pure hell. Waking up everyday in a cold sweat until I get the perc up my nose is really starting to get old. Good luck to you and keep me posted on your progress. -Kayla

[Tab57]

Welcome and thanks for your post. Laurel has covered all of the bases in her reply. Stopping the pills is the easy part. The tough part is staying off of them. That is where AA or NA comes in as a good support system is so important for you. Good luck to you and please keep on posting

[laurel453]

Hi welcome to the forum!

Active addiction is a hell of a life, Kayla, addiction is always progressive, it doesn't get any better just the opposite... the best decision you could have taken is quitting... You could taper of your doses but you would need someone to hold the pills for you or you could quit ct if you don't have any medical condition besides, you will go through some 7/10 days like if you had a bad flu and start getting better from them. Days 3/4 are the worst but it is doable so you can do it !! :)

After wds, we need making some changes.... leading a healthy life.... healthy diet, rest, exercise, getting rid of any toxic relationship and going to the roots of our addictive behaviour and personal problems ( NA meetings and the 12 step, therapy, addiction counseling ,..... whatever it may help you ) this is important cause getting clean is easier than staying clean so go for it .... you are saving your life !!! :)

Keep posting any question you may have and keep us informed how you are doing !






immodium ( diarrhea )

advil

a good vitamin complex and a good B's ...

some magnesium ( best chelated )+calcium supplement... to help you with muscle cramps and aches

potassium rich food... apple/orange juice  , bananas, spinach, raisins, nutcrackers..

eat as healthy as possible ...maybe some protein shakes if you can't eat.

this is very important, .....drink a lot of fluids to keep you hydrated ... like gatorades, green tea, tonic water ( it has quinine and it will help you with RLS )...

Hylands restful legs to help you with RLS , hylands cramps legs

maybe some natural stuff to help you with sleep like melatonin or Hylands calm forte,.... valerian root  is good for anxiety (it helped me with the stomach cramps too , imo).

lots of hot baths ( with epsom salts if you have them ...)

start with walks and some light exercise as soon as you can to boost your endorphines, enjoy the sun that it is left from the summer... exercise will really help you a lot to  heal and to feel better








all the best :)

[Sfidel]

I feel the same way I'm going to start tomorrow afternoon after church. I want to get up and give it to God!  I'm here to help you if you help me.
Tony