thank you. trying to remain focused on freedom and nothing else or how I got myself here, but how I am getting myself out.
thanks! yeah, I completely regret the fusion (L3-S1), I honestly feel worse after the surgery than I did before. I will have to take your word that you feel better now after this.
I am literally sitting at my desk with tears rolling down my face of gratitude for people on here that have already spoke with me today, my first day on this site. although physically I sure don't feel like it, I feel like I've seen my first glimmer of mental hope.
I look at it this way, I made it through a day of work, get to leave soon and go home and try to be a good wife and mother while not puking my guts out or just bawling like a baby in front of them (hubby knows, kids way too young for this). Thank you to all that got me through this day of work. I'm indebted. I will be back tomorrow, no internet at my house out on the farm.
Blessings to all of you that took the time to write. Tomorrow's another day closer to freedom, right?
You are not worthless honey. Please get that idea out of your head. Many of us here suffer with pain and have fallen into the pill pit. Many (including myself) have gone further down than you before seeking help so pat yourself on the back.
Hey Spike hang in there. The physical aspect is tough but will pass. The mental, at least for me is a bear. Like you I was a college athlete with numerous knee surgeries and a back (L4-5) fusion when I was 21 which I regret. Interestingly enough the pain actually subsided a bit after all the physical issues went away...hard to believe at this point I know but it's true. Hopefully you will have less pain. It's like the opiates made the pain worse to keep the train rolling.
The mental aspect as I mentioned earlier is a tougher road to hull as I'm finding out. Everyone here is great and supportive and checking in a lot is a good thing. My 3 & 5 year olds are calling now so gotta go. Hang in there it gets better.
Thank you. Yes, this site has literally saved me today as I work at a place that absence is not tolerated and so, I'm sitting here with my skin crawling everywhere and I just can't shut my brain off while pretending to look like I'm working.
Hearing that my panic is normal, that really does help, thank you. Seriously, thinking of every bill I have to pay, scrambling over to a grocery list, to where are the kids, who do I have to pick up after work, I cannot seem to just stay on one train of thought and everything just goes crazy.
Your panic is so normal at this stage, and feeling alone, but that along with your unfortunate pain is your body going into shock, alas trying to repair at the same time. My partner has the same problem as you, having his spine fused when he was very young.
The anxt does go away, but dont fuel it. You have to try anything to take your head to a different place. I know it is very hard, and your pain is very real, and I wish I could help more, but im just so inexperienced with your injury. But stay on this site everyday, it will help you get through.
oh no, I'm in actual pain. Since the fusion, my sciatic nerve was jumbled and I get lightning shots down my left leg. The pain pills helped, but I just can't stay under my allotment. I see a pain management doc on the 7th and I will see about alternatives. for now, I'm reading everything I can on this site. I won't lie, I'm naïve and ignorant on opiates, addiction and withdrawal. honestly thought all was fine because they were 'prescribed'. I just feel like a complete worthless failure as a human and mother.
I always suggest that pain patients have a plan in place for alternative treatment before deciding to go off of the medication. With pain in the picture it is far too tempting. Are you in pain now or is it just mental cravings?
oh goodness, I'm so thankful for your posts. I just feel completely alone, and the panic is settling in.
I've been on 90-100mg oxycodone/day for about 5 years. Quit for 6 months last year, which weirdly I don't remember ever feeling like this when I quit last year, although I tapered a bit. I had my spine fused and couldn't take the pain and doc put me back on them. I can't stand not being "me" but right now I would do anything for a pill.
Oh and w/d's normally subside after 1-2 weeks, mine were not intense at all. I felt great at day 8. But you might be totally different.
Hi spike, how are you doing. Im an addict of heroin and have been clean from subs for 34 days. My brother on the other hand, is addicted to oxycodone and has been for 4 years. Only because of 2 shoulder reconstructions from surfing, the doc prescribed him oxycodone. I feel like hes been cheated, because he wasnt getting it off the street, and wasnt a drug user, he was prescribed it legally.
I know how you feel. My brother says when he goes into oxy w/d's, it takes him a week to go into full blown w/d's. He was taking up to 100 pills a week. I have given him my left over clonidine and valium which he told me is really helping w/d's. I also gave him a potent mens multi- vitamin, magnesium supp, saint johns wort ( for depression ), and he goes for a walk daily and also buys fresh fruit and vegetables and turns them into smoothies.
Im really not sure what the norm is for oxy w/d's but I would guess a time-frame anywhere from 2-5 days for full w/d's to hit. Im so sorry your going through this, especially while at work. I hope you can get those w/d's under your belt and I prey the days are not dragging for you. Good luck Spike : )
All your symptoms are normal. The exercise is really key, I walked around in circles in my yard, with lots of breaks in the first days. Epsom salts baths as hot as you can stand it really calm the legs and help detox. EnergenC powder really helps the water go down and provides electrolytes and vitamins. Knowing what and how much you were taking could help us guess at how long the acute symptoms will last, but every body is different. It will pass though, just hang in there. You are making the best decision ever.
Oh, thank you for replying, I didn't know if I did this right.
I've had five major knee surgeries and a replacement and had my spine fused (I'm only 38), so I am getting them legally, but have taken more than my allotment.
Shew, exercise? I'm an old college athlete, but the thought of putting one foot in front of the other sounds like running a marathon. I'm at work right now hiding in my office with cold sweats, shakes, the runs like nobody's business and my brain will not shut off. I swear it is screaming "give me my pills", is this normal??
Hi Spike and welcome to the community!
First, congratulations on getting clean. Way to go!
there are things that can help with the rls so you can get some much needed rest. Hot baths work wonders. Exercise as much as you can. Eat bananas for the Potassium. Get yourself on a regiment of vitamins and minerals. Push fluids to flush out your system. If you have a lounge chair try sleeping in that for a few nights. It is the laying down part that is fueling the rls.
Are you on pills for medical reasons? If so, do you have a plan for pain management? If using recreational you need to cut off all ties. The temptation is too great.
I'm glad you found your way here and hope you stick around. there is great support on this site.