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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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1047376 tn?1290161338

Oxycontin/Oxycodone addiction. Starting to Spiral out of Control. Need some support and help.

Well guys I am 21. I have used this site a year ago. But was never able to quit. So here I am again everyone..but this time things are so much worse. My Oxy addiction has went out of control, I received roughly 10 grand from my mother who was killed Sept 11 2008, she was killed crossing the street, she was very sick(stage 4 cancer of the breast) but she is in a better place now. To some it all up. I screwed up badly. I spent all 10 grand of this money on oxycontin in 1 month. I wish I would have some to blame, but it all leads up to its my fault only. Just to let you all know. I have struggled with oxycodone addiction since I was 15. It all started when my mom had cancer...and she gave me my first 15 mg oxycodone, the wierd thing is I did not even like the buzz at all, but it did help the pain I had from being injured, so for about 3-4 days I got 1 each day to help with the pain. My addiction did not happen over night. Within a 4-5 months time after this, I really do no know how I got started but it did and this began my road to addiction that I never saw. I was in HS still at this time, and only smoked Marijuana and such normally but when oxy's came...I pretty much washed my hands of marijuana and graduated to oxy only. It started off, I remember my mother having all these extra bottles of oxycontin 80 mg's and also 30 mg oxycodone, fentanyl patches morphine, xanax...you call it she had...my mom could have ran her own pharmacy pretty much. So I started taking 30 mg a day...within a month 4-6 a day just in my school classe which was only 8 hours. then within a half year I was a full blown addict. I was takin 12 30's each day just at school...and another 10 or so after I got out. I still had not felt withdrawals yet...until one day my mom finally ran out of her old scripts since me and my dad had been taking them all to get high and also sell her and there. Thats when I felt like crap, and did not understand why til I did my research and found out...it was the worse thing ever...my mom saw me and new something was wrong..but rather then help me with rehab.. she gave me 2 100 mcg Fentanyl patches so that I would not be sick at school until she got her refil in 3 days. I get through this hump she gets her pills..and yet here goes the cycle all over again...and still to this day 5 years later. I never new I would end up like this in a million years..always did well in school..always seeing my family...just doing what a normal kid does. I just dont want to die one day being labeled as a opiate junkie. I saw myself going far when I was young, and hear I am doing nothing...every day since then. I have a 2 year old, and recently just threw the engadgement out the windown, my ex fiance cheated on me once, I let it slide, for the sake of my daughter Anina, then 6 months down she lied to my face about cheating and I found out, I kicked her out then, and she has yet to come visit her daughter in a year and a half. I know something bad in my life is not an excuse to use these horrible pills, but I made it an excuse and did. Right now im 21 years old, lost my job as an accounts manager because of this drug...and have nothing nice whatsoever..even after all this money from my dead mother...total I have received 30 grand. 80% easily went to my habbit the last 2 years. It sad..I should have my own place...a nice car..but I dont..i threw everything out for this devil. I just wish I would have never gotten into this mess and never taken that first pill. But at the time with all my friends doing drugs in general and both my parents long time druggies. It was hard. What may shock you guys is that in my recent posts i went 2 weeks with no opiates and eventually got back on them when my fiance's father passed. Her father and my mom passed away both at age 50. Anyways after the weaning from using 500-100 mg of hydrocodone each day. i went 2 weeks with none and i could have easily gotten off these drugs. I blow about 10 30's at once now, and do roughly 20 a day. And I just got 60 of these new op 80's for 15 each. They lasted me less then 5 days. 2 Days ago was my last opiate intake...and I did 10 80's at once...then a few here and there to keep my buzz going. So here I am. Broke, nothing to show. But a will to get off after I have seen this is the only thing in my life I have no control over, I feel so guilty now everytime I look at Anina. But I know its time. I have about 80 bucks left and would like to know what I would need vitamin wise while going through hell and back. Please, any info is much appreciated. Im just so tired of making my day revolve around hunting these pills down or looking for the best deal, I am ready to rid this devil, and out of everything, I am tired of hiding this from my family, I need to beat this!
I WILL BEAT THIS
19 Responses
Avatar universal
Hi There. Your story has touched my heart and hits close to home as I have a son who is 18 and he and I have had to deal with a lot of loss also. First of all I hope you know that you are not a bad person. You are an addicted person. There is a huge difference.  I had to learn that one from a doctor. I also had a huge addiction problem. Mine is Vicodins. I was taking 6-9 a day for a year and a half before I realized that I was in big trouble. I felt ashamed, depressed, and totally worthless for a long while before I went for help.   My doctor put me on a weaning program and it has worked so far. She started me at 60 tabs a week, which is 8 a day. Her goal was to reduce it by 7 tabs a week. I have to tell you that it has worked and I am ahead of the game as we speak. I am only taking two a day right now and I feel better now, than I have in the last two years.  During her weanng program I have taken 3 vitamin c's a day along with vitamin b-12. I have also heard that magnesium once or twice a day helps to keep our bodies really balanced.  Truly this is the best I have felt in years.
I want you to know that you are young and you have your whole life ahead of you. I think that you should talk to your doctor about a weaning program and also ask him for a recommendation to a good counselor. I think it is hard for you because you;ve had so much loss and you are consumed with guilt. I think that once you start to take some action against your addiction you will start to feel better.  Hang in there and don't give up because your baby needs you to be strong and healthy..... God Bless, Aloha from Hawaii.
1283286 tn?1312915566
Take a look at the "Thomas Recipe" toward the bottom of the righthand column..You definitely are going to need some immodium too. For the diarrhea that comes with opiate wd's 95% of the time..Mark, your also going to have to consider getting up with an addiction specialist or counselor. You've got a serious self destructive addiction going there. I mean, eating 10-OP 80's is really getting out of control. Most would land up with respiratory failure..The only thing saving you is your body has adjusted to such extreme amounts..If the casual user consuming lets say 50 mg a day did that , they would probably be a statistic right now.

Am I reading correctly that you are two days clean right now? Have you began to feel any wd symptoms yet? If not, I suspect you will be getting hit extremely hard within the next 24 hrs. If your two days away from any intake and not having massive headaches, restlessness, stomach problems,,I can only guess it is because you still have a large amount of the drug still in your system..Day 2 normally is one of the worst wd days and lasts thru day 4 or 5 before physically these severe symptoms start to subside..I really would strongly suggest you get in touch with a doctor ,addiction specialist or somebody like ASAP. Your going to need help with this...I cold turkeyed off of 120mg a day of oxycontin back in April and know what that does to a person..That was dreadful..I can't even imagine what might be instore for you with the amounts you have quoted above..

Do you have any family members or friends that can be available during the coming week to help you around the house? One of the worst symptoms you are about to face is the total lack of energy along with rather severe depression..Everyday tasks are going to be difficult to accomplish..Please find some sort of support. I hear your determination and that a huge part of this battle, but when these wd symptom hit hard, your mind is going to be like a box of Cracker Jacks..Jumping all over the place.

I tell you all this as I don't think you realize how bad this could get for you this first week..So prepare yourself as best as possible, look over the tips for vitamins,etc that will help, and tighten your belt because your about to hit a real rough road.

At times your going to feel as if things are not going to get better..Take stock that it will get better though..Its going to be getting thru this first week thats going to royally test your resolve here..Set that goal and don't waver from it..Because your mind is going to pull every trick in the book to convince you otherwise..Wishing you the best with this..
724819 tn?1298929376
Hey man......I was in exactly your same position a month ago.  I had been on pills for about 3 years and about a year and a half ago started snorting oxy's.  I would do up to 400 mg's a day.  I spent every dime I had.....I had worked so hard to buy my own house had a nice BMW....well I sold that beamer and put it all up my nose, so embarassing.  Anyways I finally decided I didnt want to live like this anymore and told my parents what was going on and asked for help.  They were very supportive and I suggest If you have anyone you feel like you can confide in....DO IT....it's just too hard to do this alone!  

I went cold turkey and it was not fun but here I am 28 days clean and feeling better and better everyday......Im actually sleeping good too!!  Anyways Ill be rooting for you and praying that you'll find the strength and courage to keep going with your detox.  If you need anyone to chat with just message me.....Ill be on and off all day.  God Bless!

Jeff
1510084 tn?1291828540
I was in the same boat just two days ago, I have my own business and make decent money. I had a neck injury and originally got a months suppply of percs, then upgraded to morphine and percs, then when the doc cut me off I bought, stole, or did whatever it took to get them. I also have an employee that was supplying me at no charge, but when he wanted a raise or a gravy job guess who got it??  I am 33, father to 9 beautiful kids, a wonderful wife  of 16 years, and she didn't have a clue... I am going through day 2 right now, I have the typical symptoms but I am so determined to cut the cord to these things... I don't know how things will go for me, but I sure hope you can muster up the courage to live a different life. The last 2 1/2 years are very cloudy, the memories almost 3rd person... I just want it to be over...
1047376 tn?1290161338
Well actually today is day three, I have been using small doses of tramadol when the withdrawals get to ACUTE! But only 3 50 mg tramadol. I plan within 2 more days for none at all whatsoever...but as of right now, the tram do help with the restless legs and such. I cant eat anything really, just force feeding a few crackers or chips here and drinking as much water as possible! I know Oxy's are no longer in the receptors of my brains. I wish I had suboxone to help with this, but that sounds like i am just trading one drug for another..so i will take no more then 3-4 trams a day. then cold turkey completely...thats how I did it awhile back ago when I was clean for a month. I am praying for the best! I will keep you all updated, just as long as I dont feel to sick, thanks so much for all this support, to be honest it really does help. Also what type of help can I possibly get with no cash or insurance? I dont think anyone will be willing to help
1047376 tn?1290161338
Well everyone. I slipped up. Nothing crazy...But after starting the 3rd day. It got horrible and I took 1 80. I know I know..I messed up. But I am being honest. And I read everyone of your comments left by each of you and I thank you. I took an 80 mg OP about 10 hours ago or so. But the funny thing is...after 3 days of cold turkey I got a small minor buzz from it, I know it was not in my head either. SO I can tell it has dropped quit a bit. Anyways I just want to keep you all updated and everything each day. I just dont want everyone to stop assisting and helping me out. Because thats how you relapse. I need a support system here and anyone with a good word is helpful, sorry to let you down friends. But I know an 80 is nothing compared to blowing 20 30's or eating 10 80's I will update u all shortly when I awake. Thanks everyone
1148241 tn?1294056396
Mark, your little girl needs her daddy.  .  From what you've said she already doesn't have Mommy there so you need to be there 100%.   She didn't sign up for this life, you signed her up so man up daddy.  I think its awesome that you're raising that cute little baby girl.  Aren't babies wonderful.  Did you ever think you could love someone so much?  I raised my kids alone too so I know how hard it is but you really need to get straight and be a good daddy for her.  

When you take a pill its just setting you back.  Stick with the CT.  It's only for a few days then you start feeling better.  You're one that I really want to see succeed.  I know you can do it.
1047376 tn?1290161338
I am doing my best. I hope with the help all of you are giving me, I can do it. Thats the issue that surfaced before. Everyone stopped talking and leaving messages. And then in my addict mind no one cared so I started again, But know I know its time for me and my daughter, I need to get things back on track, I wish I could just have those old childhood memories from the past, just being happy in general about life, I will keep u all updated as promised, I am sorry like I said I took 2 steps back at day 4 and took 1 80 mg oxycontin. I will say though as of yesterday as soon as I got high, I changed my cell and house number, and cut access off via phone, Thanks for dropping by and I 100%  Promise u guys for the sake of my mother that passed, and the sake of my daughter never to do it again.
1148241 tn?1294056396
Way to think positive.  I think you're going to make it!  It's not that no one cares when they're not responding on here, but there are so many people posting on this board its hard to keep up with everyone.  Frequently there are people in crisis mode going thru withdrawal that need a lot of attention to make it.  

I actually never had my own "I'm quitting will everyone help me thread".  I just started posting and trying to encourage others which in turn encouraged me.  Once you get clean stay with the board and encourage others that are struggling.  It really helps.  It keeps staying clean always in the front of your head.  There are so many people on here that need help.  I think this board is a life saver.  If I didn't have it I'd have given in by now.  
724819 tn?1298929376
Hey Mark.....dont worry about the slip up.....it happened now put it behind you!  When I first went cold turkey I had 9 clean days then went on a 6 day bender then had to start all over!  We are all pulling for you, trust me I feel so good now that Im clean and tomorrow is my 30 days clean.......Im stoked!  I hope you keep posting......whenever Im on Ill try to send you some kind of encouragement to help you, but like I said earlier telling someone close to you your problem can really help with support and accountability!  I hope your daughter gets her daddy back and that this whole period of your life becomes a distant memory.  Ill be praying for you......good luck and God Bless.

Jeff
1047376 tn?1290161338
Thanks buddy. I am doing my best here...feeling like boo boo cachoo but I am still here. I just dont know what to do when I get the month of no use. I always still feel depressed and just sad all the time. Ive been a month clean several times and always slipped. But this time I know I just must be stronger, and take each day at a time. At 2 days now of no use. I will keep everyone updated.  Thanks!!!
1047376 tn?1290161338
doing better today....i think day 4 or 5 now? still not sleeping and not been able to eat...I was 280 before lost 20 lbs in just a little of a week. Been using sleeping aids to help me at night...but i always end up waking back up.keep u all updated
Avatar universal
Can I just say I know where you are coming from.. I am 21 also and addicted to oc... I am so proud you were able to go 2 days,
Hold strong I heard once you get to day 3-5 you will start feeling better.. My addiction started 2 years ago. I have quit twice and now I am on my last limb I have no money and since I smoke oc and the new ones don't work I have been spending $100 a pill a day for the last month, yup I am broke and all I have to show for it is a bad case if asthma.. I will say though that I, like you am ready to quit! Hearing you even got to the second day gives me hope! I going cold turkey this week so if you need anyone to talk to i am your same age, with the same addiction and I know how ugly it is... We can beat this! Don't look on the past what is done is done what is important is what you do in the future, you
And your daughter both deserve a good life
82861 tn?1333457511
Good job!  Keep it up!  I really hope that this time around you will get some aftercare support.  That seems to have been the missing link for you in previous attempts.  What you said about emotional pain and stress being an excuse isn't really true.  Minimizing emotional pain will only keep you sick and make relapse more likely.  Seriously, please give AA/ NA a shot or one-on-one therapy if you can afford it.  If you can address all those bad things and losses in your life, you will heal and learn new ways to cope with it all.  No more needing to reach for that pill or a drink.  You're having to learn a completely foreign way of living your life, which is a pretty tough order for anyone.  Therapy is at least worth a try, isn't it?

I think it's wonderful that you have custody of your little daughter.  Dads don't get enough credit where custody is concerned - at least in my opinion.  A similar thing happened to a neighbor of ours when his wife turned into a complete ho after over 10 years of marriage and 3 children.  He didn't think he was up to the job of being a single dad and honestly thought the kids would be better off with their ho of a mother.  After a month of the kids carrying home tales of the soon-to-be ex-wife and all her boyfriend activites, he went to court and won custody.  He has pulled off single-parenthood like nobody I've ever seen.  All 3 kids are in their 20's now and they're all incredibly close.  He deserves happiness - and so do you.  :-)
1511199 tn?1292705145
Hey, welcome! There's really nothing else I can say that everyone else hasn't already mentioned. Just stay strong and think of your little girl. I know you can do it! We'll be here for you when you need us.
724819 tn?1298929376
Hey bro hope things are going ok over there.......stick with it and if you feel like your not gonna make it thru the withdrawals start reading random post on here.....its a great way to pass time and take your mind off stuff for a while!!  Praying for you.....

Jeff
Avatar universal
Hey
It sounds like you are desperate enough to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober. In my  case, that was the biggest gift I could have gotten. The desperation and willingness to get clean. I too am also an oxycontin addict, and am about your age. I spent years on this drug, and time and time again tried to stop only to relapse again. That cycle takes a toll on your soul, it really breaks you down. I really lost hope in myself for a while. I was using oxycontin, snorting and smoking it, waking up sick in WD, completely empty and miserable. Oxycontin fueled me, without it I couldn't even get out of bed. It sucked the life out of me. But when I finally surrendered to the drug and my addiction I was able to really get sober for real. It's been about four months now, and I honestly am so grateful for where I am at in life. The obsession around oxycontin is not there like it once was. I can be present in my life today and be there for myself and the people I care about, I have the freedom of sobriety and can go about my day without being a complete prisoner to oxycontin and I know you can have all this to and more. You deserve it, and you have the strength to do this, not only for your daughter, but for yourself. It's amazing to go to bed and feel good about the person I am, and be free of drugs, and I hope everyone has the chance to experience life like this, because it is possible for you and me and everyone. I know how hard the withdrawals are, and the mental battle that follows, so i would suggest some sort of aftercare. I go to AA/NA and it has helped me so much, maybe try a meeting? The support you'll find is amazing. Anyways, if you can't sleep and are bored, I posted my own story in the forum, give it a read if you want. I wish the best for you, don't give up, as long as you keep trying, there will always be hope!
Avatar universal
Hey, I just also read through the comments to your post, have you considered NA meetings or AA meetings? They are free, and it is similiar to this site but face to face. It is pretty incredible, the people are so supportive and everyone is going through the same thing. Especially in these early months when the obsession is there and it is so hard to stay clean, especially with so much alone time, I think it would be so helpful if you could go to meetings. What do you think about that>
Avatar universal
One other thing, don't be so hard on yourself about being a junkie with nothing to show. Everything in life happens for a reason, and you are on the path you are on for a reason. One day, you can use your life experiences to turn around and help another person still struggling and lost. You have the opportunity to have a whole new life and live life in a completely different way. It can be amazing and wonderful and beautiful, you just have to get through the bad to get to the good. It is worth it, just don't give up!!
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