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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Hello everybody...I just wanted to put a quick question out there. As many of you already know I quit using Oxycontin Friday March 9th. Life has become much different during these past few weeks. I find myself sad and depressed one minute and on top of the world the next. I have been going to NA meetings on and off. I really havent had a good experience with the program. I call my sponcer and he doesn't return my calls. That hurts because I thought that NA was there to provide unconditional support. I get temted to use on a daily basis. The good thing is that I have a choice. I am not dope sick anymore and for that I am forever greatful! My question is this.........Many of us have been using for a very long time. We have to look at life in a whole new way. They say take one day at a time. I understand that but how do keep from falling back to our regular ways? You see when we stop using our minds tell us that we need to get our lives back on track. Get a job, do things around the house, reconnect with friends and family ect., ect. The point is thatI find myself really pissed off at the fact that I have wasted so many years just spinning my wheels. I have no direction and would really like some guidance. Any words of encouragement would greatly be appreciated. I know there are many of people out there just like me. Quiting using was the easy part....Now is when I need help. I just need a glimmer of hope! I belive that it takes tremondous support to change a persons life. My whole exsistance has been centered around drug use. How do you change a person like that? I look at every situation like how much better it would be to be high. I hope this make sence to some of you. I am really in need of help right now. I look forward to chatting with you guys. Maybe we could start up some more direct support system for ourselves. This board has helped many, many people. I think it is good to post our feelings because I think that alot of people can relate. My prayers go out to each and every one of you! Thank you in advance for your continued support! Chad
89 Responses
Avatar universal
I feel for you, Chad. I take these pills on and off (mostly on)  for chronic pain and I hate them. Every time I have gone off them thinking I could manage my condition sans pills, I was plunged into this miserable withdrawal. Then came the really hard part-the lull after the withdrawal. What do you do with yourself? Thad damn urge to go back is ever present-nagging and tugging. This is the critical period. The make or break time. You know that because you've been off them for a while when you take them again you will get a strong high. That is temptaion enough. Listen to me: your tolerance will snap back in a few short days. You can never go back to the "innocent" times of when you first tried them. You can never take them here and there. If you start again, you will end up needing even more than last time. Each time you go back it gets worse.
Here's the key: Your idle mind is playing with you. Keep yourself as busy as possible. Crazy, out all the time, no time to think busy. You are one of the free, the normal again. Go live your life!!!!! THis is what you wanted, and you did it!!! Go run right now-far and fast and until you're sweating and exhausted. Then go home and shower and go back out to a BArnes and Noble and get a drink and sit in the cafe and read about something other than drug use or recovery. Buy some fiction. Lose yourself in a story about people that don't use drugs.
Read some Fantasy-it's my personal favorite. Or read an inspiring biography about someone who you admire. Go to church or become a buddhist or get a meditation tape. The stuff made by this company called "Pila" is terrific. In other words-move on!!
Your done, you are in control now. Your body is healthier than it has probably been in a long time. Your mind is clear.
Take advantage of this opportunity to never look back-you won't miss those stinking pharmacists looking down thier noses at you. (or whatever your source was)
Anyway, I'm sure you get the point.
Congratulations-you're on the other side now. You are so strong now. You have NO limitations. Enjoy...
Pixie
Avatar universal
Hi Chad,  I have been in your exact situation, my whole existense was centered around drugs...could not leave the house till I was buzzin, could not work unless..  have sex unless..etc.after I got out of treatment I had to learn to live all over again...and I did it...what I did was found a great sponor that became my best friend and biggest support, I hung aroudn with mainly people from NA, every night I was off work we had "clean parties" which consisted of board games, cards, music sometimes we would stay up all night just talking and laughing, we even had a half-way to Christmas party in July, we put up and decorated a whole christmas tree....I met my husband in NA, but before we started dating he was part of our crowd i hung with and we would jump in the car and ride all night to nowhere...we all went to meetings together and hung out at someone's house after that..there were days though that i was down and wanted to use..but I held on not one day at a time but sometimes one minute at a time. I wrote alot. I hooked up with people in NA that had alot of clean time,,some people say that NA does not have alot of clean time,  I disagree, the meetings that I went to had people that had been clean for over 10 years..My sponsor now has 15 years...I hung with those kind of people...I had to learn to work without the high which was hard, at first I was not allowed to give narcotics but eventually I was, and that was hard but one minute at a time and soon after I found myself not having a problem at all....even the other nurses at work were very supportive of me and if they knew I was having a rough time they would sit with me, i would call my sponsor at 3 am if I had to....as far as your sponsor goes, talk to him about why he won't return you calls,  then maybe consider a new sponsor, and always make sure you have a support system that consists of more than just your sponsor..so if you need to talk and he is not available you can call someone else....My home group had events, hayrides, bonfires etc and we all were learning to live clean...are you working the steps with your sponsor?  do you have a higher power you can turn your will over to?  I do understand where you are...firts you get on what's called a rehab high,,that wears off and you are thenleft with reality which does suck at times.....this is all part of "recovery" learning to deal with life on life's terms...you are still new but the longer you stay clean and really work the steps, reach out to the program you will in time feel better...if you are just clean without a program then you are stagnant and more than likely to relapse...maybe a spiritual or emotional relapse whcih then will lead to using again....think about where u came freom how hard you worked to get clean and keep coming back.....good luck   love to all   cindi   PS  how is deb doing,,,good i hope....
Avatar universal
Chad, You are posting my exact feelings and situation.I to was through detox on April 1,I'm 18 days clean from 80-100mgs of hydro a day. I have used drug and or alcohol for 35 years, and now i'am off it all. I don,t even feel alive. ITs even hard writing this because I have no Motivation, but I wanted to at least try to help. How you feel sucks real bad. Its like 'I thought this was supposed to be better!" I feel Like I,am drifting away and towards my old Nemisis! But, and here,s the hope; I talked to my sponser this morning and he helped me through those ExACT feelings your having. He has been through it all; Heroin, oxys. shooting, dealing. everything! Your (our) feelings and excitment for life WiLL return.Please hang on!He is nine months free and says its like a new lease on life. Whenever he felt like using he would just force himself to remember EVERY shitty losy time when he was a slave to this ****. After the first couple  time,s back your not even getting high and now you have to go through this **** all over again! Everone without exception,who stayed clean says its worth the sruggle! Please stay the **** away from this trickyshit addiction mind game.Its a lie and you know it!! I pray this helps you somehow,and mabey tommorow the rolls will be reversed! I wish you hope and  strenth to get through. Your on your way Chad, You,ll be  free.Stay tough. Shane
Avatar universal
CHAD!!!  Remember the monster I talked about?  well he is after you, not only is he doing his pushups in the parking lot at meetings, he is jogging and lifting weights,  he is so pissed at you right now for avoiding him...fight him with all the strength you have.....this **** is not worth it, it will devour us and take away everything we care about, our dignity, self worth...and our life....love cin
Avatar universal
Chad, I wish that I had words to help you through this period of recovery that you are in!  All that I can think of is that we are here to help you in any way that we can.  Sometimes just writing all of your thoughts here is your best bet to get through all of this turmoil.  Try to listen to yourself because you are your own best friend.  Be honest with yourself and decide what you will; I'll be here for you no matter what.  Your post has helped me today more than you know.  You've been given all of the tools to stay clean and now it's up to you.  Go with God and be well, my friend!  J.B.
Avatar universal
Hey Chad,

I can relate to everything you're saying.  They say that once you remove the drugs from the addict, that is only half the battle.  The other (harder) half is replacing the behavior of taking drugs to feel good (or at least normal).  The feeling of having wasted large portions of my life is something that, if I dwell on it, will make me want to use again.  I am trying to look at my past only in terms of what I don't want to repeat, not as a way for my addiction to tell me "You suck, *******, you deserve pain, so you might as well take some more drugs and get on with it.  You'll always be a loser and since it's only a matter of time before you use again, you might as well just go ahead and do it now."

I was once clean from drugs for just over five years.  However, in that time, I worked no program and did not actively try to change myself in any other ways other than not using.  As a consequence, I abused other things -- substituted them in for my drug-using behavior.  I abused money, avoided responsibility, even almost destroyed my marriage by substituting sex as my drug of choice (which is a long, Jerry Springer-like tale that I am not ready to get into, even on an 'anonymous' forum such as this).  Suffice to say that even in the absence of drugs, addicts who are not trying hard to change their lives in other ways are like "dry drunks" in that our addiction takes other forms to try to finish the job of killing us.

My clean date being only January 10 of this year, I still have a long way to go as well.  But it is getting better.  The first step is to not take anything.  The real work comes later and may take a long time.  Feel free to ask me anything -- I can't guarantee the right answer, but I have probably been there.

Peace,
Pelle
Avatar universal
To Chad from DeeDee. I can relate to how your feeling. Did you stop cold turkey? or did you taper off? I also was taking 80 to 100 mg. of vicodin or norco a day, sometimes even more.Since i know my supply is coming to an end soon i have tried to wean myself off. this is my third day of weaning. i dropped myself to about 30 to 40mg. and i feel like ****. I'm only taking enough to barely take the edge off the withdrawls.Even though we don't know each other on this forum, it really helps all of us to share our feelings as were feeling them, not to mention something someone says will help in some way. Did you read the post from thomas to me about taking the L-tyrosine with vitamin B-6?I already bought both and as soon as i have myself weaned down to next to nothing, i'm going to start on that regimine. especially since a few people have been trying it and have had success.If you don't find that tread, let me know and i will re-post the dosage . Keep up the good work, i know how hard it is. DeeDee
Avatar universal
Wow! Once again you guys came through! A long time ago, when I first started comming to this site I posted a question about quitting. I got alot of responces and decided it was time to look at what I have been doing. The point is that it was and is your input that is helping me and Debra. I am so forever greatful! I want to respond to each of you in detail. That is going to take some time...Tonight I helped someone towards quitting their use of oxycontin. I felt very greatful to be able to have the knowledge and the desire to help this person. I am however a little drained from talking so long. I can tell you guys this.....Tonight as I close my eyes I will be thinking of all the strenth and wisdom that your words gave me. Each and everyone of you who posted above are all saints in my book! I can't thank you enough of how very much you mean to me. I wish that I could some how pay you all back for what you are doing here. Please promise me that tommorow you guys will think about how you have helped a total stranger and expected nothing in return.I will write you all soon...Goodnight my friends! Chad and Debra
Avatar universal
"I even almost destroyed my marriage by substituting sex as my drug of choice (which is a long, Jerry Springer-like tale that I am not ready to get into, even on an 'anonymous' forum such as this)".
WAY TO GO,WITH A SMILE ON YA FACE.
OD on heroin and you just fade away.
Avatar universal
"I have a family who looks up to me, for being as strong as I am for the bull **** I'v put up with my child hood which is hole other story which started me in all this ****".
Here in this sentence lies the problem and its solution.
You will need to elaborate on this as I think it is the Pathology that structures your so called addiction.
As opposed to the Physical and Psychological Dependency that you have on Oxycodone.

I hope you can find some peace.
Avatar universal
Hey. . .thanks for giving me a smile about something in which I find little hunor lately.  You're absolutely right.

Peace,
Pelle
Avatar universal
I've taken lot of chop for not "being true" to NA, favoring attending AA meetings. Go to to some AA meetings, CHAD. Tell the group you need a sponsor. Don't accept the first guy who offers you his card, but, I recommend, hooking up with an AA long-timer WHO WILL NOT ONLY RETURN YOUR CALLS BUT WILL CALL YOU WHEN HE DOESN'T HEAR FROM YOU. It's one of the qualitative differences between AA and NA. I wish it wasn't so and I'm sure plenty of people have great NA experences -- but not me, and, apparently, CHAD, not you, either. Don't get hung up on on AA vs NA -- USE WHAT WORKS!!!!!!!!!
Avatar universal
Hi sorry to butt in on the thread, my name is amy and im addicted to oxycontin and other opiates.
    I'm 17 years old, I work at Eastern Maine Medical Center in Bangor and if I don't have a oxy I don't go to work. I'm sick it I see pills all day long and knowing I can't have them makes it much more restless going so I think if I just don't go I just don't have to deal, RIGHT no not with me I have to pay rent every month work 8 hours a day,hide it from the love ones. I live with my boyfriend in a nice apartment, I have bills to pay every week, but the only thing I think of when I get my pay check, that next pill, where I'm I going to get that next high, my problem is I want out, I want to be able to get up and feel normal, to be able to have energy without that pill, but i can't deal with the pain.  I get leg cramps the worst but then I sweat. can't sleep, feel like i can't sit longer then a second, I get so angry with my lovely boyfriend who is also some wait adddicted but stands behind me when I need to fall.  I'm to the point where I'm gonna go to my family and ask for help ask for a med leave at work then head out the rehab, it's the only choice I'm leaving my self , I have a 40 plus hr. job where I make 10 dollers an hr. I have a family who looks up to me, for  being as strong as I am  for the bull **** I'v put up with my child hood which is hole other story which started me in all this ****.  
   well I'm still addidicted to these damn things and I'm just looking for somebody that can relate and tell me how it is walking into rehab, till then all I'm doing is dealing and useing milder opites to use in replace of the oxys..








'
Avatar universal
Now do you really understand how much we, on this forum care about you...and chad, you are not a total stranger, so I can't see your face but it seems like we are all pretty much family,,,kinda cool, I always wanted another brother allthough you are probably young enough to be my son, my brother is 18  LOL  anyway, the only way that you would be able to "pay" us for anything would be for you and debra to be ok, to go on to live productive lives with each other and make lots of pretty babies,seriously, be well and we'll be happy for you....Love. you friend cindi
Avatar universal
If a thought enters your mind and invokes an attached memory,cast it out if not pleasant and dwell on it if you like the feeling.
Remember to forget the bad.
Do not forget to remember the good times.
Learn from both.
What has happened to you is not any different to a compulsive gambler being barred from their favorate Casino,find interests,but give it 6 months first, you are at the hardest part now,the part where the gambler finds another casino,if only they waited,some say patience is a virtue.
Avatar universal
Hello, everybody, thanks for the input.  It's nice to hear from other people that know what It's like, and not have to see them every day, but some people, like my boyfriend also think that It's also a psychological more then physical, but thats because I hide what I realy need everyday, and just take what I can get day to day!!!  Really I need more just to feel better and want  to get up every day! I'm trying to this minute to cut my self off and to slow down and I'm doing okay, I got my pay check and only spent a little on oxy and have the rest in the bank off limits.
    so thanks agine for the input, hope to hear agine!
  
pelle, what do you mean you have a smile on your face!?, good   I hope, how you coping, whats up with any of your habits, good now, hopefully?  Hope to hear!!
  Peace, OxyAmy
Avatar universal
Sorry to butt in agine, I just realized i messed up one of the respones, I thought Pelle was writing to me but it was to another, SORRY by accident, I little tired tonight, no hard feeling, please!
Avatar universal
If your sponsor is not coming through GET another one. A sponsor is person that you search hard for. Not just any sober person. Get two sponsors if you need to. Are you processing your steps? DO you have access to a certified substanse abuse counselor. This can be a great help. What step are you on in your level processing. You know 12 step program? This forum should only be a small portion in your recovery! Best of Luck! Be Spiritual! Stay Focused! You Will Succeed! Dan...
Avatar universal
Hi,
I recv'd your name from someone that I emailed re: my detox issue. I hope you don't mind me intruding on this thread, but I am desperate. I am addicted to Fioricet, I'm up to about 15 a day (750mg) and I need to self detox. I read so much stuff about barb withdrawal and that I'm gonna die if I try to do it myself and it's worse than heroine. I heard the terms "the lower the slower" or short acting" or "half-life"........ I DON'T KNOW WHAT THOSE MEAN! Can I phsysically do this? I have a 4 month old that I just put in to full time day care, so I have some help. I cannot tell anyone my problem. I can't go into a facility! PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE. THIS ALL STARTED WITH A MIGRAINE!
Avatar universal
I don't have any specific knowledge abut detoxing from fioricet. However, if it were me, and I had the supply necessary, I'd reduce the amount by one pill every two days. Two days at 14, next two days at 13, etc. You have go from 15 to 0, so it sounds like you'd need at least 240 pills. Since you're using 15 per day, I presume you have access to that many pills. As you get down to, say, 6 per day, depending on how you're feeling, you may have to go three days at 6, three days at 5, etc. down 1/2 a pill for a few days til you feel you can go completely off. That's what I'd do. But, if possible, you might want to try to locate a doctor on the net that can give you a professsional perspective on this. I think my schedule would be safe, but it would be good to hear from a doctor before you start. Good luck.
Avatar universal
I know this question was directed at Thomas and not myself, and I have read all of your posts and know your rationale for not detoxing in a controlled (inpatient) setting.  However, it would be irresponsible of me not to once again say (and I know you've already heard it enough here) that going inpatient is not only the safest way you will detox from your substance, it is likely in your case to be the only way you will be able to stop.  This is just my gut feeling as someone who knows you only through this board and your posts.  My prayers are with you whatever road you choose.

Peace,
Pelle
Avatar universal
No problem. . .it's always good to hear from others, even if "accidentally" (although I'm coming to believe that there really are no such thing as accidents).  Doing okay, better than when on the stuff, not "there" yet (wherever *that* is), and don't know if I ever will be, but okay for today, which is all I'm asking for at this point.

Peace,
Pelle
Avatar universal
So what your saying is that I just up and leave my baby (f&*k my huband)and go into a facility? I am so confused. I know that they will survive without me for a while........but I'm so scared to make that move. I'm scared to detox, I'm scared that my family will think less of me, I'm just scared!!!!!! This sucks, why can some people just be able to take pain meds and that's it, but others have to take ALL of them???? I know, woe is me! Bull! I hate myself for being like this. My depression gets deeper every day!
Avatar universal
Comment By: hedhurtz to Anyone on Saturday, April 21, 2001



So what your saying is that I just up and leave my baby (f&*k my huband)and go into a facility? I am so confused. I know that they will survive without me for a while........but I'm so scared to make that move. I'm scared to detox, I'm scared that my family will think less of me, I'm just scared!!!!!! This sucks, why can some people just be able to take pain meds and that's it, but others have to take ALL of them???? I know, woe is me! Bull! I hate myself for being like this. My depression gets deeper every day!

=================================================================
You have discovered that the DRUGS are stronger than you(not me) and you need outside Professional help,GO FOR IT!.Do not be ashamed.(you are a mere?Human)
You are taking a MAN made drug that requires Human intervention to get over.
I can make(synthesize) drugs `:"so"' addictive that they make crack look like baby candy,people literally KILL to obtain supply,you are not using a drug like that but you will slowly self destruct to get it.If you do not trust your husband to look after your BABY then can you find a Mother ,Father,sister,brother,or friend to look after your cute liddle buby during detox?.
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