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Hello everybody...I just wanted to put a quick question out there. As many of you already know I quit using Oxycontin Friday March 9th. Life has become much different during these past few weeks. I find myself sad and depressed one minute and on top of the world the next. I have been going to NA meetings on and off. I really havent had a good experience with the program. I call my sponcer and he doesn't return my calls. That hurts because I thought that NA was there to provide unconditional support. I get temted to use on a daily basis. The good thing is that I have a choice. I am not dope sick anymore and for that I am forever greatful! My question is this.........Many of us have been using for a very long time. We have to look at life in a whole new way. They say take one day at a time. I understand that but how do keep from falling back to our regular ways? You see when we stop using our minds tell us that we need to get our lives back on track. Get a job, do things around the house, reconnect with friends and family ect., ect. The point is thatI find myself really pissed off at the fact that I have wasted so many years just spinning my wheels. I have no direction and would really like some guidance. Any words of encouragement would greatly be appreciated. I know there are many of people out there just like me. Quiting using was the easy part....Now is when I need help. I just need a glimmer of hope! I belive that it takes tremondous support to change a persons life. My whole exsistance has been centered around drug use. How do you change a person like that? I look at every situation like how much better it would be to be high. I hope this make sence to some of you. I am really in need of help right now. I look forward to chatting with you guys. Maybe we could start up some more direct support system for ourselves. This board has helped many, many people. I think it is good to post our feelings because I think that alot of people can relate. My prayers go out to each and every one of you! Thank you in advance for your continued support! Chad
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Avatar universal
I am on the other side, I was the one that lost mine and my daughter lfe savings to an oxy user. We have sold our huse to pay off the debts this person left us in. In all the hell and 3 years of blackness and lost time with my daughter from complete stress..all I ever wanted was for this person t quit. It never happened and we continue to pay the price. I had never heard of oxycotine or percostt till this happened and what it turn a person into is simply a calculating monster. So I am so proud of all of you. This stuff has nothing posistve just destruction on everyone, yourselves and everyone in your radius. So pat yourselves on the back, because you not only decided that being a monster was not what you wanted to be, enough to go through this persona   hell. That takes great strength and you need to give yourselves that credit. Time will change all the more time you give yourselves, the more distance and strength you will get. Please don't go back. Something deep inside of you decided to be human, be more than what oxy made you, what it made you was not you, don't go back, give life a chance.
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Avatar universal
I know it is hard to get off of pills, but you do have to take it a day at a time. Honestly, if you really want your normal life back you will do what ever it takes to get off of them. When you are thinking about how bad you need one think to yourself " is it really worth losing everything I got and do I want to lose the people that really care about me and love me. It is hard but you got to have faith in yourself and tell yourself that you can do it. You need to pull it together and have control over yourself again cause the pills take over you and your not yourself no more. When you step up and say  I have control over myself and Im not going to let no pills control me no more than that will be a huge step for you and you can quit and never have to look back and die for pills again." I never took pills or anything I am trying to help the one I love get off of them but it is a very hard thing to do to help an addict get off of pills, but I have faith that one day it will all come to an end and he will finally quit taking pills. Please take my advice you can do it you have control of yourself when you are not on pills, when your on pills no one wants to be around you cause your not the person they knew. Please I have faith in each and everyone of you that are hooked and you do it dont let pain pills ruin your life and everything you worked for.
GOD BLESS EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU!!!!!
If you would like more information and need help feel free to write me a message.
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Avatar universal
Hi everyone, I am posting this same message on every Oxycontin forum I can find..........

Hi
I'm new to these forums, due unfortunately to the worst weekend of my entire life.
This drug (Oxycontin is a monster!!!! Get off it as soon as you can.
I have suffered chronic back pain for the past 10 months. The pain is almost unbearable at times.
After all else failed, my GP prescribed me 40mg oxycontin daily.
Wonder of wonders!!! they worked and I was almost pain free for a couple of weeks.
After 6 weeks, they didn't work so well, and I was on the brink of going back to the GP to have my dose increased.
A few wees ago, I ran out and ordered an emergency prescription.
Cutting a very long story short, my husband forgot to pick up the prescription so I had to wait and go without the drug all weekend.
Within 24 hours I was shaking, couldn't breathe, coughing, shivers chills the lot.
Basically, I realised I was suffering withdrawal symptoms.
I had the worst weekend of my life and have never felt so ill.
If I had an oxycontin in the house, I would have taken the damn thing to make me feel better and for these awful symptoms to go away.
While checking the withdrawal symptoms for the monster drug, I came across an old forum linked to this site, full of what I can only describe as a forum of ' lost souls'
Mostly all very genuine people like me, normal housewives, and husbands who were not drug abusers, but given oxycontin for genuine back pain.
They were all pitifully addicted to this drug and had no hope of getting off it.
Their lives were in ruins and they had no hope.
The withdrawal symptoms that hit me after 6 shorts weeks of use, were monsterous.
These poor lost souls were on a higher dose than me, and had no hope of quitting.

Needless to say, after doing my cold turkey, I have not gone back on the tablets and am suffering terribly again and my quality of life is zero sometimes.

Please please stop taking Oxycontin if you can.... it's a monster drug and highly addictive.
Don't end up suffering like me and the forum of lost souls.
I sencerely hope you all manage to find some alternative.
Kindest regards
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Avatar universal
Hi Chad - you will not come right until you replace all the zinc/mag you have leached out of your body over the past few years - this is what 'hanging out' really is - it's your body craving zinc/mag (zinc stops cravings/magnesium stops depression). If you don't do this it will take up to 2 years to return to normal as the only other source your body has for zinc/mag is food and then it is in such tiny amounts it takes years to build up again. If you get a blood test done you will find your levels of both are way down on what they should be.


A typical tablet contains somthing like this:

Zinc amino acid chelate 75mg
Magnesium amino acis chelate 37.5mg
Vitamin B6 10mg
Manganese amino acid chelate 10mg
Viatmin A (1000I.U.) 300mcg

Grading your habit on a scale of 1-10 (1 being occasional use and 10 being long term methadone at 100 plus mg's a day) you should take the following amount for a period of one month then slowly reduce to a daily amount of 2-3 per day.

Habit scale/size - Number of tablets per day for a month

10 10
9 9
8 8
7 7
6 6
5 5
4 4
3 3
2 3
1 2
0 2

You will notice that I recommend you never go below 2 per day. This is because zinc/mag depletion was your original problem so you should give yourself an ongoing supplement to make sure it does not happen again. I now take 2-3 per day to maintain my health. I have had no failures with this treatment (everyone OK after less than a month) and have treated addictions (including my own) as varied as methadone and cigarettes. The cigarrete smoker reduced from 2 packs per day to just 5 cigarettes per day in a week without any discomfort. If you suffer any kind of 'hang out' just increase the zinc/mag dosage and give it a liitle longer to take effect (a week or so). Don't beleive all the bullshit about drug addiction you have heard - it's all **** - this is the real deal. The drugs themselves are not actually addictive but they do leach all the zinc/mag out of your body by increasing the metabolism of them creating a shortage that gets worse the longer you use unless you replace them while you are using in which case you don't hang out when you stop - you just come straight - this is true beleive me I have tried it as have a few other people I know and none of us sufferred any hang out when we stopped.


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Avatar universal
But was the infidelity secondary to the drugs?  Was this a conscious decision or a typical reaction for someone getting clean?  So many questions with no answers!  She claims that she was seeking the attention that she craved from for a long time.  She doesn't understand that I wasn't going to be very affectionate with the circumstances as they have been for a couple of years (ie lying about money to get pills).  I guess I am trying to determine wether or not she will make a turn after the "fog " lifts and want to try to save our marriage.  I'm afraid of cutting the last ties in hopes of her turning around.
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Avatar universal
remember that is all he is  just another man,,just like a drug..I know how hard this must be for you...and I also know that it is much easier for me to type all of this than it is for you to understand...I don't expect you to understand...how can I, you haven't been there  thank Goodness...I have...just like we can't expect non addicts to understand the facets of addiction...like i said I can't really share my views on infidelity but i can tell you this..(I'm on your side) ..you must love her so very much...as much as I love and adore my husband if he were to ever be unfaithful i'm afraid it would be over...Doug is the first person I have ever felt 100% secure with...the only man i have ever trusted..ever..if he were to betray that trust how could I continue to live with him?   God love you...hang in there and I will be praying for you..,love to all    cin
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Avatar universal
Yes she was pregnant by this guy but miscarried. Maybe that in itself is some kind of sign!  I'm trying to keep my chin up, it is just so hard to see her every two weeks knowing where is going when she leaves, to another man!!  It would be so much better for me to move, but I just can't do that to the children.  Meanwhile, must get dressed for church.  Take care all and God bless!!
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Avatar universal
I kind of figured the kids were yours but didn't you say she was also now pregnant by this other guy?  if not, please forgive me...i must have read wrong...i know how you feel about her being a full time mom and leaving...but like i said...she really does not sound as though she is in her right mind...whoc could be to leave her kids///Hopefully my friend she will turn around....and realize what she is doing....hats off to you....love to all  cin
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Avatar universal
For the recored, the children are mine,  just the fact that she could just go from full-time mom to every two weeks is just beyond me.  I love her and hope that she comes around.  Not only for me but for the kids.  Maybe she will see that what  I did was what I thought was the best thing for the family, instead of ":stabbingh her in the back".
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Avatar universal
after treatment we usually (if we take their advice) attend 12 step meetings  90 meetings in 90 days....we meet people that we share alot with, people who share with us...we have addiction in common..this causes us to feel this connection...and unfortunately those we love are feeling "left out"  because even though they lived through our addiction with us, put up with our ****, lying etc...they still feel they are not part of our recovery because of our "new found friends" sometimes they are jealous of our sponsors, or we may meet a person of the opposite sex we bond with..talk with..   we are always sharing or listening to other people, on the phone, at meetings etc....this is not an uncommon thing to have happen after rehab....that rehab high....and the ones we love are left in the dust....she is probably unsure of herself...what she is feeling....probably more confused than you even think she is....like i said by no means am I defending her infidelity...i have my own personal issue with infidelity not in my marriage but one very close to me....I have my own set of morals and values  as we all do and here on this forum is not the place to share my feeling on that nor judge anyone because of that....i can only tell you what happens in early recovery,from experience....I went through all the feelings...luckily I was not married...,,,the rehab romance, the rehab high and in alot of cases the ending of a marriage,,,something that is always very very sad..especially when the decision is really one sided,,,where on person still very much loves the other and then of course the children.....that is why alanon or naranon may be cood for you   give her time....obviously you would be willing to take her back,,raise her child even though it is not yours....what a good man you must be,,,,and you my friend have definately earned a spot in heaven....do what you need to do so you can be ok...she is going to do what she wants to do...hang in there and keep coming back we are here for you     Love to all  cin
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Avatar universal
I have to agree with Cindi and Wiz. My former boyfriend of over 5 years was an addict over the past 2 years. He lived with my two small boys and myself. During his addiction to oxy's and now methadone life with him became sheer hell. He left us almost 3 months ago, said he couldn't take it or me anymore. We, the ones who love them, become people we don't like. We start obsessing about the addict, what they're doing, with who, are they using. Last year he went into detox, I really thought he would stay clean, didn't happen. He lied stole, everything to keep me in the dark. Like Cindi said, maybe they're together as an excuse to abuse. Most addicts don't make it the first of several attempts. I know from experience that an addict loves the drug more than us. As Wiz said, they can not show or feel love while abusing. Get some information about endorphines, neurotransmitters, dopamine levels. Get to an Al-anon meeting, this will help you understand, and don't beat yourself up....You did not do this to her, or give her an excuse to do what she did to you. It's not your fault. I have to go, but I will return later and will respond if you like....everyone here will help you.....Love Susan Lea
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Avatar universal
Thanks cindi,  my guess is that she has just forgotten what it was like to me happily married.  We had a rough couple of year due to the drugs.  It just staggered me as to how quickly she bonded with someone else.  I guess that is the evidence that gives your insight great merit.  I suppose that when the "fog" lifts she will see what she left behind.  Thanks for your insight and please keep sending any info you can.  The more I understand, regardless the circumstances, the easier it seems.  The hardest part is having no idea why she is doing what she has done!
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Avatar universal
Hi doc,   I'm glad you met up with my friend the Wiz,,,what a wunderfulz wiz he iz....truly....ok,,,,11 years ago I went into treatment for opiate addiction.....I was not married, I however was in a terrible relationship and rehab did help me to see that I needed out.....but,,,while I was there I had developed some very intense feelings for another guy....not love nor lust,,,just "something"   but at first I thought it was something deeper...and I was not the only person to develop these "rehab romances" as they are called here in Ohio...(not the land of oz LOL) Please, remember I am not defending your wife's infidelity,,,,but trying to ease your mind and your pain. I know easier said than done....when we go into treatment we are not who we are,,,I crawled into that center, broken, tired, hurting and lacking everything,,,spirit and all   I was beaten down...so was everyone else there....we were all very vulnerable....the detox comes,  then the feelings start to come back.....and sometimes we latch onto the first person that is there exhibiting any kind of concern, compassion etc. for us or we latch onto someone who is hurting as much as we are...and then comes the "rehab high"  we are so into helping someone else,,,that we focus on them thus forgetting who we are and where we come from.the rehab high, we are are out to save everyone with a drug problem or everyone we think has a drug problem..we really are not in our own minds for the FIRST year clean...they tell us not to get into any relationshps for the first year.the fog is still lifting.... This person has an understanding and a bond with your wife in the sense that he has experienced this rehab gig, etc..maybe bond was the wrong word...a commonality....I went through this all, the rehab romance,,,(no sex involved in the center)  rehab high and then when i got out i had a whole new set of friends,,,all recovering....Please rent the movie "When a Man Loves a Women"  It is very good,,,Meg Ryan...deals with the recovery issue.....it really may help....This does not mean that you should let this woman continue to hurt you etc....this is your marriage though....maybe a support group for you my friend....I hope I have helped you to understand a little better,,,It is really early in the morning and My mind is just not awake yet....maybe I will think of soemthing else for you throughout the day.....Love to all  cin
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Avatar universal
Thanks Wizard, your prayers are greatly appreciated!!  I will keep you posted on the evelution.
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Avatar universal
My last post was to you doc00. There is another "doc" Dan here and I forgot to put the 00 on your handle...sorry,
Wiz
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Avatar universal
Sentimentel fool? Not! If she recovered and would come back to mother those children it makes you a Great FATHER and husband. Something about HONOR! I think there might have been vows? Sickness and in health,richer or for poorer, for BETTER or for WORSE? maybe I'm a sentimentel fool too? Doc, you just show me that you are a hero! God bless you man! good Luck with those children and I'm still praying for your family.
Power & Magick 2U,
Wizard
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Avatar universal
Thanks wizard!!  I see no signs of anything changing in the near future.  Our divorce is final on the 19th.  I just hope by the grace of God that maybe she will show some signs of change before it's too late.  The funny thing is that even through the infadelity I would take her back with open ams.  Does that make me a dedicated husband or a sentamental fool?
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Avatar universal
What a sad story doc :-(. 12 days in patient doesn't sound like enough time to totally detox anything to me..eg. mental dependancy and all. Are you sure that they both kicked or are they using each other as an excuse to use again? It just seems so soon. When your using heavy you just don't have room inside to love anything but your drug. it's so sad when a spouse and children are shut out through no fault of their own. Getting them into rehab if THEY are not ready just doesn't work. ( I noticed you said you got her in with the help of family)It sounds like there may have been other forces at work here before she even went in for such an abrupt departure from family. Give all the love you can to your children they will need it. Hopefully she decide this is not what she wants to do and will complete a program come back home to where she is loved. doc, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Don't give up hope for the sake off the children be there for them.
God Bless you and yours.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light,
Wizard
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Avatar universal
I must say that all of you guys are great.  Long story short, wife was addicted to oxy.  With help from family got her into detox and a inpatient rehab for 12 days.  She in turn meet someone in detox and after coming out of the hospital she has since move in with him and gotten pregnant by him.  Mind you we are not even legally divorced yet.  For whatever reason she is unwilling to attemp any kind of reconcilliation.  She has two beautiful daughters.  She blames me for the falling out due to verbal mistreatment from me.  Howver the verbalness was due to the lies, disappearances, "misplaced" money ( and alot of it), etc...  From all of the literature I've read I understand that this type of behavior is pretty expected during the early-going of a recovery.  Will this behavior subside?  When or will she ever decide to work on our ten year marriage or can I pretty much write this one off?  She came out of the hospital Feb 12 this year.  So she is going on 3 months of being clean.  Looking for some kind of information.  There just doesn't seem to be any logic behind this.  By the way the guy she moved in with is also a recovering addict, no driver's liscence (DUI), and lived with his parents at the age of 30 until they got an apartment together.  Where is the logic in leaving a sensible, christian  man that first of all forked out alot of $$ to get her off the stuff second of all loved her more thatn life (though didn't express it often enough if you asked her) and has two beautiful daughters together.  Could someone please shed some light on this situation?????  Beacuse I don't understand it!!!!
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Avatar universal
Yes God is always, A loving God. I have never been a religous person. Oh, I attended church as a child, learned the bible. But I had never really felt God inside of me. Recently I have changed my idea of this. Until I went through the hell of his addiction the past 2 years, I would read or hear about what happened to OTHER people. I would feel sorry, even concerned. But it didn NOT affect me, It didn't happen to people like me.  WRONG! Now I can see a little clearer.....I believe it takes a personal pain, a life changing experience for us to be understanding and compassionate about others. Now because of what I went through even though it's comparably insignificate  compared to what other's go through, and live through. I believe I have become a better person because of it. Nolonger can I read, see or hear about some tragidy and not be touched by it. God gave man free will....he gave us the choice and ability to do anything, unforunately that includes evil, harming others.. I used to pray to God, for all the good things. Money, Love, A Big house.  Really stupid materialist things. Now I ask God for guidence and compassion. I give what I can to him, when I can nolonger handle it. Now I do feel God inside of me. I have always taken from others and maybe give alittle back. Now I just want to give. Sometimes I thank God for everything he's given me, both  material  and spiritual. And Sometimes I thank God for Unsnwered Prayers.......Thank you my Friend.....Love Susan Lea


ps. how is your wife?
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Avatar universal
Star -- thank you for your story.  You, like many here, have had a long and pain-filled journey.  I believe that you know, in your own heart and soul, your own level of commitment to your recovery, and I would never be the one to call it into question.  My peace and blessings to you as you begin following your path to recovery.

Lea -- your post to Star was, as usual, compassionate and caring.  I disagree with you on only one point, and I realize I am going out on a rather precipitous theological limb here, but this is something I feel I must share, albeit as my opinion only.

You state a view held by many, and that is that God does not give people more than they can handle.  That may be so, but very often life -- not God -- does.  God does not hand out pain and suffering, nor stand idly by while it is occuring.  Although this is not my idea (I believe it was first brought forth in the book "When Bad Things Happen To Good People", by Rabbi Harold Kushner), the concept exists that God must be *either* All-Powerful or All-Loving, but NOT both.

This is fairly simple to grasp, at least for me.  With things such as the Holocaust, mass starvation, plane crashes, and all the things we read about in our daily news, the idea of God as All-Powerful -- that is, *able* to stop such things from happening, but *unwilling* to do so -- is not conceivable to me.  I cannot imagine a God who, for whatever reasons, would stand by and allow such suffering to take place.  For those of you with children, could you imagine allowing your child to run in front of a speeding car if you could prevent it, even if you had a divine knowledge that, as a quadriplegic, your child's words and work would one day inspire millions?

The God of my understanding is one who is not All-Powerful, but is indeed All-Loving.  He does love us all,  and even though He cannot dictate us (thereby taking back His most precious and Godlike gift to us, our free will), he is the ultimate recycler.  In other words, any experience -- good, bad, awful -- can and does get completely used.  There is nothing in our lives that cannot be examined, learned from, and ultimately lead to our growth, no matter how painful or bitter it may be.  This is His greatest gift to us -- the design of a world, a solar system, a universe, or a human soul in which ultimately nothing is wasted and everything is one day restored.

Peace,
Pelle

PS -- thanks to all who took the time to read this.  Keep in mind that these thoughts are simply the way I perceive things and not "The Way It Is", necessarily.  I did not and do not intend to turn this into a "religious" forum, by any stretch, and hope none will see an intent to do so -- but these are questions that I find frequently occur to those in recovery, not only from drugs and alcohol but from lives filled with hurt.  Again, peace be with you all.

Pelle

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Avatar universal
You are a very strong woman. You have come to a point in your life where you know what you need to do, to survive. I applaud you, for your courage, your strength and your determination. It really takes guts to come to where you find, you need to take the road less traveled. I can't imagine losing someone like you did, I lost mine but not in death, but in addiction. He chose his habit over us. I wish you great success in the road ahead. Everyone here will be with you and here for you anytime you need us. Like you said, everyones rock bottom is different, and you did not want to lose everything. Pray for help and guidence, God will be there step by step, one day at a time. He never gives you more than you can handle.  I will keep praying for you, you have made a remarkable decision. God Bless Love Susan Lea
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Avatar universal
In my previous message I stated that I was not in a position to go into rehab and by this I mean that I do not have any medical insurance and I can not afford this type of debt. My son has a state sponsored insurance plan and therefore he can get into a rehab. I have examined my motives for quitting and when a person reaches a point where they know that they have exhausted all their living funds and therefore has to make a decision on whether they are willing to give up their home and other possesions for the drugs then that's when I made the decision to quit. I think for me getting to this point financialy was in a sense "hitting rock bottom". For about a month I went through a lot of soul searching and that is when I knew that I had to make some sort of decision. A few years ago I lived through months of watching my husband die and for me that experience made me realize that there are times in your life when you can pull something from within yourself and endure situations that normally you would never be able to live through. That period of my life was the most dificult and the worse time that I have ever had to live through. So for me it has not been as difficult a decision to quit because when I start to think twice as to whether I really have it in me to go through with the withdrawals I just sit back and remember the time I went through with my husband and know that if I could live through that period then I can make it through this. I know that I have ended up in this place now because of what happened then and I hope to be able to find some kind of counseling that I can afford and some support groups. I do not have any close family other than my 2 children and therefore I don't have anyone other than myself to fall back on financially. So I know that if I lose my home and belongings then I will end up on the streets and that will NEVER happen. Sometimes a person has to "hit bottom" in what ever way that it is for them before they can begin to think about quitting. It has helped me a lot to be able to write this out as like I said I do not have family or even close friends with whom I can talk to about this. Thanks to anyone who responds to me and any help and encouragement will be greatly appreciated.
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Avatar universal
What great words of encouragement you both have given to Pelle and really all of us. Even when I know we ALL are having some rough moments all of you never fail to rally round when someone is crying out.  I'm amazed at the speed the responses come here. It doesn't seem to matter what time it is Someone is ALWAYS here:-)!!!!!! You are really "ANGELS" on our shoulders...
On behalf of all of us I thank you! God bless us all,
Wiz
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