Pain Pill Addiction

[jetsetgrl]

Hi- I am new here. I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis and back pain issues approx. eight years ago. I have had chronic pain since I was nineteen years old. I am forty one now. The pain has been bad, life altering. I began my love / hate relationship with pain pills once I was diagnosed and all of the non-narcotic treatments failed. Surgery, hormone therapy, I was placed in a medical menopause on and off for 1-1/2 years and also I tried pain block procedures. I started off with Darvocet and advanced quickly to Vicodin. Once my tolerence built I was referred to a Pain Mgt. doctor. Then I was placed on Morphine, Fentyl (sp), etc. Fentyl made me very sick so I was not on that one for long. I was placed on a long-acting morphine. I took that every day for 1-1/2 years. I finally decided to stop. I called my doc and weaned as he said. He stated that I should have no withdrawal. What a lie. I was lucky to noi be working at the time. I kicked it cold turkey at home. The worst of it was the skin crawling. the rls- restless leg syndrome and insomnia. I swear it took me a couple of months before I was a "normal" person again- whatever that may be.

After a couple of months of sobriety I found that the pain was far too much for me. I went back to the specialist and asked to be placed back on drugs. The pain is cyclic. I have some pretty bad pain for three weeks. Then I get a one week break. The problem is that I cannot take drugs for three weeks without withdrawal. For many years I took Vicodin for three weeks and then made myself withdraw for one week. It is like kind of a hell, One day after a failed pain block procedure- (they dope you fpr these) as I was coming to my doctor and husband were discussing medication. I was taking jiust Vicodin which was really not that affective for the pain. They both agreed that it would be much better for my kidneys if I went back on Morphine when the pain was really bad. So- it was decided. I would take Morphine AND Vicodin. I did that for maybe one year and decided to stop again. I always feel bad about the addiction. I do not seem to be able just to take pills when I really need them... Once my hubby realized that I was hooked again we both decided that I needed to stop. I went through withdrawal again. This time a had clondine. I was in withdrawal while working.

I think that I was maybe sober for a couple of months. Then I was back to the doctor again. I did not want to live with the pain. I decided that I could try to only take Vicodin when I needed it only. I also noticed that Clondine helps a little bit with some pain too. I was given a script for both. I abused the Vicodin. My doctor is a very sweet generous man. BUT he gave me way too many pills. I got 60 per month of the Vicodin. I could take them like crazy for a couple of weeks then take Clondine while I was in withdrawal. It was just stupid. I did this for years.

I also get migraines. I did not know that opiates or opiods can trigger migraines. I always thought that I was getting them due to my cycle. However I was also taking alot of Vicodin. I was tried of all of the drugs and the withdrawal. For a time I contemplated suicide (no I would never do that). I just did not want to live this way any longer. I went to my doctor and he stated that the Vicodin could be making the migraines worse. It was decided that I would try Ultram. He told me it was non-narcotic. I assummed that also meant non-addictive. I took the Ultram... but it did not seem to help with the pain enough. I still had refills left of Vicodin. I fiiled that and soon I was taking both. No- I was  abusing both. I created a cycle of consant withdrawal. I lived this way for a couple of months.

I weaned and quit both. I have been taking clondine for withdrawal. I decided that it is better to be alive, alert and sober than drugged out and in withdrawal all of the time. I have been sober for about two months.

I still seem to have some residual withdrawal. I never knew that this happened. Although I am not really surprised- after eight years of pills. I still feel itching, tickling, electric shock-like zaps, insomnia and rls. I am living with it. I am dealing with the pain the best I can. I hope that I can be an example. Don't do what I did. It was a slow descent for me. At first you really do not notice how the drugs are taking effect on your life. I will go into that later if anyone asks.

I do have a question. Is anyone else still in withdrawal and it has been a couple of months?

[jetsetgrl]

Thanks everyone- I will re-post on med help.

[GoingToMakeIt]

MedHelp moved this to the right side. Now I hope jetsetgirl comes back.

[road2recovery]

Pleae post on the other side, you could help many...And many can help u
god bless
r2r

[marcatj]

hun, maybe try the amino acids in the book The Mood Cure.  in the section about narcotic addiction/withdrawal...  i bet it could really help.

also, just wanted to mention that i got that brain-zap thing when my back doc put me on Cymbalta... i had to stop taking it because of that.  just mentioning it in case you are on it too...

and most importantly, i'm fairly certain you will soon be getting back to "normal."  it's just taking a little time, that's all..

hang in there, sweety...

warmly,
mj

[road2recovery]

good idea!!

[road2recovery]

good idea!!

[GoingToMakeIt]

Copy and paste this over there so you don't have to re-type.

[road2recovery]

wecome, listen go to the top of the forum and go to the other side, you will get alot more help, click on the sub addiction community...
r2r