Pain pills are wearing me out.

[ronbshsc]

I have been taking pain pills for a little over a year now. It went from 2 to 3 a day to taking12 to 15 10/650 hydrocodone. I really need to pain medication for my back, but everytime i get that big pill bottle in my hand they seem to go really fast then it leaves me spending alot of money buying them off the street. My wife disagrees with me taking them because she knows i have a very addictive personality and will not use them like prescribed. The pills use to make me feel pretty good right after taking them, but now it seems like i only take them to keep from feeling like crap the rest of the day. I have been reading different posts by many different people and it seems like everyone has just about the same symptoms as i do as far as withdraws. I really need them for the pain but i just cant seem to take them like i am supose to. My wife has been on to me over and over again. We have had several arguments about them as well. I spend any extra money we have buying them. My plan is to stop taking them until my next dr. apt which is on march the 9th. I have agreed to give the medication to my wife to hand to me daily as prescribed. Just to let you know i crushed a vertabrate back in june of 2007 and had a major back surgery. I stayed in the hospital for about 10 days and then went on to learning to walk again. It has been a rough road for me as it has for everyone else who posts on here. I am scared to quit taking them, but without getting them illegally i cant get them at all. I will not take away from my family anymore so all i know to do is go without as i have made them do in the past until next month. This may sound like a stupid idea, im not sure. It really makes sense to me though. I am hoping it works out. I am just beginning the cold sweats, shakes, and starting to get the runs lol. I have no real idea how long this will last. I really cant afford to miss work either so then again i keep thinking should i find a way to just keep taking a couple a day till i go to the doctor so i can function and go to work. My wife has the flu right now. I have a 5 month old son, and a 6 year old daughter. More than anything im doing this for them. I keep thinking that we can not both be sick at the same time. Im just rambling because im nervous about the whole situation. I wish i could just get them and be responsible to do it as prescribed.

[Scout791]

don't panic and think that by geting on the phone that you are going to find some mirqcle help. Let's face it - even if you paid $20,000 to get into some of these detox clinics, all they do is take  your money, giveyou a bed and prevent your access to drugs.. and you go through detox and they come in and check on your heart rate and they may give you an iv of vitamins, but the hard work is all yours.

I feel so bad for you right now and i am praying for you and I love you to pieces.. and you are going to be fine.. don't be scared.. just know that you have to hang in there for this - and you have to get through this... because you never ever want to go through this again... so hang in there.

suboxone is just another addictive medicine from what I have studied... nobody really knows what they are doing when they start giving you one injection of some strange prescription after another.  The best thing for you to do is to hang in there - maybe try to dry heave... you are not going to be able to sleep tonight.. put a cold wet towel on your forehead.. take a bunch of showers - force yourself to take showers - take as many as you can during the day as that will provide you with some relief.

and try, even though it will be hard, to get outside and walk a little bit.,

god bless you.. please keep posting.

[Scout791]

It sounds to me like you have no choice.  It sounds like you have set yourself up to go into withdrawal cold turkey;.  Also, please forgive if I am coming across strong, but maybe you need that -- you have created this situation and it is a real situation and nobody here can change it for you.  We can offer encouragement to you and support but it looks like you are headed for withdrawals.

Thing is - I agree with your wife. don't go back to your doctor. Most doctors don't give a crap about their patients and know nothing about how much we suffer when they prescribe pain medication.  

But the danger of your situation is your heart rate.  When you go through heavy withdrawals, your blood presure can rise to high levels and it can be dangerous.  Are you relatively healthy otherwise? Do you have a strong heart?  Do you exercise?

Everyone says to taper but tapering for me has been just as bad as going cold turkey.. tapering for me has just prolonged the agony because I get really realy sick when I taper and I stay that sick for much longer period because I am slowly going off the drugs.

You are not going to be able to work while you are going through this?  Are you kdding me? You can't be serious that you think you are going to perform a sales job while you are going through heavy drug withdrawal.  You need to make plans to be in bed for about a week.. or have access to a bed but you need to get undercover and be prepared to be very sick.

When I have gone through withdrawals in the past, i did a lot of dry heaving. but for some reason that helped me to feel better.  Maybe that stimulates the production of endorphins.. not sure.

At any rate, know that you are loved and that you are a valued and important human being and that you have the right to happiness and sobriety.  Love, Scout

[ronbshsc]

It is preetty late for me to really talk to anyone about what is going on. I have cryed all day long and got the runs like no other. These cold sweats are the worst thing i have ever had. I feel like I just wanna go to sleep till it all goes away. I actuallly called my mom and asked for help today, I KNOW i CANT do this on my own. I am hoping to get to tak to a doctor who deals in detox tomorrow morning. My mom knows alot of people so I am hoping she can help. I have been reading up on something called suboxone and it seems to work pretty good but im sure it will be too expensive. I am lost and scared right now.

[notgoingdown]

my AH also is addicted to opiates. you are much closer to loosing your family than my H is. he will be in the same place you are if things dont eventually change tho. about the pain and living with that i will tell you the same thing i have tried to tell him. hopefully you will be more willing to listen than he is. you can not really be sure of your level of pain while still on the pills as your brain will make you feel more pain than is actually there to ensure that you keep feeding it a steady diet of opiates. research how opiates actually CAUSE pain.

[ronbshsc]

The sad part about all of this is that im actually SCARED about the upcoming withdraws im about to face. I am dedicated for sure. I am going to do it, I just keep looking for an easier way, but guess what, there IS NOT. All i can do is run this through my head over and over again. I think it would help me if i could just get a little more support from my wife. I am to ashamed to tell anyone else whats going on. You guys/gals are it for my help. It is indeed appreciated. I just keep refreshing my screen over and over again like some loon waiting on some miracle answer to it all. The depression is kicking in just a little bit more now. I tryed to tell the wife earlier but she doesnt want to hear it. She just tells me how she is sick and able to do what needs to be done during the day, so why cant I do the same. I guess all i can do is suck it up and just do it. I have made it through the day so far, and it *****!!

[pharma9]

Well...just grit your teeth and put on your big boy pants and go ct.For yourself and her.Many people here including me have done it and lived to tell the tale.
Fortify yourself with the vitamins and nutrients be be prepared for about 5 to 7 days detox and then sheer determination mto stay on mthe right path.
Come on you can do it...We will cheer you on
Keep posting and we will definitely help.

[ronbshsc]

Well I actually got a hold of some tonight. These were owed to me because I had given someone a few a week or so ago and they gave them back. I did not take any though. I thought I was doing the right thing by giving them to my wife so she could give them to me as needed. It did not work out that way. I was one hundred percent just trying to be honest with her "for the first time" and do the responsible thing but she didnt feel that way and she flushed them down the toilet. She later told me that she didnt have any intentions of allowing me to go back to the doctor either. She was only hoping that by going through the withdraws and getting totally off the pills I would not want them anymore. I cant begin to explain to her how i need them. I am a salesman, and I dont have a labor job, I do only walk alot but I hurt all the time too. She says im not allowed to have them anymore or she will leave me. I have really hurt her in the past, lied to her. Spent money we didnt have many times. There is a list that goes on and on. I have promised to quit or to use them as I am prescribed but never went through with it. This was one time I was dedicated to make sure I did the right thing and it totally back fired on me. I dont want to lose my family over the pain meds, but I dont want to hurt either. I understand where she is coming from 100% and know why she doesnt believe me when i say i will do it right this time. The thing is, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will do it right this time but she doesnt belive me now. I didnt get mad when she flushed them it just hurt me alot when she said I got myself in the mess, so I need to get myself out of it. I love her alot. She is a really good person, just lacks the sympathy because she has had alot of past problems with previous guys using drugs for pleasure. I have done it myself too, not trying to make myself look good in any shape or fashion, but im really not a bad person, but i do know i have a problem, and I am dedicated to fixing it. I just dont know what to do know. You all are very helpful just by me reading everyone elses stories and what they have/are going through. My wife never really did anything that was illegal or had any of the problems i have so she cant relate and thinks im just a loser at this point. I dont really know what to do now. I dont want to lie to her about anything. I dont want to hide anything from her so all i know to do is just go cold turkey and suffer with the pain. Any new suggestions would be great.

[pharma9]

I understand your situation.You have developed a tolerance to the drug and a regular amount does not cut it anymore.You can not continue to increase your dose and if you keep your dose to the prescribed level you actually go into withdrawal.
You can not continue to increase the dose and is there any way you can stretch the interval between doses with ibuprofen 800 mg every 6 hrs/max 2400mg/24hrs.
If you can do this and gradually decrease your opiate dose it would be so much better.
When your wife is better perhaps you could go ct and try the otc meds which may control your pain quite adequately.
I stopped opiates ct and found after the rebound pain and withdrawal pain subsided otc pain meds work just fine.
Keep posting and we will help you.

[trying2go]

I cannot believe I'm bout to say this, but this is my opinion because of the situation you are currently in. if you have access to get some i would because now isn't the right time to go through the withdrawals. Your wife is sick and your kids are too young to take care of themselves. Your kids and wife need you right now so it's like you said u  both can't be sick. It doesn't sound like you are ready to quit right now anyway, it sounds like you are hoping you can get back to taking your script as prescribed. If u aren't ready then why suffer just to start back when u get your script? Get a few and cut back when you get yours give em to your wife like you said so  she can give them to you and u won't abuse them. When you are ready to quit taking them all together this  is a great site to help get u through it. Just cut back like you said and take your script as prescribed that way when u are ready the wds won't be as bad as they are coming off the  amount your taking now. best wishes, now go help your wife with the kids.....

[hydrofoiled]

been right where you are at some 40 days ago i was a real pro for 6 long years 14-16 a day!! of norco 10 mg. i got tired of spending 400 bucks!! a week on them i kept saying to myself you gotta stop this! the bad news is the wd experience i guess we have to feel it intimetley to show us how selfish this habit is and than it starts going away its hard to believe at the time but it does!! and its over quicker than staying addicted.if u cant take time off work get emmodium for stomach turmoil it is a mild opiate and i think it helped me with rls use only as needed also l-tyrosine,5htp,vallerian root,magnesium,calcium,zinc,and muli-vit and hot baths!! my only regret-i wish i got it over a lot sooner!!  ps read the health pages here-very helpful-keep posting this forum got me thru the zombie zone..