Partner who is addicted to alcohol

[MomOfTheseBoys]

I am working through my vic addiction, close to 2 weeks clean, and now am feeling all the physical pain i had been masking for many years. Severe osteoarthritis in knees,and hips.  Will meet with Dr. to find alternative meds without addictive qualities.   I have been very honest with my husband regarding my addiction and he has been very supportive, he was here for me when i went c/t.   But...at one point, we had agreed that if I were to stop pills, he would stop drinking. He is what I would consider a high functioning alcoholic, but an alcoholic nonetheless.  Since I have been clean, he hasnt made an effort to stop drinking, and I am becoming very resentful.  I came through on my end of the bargain and he hasnt.  He knows I have strong feelings about alcohol abuse, after being married to an alcoholic for nearly 20 years.   Of course the first thing in my mind is... if he wont quit, why should I?  Any advice?    Thanks  MOTB

[gizzy32]

First of all, congrats on those 2 week clean:) I think it's normal to feel resentful towards him, you worked hard to get clean and dealing with pain as he is still drinking. The bottom line is, your recovery is your own and you can set a good example to him by staying clean. Try sitting down and talking to him again, tell him his drinking is triggering you to want to use and you are finding it difficult. Although you can't make him quit, you don't have to tolerate it for your recovery's sake. Best of luck to both of you and congrats again on your clean time.

[Newlife3737]

I know just how u feel. My husband was supposed to stop using vic's with me, and I stopped, only to find out he was sneaking around behind my back. We had a major war during Christmas, BC I was trying every manipulative trick I could think of to try to get him to stop. So many times I thought to myself, why should I struggle and not use when he's using. Things will never get better if he doesn't stop too. That was a lie I was telling myself, BC things have got better, FOR ME. I started taking care of myself, and can think clearer and feel better. Don't let him bring you down, you're doing great!!!! I realize that I can't make him stop. He has to hit his bottom and want to stop for himself. Does it still stink that he's still using ? YES every day, and I don't know what the future will hold, but I know I don't stand a chance if I start using again.

[pharma9]

If your name indicates that you are the mom of 2 boys,think of the boys.Should they have a drunk father and spaced out drug addict mother.You are better than that and you can stay on the wagon and if your husband sees how well you are doing it may inspire him to quit.I say do not go back to the drugs just to spite your husband but be understanding about addictions and set a good example for everyone.I know it is hard,but think if it had been the other way around and you fell off the wagon,how would you like to be treated by him.I wish you both luck in your healing from substances.

[worried878]

There r lots of reasons why u should stop..if he decides to stay in the dark hole...and u do not want to wallow there in the darkness//why should u?  so if he wants to drink himself to death///do u want to use urself to death? why try to compete with him...if he is not gonna stop///then he can become a toxic person for u to be with

guess alot of it is what u r willingto deal with....staying with a drunk is usually not top on our list of huband material...but u r whenre u r...and u decided u didnt want to be in this hole anymore

guess u have 4 choices
1. used again and join him in oblivian world
2. continue ur clean time and have his behavior make it hard for u to keep ur clean time
3. use again so u can be equal with him
4. demand he fulfills his part of the bargain or u leave the toxic situation

I am not there..do not know ur relationship./..does sound like he let u down..doesnt sound like he committed to this cleandom like u did//so i would be angry as well...but i also know that starting to use again to contend with an alcoholic/substance abuser husband would not be fair to me..at this point i would look out for myself and those who love me..u may lose him in the end///but MOM..there r worse things than being alone...stay strong andkeep posting