Percocet dependancy at 15, long background.

Question

I am 15 now, I will be 16 in March. I am dependant on percocet. It did not just happen, I was diagnosed with Non Hotchkins Lymphoma at the age of 11 in '07. I was prescribed percocets for my tumor and throughout my chemo therapy treatments for other pain issues. I am in remission now but still find myself needing the meds for back pain and head pain where I have an omaya port which was used for chemo therapy to beinserted into my spinal fluid. I have a tolerance of 20-40 MGs od vicodin, sometimes 30 MGs of percocet. I dont know how to get myself to stop I dont have the willpower because my pain gets so out of control. My mom keeps a tight hold on my medication and she is a great mother. She has done so much for me to try to help me, no one has any idea how much she has done for me. But now I am out of meds and I am going through horrible withdrawl. My friend's mother had some extra vicodin from an old mouth surgery she gave me, she had 6 but that didnt even last me a day.I get vicodin from my pain doctor and I recieve shots in my back to numb some of the pain but it does not cut it all of the way. I eat through 60 vicodin in a matter of a few days really. I just dont know what to do anymore, I cant live like this. I want to be better but i dont know how. I'm not addicted, I dont take it to get high but my pain is so bad I cant not take it. Now I have anxiety knowing I have no medication right now so I am weepy, I am frustrated, I can'y sleep, I am on edge but I hate taking xanax, I am angry and I want to lay down but Im just too restless. I want to go to sleep, wake up and see everything be okay but it's not and I dont know what to do anymore. I could go on and on about my symptoms, but I am hoping I wont have to because I hope who is reading this knows the position I am in and knows how hard this is. I just want to be okay and honetly say 'its over and done, I've defeated all aspets of having cancer as a child and teen.' I guess I am just looking for support. To know I'm not so alone. I'm in a dark place, and I want out. I really hope someone can try to help, and I will try in return to help them to the best of my everything. Hopelessness is a horrible feeling.

mellie4 · Answer

Please listen to the advice here.  Tell your mom.  This is too much for you too handle.  These medications are very tricky.  I understand about pain and your pain not being under control.  I'm not sure exactly what's going on with you either, but I do know that despite all you've gone through and your maturity, this is not something you can handle on your own.  You will see on this forum all the misery people have gone through.  Maybe you need better pain control.  Maybe you need different pain control.  But nothing can be fixed until you are totally honest with your mom and get your doctor involved.  You do not want to go through this without their support.  The support here if amazing but you need someone in your real life.  Trust me, as a mom, there is nothing their child can do or tell us that will make us not love them.  We all want what's best for our kids.  It may be hard to start the conversation but you'll feel so much better once you do.

vicki595 · Answer

Okay...I'm going to tell you straight out: You have to tell your Mom everything because it's your Mom and she's there to help you.  You say you're not an addict but...I don't know...you seem to be afraid to let the doctors and your Mom know what you're feeling and thinking and that's a red flag from where I'm sitting.

A couple things: Do you have pills left that your Mom is tapering you with?  You still have pain from a biopsy performed four years ago?   No one is an island...we all need help once in awhile and you need help right now!

So, honestly, are you all out of Percocet and Vicodin?  Or is your Mom holding on to the pills for you?   You won't get out of this situation until you tell the whole truth and let yourself be tapered from all the pain med.  We can help with that!

aDreamerPM · Answer

Thank you very much. And I dont know about getting my mom on here because there are just some pieces of this problem that I have that I need to do by myself. I am very appreciative of this site. I have a goal to be non dependant by my start of the sophmore year in September. I appreciate that I am not alone.

aDreamerPM · Answer

Thank you so much. This site really does help me because I can open up to wonderful people like you and simply know I wont be judged or recieve hate mail. I cant let my doctor know because if I need medication in the future, they will deny me. All doctors around here are so touchy because I'm a teenager. I am trying with my mother to taper myself off. I am here to listen to you if you ever need as well. I thank you and everyone here for being so supportive.

vicki595 · Answer

Yes, you are mature beyond your years!!  We can help you with suggestions as to treating your symptoms during a home detox. 

So, you have some meds to taper with?  Good!

Why don't you have your Mom come on the forum and talk to us,too?  We've all been where you are or getting there or have left it behind. Many, many people get addicted to narcotics that are prescribed for some serious illnesses like yours.  We understand.  

Post anytime...there are some truly great people on this forum and all are happy to help you, I'm sure!

xo

aDreamerPM · Answer

Thank you very much for your support as well. It's nice to see I am not alone. Although I'm not an addict, I still feel just as ashamed. I still feel all the symptoms. I have tried pan management at Boston Childrens (I also attended there for my chemo rounds). They talked down to me and treated me like crap and I just did not find anything beneficial. I have a 10's unit, I have lidoderm patches, I get back shots to numb up the muscle and I still have pain. Its so out of control and I just feel trapped in my body. I am happy to listen to your story as well because I appreciate this more than you know. Everyone, I appreciate what you guys have done so much. Thank you.

killmypain · Answer

What a story you have... at just 15 years old. You are amazing!

When you're on pain pills for a long time, you will have more pain. Your pain needs to be managed but it's possible to manage them without narcotics, as long as thats what your doctor wants you to do. You definately need to talk to your mother and your doctor about the issues that you are having. I don't know how to get off the drugs basides going through a few days of hell... which I am going through right now. Your doctor needs to know about this. If you, your doc, and your mother all decide together that you will not be using narcotic pain meds anymore, we are here for you. This forum has gotten me through the roughtst days I've seen in a long time. Please come back and let us know how you're doing!

aDreamerPM · Answer

I really appreciate your help as well, and I ca.nnot get anymore for 2 weeks. In a way I am relieved, but I am panicky because I know if I need it wicked bad I cant have it. I feel like I'm slowly going crazy. Thank you so muc, and I would love to hear your's and everyone's story.

aDreamerPM · Answer

I'm having pain in my back because of the biopses that I had to remove a piece of my tumor to test what kind of cancer it was. And I no longer have a port in my chest, but I do in my head because too many blood vessels grow around it to remove and where the tube goes pinches a nerve and sends migranes up my skull. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and help me. My mom does know and she is trying her absolute hardest to help me. We are starting the taper. I want to get better, I am just afraid of how hard it will be to pull up the strength because I am reluctant to tell people for support because they wont understand. Other teenagers dont have the maturity I was forced into, so it feels as if I cant really talk to anyone besides my mother. And of course I am so thankful to her, she is my best friend and I tell her everything, I just feel like a failure that it got this out of control.

AshamedMom · Answer

oh hunny....i feel for ya. So gladt that you have not taken them for anyother reason than the pain. I was on them for 5 years for pain and now take them just cus it was to hard to quit. DON'T BE LIKE ME! If you need them you need them, but if you want off we all will help you anyway we can. Have you tried anyother pain management (non-drug)? Just be honest with your mom and doctor and they will help you and having your mom hold your pills is a GREAT idea but you cant go and get them somewhere else. I pray for you and if you ever need someone to talk to...im here! if I can help someone NOT take these for anyother reason then what they are for I'm IN! Good luck.

atthebeach · Answer

hi hun and welcome. i am so sorry for all that you have been through but thank the LORD that you are in remission. you are out of pills? you cant get anymore from the doctor or you dont want to?
many times the pain does get worse on the pills. if you want to stop taking them if it is ok with your doctor we will encourage you and help you.
there is hope as long as you have breathe. 
sending hugs and prayers
debbie

vicki595 · Answer

Okay...try to relax...this isn't the end of the world.

You need to get some more pain medication from the doctor not from friends (although I understand the position you were in).  You need to tell your Mom what's going on and let her handle it through the doctor. Once you get some meds she can control them and get you on a little taper plan; nice and slow.

Why do you think you're having pain now? Why do you still have a port? Is it patent?