Help with getting the courage to quit Oxys and just want someone to listen :(

[Hopeless287]

I seriously am so blessed to have come across this thread. I am 26 years old and I have been fighting this stupid addiction for a year and a half now. It's a very long story but to make it short i started using pills 30mg oxy by dating someone that was dealing it. I have always had a very negative mindset and depression so when I started using it was a way out of feeling "real life" I didn't know that you could become addicted so fast I didn't even know what withdrawal was when I started using. I come from a town where this drug is everywhere on the streets and a lot of people I knew were doing it so I didn't think anything was wrong bc I didn't believe this would become bad for me. Well I got clean for about a month 6 months after I started using everyday I said to myself I can't keep doing this. I knew it was wrong. But that didn't stop me bc I was scared of the withdrawal I always said one more day tomorrow I will do it. Well then my parents found out. And that was a whole other big mess they were very supportive my whole family is and it felt great to actually have it out in the open bc I didn't have to hide it anymore. So I was clean for about a week and started again I know so stupid right but in my mind I wasn't ready to quit yet. So then a couple more months past and I ended up in the hospital bc of depression bc this drug made my whole life fall apart I lost my job which i had a very good paying job that I worked my *** off in school for I lost friends and most important I lost myself :( in the hospital I was terrified all I thought was how am I gunna do this on my own surrounded by strangers I just wanted to curl up in a ball an hide from the world. This drug has made me very depressed to the point I wanted to take my own life and I began cutting myself. Surprisingly I was in the hospital for 5 days and all they gave my was Ativan and clonidine for the withdrawal and I actually didn't feel that bad I was in shock the sleeping part was what I had trouble with my legs just ached so bad well I got out and hat do u know I took the stupid thing again and here I am 4 months later I'm so disappointed in myself I hate myself everyday for doing this to myself I think back to my life two years ago to waking up and not having to worry about how I'm going to feel normal today and just enjoying life without this hold on me. I hate it I have such bad anxiety I just want it to be over. I know there is no easy way out I did this to myself I just have to find the courage to stop and know I will get better but I feel so hopeless I feel like I'm never going to feel normal again I feel like I messed up my whole life and there is no way out I'm now stuck working a minimum wage job and have such bad financial problems that I just wanna give up but I know deep down I'm better than that I just want my life back I want me back :( I'm so scared of withdrawl it's unreal I'm scared not to sleep and I get such bad anxiety when I think of stopping I don't wanna go to rehab I don't have money for that and I don't wanna be known as that person that had to go to rehab bc I fell apart I quit before and I know I can do it I just have to be strong and have my head held high and know its for the best. I just posted on here to see if anyone had any advice and it also feels good just to write this and get it off my chest and it also feels good to know I'm not the only one in the world stuck with this problem bc I really do feel all alone. So please if anyone had any advice I'm all ears. Thank you to who ever reads this to take the time to listen. I pray to god every night on my rosary that he will give me the strength and faith to get better bc I know I'm a better person than this and I don't wanna live my life like this anymore there is more to life than worrying every day I alway look at other people and wish I was them and didn't have to endure this pain but I'm going to have to. Just wish I knew this would all happen before I started this destructive path. And please for anyone reading this that has just started using or is thinking about it please don't its not worth it its not worth the high to end up like this feeling trapped. Thank you again for listening it means a lot god bless

[Hopeless287]

Thanks everybody for your advice. I plan to quit on Friday bc of have to days left of work and I don't wanna feel like death at work and have everyone asking what's wrong with me. I just wanna get through this I wish I could just go into a deep sleep for a week and wake up and have my old self back but that wishful thinking this is the end for me I'm sick of this merry go round of a life nothing good will come from this if I keep using its just masking my life and will never get better i can't wait to wake up and feel absolutely fine without needing this poison the part I'm most worried about is after all this I will still think I will need something to feel normal like my body will never be physically normal again my legs will hurt forever ill never sleep I'm already in counseling once a week and I do go to na meetings and they help a lot I'm just so scared I don't wanna feel withdrawl I get my self so worked up and have such bad anxiety like panic attacks ughh wish there was a magic potion out there but that would be to easy and if it were that easy we would all keep using bc there would be no punishment bless you all that are going through the same thing with me lets stay strong together and not let this bring us down I will keep posting everyday of how I feel it will help me get through this and all your words and caring thoughts will keep me going. Lets all have faith

[elatedexaddict13]

Wow- I think ALL bases were covered !!! Your story is extremely eerily similar to just about every addict out there... doing great, living life, then going from 0 to 60 in no time flat and wind up flat on your face having lost all or nearly all. I know personally about this all too well. I think you should listen to the advice on here that has already been posted for help with the wd's, then think about some kind of aftercare because we all know getting clean is the easy part, it's staying clean that is the hardest. Keep posting and letting everyone know how you're doing often and don't be scared or embarrassed because we all have been there. Hang in there- you're doing great!!!!

[quitinoxys]

Hello and Welcome to the forum. I am sorry I took so long to reply back but I am in a place with limited Internet. I am glad you read my postings because it shows getting off those evil oxys can be done. It took me a while but I can now say I am 3 years clean. Your post is a cry for help and you have been guided to the best place you are ever going to find to help you get through this. You say you want to get your life back well here is your chance. I believe that between GOD and all of the wonderful people on this forum you will make it.

Don't sweat the small stuff like w/d that will be over in 5-7 days and then the real part of stopping your addiction comes into play, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it.  Right now you need to start your journey down the road to recovery. There are some things you need to do at the beginning of this road:

1) If you have any drugs flush them immediately this will give you a feeling of empowerment and accomplishment.

2)  Set yourself up with the supplies you will need ease some of the w/d symptoms and they are the Thomas Recipe (which is on the right pane of this page) follow the recipe.

3) Keep yourself well nourished use protein mixes, ensure or whatever you want that has protein and take multivitamins and especially B for energy.

4) Keep yourself hydrated with juices, Gatorade and/or water. The Gatorade is especially important due to losing electrolytes from the runs.

5) Get yourself some immodium and some sleep aides such as melatonin, Valerian root. Actually the Valerian works great for anxiety also.

6) For pain you can use Ibuprofen or Naproxen (Aleve). There is another herb you can use for pain it's California Poppy (no there's no opiates in it) it also works great for anxiety. Although it can be pricey in a health food store.

7) As you experience w/d come on the forum and post what your going through or just come on and rant, b1+ch, cry, yell whatever you want. This will keep you occupied while going through the rough part. It also helps you journal your experience so you can see how much you accomplished. Also get some good movies and just sit and watch them.

Ok now that you have the getting well plan you need to start your journey. I and all of the people here at MH are your support so please reach out to us. You can personal message (PM) me any time you want so I will be here for you. You need to keep telling yourself "I CAN AND WILL DO THIS" and when things start getting rough we are all just clicks away on the MH forum. So please stay in contact and let us all know how you are doing. I am praying that GOD give you the strength and fortitude to make it down the road to recovery GOD Bless---Rick .

[michael1953296]

Your post reminds me so much of the scary part is not the detox which most of these posts talk about. The real scary part is staying clean after we detox. The addicted brain keeps on ticking..
All the best
Michael

[ROSYouralright]

Good luck. I am still on pills. Posting on here was a good first step. I'm rooting for u and myself. We can do it

[quitinoxys]

Hey Hope I just replied to your post on my old thread. I put some good info in there so just go back and click on it. GOD Bless---Rick

[VICourageous]

Yes Your story is like many. I used off and on for about 40 years because I thought it was OK. Well in the 90s the hydo/oxy lead me to get Methadone. I too cried for almost 10 years for help because I feared the w/ds..What a waste of time. You have been in w/ds before so you do know what to expect. You know you need to keep hydrated and drinks things to help those electrolytes to get going. Also lots of protein, Vit/Min. I am not going to go here with what you can use to ease the w/ds, but i am going to go and ask you if you plan on getting Support from AA/NA, Church, Therapist, Friends and Family. This is a must because we can not walk this road in Recovery alone. Look up all you can about the Disease. You will find this very educational and it helps to understand what happens to many parts of the Brain. Just calm down and take a deep breath and re-group and do this again. BUT this time set your self up with Support and stay away from Old Stomping Grounds like people, place and things that can cause Triggers at any given moment. We are always here. We come and go..
Bless

[Andie015]

I really feel for you. I remember that desperate feeling like this is never going to get better but I'm here to say it CAN get better. I was a very heavy user of any kind of pain pill I could get...average 15 to 30 a day for nearly 13 years...if you can feel good about anything it's that you haven't been using for multiple years, it does make a difference. I am 1 day away from my 9 month anniversary and couldn't be happier. I lost so many jobs and the trust of my husband through all of my abuse...I really messed my life up terribly. I had tried so many times to quit I lost count. At one point I just decided to be an addict for life, I just couldn't deal with the withdrawals...they were brutal. I finally had a month long rock bottom and checked into rehab. It was the only way I could stop. I know you can't go the rehab route but you would definitely benefit from some medical help with this. There are meds that you can take to help take the edge off...the rest is up to you. Honestly, if I can get out of my situation, you can escape yours. It's easy to say but you have to be positive and proactive with aftercare and get rid of ANY connections you may have. If you don't have access to them, you can't take them. I know this is tough, probably one of the toughest situations to be in but this CAN BE DONE!!!   Since I have quit, my relationship with my husband is much improved, I enjoy my kids so much more and I landed the best job I have ever had....I know it doesn't feel like it but we choose to be happy or not just like we choose to keep using or not. TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AND CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL.....YOU CAN DO IT!!  I can't preach this enough, I'm living proof that it does get better, as many on here are....keep posting and reading all of the fantastic advice from some really great and knowledgable people....we're here for you!  Please PM anytime if I can help in any way....good luck!

[OxyTired]

Oxy did the same thing to my life and now with the help of this forum I am 3 weeks clean. Every day I get a little stronger. My life problems kind of stink right now, unemployed, wife only working part time, 17 year old daughter with issues, etc.
But you know, I have more hope now that I am not reaching into a bottle of pills for answers. Things WILL get better each day for you, sometimes it's only a little thing: a smile from a stranger, and old song just touches you a little deeper, some help you give to another lost soul wanting to be clean. Strength will come from the strangest of places. Without pills you will have your life back a day at a time. We spent years abusing our minds and bodies with pills, and now it takes a little time for the brain chemistry to reset. My energy is still not the best, sleep some nights does not go well, oh well, this to shall pass.
We are regaining our freedom to live. It is SO worth it!
Keep coming back to the forum. Lots of "how to" here.

[Tye327]

Ya I have a situation very similar to yours too. I remember still how I was before the Oxys and I was happy all the time and never had to worry about getting more running out ect. I am only 48 hrs into my detox I just went cold turkey and my biggest problem is RLS and achy muscles. So far I have been too busy with that too worry about mind set. Keep on pushing as hard as you can. Even if you slip get back in there and try again. You know there is peace and happiness at the end and its gotta be worth it to go through this hell to achieve it. Good luck

[KristiBelle]

I could have written your story myself. Honest. The whole ENTIRE  thing. All except the job part and I'm working on that right now. You can do it. I know it's scary and I know it's hard but you can. Read these threads on here. You will find wonderful advice and more stories just like ours. Keep posting. People will talk to you. It's late but they will come. This board is a great place. I haven't done a 30 myself in about a week and a half so I'm all thru the sick stuff now I'm working on my head. It is work, its's hard work, but I am sure it will all be worth it when we're FREE :) Good luck, my friend...