Please give me strenght

[quitinoxys]

I have been on travel ALL week and my back is in extreme pain. I went to the spa in the hotel and had a soak in the hot tub and got a massage. This is where I meet one of my clients and started to talk to him about my chronic back pain. He told me he has the same problem and he has been going to PM for years. I told him I had to do a seminar tomorrow and wish this pain would go away so I can get through it. I explained to him my bout with oxys and he said "I know but when you were taking them I bet your quality of life was probably better then it is now". I told him not really because I was liviing (or barely living) in a drug haze and thats why I stopped taking my pain meds. Keep in mind this is a man who I have emmense professional rs respect for. He told me he has resigned himself to the fact that he will haqve to live the rest of his life on pain meds and thats it. With that being said he handed 4 pills and told me that these won't screw you up like those oxys, and since I respect him I put them in my pocket and told him "If I really need them I might take them". I went back to my hotel room and did a google pill ID on them and found out that they are opana. I am now sitting hear starring at them as my back still hurts like h3!!. Since I am away from my support system I don't have anyone to help me not to give in to the pain. As all of you long time guys know I had a rough time kicking this crap, I dont want to take a step backwards. Today I am 130 days clean but my addict brain is saying one isn't going to hurt you, but I know thats BS. Siiting here typing is the only thing stopping from swallowing them. I thought this was all over but I guess addiction is rearing its ugly head again. So please GIVE me strenght---quitin

[quitinoxys]

Hey don't be sorry for a long post that is how we help each other we share. It is true what they say that God works in mysterious ways because what if your phone was working when you had cravings? Just as my wife calling me early morning because she couldn't sleep, which by the way she never does as she usally sleeps like a baby. So I am glad to hear you past the test. We need to stay vigilante aaginst our enemy as it is a cunning one. God Bless and stay safe.

[throwindatowl]

You have given me so much hope. Your posts your success. The addict mind is a strong mind. An intelligent mind. Im sorry I wasnt there for you last night. There are so many great people here its awesome to see they had your back. I personally dont think it was very cool of that person to give you pills after telling him about your strugle. He doenst get it. We do get it. I also feel aweful because you suffer in pain. You gain strength each time you say no. Ive found that out. QUITIN I have two weeks today and I can thankyou for helping me. Know it will happen again. Just knowing it will, will prepare you. I was at the beach for a b day party for my brother in law. A  guy was sitting on a picknick table and I think we all know the type. Not sure if he was homeless or what but he asked for a smoke and I gave him one. We started chatting and I told him alot about myself and my oxy problems. I told him I know I had to stay in na to stay clean. He told me his drug was coke. He also said that na was no good and what we do is a choice. Its your choice to use he told me. I agree. He proceeded to bum 6 or 7 more smokes over the next 5 hours. That f n guy had the bells to smoke crack sitting at the bench with my 5 year old girl 20 ft away. He round about asked me if I wanted to ah-then he said I wont go there. I almost knocked his teeth out. I smiled though. He was put there for a reason. For me too see where I would be in 20 years if I listened to him. A bum telling someone thats suffering not to get help. Ive been having a very hard time with the cravings and wished I could forget my dealers number.GUESS WHAT.My phone died at the beach. I was in a rush to get to my meeting last night and finally got the phone on the charger. Turned it on and saw a text that read     this is my new number.  I replyed     whos num?  It was my dealer!!!     I was so happy. I did not look at the new number and hit delete,delete, delete. I was so happy. Still am. Ive told that scum bag how Ive suffered and asked him to leave me alone. Sorry so long quitin. Wanted to give ya a little story from a friend that youve helped stay clean. Your a strong soul and a great person. Im so pround of you!

[quitinoxys]

It taught me a very good lesson, I know that it is a possibilty of happening again but I think I will be able to handle it better.  I have learned a valuable lesson through this ordeal and even if you are not actively looking for you DOC somethimes it finds you. You need to be able to decline the offer and get far far away.

[crescentmoon]

Wow man! A heck of a battle fought there! To have them in your possession and still not take them even though your in pain? Awsome brother! I don't know if I'd have the strength you just did, but your story here inspires me!

C-Moon

[dominosarah]

Im just glad you made it thru.......That was a tough one.        sara

[quitinoxys]

I arrived home about an hour ago and I feel spent. I slept like a baby on the Acela (train). On the way home from the train station I had a very good talk with my wife. She understands my behavoir but doesn't accept it . She said she can't be with me 100% of the time physically so If it happens again I need to call.her Actually she is always with me in my heart and mind.

Last night was all though painful a great lesson and test. I guess God figured I was strong enough to make and said you have been talking the talk, now lets see if you can walk the walk. Last night I was very fearful that I was not going to make it but thanks to this forum and ALL of your support I made it through any day I learned a tremedous lesson last night and now know how to cope with it. So again THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU God Bless you all

[FassFeat]

OMG, I went to bed after I answered the initial post.. so glad you were all there for quitnoxys. Thank God.

Congrats quitn, for beating your addiction last night. I too believe your wife is your true soulmate and the God stepped in and intervined for you last night. Alls well that ends well.  Andrew

[quitinoxys]

Thanks for helping me get through last night, it was rough. I did my presentation this morning and pretty much did on no sleep. I am know hitting the road to go home. I hope this never happens to mee again but it probably will. The next time I will refuse the poision so it doesn't sit there and tuant me. Again, I want to express my most sincere appreciation for pulling through this lapse in judgement. Thanks to all of you I DID NOT use. God Bless you all and now I am going to get some sleep I will check back latter.

[vicki595]

Oh Dear!!   I just started reading this now and was terrified for you!!!   We've all been there,believe me!   It's an enormous struggle. You had some major triggers: PAIN !
Being away from your support systems!  Being alone!

I love your wife! How serendipitous that she should call you...a miracle!

Listen to me:  Get some Motrin. Take 800mg 3x per day for the next few days. It DOES work!!   That Opana would have screwed you up!!

Check back when you can~

xo

[pharma9]

I really understand how you feel quitin...Sometimes when my joints and feet ache I think that maybe a couple narcs would not be so bad...but then right away i realize that the pain relief is temporary and it will come back even worse if I take something.I just stick to my otc pain meds and eventually everything subsides and I am not any worse off than before.
Good for you fighting the urge as well as you did and remember...the pain will always come back regardless of whatever you take..narc or otc's.
You are stll better off refusing the narcs because where will it all stop if you think you will only need a couple.You always need more than a couple...and the cycle starts again.

[dominosarah]

Hope you are feeling better today.        sara

[gizzy32]

So glad you made it through that, congrats buddy. How are you feeling today?

[LeaAnn807]

Thank goodness!  Way to go!!!!!! I'm so proud of you for this.

[laurel453]

what a wonderful team you and your wife make , btw :)

[laurel453]

GUAu.. have just woke up and seen your post, quitin... WELL DONE , i am so happy for you...when you think of this you have to feel proud of you !!  Don't feel discouraged for having felt like taking those pills, please.. I am also sure that having them make your pain even worse, this is how our minds play with us making everything worse to us but you have have overcome this moment and here you are, you had those thoughts but your actions at the end changed the outcome, you with help changed the outcome, BE PROUD, QUITIN :)

[10356]

Have a Good day quitinoxys.. I'm happy for you and your wife. You beat your addiction tonight !! Thank the Good spirits.. good night hope your back feels a lil better in the morning... lesa

[10356]

Have a Good day quitinoxys.. I'm happy for you and your wife. You beat your addiction tonight !! Thank the Good spirits.. good night hope your back feels a lil better in the morning... lesa

[quitinoxys]

I thank ALL of you for carrying me through this most of all GOD as he looks down on all of us, I am going to hit the rack now as I have an early morning tomorrow. Again thanks SOOOO much

[dominosarah]

I am heading to bed now too,  We had a happy ending here tonight.

[gnarly_1]

BROVOOO......WOOO HOOOOO....CUDOS DUDE.....your stronger then me if they where in my pocket I would have ate all 4 of them....I know my limitations....you did the right thing
God moves in mysterious ways...what was the chace your wife would be up at this hr
anyways im proud of you dude you got past a real acid test...the next one is telling then no
when they offer....but all tured out well now I can go to bed have a great night and a good meeting in the morning........Gnarly  

[dominosarah]

Thank God for your strength and your wife.  What a relief this is....Way to go on flushing that poison....Let us know how you are doing tomorrow.      sara

[quitinoxys]

OMG my wife called me about 20 min ago and asked if I was alright. Did you guys all her (kidding) She is my tower of strenght and my true soulmate.She told me she couldn't sleep and just wanted leave a message and tell me she misses me. To her surprise I answer my cell,  I was going to BS her and say everything is ok, but that don't work with her. So I fessed up to what I was going through. My baby said " where is that strong firefigther I fell in love with you where ok before you went on travel what happened" I explained to her and she said you and only you know what to do. I just hung up with her and I FLUSHED the F in pills. I told her that I was communicating with all of you and my love said thank all of them from keeping you occupied until you got the strenght back to go on. I want to thank all of you for helping make the right decision, because if I didn't post here I probably would have swallowed that poision. Tomorrow is a new day and I will have to deal with it all over again. I think tomorrow I might think though.

[dominosarah]

Dont start hating on yourself.  We all know what this feels like and we also know what you need to do.  You can stop this battle going on with yourself so make the right choice here....

[gnarly_1]

flush them and end the torcher....these are not an option...it is addictive behavior to take someone else's  meds  this is not an option for you you have come to far to blow it
now man up and go flush them b/4 you wind up eating them