Aa
Please someone help me.
My name is Lainey. I have been addicted to pain killers off and on for a couple of yrs. I got off them cold turkey about this time last year, it took about 1 month total and I ended up taking them again because of a legit pain reason...now I am hooked again. I am finding it harder to go without them than I did before. I am out of money and out of happiness...I have like one days worth and that's it...I am so scared to stop. It's all I can think about is how miserable I am going to feel =( I don't have anyone to support me. So here is what scares me so much...
I can deal with the emotional stuff pretty well. My biggest issues are not being able to sleep and the BACK PAIN. I get this awful intense BURNING pain in my very lower back, right where my butt starts and back ends. The weird thing is that the pain is ONLY there when I lay down, and only when I lay on my back. It is there when I sit as well, but not as bad. It's a deep, deep burning pain. It almost feels like a deep bruise. The problem is that there is no injury to my back, there never has been. I know that it's my body wanting the drugs and my core is probably all out of whack. Yet this pain in unbearable. I can not live in my bath, and as I said the only time it's bad is when I lay down, which is a lot because I also suffer from chronic fatigue...I know that if I can beat the back pain, I can quit, and it'll be for good. I HAVE the mental toughness, I just can't do the back pain. Please tell me someone out there has a solution to this!? The pain is NOT helped even remotely by Advil,Tylenol etc etc. The thing that scares me is that last time for my back pain to even begin to die down it took minimum a month. I can't endure that again. I've considered suicide more than once in my life because of this...I don't know what to do. I'm sitting here crying my eyes out because I'm a drug addict and my whole family hates me. I have no one and I need help so bad! I do not have insurance or anything so I can't go into any kind of a rehab center and I also have someone that depends on me that I can not leave alone.
I guess I'm just begging for someone to help me...someone to talk to me. I have one day of pain free left...and then I'll be on my own again, trapped inside my mind, and inside my body that hurts so endlessly... =/
I can deal with the emotional stuff pretty well. My biggest issues are not being able to sleep and the BACK PAIN. I get this awful intense BURNING pain in my very lower back, right where my butt starts and back ends. The weird thing is that the pain is ONLY there when I lay down, and only when I lay on my back. It is there when I sit as well, but not as bad. It's a deep, deep burning pain. It almost feels like a deep bruise. The problem is that there is no injury to my back, there never has been. I know that it's my body wanting the drugs and my core is probably all out of whack. Yet this pain in unbearable. I can not live in my bath, and as I said the only time it's bad is when I lay down, which is a lot because I also suffer from chronic fatigue...I know that if I can beat the back pain, I can quit, and it'll be for good. I HAVE the mental toughness, I just can't do the back pain. Please tell me someone out there has a solution to this!? The pain is NOT helped even remotely by Advil,Tylenol etc etc. The thing that scares me is that last time for my back pain to even begin to die down it took minimum a month. I can't endure that again. I've considered suicide more than once in my life because of this...I don't know what to do. I'm sitting here crying my eyes out because I'm a drug addict and my whole family hates me. I have no one and I need help so bad! I do not have insurance or anything so I can't go into any kind of a rehab center and I also have someone that depends on me that I can not leave alone.
I guess I'm just begging for someone to help me...someone to talk to me. I have one day of pain free left...and then I'll be on my own again, trapped inside my mind, and inside my body that hurts so endlessly... =/
Hey, how are you? How are things going so far? I hope the withdrawals are minimal like you said(aside from sleep), and your backs not giving you too much grief.
Doing things to get the endorphins going, no matter how little you think you feel like doing it, goes a long way to reducing the severity of symptoms caused by an induced lack of natural painkillers by stimulating your body to produce them itself. Old hat it would seem but it really is some good advice I think, and in your case may alleviate the length of time/levels of your lower back pain.
Doing things to get the endorphins going, no matter how little you think you feel like doing it, goes a long way to reducing the severity of symptoms caused by an induced lack of natural painkillers by stimulating your body to produce them itself. Old hat it would seem but it really is some good advice I think, and in your case may alleviate the length of time/levels of your lower back pain.
How are you feeling? My name is Wendy and I became concerned for you when reading about your suicidal thoughts. I know that sometimes talking with folks on the internet can seem a bit phony because you don't really know who is on the other side of your screen. I am hoping you will think of all the "real" people out there that would never get the opportunity to meet you if you killed yourself. I bet that you are a great friend.
I too am going through withdrawal right now, That's how I ended up at your post. It was the 5th of this month that I admitted to my spouse that I was taking opiates and that I was addicted. He was hurt. He was also concerned for me and has been doing nothing but tolerating me for the last 2 weeks.
I have terrible physical pain now. I can't sleep. I am irritable. I am eating like crazy. I freeze half the time and sweat the other half. Knees keep freezing up and migraines have increased. I have pain in the bones of my mouth and gums.
Took Celebrex with a Skelaxin today and experienced some significant relief. I am, however glad to be successful thus far. I don't want to have to go back on opiates so I am going to give this all I have. I just don't know if I can keep up with all this horrible pain.
Take care and contact someone you know near you if you feel like hurting yourself.
I too am going through withdrawal right now, That's how I ended up at your post. It was the 5th of this month that I admitted to my spouse that I was taking opiates and that I was addicted. He was hurt. He was also concerned for me and has been doing nothing but tolerating me for the last 2 weeks.
I have terrible physical pain now. I can't sleep. I am irritable. I am eating like crazy. I freeze half the time and sweat the other half. Knees keep freezing up and migraines have increased. I have pain in the bones of my mouth and gums.
Took Celebrex with a Skelaxin today and experienced some significant relief. I am, however glad to be successful thus far. I don't want to have to go back on opiates so I am going to give this all I have. I just don't know if I can keep up with all this horrible pain.
Take care and contact someone you know near you if you feel like hurting yourself.
Thanks so much for your replies. Today is the first day without them. I don't get Wds bad.. As I've said for me it's more the back pain.. So far I'm just really bored. I don't know yet if I'll be successful
Sorry to hear of the predicament you are in. Know that you are NOT alone and there are others out here who know what you are going through. I wish I had a magic answer, if I did….. I wouldn't be on this site either. Good luck, and I'm always willing to listen.
please let this be the last time you do this to yourself. did you know withdrawals get harder and harder each time you do it?? you may not have tummy issues or RLS YET but one of these times you will.
besides, consider yourself lucky that you have no legitimate pain and know that it is possible that someday you will have it and pain killers won't work as well on you.
i used to take them for reasons that i THOUGHT warranted them until one day i fell off the roof and broke my back in 4 places, broke pelvis and hip. Lord have mercy did i then know what pain really was. just a cautionary word of advice. we never know what tomorrow will bring.
you only get one life. just one. do you really want to spend it seeking pills and detoxing over and over again?????
you can do this.
besides, consider yourself lucky that you have no legitimate pain and know that it is possible that someday you will have it and pain killers won't work as well on you.
i used to take them for reasons that i THOUGHT warranted them until one day i fell off the roof and broke my back in 4 places, broke pelvis and hip. Lord have mercy did i then know what pain really was. just a cautionary word of advice. we never know what tomorrow will bring.
you only get one life. just one. do you really want to spend it seeking pills and detoxing over and over again?????
you can do this.
I understand back pain, I've had several back surgeries so I wouldn't know if that was one of my wd symptoms or not Lol. Have you tried taken Motrin or ibprofen ? They don't help me but I have major back problems. Tens unit could help too. They even have them now that you can buy OTC.
Jtb, interesting story! I know I can do CT, because I have before, I just really don't want to! I guess in some ways I am lucky, when I stop, I don't vomit, I don't get deathly sick, I don't even get RLS. However the back pain I get more than makes up for the WD symptoms I don't get.
But I also was petrified of withdrawals. I tried once at home didnt make it more then a few hours literally. I was throwing up dehydrated so fast. I passed out because my blood pressure dropped so low. My husband called the ambulance (how embarrassing ) I came out of it before they came took a pill. Poof I was all better. After That noway was I ever going to attempt to ct again. I tried to taper but had another surgery so went back up So I had enough checked myself in rehab which I was told I was going to be given suboxone for a few days so I wouldn't be deathly sick. Only reason I went because noway I was going cold turkey. Once I got there they said I had to wait until I started to experience some withdrawal symptoms before they would give me the suboxone or it wouldt work. So I waited and waited. Next day still nothing day after still fine. (Now I was far away from home) but I didn't have any withdraw symptoms and I was taken 75mg of oxycodone a day. Weirdest thing ever. Everyone I was in there with 6 or 7 people noone got sick. Magic detox i honestly don't know and don't care if they slipped me something while I was sleeping. Another guy was banging 2grams of herion a day he was fine. Part of me feels like it was all I my head I made myself sick at home and not there because I knew I couldn't get anything. I don't know. Wish I did Trust me I heard so many horror wd stories and I few hours I experienced them myself. After I got home I started to figety antsy heck I still can't sleep (but have back problems). I honestly think everyone's body reacts differently If you get on here and read and read I'm sure you will find so many helpful tips. Good luck
Just finished the worst of my physical we and survived. A few on this sight said don't let them get too big in ur head and they were right. When I just said "I got the flu" it goes away things got a little better for me. I ate tons of banasas some stuff for restless leg and few other things on the Thomas diet and it helped. I just posted something on here that I think applies to u. I'll see if I can copy and paste it for ya. I just got my very first four hours of sleep!
Yes I will keep posting. I need all the help I can get, feel free to message me or talk here or anything! The thing about the back pain, I know that I don't actually have any nerve damage or anything like that. I never had back pain before PKs, and it went away after about 2 1/2 months after I quit last time. It's extremely difficult for me to get to a doctor, and I could never afford Xrays and MRIs and such. However, I am about 98% sure that I have no actual medical issue with my back. My back is no more messed up than someones legs are when they have restless leg syndrome. It's all part of the WDs, but its HARD! Yes I am just mentally strong, I always have been. I can do anything I put my mind to, but physical pain is extremely hard on me. I'd rather be depressed than sprain my ankle. I'm just a unique type I guess... again thank you guys for the replies!!! It means SO MUCH TO ME.
Hi Lainey, welcome to the forum. This is a great place for advice and support. You are not alone, and there is always someone to talk to. I agree with the above. You do really need to get to the bottom of your medical issue with your back pain, and find out what is causing it. Then, if possible a taper off of the Hydro. I know you don't have health insurance, but have you tried to find any other programs that might be available? I know that the ERs can not turn anyone away. Other doctors or urgent care do offer cash discounts.
Keep posting with any questions or if you want some support. We can help you get through the withdrawal process, and with emotional support. I wish you the best. Take care!
Keep posting with any questions or if you want some support. We can help you get through the withdrawal process, and with emotional support. I wish you the best. Take care!
Hi, you know reading your story was interesting: you wrote that you can handle the "emotional" part and you have mental toughness but that you are terrified of wd. Okay. So since you are tough (your words) you CAN handle this. I can tell you are panicking, you are looking forward a month already. If I do that I freak out, too! Can you stay in the right now? You can handle what comes to you if you keep your head out of the future...and the past.
Okay, get thee to a meeting! NA or AA...they are free. And you can have an actual person care for you every step of this. You do not have to be alone at all. And you can't be or this doesn't work, okay?
Look up the Thomas recipe, you know what to do. And this time, don't do it alone. Keep posting AND get to a meeting. That is what they are there for.
Other folks will chime in about legit pain. From what everyone says, actual pain is better WITHOUT opiates. You really don't know what your actual pain level is yet. Exhale okay?
You will be ok. Just listen to what everyone is telling you:) Keep posting!
Okay, get thee to a meeting! NA or AA...they are free. And you can have an actual person care for you every step of this. You do not have to be alone at all. And you can't be or this doesn't work, okay?
Look up the Thomas recipe, you know what to do. And this time, don't do it alone. Keep posting AND get to a meeting. That is what they are there for.
Other folks will chime in about legit pain. From what everyone says, actual pain is better WITHOUT opiates. You really don't know what your actual pain level is yet. Exhale okay?
You will be ok. Just listen to what everyone is telling you:) Keep posting!
Thank you both. I don't believe I have a medical issue with my back, as I know that WDs can cause back pain in some people =( I know if I can kick them once more I'll be ok...I will look into the TENS unit...thanks guys, any other support I'd appreciate, anyone can feel free to message me to my inbox as well. Thanks SO MUCH
Hi there-
It sounds to me like you may have a legit medical issue that the pain meds are masking. I know you don't have insurance- that's rough. I can't relate because I have free healthcare here in Canada. But you have to do something. You're at the end of your rope and feeling suicidal. You've got to save your life and do whatever it takes.
You may have a pinched nerve, sciatica, or something internal that is causing referred back pain when the opiates leave your system.
I know this sounds silly- but have you tried stretching? Do a forward fold. roll down slowly vertabrae by vertabrae, making sure you bend your knees to relieve the pressure on your hamstrings and lower back. Let your head be heavy, shake your head yes, shake your head no, and take deep breaths into your lower back. Try sleeping with a pillow between your knees.
I wish there were more I could do to help. But I can only send my support and hope that you find the help that you need and deserve.
Lu
It sounds to me like you may have a legit medical issue that the pain meds are masking. I know you don't have insurance- that's rough. I can't relate because I have free healthcare here in Canada. But you have to do something. You're at the end of your rope and feeling suicidal. You've got to save your life and do whatever it takes.
You may have a pinched nerve, sciatica, or something internal that is causing referred back pain when the opiates leave your system.
I know this sounds silly- but have you tried stretching? Do a forward fold. roll down slowly vertabrae by vertabrae, making sure you bend your knees to relieve the pressure on your hamstrings and lower back. Let your head be heavy, shake your head yes, shake your head no, and take deep breaths into your lower back. Try sleeping with a pillow between your knees.
I wish there were more I could do to help. But I can only send my support and hope that you find the help that you need and deserve.
Lu
Oh...and my dose daily is usually between 50-80 mg of Hydros. I can manage fine by taking 40mg and anything over 100 is too much, so I know some people are much worse off than I.
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To be honest, your situation almost sounds impossible to provide a solution for so you're going to need to do some work. You need medical help to do this so you'll need to find a doctor who will accept cash payment. You may also benefit from specific exercises but that would require you to be out of bed and pushing yourself. A TENS unit might provide relief, as well.
Good luck-