Preparing to Go Cold-Turkey -Pain Pills. Help Needed!

[BrieflyBroken]

Hi Everyone! (I’m kinda long winded, so please bear with me!)

I’m so glad I found this community. The atmosphere gave me the hope that I could find acceptance, understanding and kinship. Ok, so my name is Shanna and I’ve become addicted to painkillers. My outward show of happiness and confidence has left me alone with this problem. I need some advice, as well as some knowledge and feedback from people with experience.
After researching, I found that I have more of a minor addiction compared to most people needing help and advice with genuinely extreme difficulties. For the past year, I’ve taken anywhere from 1 ½ to 3 10mg Percocet daily. (If I had plenty of money and no disapproving husband, I would be a lot worse than that). For the 5 years before, I was an occasional user. A couple years ago I was diagnosed with a degenerative back disorder, Lumbago, that makes my muscles unable to recuperate well. So officially, I need to take 1 5mg Percocet 2 times daily and exercise to keep my muscles strong (which I don’t do…)
My first question is ‘Why am I addicted in the first place?”  (I know you can't tell me flat out, but maybe you can help me understand.) To begin with, on the inside, I am content and satisfied with me. One the outside however, my stress is maxed. Kids, a husband with psychotic bipolar disorder, and an anal need to keep straight A’s throughout school for my engineering degree. And what’s crazy is that I know from my teenage years that there are far better drugs out there than a little pill for pain. Why didn’t I get addicted to those??
My husband is one of those that strongly ‘look down’ on people who ‘do drugs’ (even though he’ll smoke every now & again), so I lied to him about it for a while. But when I realized I was addicted and wanted help, I fessed up and asked him to help me. That was 6 mo. and he’s still mad at me underneath, but he ‘tries’ to help by keeping the pills locked up and only giving me a certain amount daily, but he doesn’t talk to me about it, which is what I need -encouragement. What advice can you give him on how to best support me?
I can't just cut back, for 2 mo. now I have taken 15mg a day and all does is make me constantly think I want more. I am going to have to go cold turkey, which I am planning on doing on March 24th after my Final exams because I will have 3 weeks until my next classes start. I don’t think cold-turkey will be bad physically, I’ve been without them for a few days before and I didn’t have any physical withdrawal symptoms, so I think it will be more psychological. What can I do to prepare? Are there any alternative therapies, maybe something herbal or holistic that could help me. Rehab is out of the question (I am a full-time college student with 3 boys, and a family that knows nothing about this) and I can't be prescribed suboxone or methadone because my dependence on Percocet isn’t enough to warrant the risk of dependence on them.
Thank you for listening, I really want to be a good mom without thinking I need my pills to  be able to go outside and play with them. My husband is great and he tries his best, we have been through a lot and this is our last obstacle. If I can get past this, my life will be as close to perfect as it can get. Please Help!

[BrieflyBroken]

For the past 2 mo., I've been taking 15mg. of Percocet (my particular poison) daily. I  made the decision to quit 4 days ago and since then have been taking 30mg (I guess I am binging while I can...  And thanks for the response and support!

[promise2bereal]

I can't tell you how many times I typed comments and erased em, scared to death to post. I am a very private person, and this is really not in character for me at all, but I guess its gotten to the point where I'm desperate for advice/guidance in helping me to address this. I've been on meds over 12 years,  and currently take 640 mgs of oxycontin a day. I've had 22-25 surgeries; I actually lost count and don't care to check, but the point is, is that I have real pain, but the problem is that I am tired of trading off the side effects and the "numbness" for relief. I want em out of my life, which up to this point, has been, through the grace of God is all I can figure, surprisingly trouble free,but not without moments where it could have easily turned out disastrous. That's part of my motivation, as i feel I am currently putting on "airs"; everything appears fine on the outside, but me, personally, on the inside, knows better.

I plan on trying to taper off of these meds, reducing the dosage daily, on my own. Prior to this, I would chew em, which I knew better than, and will not continue as I go through this process. In all previous attempts at quitting, I kept chewing em, reducing the amount to about 3-4 per day, but never completely quitting. I sabotaged myself, I suppose, by chewing em, and I hope desperately that taking em correctly, and reducing em will improve my chances of success. I am hoping that there are many of you who have gone down this road prior, and will take the time to share anything that will be of aid. I have wayyyyyyy too much riding on my success to even consider failure as an option.

[refusingbondage]

Hey there and welcome. I feel for you and can completely relate.  I was an addict for many years on many things, pills being the last great hurdle- ultimately getting up to 30+ percocet a day - all the while maintaing being a mom, working a full time job and being very successful at it and keeping up that outward "happy, nothings wrong appearance" while really on the inside feeling like a prisoner.  You are doing such a great thing.  Please stop now before it gets out of control.  You seem like you know what you want and have the strength to do it, that's all you need to get through detox.  Recovery is something different.  Try to figure out why you use the pills for more than just pain relief.  Only you can dig deep and answer that.  The best thing I can recommend for the physical part of withdrawal is hot baths/showers and exercise.  As much as you can get.  Get outside and play with your little ones - it may feel weird at first without those pills, but keep at it...  Go for walks if you can.  DO anything to create some endorphins.  It will help.  Eat healthy and drink lots of fluids.  You will be ok.  Don't feel too down on yourself - be proud that you have come to this realization now and proud that you are ready to fight it and beat it.  Best of luck to you!

[lana_lynn20]

The reason why we become addicted to these little pills made by the devil is in our Neurons...These pills mimic dopamine (a nuerotransmitter) that basically gives us pleasure...These neurotransmitters create more and more receptor sites that basically gobble these pills up, then when you wake up in the morning, the receptor sites are starving and crying out for more of the neurotransmitters - dopamine.  

It is a hard road to go down to become clean, and we're all here for eachother..
Lana

[scaredmom330]

you have come to the right place, there are lots of people here who will support you and not judge you. No one know why they become addicted, it just happens to all people of different life styles. There are lawyers and doctors as well as the little man addicted and can't tell you exactly why..If you are going to jump c/t check out the thomas recipe and acid amino protocol at the bottom of the page, stock up on juice or gatorade. be prepared to feel like you have the flu for a couple of days. post and keep posting, we are here to support you anyway we can. take care and good luck.

[MontanaGurl]

sorry for what your going through, it sounds as though you need to "re-learn" a few things, talk to a counselor or therapist and teach yourself how to do things without the feel good of the pills.  sounds bad i know, but, that is the bottom line.  sorry if i sound like a sour puss, not meaning to.  i am glad you dont have withdrawls they are not fun at all, i am going through that and feels like i am gonna pass over the grear divide  :-)

[liscamdave]

You def came to the right place. Its a step in the right direction to have come here and also that you know you need to stop. So what are you takin as of now and how much?

[bionic_man]

Congrats to you on realizing the need to quit.  I was in an accident when I was a child and have had three back surgeries as a result and know that pain well.  I'm currently tapering of off Oxycontin after trying to go cold turkey.  I have to work and couldn't put up with the side effects.  If I were to go cold turkey, I would go to my doctor and ask for Xanas for anxiety and something for nausea.  I would also look on this site for any vitamin/mineral advice.  I know some folks swear by the supplement recommendations.  I would also plan to lie around due to the energy loss.  Probably the most important, I would get any narcotics out of the house and not be available.  Getting clean requires a lifestyle change and I used to take an Oxycontin every morning whether I needed it or not.  It became a habit.  Getting used to not taking anything first thing is extremely hard for me.  If I don't have them I can't take them.  

Good luck to you and keep posting.  Let us know how you do.  

Bionic Man