Quilt by Association!

[VICourageous]

I just wanted to share this with out here with my MH friends on here. It took me some guts to do this and I am a bit nervous right now. OK! We are always suggesting out here, as they do at all meetings to cut all sources and do not go around People, Places and Things that can cause triggers etc..We also suggest to tell the Drs, Dentist, and so on..Well I did do all of this back on Sept 2012. So the time I had all those family deaths my Dr would not prescribe me any Mind-altering or Addicting drugs,which I had asked for some type of benzo..This was good because I might not be here today if he did. OK!! Now I have known my Friend for over 40 years and I have put info in my Journal on here about her. SO.. I would only talk to her over the phone now & then and from time to time.After having over 600plus days in I started to stop by more and see her..she gets the Methadone, Klons like I did and she also now is getting Soma and Ambrien. What a mess she is and so crazy these days..I look at her and do not want to be like that any more..However, the other day she called and wanted to get out of the house..I asked her if she was high or had done any other drugs other then her scrip like Crank/Meth or Adderral..Well she said NO..So I took her down with me last Monday to see my Biological Dad. I am not to close to him like I was my step Dad & Mom that just died, but I am trying to get to know him..He knows all about me and that I went into a treatment..Plus he knows about my Drug use off & on since I was very young. WELL I get home that night and called him back..He went off on me and asked me what the heck was my friend on and was I doing it too! OMG I was just so mad and was crying..I told him NO and that she just acts like this all the time and has been accused of being on some kind of speed all her life. Well she is using and thinks it is OK because it is prescribed and that she knows all about them meetings because she stopped drinking 6 years ago..Ha! just traded one addiction for the other. Also on the way back home from his house she wanted to pull in and see her BF..Well guess what??? I had no clue she was stopping there to see if the Monthly Crank/Meth came in..WTF!!! Now that is NO friend because I could of been temped so bad. NOW here is the kicker. I told her what my dad said and she just said yes this happens to me all the time..Well the next day I was talking with Weaver on how do I let go of this relationship I have had for over 40 years. Well she called the next day and was screaming and saying things like you do not want to be around me becasue I use and who do you think you are and you have hurt me so I do not love you & on & on & on with some really, really hurtful things that she tossed in my face about the past. SO The story now ends with that she made this easy for me now. I am the one who always wants the last word..She now can have the last word as we are now divorced. Ha! Yes this hurts and hurts me bad because we go way back with Many Memories..BUT even if and when I was around her for even 10min she made me so nervous and anxious. I look at her as one big Pill and I might want to take a chunk off it. Also my Hub has been telling me for Years to stay away..There is something more mental and it is just getting worse & worse. SOOOOO. When they say to stay away from these people who use, no matter what it is the TRUTH! I thought I had enough time in to handle it..NO WAY! I am still a babe in the woods and I will be for the rest of my Life. Positive and Negative can come out Negative. Being around Positive and Positive will help you grow stronger and be more happier..Who needs Drama and Stress when we are working on staying clean..I know Life will be Life and it will not always go the way we want..BUT we can make choices on which path to go down and who we want to have walking beside us.
I guess the reason I put this out here is to let the new ones know how very important it is to stay away from others that use..Jails, Institutions and Death is what I really see now in Addiction..No one gets out with a free pass. Lots of Life Style changes have to be made and I had to make a Whole New World around me.
PS. This might be moved to the Social but I hope not..lol
Bless
Vickie

[weaver71]

People stopped enabling me. I know those who love me were hurt by that, but that is the single that stands out in me realizing I had to get off drugs for ME. You may be saving her life by nit being a part of it right now. You are definitely not risking your life so much by living what you know is right. Way to go Vicki.

[AShellof_Me]

Thank you so much Vic for sharing your experience! This is a fabulous thread.  It's wonderful to know we continue to grow and learn continually - ain't it?  Building up those healthy boundaries, so you (WE) can STAY healthy. good stuff!!  Progress not perfection!

Sarah ~ love that quote.

[dominosarah]

I posted this on my facebook today.  It simply says..............

"Stop setting yourself on fire for someone who stays to watch you burn"

[VICourageous]

Hi..Lots of messages have been coming my way since Yesterday! Not only from last nights meeting, but also from all of YOU! I was driving to town this morning and listening to the Christan Station..Wow! I felt like he was riding in my Truck and talking to me about ALL of this..He even mentioned "Toxic". Then someone from the meeting did call and ask me if I wanted to go to the Cedar Church..This is a Church that Lots of recovering addicts go to. I did mention this church to Connie yesterday and now I got a call to go with some people from the meetings.
Since my Mom passed I have been missing Girl Talk..My Mom was my Best Girl Friend so I guess I just got Lonely. I do know it will all work out and I will continue to stay with Clean people.
I also have a Guy friend that I have known for only a few years. I meet him at a AA meeting and used to go with him to some that were out of town. He was going to move in with yet another girl I know who drinks. He just called and decided not to because of what I have gone through and also what I had repeated about it being "Toxic". Now you know I got that from here..lol
Also I put Quilt instead of Guilt because her & I have quilted together 41 years of Memories. (Ang got that one). I will always hold her Good Memories in my Heart, but I will now Pray for her while I Distance myself.
Thank you all for the Support...Yet one more time!!!!
ALL of YOU are a Great Big BLESSING in SO many ways!
Vickie

[clean_in_ks]

Hey Vic.....I'm so glad you have come to this decision about this friend.
And also that you learned no matter how many days clean you are....being around her, visiting her at her home, going on a day trip, whatever...will compromise YOU and all you have worked so hard for.  There are no "exceptions to the rule" when it comes to old playmates, playgrounds and playthings.....though we usually have to test the waters to learn that.

Even with your trusting heart.....it's important to remember that just because you have changed......an addict actively using has only gotten worse.  Her harsh words while under the influence of the many drugs she is on may have hurt....but it's important to remember that nothing "healthy" can ever come out of an addicts mouth/heart while they are brain fogged.
Hurting people....hurt people.  She is full of self-hate.....and she will never ever be the friend you "remember".

And whether she is on "prescribed drugs" or "street drugs" is really irrelevant.....addiction is addiction.  She takes ALL the drugs you came off of...and has since added MORE.  Maybe one day, God will put you in a position to help her.....but her walk will have to agree with her talk.....and it's obvious that ain't happening yet.  We need to pray for her, I'm thinkin~

I have a pic I put up here in my photos on MH about toxic/poisonous people that can threaten our sobriety.....it says:

"We would do ourselves a tremendous favor by letting go of the people who poison our spirit."

And YOU have now done yourself a tremendous favor, Vic!!
Love you~

[Pat1956100]

It's amazing that you wrote this now.  I too have a friend who I have known for close to 50 years.  My whole life really.  She was the one that gave me my first perc and she ended up moving into my apartment at a very vulnerable time in my life and I was hooked.  
She has moved out now but we still keep in touch.  Her own daughter told me that I need to stay away from her.  Her daughter knows how hard I have been fighting my addiction and thinks that her Mom is bad news for me.    It's hard because she is like a sister to me.  We have shared all our secrets, our families know each other and it's a small town.
Thanks for posting this Vickie, you have given me a lot to think about.

[gnarly_1]

He Vick good to see you great to see you clean....it is amazing how 1 bad apple can spoil the bunch im so proud of you for cutting the tyes toxic people will bring you down to there level every time I had to give up my hunting buddy I new for 30 yrs but he is still out there we no longer talk and I have severed all tyes I can no longer shoot pool because of the triggers there as addicts we need to be around clean friends that is why I recomend N/A to everyone keep doing what your doing maybe step up tp a few more meetings till this all blows over your strong Girl you got this one...Good post.............Gnarly

[dominosarah]

You make me proud grasshopper ~

[VICourageous]

Yep! That is what I said last night. If they want to just talk about it and NOT do anything about it..Then no can do for me to be around..I know I am not the only one out here that has Loved ones or Friends that still use or drink..But I do know now (Again) how important it is to distance your self from this NO matter how much time we have in..I like it being called a TOXIC relationship because that is just what it is when we are around them..lol
Feeling really good today and about the choice I made once again. I stayed away for a very Long time, but nothing changes if nothing changes. SO for our own safety toward our Recovery we must do what must be done. I will pray that someday God will show them the way!
I know it took me a good Year or almost Two to finally start to balance out and now it is the time that I am physically,mentally and spiritually REALLY starting to GROW! All of this whole Process does not happen in a week or two. I think it takes LOTS of WORK and MANY CHANGES! lol
TIME, TIME AND MORE TIME..Hahahaha
Bless U ALL!

[msdelight]

Wow Sarah you are SO Right. Lesson learned here too. Thank you!

[dominosarah]

She can talk the talk all she wants.  Until she walks the walk you just continue in your recovery.  She is a big girl

[VICourageous]

Yes I did learn a good one Once again! The meeting tonight was about the "Triangle of Self-Obsession"! Also the Reading Just for Today..May 30th fit right in..I had a great meeting tonight and it all intertwined with this as well. I sure do feel relieved and I will stick to my Guns. Just hope she does not die on us right now..Jail is where she will be soon if she does not change her ways.
Like it says Negative is; Resentment, Anger and Fear.
                  Positive  is: Acceptance, Love and Faith.
Self-Obsession is at the Heart of our insanity.
It is time to do the 12 steps AGAIN for the 4th time..lol
Thanks for Listening and I sure hope others will get something out of this as well.
Bless
PS She says she wants to go and has gone to NA but will not give up the prescribed meds! That is OK just leave the Street Drugs alone and back off on some of the prescribed ones that are not really needed. Heck, I do not think any of them are needed...lol
                            
              

[dominosarah]

YOU knew what she was like and YOU put yourself in harms way.  Your dad had every right to be concerned.  I was just reading this.  When they say you have to change your playmates and playground that is what everyone means.  You are not exempt from that my friend.  Toxic people poison us.   Step up your meetings.......

Hard lesson learned grasshopper but you learned and that is what matters~

[msdelight]

God truely does work in mysterious ways. There are so many connections here. I know it hurts, but as you know you definitely made the right decision.  You are so freaking courageous and amaze me in so many ways! The girl is a train wreck and its not your fault. I see her as one big pill too and I would definitely like to bite her for ruining your trying to connect with your dad, putting you in harms way and making you feel like the bad one. Huh! That is no friend! Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you up with experience! Lol! Love ya lady.

[lulu747]

Hey Vic-
I'm sorry you're going through this, but know it really is for the best.  About a year into my recovery I had to eliminate a childhood friend from my life because she was a raging alcoholic that was deep in denial.  She was wreaking havoc in my life and I feared for her life and that of her son (who I still worry about every single day) I confronted her on her addiction and she LOST it on me.  Called me every name in the book, accused me of being a sanctimonious ex drug addict and told me to get the F out of her house.  I said to her "Yes.  But notice I am an EX drug addict.  I just want you to live and be happy and healthy."  She said "Get the F out of my house."  So I did.
Every so often I get a FB message from her, I can tell she's drunk, I do not respond.  She did put her son in one of my acting classes, so at least I get to see him, check in, and make sure he's okay.  It's hard.  We were friends since we were 12.  But I could not have the toxic crazy making in my life and neither can you.
You know the adage; Take care of yourself, and the rest takes care of itself.
It's true.  I am proud of you.
Also, when I read your post I was like "Quilt my association?  What the heck is Quilt?  Some new drug I haven't heard of?"  Hahahaha.  Good laugh and I needed one.  Thanks for that.
xo
Lu

[ariley13]

Oh, Vic, I am so sorry she did this to you, yet again. I know you have been friends with this lady forever, and have had the same issues pop up again and again since you quit the drugs. I think you made a hard, but good decision today. She is not good for you, or your recovery. You have outgrown her and it's time to move on. I know it's sad when you have known this person for so many years, but it's not healthy to try to force the friendship when she is unwilling to change, or grow.  No relationship works if one person is growing and evolving and the other just wants to be stagnant. On to bigger and better things Mountain Mama! You will always have the memories of the good times. I love you and am so proud of you.

[tooter212]

Your doing the right thing. All you can do is pray for her. Which is the best thing for her anyway. If and when she gets clean she will understand why you have to do this. If not you only lost what you "thought" you had. I know that doesn't ease the hurt any less but you need to invest in your self and your family. God Bless you

[VICourageous]

Thanks..I know this for sure now!! Should of known better anyway! God works in many ways. All of this happen for a good reason..I just got a call from a X of hers out of know where..Have not heard from him in years and then Bam he just called..Yes, he said the same thing that she is just for her and is all whacked out and mean in many ways..Says things that are not true and only hears what she wants to hear. HA! I guess when we come clean we sure can see this in people better..It is hard for me because I am a very nice honest person and trust people..Can not read between the Lines. I sure am working on getting better at that, and I had to put a few more layers of brick around my Wall..lol

[ActingBrandNew]

Yeah...I personally dont a$$ociate with any of my old friends at all. Even ones that have been clean longer than me. I have an old buddy that's been clean 17 years and is a pastor of a church but I stay completely away because I used to get high with him. Anybody I used to get loaded with...no matter what their doing in life today...I stay away from.

Cutting her lose is very necessary for your recovery. You dont need people like that in your life. You did the right thing.

[jugglin]

Oh, girl...I'm sure that wasn't an easy decision you were debating, but I'm glad it worked out in the end. I'm sorry you lost your friend, but I think you lost her years and years ago. Thank you for sharing this story with us...thank you for always sharing your journey!
Hugs out to you sweet Vic!