Aa
Quitting tramadol
I've been taking between 100-250mg of tramadol a day for the past year to treat severe headaches that didn't respond to any other medication. As I haven't had any of these in the last month I decided it is time to quit. Tapering down seems just like prolonging the inevitable so I decided to go cold turkey. I wanted to post some of my experiences here to make me more motivated to keep going as I'm sure it is not going to be easy! Have you recently gone through tramadol withdrawal or are currently going through it? If so, please share your experience with me!
Today is day 1. It's too early in the day for the withdrawal symptoms to kick in so for now I am just excited that even though the next couple of weeks will be brutal, it will all be well worth being tramadol-free in the end!
Today is day 1. It's too early in the day for the withdrawal symptoms to kick in so for now I am just excited that even though the next couple of weeks will be brutal, it will all be well worth being tramadol-free in the end!
I've been going through a lot of the symptoms you all talk about, but didn't realize they were from the tramadol. After tangling with a sociopath, and losing everything -- job, apartment, school, all of it -- I ended up on ultram for fibro. I have thought that I just went mad, but now realize that, taking different dosages and at times not taking any, I have actually been in withdrawal frequently over the past year. There are times I have been so depressed and despondent that I wanted to end it all, and I couldn't figure out why I have not been able to stop grieving. It sounds like it is this drug -- and being so stupid about what it can do when you don't realize it is addictive! It does make me not feel the pain of what has happened, but it also has given me a lot of problems, and when I get down to two or three a day, I feel terrible and then up the dose again. I did find that taking a 20mg propanolol helped with some of the panic feelings (that was prescribed when my thyroid went crazy), but once the doctor took me off that the ultram use escalated. I think I'm going to ask to be put back on that as needed. I'm also on a couple of other drugs that turned out to be addictive -- ?!? I wasn't on anything when this person came into my life, who is now gone, but now I'm left with picking up the pieces and putting the bottles down. I don't want them -- I was so much happier without all this...
This board is especially good, and I'm putting it on my favorites. I like the way everyone treats each other -- supportive and compassionate.
This board is especially good, and I'm putting it on my favorites. I like the way everyone treats each other -- supportive and compassionate.
hi earthmama...
just curious...I'm on my 3rd day of 3/4 of one pill (so...37 and 1/2 mgs). the anxiety/depression is no fun, but I guess manageable. I'm "hoping" that since I'm down to a small dose, tapering down to nothing won't be super incredibly horrible (???). when you say you detoxed before and the worst was over within a "few" days... how long is a few? if you can recall?
thanks!
just curious...I'm on my 3rd day of 3/4 of one pill (so...37 and 1/2 mgs). the anxiety/depression is no fun, but I guess manageable. I'm "hoping" that since I'm down to a small dose, tapering down to nothing won't be super incredibly horrible (???). when you say you detoxed before and the worst was over within a "few" days... how long is a few? if you can recall?
thanks!
I feel your pain! I am a closet addict. The antidepressant may do worlds of good in light of what I am reading about the way Tramadol acts as an antidepressant of sorts. I am out today...dreading tonight, as it is already 2 am and I'm awake. I am finding even when I have a few left in a bottle I get itchy, like I know they won't last til the evening because I'm not strong enough to not take them. I detoxed once before from Tramadol and it was absolute torture. But it did get better within a few days. it's a retraining of every aspect of yourself. Since the start of my Chronic Lyme Disease, I feel trapped at home if I don't have meds. That's the first thing I know I need to change, in a list of so many!
Good Luck! Keep in touch! we can work together to get healthy again!
Good Luck! Keep in touch! we can work together to get healthy again!
Hi LisaH_NYC,
It's so good to hear that you are have more energy today! Use it and enjoy while it lasts! The more positive experiences you can squeeze into the day, the better for your mood and your brain re-wiring.
As I posted in the other thread, I had to put my quitting on hold for a week or so because the fever I mentioned earlier turned out to be an infection so this needs to be taken care of first. However, because of the almost 2 days of not taking tramadol I managed to have "accidentally" tapered from 250mg to 150mg so I feel better that I made some progress :).
Ah, and during my short experience I've discovered that a good form of exercise is dancing around the house to your favourite music blasting out- it is especially advantageous when too weak to leave the house to go to the gym (unless you have all the equipment at home which I don't!).
It's so good to hear that you are have more energy today! Use it and enjoy while it lasts! The more positive experiences you can squeeze into the day, the better for your mood and your brain re-wiring.
As I posted in the other thread, I had to put my quitting on hold for a week or so because the fever I mentioned earlier turned out to be an infection so this needs to be taken care of first. However, because of the almost 2 days of not taking tramadol I managed to have "accidentally" tapered from 250mg to 150mg so I feel better that I made some progress :).
Ah, and during my short experience I've discovered that a good form of exercise is dancing around the house to your favourite music blasting out- it is especially advantageous when too weak to leave the house to go to the gym (unless you have all the equipment at home which I don't!).
Hiya! My hubs sister lives down the Shore, near Sharks River. We go to Ocean Grove almost every summer for a few days. My husband felt horrible when he went down there a few weeks ago and saw how awful things still are from Superstorm Sandy. god willing, we will get down there this summer.
Today was another day of major RLS. I decided to take the Anti-D anyway but in the morning. I didn't notice the heart racing this time, so maybe it wasn't the pill the first time, it was just my own anxiety. I will take it again tomorrow and see.
The good news is I did manage to sleep 3 times today. And each time, when I woke up, I felt less RLS than the last time. I think I can't touch any caffeine right now. Bananas and Tonic water are actually 2 of my faves, will try that and the supplement.
THANK U!
Seeing a bit of a brighter side of me tonight. Will enjoy some video games on line for a few hours, watch a few bad movies, and enjoy my last day off tomorrow before I have to be Ms Ad Exec again. I'm terrified.
Today was another day of major RLS. I decided to take the Anti-D anyway but in the morning. I didn't notice the heart racing this time, so maybe it wasn't the pill the first time, it was just my own anxiety. I will take it again tomorrow and see.
The good news is I did manage to sleep 3 times today. And each time, when I woke up, I felt less RLS than the last time. I think I can't touch any caffeine right now. Bananas and Tonic water are actually 2 of my faves, will try that and the supplement.
THANK U!
Seeing a bit of a brighter side of me tonight. Will enjoy some video games on line for a few hours, watch a few bad movies, and enjoy my last day off tomorrow before I have to be Ms Ad Exec again. I'm terrified.
lisa I am glad your thoughts are less dark. keep moving forward. give the AD a good try. the trams have an anti depressant component in them so it makes the anxiety/depression worse when you stop them more so than with other opiates.
take Epsom salt baths, a magnesium/potassium supplement, wrap your legs in a heating pad, eat bananas, foods high in potassium, drink tonic with quinine in it, walking as much as possible all these things will help the rls.
that is great you got out today, I know the weather wasn't the greatest I live at the jersey shore I was down right cold and very windy. my town cancelled the fireworks for tonight, way to windy.
stick around for support, please reconsider meetings, a good support system helps so much. keep your mind and body busy.
sending support, encouragement and prayers,
debbie
take Epsom salt baths, a magnesium/potassium supplement, wrap your legs in a heating pad, eat bananas, foods high in potassium, drink tonic with quinine in it, walking as much as possible all these things will help the rls.
that is great you got out today, I know the weather wasn't the greatest I live at the jersey shore I was down right cold and very windy. my town cancelled the fireworks for tonight, way to windy.
stick around for support, please reconsider meetings, a good support system helps so much. keep your mind and body busy.
sending support, encouragement and prayers,
debbie
Thank you FourJays, I can always count on you! And I know that. And I do appreciate it, more than you know.
I took the stupid antidepressant. So now I am a monster who can't sit still, but the thoughts have been much less dark today. Much less plotting and drug seeking thoughts. And I went out for 2 hours, but my legs are god-awful. I have had Restless Legs Syndrome since my teens. The Tram def masked it. Its HORRIBLE now. I cannot keep still. My husband said I make him seasick from rocking. I can't take St. Johns Wort which I heard helped a lot of you, but it interacts with the anti depressant.
I didn't like the feeling I got from the Anti-d. I felt anxious. I will try again today and if I still feel too anxious I will call the doc and maybe I need to go down to 1/2 or something.
WHAT AN IDIOT I WAS ever starting on this Tramadol. I am getting paid back big time.
I took the stupid antidepressant. So now I am a monster who can't sit still, but the thoughts have been much less dark today. Much less plotting and drug seeking thoughts. And I went out for 2 hours, but my legs are god-awful. I have had Restless Legs Syndrome since my teens. The Tram def masked it. Its HORRIBLE now. I cannot keep still. My husband said I make him seasick from rocking. I can't take St. Johns Wort which I heard helped a lot of you, but it interacts with the anti depressant.
I didn't like the feeling I got from the Anti-d. I felt anxious. I will try again today and if I still feel too anxious I will call the doc and maybe I need to go down to 1/2 or something.
WHAT AN IDIOT I WAS ever starting on this Tramadol. I am getting paid back big time.
I promise, if you can stand me, I can certainly stand YOU! ***** away! its the only thing keeping me going right now. I spend hours rocking and squirming and I can't stand how my legs feel. I started the antidepressant, so now I am a miserable ***** who can't cry but at least I got up today and went out for 2 hours.
xooxoxo Glad to meet u.
xooxoxo Glad to meet u.
The depression and dark thoughts are so common with Tramadol withdrawal; one of the very hardest things to deal with and what cause so many people to struggle with getting off this med. It is good you recognize these as "thoughts" only. Do you have someone you can talk to about this? Please, if they become more intrusive and you start feeling like they are more than thoughts, please call someone right away..... It is really good that you are expressing your feelings and talking about it now; there will always be support for you here. This is the true evil of Tramadol and why it is SO dangerous - this innocent little pill that makes us feel good, have energy and enables us to 'seemingly" handle everything in life with ease, morphs into a completely different "animal" and turns on us as soon as you try to stop it. You can win this one and you will. It is not easy but you can do it. The dark feelings will fade in time and there are also many things you can do to help ease these symptoms. If you ever have any questions or want to talk about it send me a PM, OK? And keep posting here for support - you are not alone in this!
You are doing great; your positive attitude is going to be huge in your success here I think! I had a lot of the weakness feeling too, and a little dizziness; kinda like my body was unbalanced or 'heavy' or something like that (very odd feeling!). It's good that you did get some sleep, hopefully you will get lucky with that one - but don't get discouraged if it's not 'regular' for awhile. Lack of good, restful sleep is really common and can linger for awhile; it was a couple months before mine returned. And the emotional thing, oh yes, everything was magnified X10 it seemed; especially in those first few days. I had a lot of sweating and hot/cold "meltdowns"; in fact this was probably the most bothersome detox symptom for me. I would get very hot, and possibly could have had a temp, but never took it so I cant be sure about this one. I would be real careful with it though;;;;if it continues, or if you start to notice any other unusual symptoms I would call your doctor just to be sure - don't take any chances OK? You are doing amazing here and soon the worst of this (the acute stuff) will be OVER and you'll start feeling a little better every day; well on your way to putting Tramadol behind you and out of your life forever (where it belongs :) Hang in there and keep us updated!
Hi stayathomemom75 ,
I'm so sorry about your dad- I can't imagine how painful that must have been for you. And I can see how tramadol could help for that in the short term.
I'm glad you decided to get your life and emotions back now, though! Of course there are a lot of unknowns ahead of us but we won't know what lies ahead if we don't go there to see for ourselves. And sometimes just imagining how bad things will be is more frightening than the reality itself.
Ever since I was a child I had ADHD and one of the ways it manifested itself was in me getting completely overwhelmed by any type of project. But I was always told that every big project consist of many tiny pieces so if you see it like this and deal with each small piece at a time, it will be much more manageable. I have used this rule so many times in my life and it helped every single time. So I am using it with tramadol as well- I am trying not to worry about what things will be like when it's over but trying to get through today and hoping for the best tomorrow. It helps to have some positive goal ahead but it's not helpful to focus on your worries because that almost guarantees that they will come true. So let's focus on the good things!
Everyone is different so if taper works best for you- that is the right choice! Good luck making further progress on it!
LisaH_NYC,
The fact that you are able to realise that these are "just" thoughts is a huge achievement and the key to fighting this "addiction monster". Thoughts are not reality so try to observe them as they come without acting on them or trying to suppress them. Don't judge yourself or feel ashamed for having black thoughts because it is all normal part of the recovery process. It will get easier over time, I promise you. You have so many kind souls here to support you through this time so soak up the positive energy and have faith that things will start getting better soon.
I'm so sorry about your dad- I can't imagine how painful that must have been for you. And I can see how tramadol could help for that in the short term.
I'm glad you decided to get your life and emotions back now, though! Of course there are a lot of unknowns ahead of us but we won't know what lies ahead if we don't go there to see for ourselves. And sometimes just imagining how bad things will be is more frightening than the reality itself.
Ever since I was a child I had ADHD and one of the ways it manifested itself was in me getting completely overwhelmed by any type of project. But I was always told that every big project consist of many tiny pieces so if you see it like this and deal with each small piece at a time, it will be much more manageable. I have used this rule so many times in my life and it helped every single time. So I am using it with tramadol as well- I am trying not to worry about what things will be like when it's over but trying to get through today and hoping for the best tomorrow. It helps to have some positive goal ahead but it's not helpful to focus on your worries because that almost guarantees that they will come true. So let's focus on the good things!
Everyone is different so if taper works best for you- that is the right choice! Good luck making further progress on it!
LisaH_NYC,
The fact that you are able to realise that these are "just" thoughts is a huge achievement and the key to fighting this "addiction monster". Thoughts are not reality so try to observe them as they come without acting on them or trying to suppress them. Don't judge yourself or feel ashamed for having black thoughts because it is all normal part of the recovery process. It will get easier over time, I promise you. You have so many kind souls here to support you through this time so soak up the positive energy and have faith that things will start getting better soon.
Hi FourJays- thank you so much for you support. I definitely feel rough today but it will pass! The night was restless but I managed to get some sleep judging from my memories of some very weird dreams! I started the day with a hot bath :). I'm feeling a bit weak and dizzy and I have a fever, which is odd. Does it happen often in tramadol withdrawal?
I can also see a huge difference emotionally. I don't feel depressed or anxious but more sensitive to what happens around me I guess. For instance, I chatted to my childhood best friend in the morning and I couldn't help but feel how grateful I was to have had her in my life. I was just overwhelmed with this emotion and even cried a little. I told her I loved her and that she will always be a part of me, even though we live on the opposite sides of the world and rarely get a chance to talk.
I drank a coffee and I feel so sleepy now :P.
I can also see a huge difference emotionally. I don't feel depressed or anxious but more sensitive to what happens around me I guess. For instance, I chatted to my childhood best friend in the morning and I couldn't help but feel how grateful I was to have had her in my life. I was just overwhelmed with this emotion and even cried a little. I told her I loved her and that she will always be a part of me, even though we live on the opposite sides of the world and rarely get a chance to talk.
I drank a coffee and I feel so sleepy now :P.
>>"Today alone, I have thought about moving to another state, like NJ, just to get my drugs back. I thought about breaking a bone or burning myself to get pain meds. I hate this feeling of anxiety, depression and nothingness. I thought about ordering from overseas companies, but the fear of them sending me rat poison, or cleaning out my bank account through ACH payment stopped me so far. I have flirted with fantasies of using my keys to get into the old lady next door's house... she must have SOMETHING for me to take...I fantasize about robbing the pharmacy. I think about doctor shopping for stupid doctors who will give me my drug back. I think of going to sleazy parks and neighborhoods to try to find a dealer..."
Oh, my sweet, sweet heart. I have SO been there in every single scenario. I've even thought about going to my old "friend of a dealer's" house, knocking on the door after 3 years and asking if he's home. Many years ago, while completely strung out on Lortab, I DID use our friends and neighbors' keys while they were out of town with the excuse of "checking on their dogs" to look thru their medicine cabinet until I found some script cough syrup just to make it through the night.
I have done MANY things I am ashamed and embarrassed of so don't censor yourself and don't think badly of yourself for ANY of these thoughts. Our minds are going to tell us anything to get more of that drug that we have accustomed ourselves to do.
What I have had to do is, with the help of many wonderful, caring people on this site, summon my "inner diva" to be the b!tch that I know I need to be in order to rid myself of this awful habit. I was unsure and stubborn - telling everyone here that I'm not like the rest - I CAN'T do it. I'm stuck for life and there's nothing I can do because my willpower is too weak.
A few comments was all it took to remind me that I can use that same stubbornness to WIN this fight instead of succumb to it. I know nothing I'm saying is getting through to you right now but just know that someone out there knows EXACTLY what you're feeling and has hated every moment of it too. I will likely be in your shoes in just a few short weeks when my taper is minimized so I hope you'll still be online so we can b!tch back and forth to each other, lol. ;)
Oh, my sweet, sweet heart. I have SO been there in every single scenario. I've even thought about going to my old "friend of a dealer's" house, knocking on the door after 3 years and asking if he's home. Many years ago, while completely strung out on Lortab, I DID use our friends and neighbors' keys while they were out of town with the excuse of "checking on their dogs" to look thru their medicine cabinet until I found some script cough syrup just to make it through the night.
I have done MANY things I am ashamed and embarrassed of so don't censor yourself and don't think badly of yourself for ANY of these thoughts. Our minds are going to tell us anything to get more of that drug that we have accustomed ourselves to do.
What I have had to do is, with the help of many wonderful, caring people on this site, summon my "inner diva" to be the b!tch that I know I need to be in order to rid myself of this awful habit. I was unsure and stubborn - telling everyone here that I'm not like the rest - I CAN'T do it. I'm stuck for life and there's nothing I can do because my willpower is too weak.
A few comments was all it took to remind me that I can use that same stubbornness to WIN this fight instead of succumb to it. I know nothing I'm saying is getting through to you right now but just know that someone out there knows EXACTLY what you're feeling and has hated every moment of it too. I will likely be in your shoes in just a few short weeks when my taper is minimized so I hope you'll still be online so we can b!tch back and forth to each other, lol. ;)
Four Jays and Choco,
Thanks for the replies. So far today, I have cried a dozen times. I feel weak and angry and I keep getting smacked with thoughts of ending it all, followed by big plans of some pill caper, followed by tears of frustration and worthlessness that I cannot yet see past the moment. But so far, no self harm, no apartment break-ins, and no holding up any pharmacies. These are THOUGHTS, I keep saying, bad ones, but they are only that, and I need to let them go and move on to the next one. Followed by more bad thoughts. Its endless and I am a mess. 3 days. Of course I feel like crap; its only 3 days. I am going to go pick up the antidepressant now before I find some other reason to (like the Tram fairy is going to show up unannounced and drop them off and I will be rescued from this misery.) Sick, sick, sick. My husband will be home soon. God help me but even more, God help HIM. He has never seen this addict side of me. And I know you know, its not pretty!
Ungrateful but trying...
Lisa
Thanks for the replies. So far today, I have cried a dozen times. I feel weak and angry and I keep getting smacked with thoughts of ending it all, followed by big plans of some pill caper, followed by tears of frustration and worthlessness that I cannot yet see past the moment. But so far, no self harm, no apartment break-ins, and no holding up any pharmacies. These are THOUGHTS, I keep saying, bad ones, but they are only that, and I need to let them go and move on to the next one. Followed by more bad thoughts. Its endless and I am a mess. 3 days. Of course I feel like crap; its only 3 days. I am going to go pick up the antidepressant now before I find some other reason to (like the Tram fairy is going to show up unannounced and drop them off and I will be rescued from this misery.) Sick, sick, sick. My husband will be home soon. God help me but even more, God help HIM. He has never seen this addict side of me. And I know you know, its not pretty!
Ungrateful but trying...
Lisa
Hi, chocoholic!
I, too, am riding the Tramadol train. Started a couple of years ago to mask the misery and pain of my dad's suicide and quickly got in WAY over my head.
I have ordered a 2 month's supply off the internet and am doing a VERY slow and easy taper because I know me and I know my personality. If I tried the CT route (as I have before) then I will eventually lose my willpower and end up in the ER begging for them - ruining any previous success.
Every case and every person is different. I have much more faith in this slow taper that I've worked out with the love & support of my husband. Right now I am taking about 8 a day. Next Monday I start with 7.5, next week 7, and so on until I'm down to the bare minimum.
I've even gone to Walgreens and bought those little daily pill containers to keep me on track.
I know that the end will be hell, since there's no delaying the inevitable, but I feel I'll be much more mentally prepared and ready if I ease my body into it slowly. I've also read about the Thomas Recipe and will be scooping up all of the hydrating supplies and vitamins as needed.
My worries are more about the psychological pain I have been masking for SO LONG. What emotions are going to break through after I clean my body of this poison? What will reality without a crutch feel like? What hobby will I take up to REPLACE this addictive habit that has taken up so much of my time, money and efforts?!
I get scared when I ponder those questions but at least I have the full support of my family who is backing me 100%. Also, I'm thankful for this community that I've recently discovered. There is more help to be found here than anywhere else in the world that I've found! (I'm looking at YOU, nursegirl!! ;)
Stick around and write whatever you feel, whenever you feel. Not only can we take it, we can probably relate to it more than you know. :)
I, too, am riding the Tramadol train. Started a couple of years ago to mask the misery and pain of my dad's suicide and quickly got in WAY over my head.
I have ordered a 2 month's supply off the internet and am doing a VERY slow and easy taper because I know me and I know my personality. If I tried the CT route (as I have before) then I will eventually lose my willpower and end up in the ER begging for them - ruining any previous success.
Every case and every person is different. I have much more faith in this slow taper that I've worked out with the love & support of my husband. Right now I am taking about 8 a day. Next Monday I start with 7.5, next week 7, and so on until I'm down to the bare minimum.
I've even gone to Walgreens and bought those little daily pill containers to keep me on track.
I know that the end will be hell, since there's no delaying the inevitable, but I feel I'll be much more mentally prepared and ready if I ease my body into it slowly. I've also read about the Thomas Recipe and will be scooping up all of the hydrating supplies and vitamins as needed.
My worries are more about the psychological pain I have been masking for SO LONG. What emotions are going to break through after I clean my body of this poison? What will reality without a crutch feel like? What hobby will I take up to REPLACE this addictive habit that has taken up so much of my time, money and efforts?!
I get scared when I ponder those questions but at least I have the full support of my family who is backing me 100%. Also, I'm thankful for this community that I've recently discovered. There is more help to be found here than anywhere else in the world that I've found! (I'm looking at YOU, nursegirl!! ;)
Stick around and write whatever you feel, whenever you feel. Not only can we take it, we can probably relate to it more than you know. :)
Hey Lisa-
Great to hear from you again, but sorry about what you have been going through. I completely understand and can relate to every single thing you say, from the mail order issues to fantasizing about ways to get pills. For many, many years Tramadol took complete control of my life - physical, emotional, financial, etc. I loved what it did for me and (thought) it made me a better Mom, wife, everything. But it turned on me BIG time; that is what it does. For all of the things it "gave" me, it took away those same things tenfold. I feel for you and understand the anger and physical pain you are in right now. Please hang in there; I am so glad you are back and among friends that can relate and help support you through this process. Keep posting ok?
Julie
Great to hear from you again, but sorry about what you have been going through. I completely understand and can relate to every single thing you say, from the mail order issues to fantasizing about ways to get pills. For many, many years Tramadol took complete control of my life - physical, emotional, financial, etc. I loved what it did for me and (thought) it made me a better Mom, wife, everything. But it turned on me BIG time; that is what it does. For all of the things it "gave" me, it took away those same things tenfold. I feel for you and understand the anger and physical pain you are in right now. Please hang in there; I am so glad you are back and among friends that can relate and help support you through this process. Keep posting ok?
Julie
Hey - you have the right attitude for sure....I love "all big achievements start with small steps;;;" This is SO true and if you can remember this, especially in these first few days, you are going to do just fine. Great idea to plan your detox around the weekend. There is no doubt that you are not going to feel good for awhile. But even in the worst of it there are things you can do to make it easier (like we talked about before). Keep your positive attitude, stay busy and keep posting here. It helps a lot to be among 'friends' that can relate to what you are going through; the support here has been a lifesaver for me. If you ever have any questions send my a PM any time. Hang in there....much better days ahead :)
Julie
Julie
LisaH_NYC, I'm sorry you are having such a rough time with this. However, you should never feel as if you are worse than everyone else here. Everyone's case is a little bit different, we have taken different doses, for different amounts of time and for different reasons. Some of us are only physically dependent on them; others both physically and psychologically addicted. And it is so much harder to beat psychological addiction than the physical dependence alone so don't give up and keep trying. Every time you start this fight you are a little bit better and you know what things got you of the road to recovery in the past so you can try to avoid them. I hope the antidepressant helps a little bit with what you are feeling and makes it all slightly easier for you.
Thank you FourJays for all this information! It will be invaluable to me in the next days/weeks. I am expecting this to be intense but as you said, it is only temporary and it won't last forever. I decided to start this before the weekend so that I can stay home guilt-free if I am unable to move tomorrow. I've stocked up on vitamins and fruit (a lot of bananas too :D) and I will try to maintain healthy diet and try to exercise as soon as I feel up to it.
It's amazing you have been off of this stuff for 6 months after 15 years of regular use! Congratulations! Hopefully, I will be able to get that far myself one day... But all big achievements start with small steps so today is my first tiny step! I will be back to let you know how I'm going tomorrow.
It's amazing you have been off of this stuff for 6 months after 15 years of regular use! Congratulations! Hopefully, I will be able to get that far myself one day... But all big achievements start with small steps so today is my first tiny step! I will be back to let you know how I'm going tomorrow.
Hi everyone, and I am sorry about my absence. So many of you were wonderful and supportive as I tried to taper a few months back, but every time I got down to 1.5 pills, I found it impossible. I would jump back to 2 or 3 a day. I felt like a failure but in the back of my mind, I knew it would take a total lack access to them to really make me stop.
A lot has happened since I came here in a panic with my last prescription of tramadol a few months back. I was weaning from 3 a day, down to 2 a day...Well, it turned out not to be my last. I was able to order 1 or 2 more times online before the site caught me as a New Yorker having her meds sent to New Jersey. (NY is one of the recent states to change the drug schedule class on Tram to make it harder to get online without prescription in NY.) After 5 years of loyal service by me as a repeat customer, they cancelled my order, and told me until I proved residency in NJ, they could not refill for me again. I had less than a week of pills left. I was forced to wean more quickly, my formerly supportive husband was smug and said good, now what are you going to do... and when I literally had 2 pills left, I went to my GP and confessed. I was terrified that he would tell me I was going to have to go to a treatment facility; I am worried about losing my job. Instead, he gave me suboxone and gave me a quick taper schedule for it. I was grateful. The addict in me thought, kewl, another week of getting high. Wrong.
I took the suboxone just ONCE. I threw up for 18 hours straight. However, after that, I felt no withdrawal symptoms other than restless legs. That was 2 weeks ago.
So I was done, right? Well, Fate has a sick sense of humor. I sat down on a NY subway a while back, and next to me was a pharmacy bag. I opened it. 18 Tylenol #3. Are you kidding me? No one in the seat, no one noticed as I picked it up and carried them off the train. I took them all, 1 or 2 a day.
So technically, its been just 2 days without any pain meds in my system. How am I? I am an angry, tearful, restless, and scariest of all, an ungrateful person being off this medication. I feel forced off this drug; it was not a decision, it was forced on me. I loved the energy it gave me, the freedom from depression, the buzz that was light and pleasant and did not interfere with daily activities. It was a dream drug for me.
Today alone, I have thought about moving to another state, like NJ, just to get my drugs back. I thought about breaking a bone or burning myself to get pain meds. I hate this feeling of anxiety, depression and nothingness. I thought about ordering from overseas companies, but the fear of them sending me rat poison, or cleaning out my bank account through ACH payment stopped me so far. I have flirted with fantasies of using my keys to get into the old lady next door's house... she must have SOMETHING for me to take...I fantasize about robbing the pharmacy. I think about doctor shopping for stupid doctors who will give me my drug back. I think of going to sleazy parks and neighborhoods to try to find a dealer... I obsessively bang my rattle like a child who can't have more chocolate pudding for dessert.
I even thought about drinking again, and I have not touched a drop since my alcohol detox 17 years ago. I am a sober fish out of tramadol water. My thoughts scare me but I am sure they are not so far different than those of other addicts.
When does the mental obsession stop? I went back to my doc 2 days ago, he gave me an antidepressant to help with my complaints of crying, restless legs, and lack of energy. I have not yet picked it up; Its been 10 years since I needed an antidepressant: I took Prozac 10 years ago when my dad died of cancer at 58 years old.
I want to say I am grateful to be done with this sick cycle of $250 a month orders, counting pills, worrying about shipments, and lying to my husband that I swear, this is the last time. Right now, I am angry, uncomfortable to be sober, my legs are driving me insane, and my mind still searches for SOME WAY to get more.
This is addiction, no doubt about it; its ugly and disgusting, and I hope (so far refuse to pray or go to meetings) it will get better in time.
I am reading the gratitude posts and crying, feeling like the worst of the bunch of you.
A lot has happened since I came here in a panic with my last prescription of tramadol a few months back. I was weaning from 3 a day, down to 2 a day...Well, it turned out not to be my last. I was able to order 1 or 2 more times online before the site caught me as a New Yorker having her meds sent to New Jersey. (NY is one of the recent states to change the drug schedule class on Tram to make it harder to get online without prescription in NY.) After 5 years of loyal service by me as a repeat customer, they cancelled my order, and told me until I proved residency in NJ, they could not refill for me again. I had less than a week of pills left. I was forced to wean more quickly, my formerly supportive husband was smug and said good, now what are you going to do... and when I literally had 2 pills left, I went to my GP and confessed. I was terrified that he would tell me I was going to have to go to a treatment facility; I am worried about losing my job. Instead, he gave me suboxone and gave me a quick taper schedule for it. I was grateful. The addict in me thought, kewl, another week of getting high. Wrong.
I took the suboxone just ONCE. I threw up for 18 hours straight. However, after that, I felt no withdrawal symptoms other than restless legs. That was 2 weeks ago.
So I was done, right? Well, Fate has a sick sense of humor. I sat down on a NY subway a while back, and next to me was a pharmacy bag. I opened it. 18 Tylenol #3. Are you kidding me? No one in the seat, no one noticed as I picked it up and carried them off the train. I took them all, 1 or 2 a day.
So technically, its been just 2 days without any pain meds in my system. How am I? I am an angry, tearful, restless, and scariest of all, an ungrateful person being off this medication. I feel forced off this drug; it was not a decision, it was forced on me. I loved the energy it gave me, the freedom from depression, the buzz that was light and pleasant and did not interfere with daily activities. It was a dream drug for me.
Today alone, I have thought about moving to another state, like NJ, just to get my drugs back. I thought about breaking a bone or burning myself to get pain meds. I hate this feeling of anxiety, depression and nothingness. I thought about ordering from overseas companies, but the fear of them sending me rat poison, or cleaning out my bank account through ACH payment stopped me so far. I have flirted with fantasies of using my keys to get into the old lady next door's house... she must have SOMETHING for me to take...I fantasize about robbing the pharmacy. I think about doctor shopping for stupid doctors who will give me my drug back. I think of going to sleazy parks and neighborhoods to try to find a dealer... I obsessively bang my rattle like a child who can't have more chocolate pudding for dessert.
I even thought about drinking again, and I have not touched a drop since my alcohol detox 17 years ago. I am a sober fish out of tramadol water. My thoughts scare me but I am sure they are not so far different than those of other addicts.
When does the mental obsession stop? I went back to my doc 2 days ago, he gave me an antidepressant to help with my complaints of crying, restless legs, and lack of energy. I have not yet picked it up; Its been 10 years since I needed an antidepressant: I took Prozac 10 years ago when my dad died of cancer at 58 years old.
I want to say I am grateful to be done with this sick cycle of $250 a month orders, counting pills, worrying about shipments, and lying to my husband that I swear, this is the last time. Right now, I am angry, uncomfortable to be sober, my legs are driving me insane, and my mind still searches for SOME WAY to get more.
This is addiction, no doubt about it; its ugly and disgusting, and I hope (so far refuse to pray or go to meetings) it will get better in time.
I am reading the gratitude posts and crying, feeling like the worst of the bunch of you.
Hi chocoholic and welcome! Great decision to get off the tramadol! I took this med for about 15 years and pretty high doses. I quit it cold turkey about 6 months ago. The detox and withdrawal was pretty intense, but I was taking a much higher dose that you have been on. Jbean gave you some great information with the links to the tramadol "recovery rooms". It always helps to hear about stories of other people that have done this or are doing it now! To help with the withdrawal symptoms you may have, check out the Thomas Recipe and the Amino Acid Protocol (links on the bottom of this page). The Thomas Recipe is a protocol for quitting opiates that contains lots of good information and suggestions of items and rememdies you can try to help ease your symptoms. There were a few things that really helped me through the detox stage from Tramadol; hot/warm baths with some Epsom salts will really help to ease stress, the restless legs and help you relax too. I lit candles and put on some music; and just soaked (actually spent several hours in my tub those first few days!). I found the magnesium tablets (1000mg) at night before bed seemed to help a bit with sleep and again the restless feelings. Potassium helps these symptoms as well; I ate a couple of bananas a day! Just know that you are not going to feel very well for a couple of days. Just do what you can to make yourself comfortable as much as possible and know that these are just 'symptoms'; they are temporary. After a few days you should start feeling better. As soon as you can manage, get up and be as active as possible, even short walks will make a big difference. If you can try to keep you brain and body occupied the time will go faster. I found so much of it to be a 'head game'. Just know that it will pass and soon you will be free of these pills - a few days or even weeks of time invested now is well worth the benefits you will get in return. Hang in there and keep posting here for support - we are here for you :)
Thanks for the links Jbean77! I'm sure they will come in handy. Good luck with your taper!
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
