24 days and need encouraging words !!!

[almostfree]

i'm new here but have been following for awhile . I have 24 days clean today from vicodin and other opiates . i'm a stay at home mother of 3 and have been taking opiates for 6 years , my husband has too but i got way worse then he did , he has also been clean for 24 days ! I'm not sure why i'm writing ..i guess because i feel like today is a hard day , i knew everyday wouldn't be great but so far i feel like my battel has been pretty easy compared to some people and i feel very lucky for that ! everyday does get better and better and life is so much more enjoyable ! I feel like god has given me a lot of strength and there is almost no temptation to go back to that dreaded life i was living for so long . i use to wake up and pray that God would take me away from this world , now i wake up and thank God for blessing me with everything he has .For the most part i am doing great ..now for the problem . i am very emotional today , feeling very alone , anxious , and sad . i kept my addiction a secret from everyone i know , my family, friends , EVERYONE , to this day i have only told my mother ... i have a younger sister who is 25 i haven't seen her in 3 years because she is missing , 3 years ago we tried to save her from her addiction ( oxy or roxy whatever u want to call it ) i was taking vicodin at the time but i felt like it was under control only 2 a day , watching what happened to my sister was tramatizing to our whole family . she had everything going for her , college , money in the bank , a great job , a car , and was drop dead gorgeous , we watched what this drug did to her , she lost everything , all morals , looks , all her money , and she felt worthless . we tried everything we could , we put her iinto rehab , jail , a metal home , and one day feb 15 (will b 3 years ) since i talked to her last , she just disappeared, there r more details ..her boyfriend (dealer ) might have killed her , anyways the pain i am feeling from not knowing where she is , if she is alive and prosituting on the streets (we heard she was ) or if she is dead , it' metal troture everyday . i wish i would've come clean and told everyone about my addiction years ago so we could've done it together . when i told my mother about my addiction i knew it would bring back all the emotions that we went thru with my sister (laura) that's why when i told my mom i knew i would never touch another pill in life because i could'nt dissapoint my mom and put our family thru this again. i don't really talk about laura to my mom because it upsets her to much but sometimes i just need to talk about her , i miss her so much and wish i could turn back time , my heart hurts really bad today .....will be sober forever , no matter how hard the days get ....please everyone stay sober because life is so much better but u will have hard days just stay strong. i hit my rock bottom but i feel like y rock bottom is way better them some . sorry about going on and on ..

[aim1023]

congrats to you for 24 days! thats amazing! I just wrote a similar post.. today is very hard for me Im very sad/depressed although I cant imagine how hard that must be about your sister. I hope I can get to where you are. I am a stay at home mom to two beautiful kids I have to do this!!! I pray I can make it to as far as you have! 24 days seems wonderful to me! I can usually only make it to 7..hang in there and take it day by day!! tomorrow is a new one! wishing you a blessed one!

[kyle505]

Thanks...I am doing extremely well. Still fighting the lack of sleep, but I seem to be dealing with it just fine. I hated being on the meds, and went through a hellish detox, so I'm very happy to be on this side of the river. I have good days and bad days, but none as bad as when I was using, chasing, and abusing the meds.
I wish you all the best - you do deserve it.

[all_alone1]

although i am not completely in the same place concerning you and your sister... i do know what feels like to loose a sibiling... my brother died in 97 and the fact that i will never see him again is overwhelming at times

[almostfree]

kyle505 _ great job on 24 days how are you doing ? keep up the good work

[almostfree]

thanks for the responses , that's what i wish i could tell my sister . that now i understand what it's like to be an addict , that i know how hard it is , that it's hard rebuilding your life ,learning how to do things without taking a pill first . socializing and acting "normal" when you don't feel "normal " because normal to us is being high and numb . i know knowone is really going to understand what i'm going thru with my sister but i need to get it out somewhere and i appreciate being able to do that . i wish i could talk to my family and friends about my feelings and my sister . i just want to tell her that i completely understand what it's like going thru withdraws , coming out of the fog and feeling like a p.o.s. , ashamed of yourself , no selfworth , i wish she knew that this family isn't perfect and we're not judging her and that i wish i would've known i was an addict back then but we had to have this horrable thing happen before i went off the deep end with my addiction , in a way maybe she saved me from falling even farther into my addiction , i wish she was here so i could tell her these things  

[kyle505]

I too am at 24 days today; had a very similar addiction. I can' t comment on what you're feeling relative to your sister, etc., because I have not had that experience in my life. But having said that, I can tell you that my emotions at this point are still running high - not quite normal - so dealing with life situations is still difficult sometimes. You just have to keep moving forward and know that you can't influence the past; strive to do things better in the future. Our brains are coming out of the fog, and I know that we can deal with life, no matter what is thrown our way.  Thanks for posting.

[all_alone1]

Sorry almostfree it should say congrats....my darn sticky fingers and this phone pad.

[all_alone1]

Dongrats to you and your hubby for 24 days.....

I am sooo sorry to hear about your sister being missing...I know that must be tough on you..

An I am also sorry to hear your not having a good day emotionally today..

Just know there is much love and support on this forum....everyone on here is awsome and always ready to lend support and understanding...

Again congrats on day 24 that is awsome..