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1253584 tn?1332877954

Reaching out for support.

Well for those of u who know me know I've been strugglig lately. I have 2 make today day 1. It has to be my last day 1. This time around I have so much more 2 loose. A house, a fiancé, a brand new SUV, my list can go on and on. I really hate posting n times of desperation. I feel ashamed. I woke up today and found myself wondering where I can get pills at for the day. I DO NOT want to be having to plan my days around wheter or not I have enough pills or where can I get more. All I want 2 do today is use and or drink. My problem has been pills and drinking lately. But I just want anything that will give me a buzz. It doesn't matter. But I can't do it no longer. I want the old me back from when I first got clean and sober about 2 months ago. She was fun and wasn't allowing herself to be consumed by her addiction...
10 Responses
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Avatar universal
Hi!  I am sorry you are having a hard time!  You just have to make up your mind to stop and to get some help and support so that this WILL be your last time.  That is the only way.  You just can't live your life around where you will get the next pill.  It is NO life!  I did that for so long that I didn't even know what to do with my time when I got clean.  I didn't know how to live, but I am figuring it out, and I like it!!!!!!  I can go on last minute trips.  I can play with my kids.  I can sleep and relax.  ALL without pills.  

Think about what you need to do in order to stop this for good!  I promise you that you will love life if you stop for long enough to see it! : )
Helpful - 0
1253584 tn?1332877954
Ty... U hit it right on. I live n active addiction for about 5 or 6 years and I gues when I was clean for 50 sum days I didn't know what to do with all of my free time. So I stared getting more social with some freinds I work with and that led me to alcohol and from there it went to the pills again. That's how it started for me 6 years ago. I see it now. The vicouse cycle starting all over again. But this time I have to stop it b4 it gets ne worst then what it already has.
Helpful - 0
1402969 tn?1324690560
It is a wonderul feeling not having to worry about pills and counting them all the time. Planning your day/trips around them! It is such a relief and sounds like you are ready to quit! You will feel great after the withdrawls and you will be happy you did!!! Good luck!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yes, you really have to stop before it gets worse, or.....kills you.  It happens.  I got close several times.  I have had some bad stuff happen since I got clean, but with help and support, I chose to not use it for an excuse to use like I would have done a long time ago.  I had a burst eardrum, abscessed tooth, hysterectomy.(I did take meds after the hysterectomy, but I had hubby give them to me for about 36 hrs only!)  I guess what I am saying is that you have to learn to live through life, hard stuff, whatever, substance free, and that includes alcohol.  As you see, it leads back to your drug of choice.  That is why everyone talks about cross addiction.  It happens all the time.  PLUS....drinking just leaves you craving your DOC, right?  : (

Good luck honey!  You can do this, this time.  Get your life back!!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
HI Angie was just checking last nights posts and found yours....first off congrats on wanting to take your life back....sobriety really dose look good on you...this is a battle one or lost in ones own mind...this is something you have to beet one day at a time dont let it overwhelm you about what your going to do tomorrow or the next day...we do this'' just for today''  it starts out with the mind set you have right now...your already getting fed up with your addiction again...you did the right thing by posting Angie...now comes the work you must say NO when someone asks you to go out tonight...it might seam a bit lonely in the beginning but trust me on this one...I really struggled with loosing my social life when I quit drinking
you have to know that sobriety comes with a price but its a lot less then active addiction
your going to have to dig deep down to do this...to the roots of what you really believe in
and fight off the temptation...at first this may seem like a daunting task but as you do it each day it will seam ezer...you know where the pills wile take you...you dont want to go back to that place ....I think you need to know that the alcohol will also take you there
it is alluring and the fact that is is socially acceptable I think makes it harder ...I will tell you this... for me it was equally as distrutive as the pills I think more so because it drops your inhibition and fogs your mind to be able to make rational decisions...I think for you Angie like me it is the fuse that lights off the blast...you no longer can light that fuse...I know your young and the party seen looks like a lot of fun but trust an old worn out partyer it leads to misery ..mabe not right then and there..but when your in the back of a squad car for DUI or your brand new suv is rapped around a tree you will see it then and then comes its only a mater of time...right now Angie you just got to start with baby steps first off is you just have to say NO for today...and no mater how much your addiction is screaming at you to come out and play you just keep your rational mind around the big picture..YOU NO LONGER LIVE THIS WAY...your new life brought you happiness it will again if you just give it a chance..be kind to yourself treat yourself to something special for each goal you make it to...just know it is so so worth it and you to will get to where life is a beautiful place once again...good luck to you Angie I know you can do this just remember baby steps will get you there...your friend Mark                    
Helpful - 0
1253584 tn?1332877954
I know I have got to stop the going out to the bars/clubs. Especially the clubs . . People there r just high and hand out pills like they r cigarettes. I know the alcohol is a bad choice for me and it does leave me craving pills. Alcohol is a lol harder bc I can get it newhere and it's legal. I have to stop while I'm ahead. I feel I've been lucky this far and can no longer b pushing my luck. Thanks for all the support every1.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Angie! Glad to see you are ready to get your life back! I'm coming up on my 30 days...although I'm embarrassed and ashamed to only have 30 days after having over two yrs, I'm here to say-you can do it! And I want to be here congratulating you on your 30th day! I'm here for you, hon!!
Helpful - 0
725350 tn?1318680468
Please get to an AA or NA meeting as soon as you can. Once you have the gift of desperation and are willin to do whatever it takes the program will work for you! I've been clean 16 minus now because I worked the steps and now I help others get sober and go through the steps. I can't even explain how much better life is now, its not even that I got the 'old me' back, everything is even better than how it used to be. You can do this!
Helpful - 0
725350 tn?1318680468
*16 months... still not used to the new phone lol
Helpful - 0
1032715 tn?1315984234
Did you use aftercare during your 50 days?if not that is the first thing you need to do,AA or NA or an addiction counsellor,whatever suits you.
You can do this but we have all needed help to get to where we are today.

Denise
Helpful - 0
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