479459 tn?1246742019

Really scared I'll never get out of this

I read here all the time...it gives me hope that maybe I can also get out of this trap I've gotten myself into.
I had been off percs and vikes for a month, was taking naltrexone and it was helping the cravings. The only thing was that I was EXTREMELY anxious and I felt like the nal was affecting my taste..everything tasted like dirt. So, yeah...quit taking it and within a week I called my dr for 30 percs...took those in 5-6 days, ran out, my anxiety was thru the roof and I was drinking (first DOC has always been alcohol...trying to get off that too) to try to relieve it and we all know that does nothing but a temporary fix. So I got 20 more vikes and did those in 4 days...just ran out today.
I was freaking out thinking I'd have the horrible anxiety back so what do I do? I order frickin tramadol online. I HATE Tramadol...it was the first thing I ever got addicted to and totally messed with my seratonin. Once I got off I said I'd NEVER do it again. Now I have 90 of those that were just delivered. My plan was to try to taper with them. I did it once before. I just don't think I can function on the post-wd anxiety from the vikes/percs. I was a total mess, even with klonopin.
Anyway...not sure what I'm saying here..i'm just really really scared and upset. I want so badly to be free and I feel like I'm my own worst enemy.
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Avatar universal
Well, quit beating yourself up ok? I personally from what I hear don't think the trams are going to be a good idea at all! It seems you know that from past experience. We are all here and will support you!

Have you checked out the health pages? Would you consider just going cold turkey and getting it over with? I know it's hard but might be worth the 5-7 rough days... just a thought... throwing it out there...I know you have thought of it all.

Also, aftercare? Do you have plans for that?

Keep posting we are all here for you!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am so sorry. Just for peace of mind remember that some days are worse then others. Can you speak to a Dr that is sympathetic to your situation? Any chance you can get to an inpatient facility (depending on where you live some might be somewhat affordable).

Also, and I have yet to try it myself, have you read up on suboxone etc...?

I know this is really controversial but I do feel like if you are about to start another drug, one that you promised yourself you would avoid, then maybe it is just worth a look.

I have a close family member who was able to quit cold turkey (he did have clonodine for about a week to help with some symptoms) and he had a very heavy habit. The key for him was his after care. It still is in fact. He took classes, went to meeetings, and had individual therapy.

I just want you to know that so many people on here feel the way you do right now. And there are also quite a few success stories. I wish you the best. Feel free to message me if you need to talk.
Helpful - 0
479459 tn?1246742019
thanks for your replies.
I can't do inpatient...can't afford the days off and can't afford it, well, period.
I started OP but I felt like I wasn't committed enough to be there and it was costing me alot, so I quit.
As far as aftercare, I do go to WFS and some AA meetings but obviously not enough. I have recovery friends too who have done this addiction switch(from alc to opiates) same as me and I also see a counselor. I'm just so embarrassed about this last slip I can't seem to tell anyone...I feel like a broken record.

I did do this somewhat ct before...and then thought I could use "once"...yeah..I know, stupid addictive thinking. I don't think I would go into full blown physical WD again, but it's the mental anxiety that gets me. It scares me to death...I'm unable to function. I live alone, work for myself so I can't really take a bunch of time off, but I realize I am going to have to get serious or this will just go on and on.

Thanks so much for listening.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I know how you feel. When I quit last time I told a few people and I have been really ashamed to be back where I am.

I mentioned Suboxone because I am going to give it a try. I know that it is not for everyone and I also know that people have gotten stuck on sub. But, I feel that for me it's the only option I have right now. I am barely getting by financially and my DOC is expensive. (i am spending over $1000 a month and I do not make a lot of money). Right now I am clinging onto this for hope. It will not be easy.

But, my life is not going to get better being on these drugs. I feel for you. Just try to keep your head up and try to come up with a plan. Any plan.so that you don't feel stuck. Keep posting and take care.
Helpful - 0
401095 tn?1351391770
I think suboxone had already been tried..??   it is a tool for people to quit with but it wont do all the work...u gotta want it..it will help u bypass physical withdrawals but it will not keep u from relapsing later on...I feel for u as it seems as tho u have been running in circles and i know the feeling...sick and tired of being sick and tired  
LOL  (: COL ):  aftercare is important but u have tried that...is there anything in ur life that u can change to help u...a bad relationship etc?...i am sure u know about the supps and how important they are so ur brain can heal...can take 90 days for it to begin producing the amount of endorphins u need after abuse...sub use will also mimic endorphins as it is a narcotic and the brain still has to catch up...the body quits producing as many due to the outward source it is receiving, actually builds more receptors to handle the surge that pills provide..anyway...iAA says 90 meetings in 90 days..that is alot but that is why they picked 90 days..and it can take much longer to get ur recptors healed and working full strength..exercise is great for producing endorphins and the aminos for healing...sorry i rambled bu i know how u feel...keep posting
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I understand how your feeling..I felt like it would never end too..It's a horrible feeling..But the truth is..it can end..the key as you said above is being committed to it..all the suboxone,trams,etc..won't help if your not set to get this done..Our mind in my opinion is the strongest tool we have..stronger than any drug..it's good to let it out..talk to people as you are doing..We have all felt the way you do at one time or another..don't beat your self up..BUT do get tough with yourself and make some solid decisions as to what you want to do..get a plan together,.go to some meetings,enlist family and friends whom you trust to help you with this struggle..You can do this..
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Have u tried to control the anxiety w/ valium or Xanax it works well I never felt like abusing it it made me a little tired but that is better than feeling like I was about the flip completely out.
Helpful - 0
536882 tn?1225512859
Get back to your meetings, and TELL your friends!  They can help you through this.  They can understand what you are going through and may be struggling themselves with wanting to use.  Try not to think about how bad the w/d is going to be.  Getting all frustrated with how bad you think the anxiety will be is making matters much worse for you.  Just get through today.  Don't think about tomorrow, you can worry about it then.  If you want to use, tell yourself you can tomorrow.....then when tomorrow is here, tell yourself you can tomorrow....and just keep doing that.  Go to meetings until you actually like going.  Even if you don't get anything from the meeting, at least it was an hour where you didn't use.  Count yourself lucky, today you have a choice to stop....if you continue using and making excuses you'll end up in jail or worse....dead.  Hang in there ok?  You can do this.  Get to a meeting, call your friends and tell them you are struggling, I bet they'll be more than happy to help you.  They may give you a little He!!, but sometimes thats what you need to hear.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
oh please do not start on the trams. it sounds like you will digging a bigger hole.

i know it is scarry to think how will i get through a day with out some kind of a pill?

i thing the hardest thing is to just stay calm and not panic at first. it can be done. read all the posts here. people get through days all the time without taking anything. sometimes fear is our biggest battle. once you can realize that YOU can funtion some day without any help from pills , you can take on the courage to try it.

there are a couple of herbs that help with relaxing. valarian root and passionflower.
herbs are a lot more potent that people give them a chance to be. after all opiates come from a plant also right?
Helpful - 0
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