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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

Recovery group friend oversteps

I have an addiction to Adderall. I've been going to Christian based recovery group (not NA) at my church that I attend regularly.  A relatively new member was very interested in my story/ addiction.  It was very awkward. She wanted details. This was in a group setting.  The "leader" tried to explain to the member that drug details, drug names, mgs and such are not appropriate.  She apologized and the meeting moved on like it normally does.  After the meeting she asked for my number which is not uncommon.  We have a call list of all the members.
Well she's been texting me, asking me for Adderall. And many other drugs I'm not familiar with. In the beginning, I asked if she wanted to meet at the church and talk. Our church is quite large and has a coffee shop.  She's always declined
I never gave any response to the drug questions. Just asked if she was OK, and do you want to go church. I literally ignored the drug request
Now she's constantly texting asking for meds. Saying she's dope sick and no money, no car
Wants to know the name of my doctor.
I told her I don't see him anymore. (I really do though)
I guess my question is, should I inform the group leaders? I think they should know that a member is doing this.  She's probably texting several people asking for dope. I'm worried she's going to be the catalyst for someone's relapse.
On the other hand , she's got "dirt on me" and can make church going very uncomfortable.  Shes said some things that make me think she will tell my husband.  My husband doesn't know about my Adderall history.  And I want to keep it that way. I got clean with my church's help.  I want to stay clean and stay with my church family.  But she's making life miserable. And making veiled threats
Any thoughts would be appreciated
14 Responses
495284 tn?1333897642
COMMUNITY LEADER
Do you have a sponsor thru your church recovery group?  I would talk with one of the leaders and explain your situation.  Can you block her number?  Dont respond to her at all.  I wish you could talk with your husband about your addiction.  I am sure he has seen some very nice changes in you.  Dont let fear hold you back.  This person will move on at some point but just make sure you stay close to your recovery group.
Avatar universal
Hi  And welcome to the forum.....well  it would be apoperete to tell the leader......I have heard a lot of good things about church based  recovery groups   celebration recovery is good....im a christian also but for a addict like me N/A is a better fit....now one thing I have learned over the years is are secretes keep us sick you need to eventually come clean with your husband....just turn the table here for a minute...if he had the addiction and was hiding it how would you feel when you found out  ???? it took a wile for me but my wife had know idea how deep I was in it until I spoke at my church about my opiet addiction .....with lots of prayers and help from the other men in the church  joining N/A and working the steps  im clean and I dont live with the guilt and shame of livin in a lye any more  it is very freeing to come clean  today my wife is my biggest advocate she will nudge me out the door when im to tired to go to my meetings  even offering to go with  she has been clean for over 26yrs on the shear power of Jesus  it works for her  I used for 35yrs but have been clean form opiets since 2009  but N/A is a daily progam  all I got to do is stay clean today.....as for the phone calles and text's block her number...at N/A we get court ordered people that dont want to be there but need to be I have never had anyone offer to sell or ask me to buy drugs from me....we still would welcome them but also would keep a close eye on what they do  the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop using  it can be a struggle for some  we have had a girl thats been a member as long as me but still gets high and nods off at the meeting   at least most of us are a example that it can be done  but recovery is different for everybody  I wish you the best in your recovery  this woman is toxic keep your distance.................approach her with a group of members  that is our strategy at it works well...it is sunday and can be a bit slow on the forum  others will offer advise
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Gnarly,<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Avatar universal
Thank you both for your advice. I've been thinking about this all morning, couldn't concentrate on the sermon.  I think this woman was put in my path for a reason.  This just might be an answered prayer. Think it's time to tell my husband.  I've been hiding this for a long time. God is forcing my hand.
I will talk with the leader of our ladies group.  I like the idea of talking to her with the other ladies.  I just want her to feel supported.  At first I was incredibly angry with her.  Now I can sympathize with her.  She's in a very bad situation now.  
But I need to take inventory on myself first.  Get honest at home, before I can be a help to others
Next weekend me and my husband are going on a marriage retreat.  Im going to get honest and we will have our church family to support us. I spoke with one of the ladies about this , and she said it's the perfect environment for that.  So I'm excited to be free. I thought once I stopped the meds and got clean I was done. I thought I'd feel so much better, but the guilt and shame of not telling my husband is eating me up. I thought I did everything right, I quit, found God and continue my faith walk.  But I just feel lousy.
Alright, wish me luck
Thank you for showing me the right path to take
I go to my meetings on Tuesdays. I'll let ya know
1 Comments
Your post is fantastic. I love how you decided that this lady's insanity is a sign for YOU. That is so great. A lot of self-analysis in your last post. Love it!  You will wonder why you waited so long after telling your husband:)
495284 tn?1333897642
COMMUNITY LEADER
Your secret will set you free and it will open up so many good things for you and your marriage.  This is way to much baggage to carry alone.
1801781 tn?1461633069
thank you for sharing.  The hardest thing I ever did was tell my husband and children about my addiction.  It was also the best thing I ever did.  Good luck in continuing on your path.  
4522800 tn?1470329434
YOU got some great advice from our MH Family above!

You will feel SO much better when you lift all of this off your shoulders!!
I am glad you are doing this with your Church. I too go and work my Recovery with my Church, however, I also go to some NA/AA. I find that AA is Spiritual and we have cross addicts too. Life will always have some Temptation put out here, but how we addresses it is the Key! I know this will all work out for you..Just keep close with other Church ppl when life throws you them curve balls. Wishing you the best!!
Bless
Vickie
Avatar universal
Well folks I deviated slightly from my plan. I didn't want to ruin our marriage retreat, with really heavy stuff. We paid a lot for the trip and want to use that time away to heal our marriage.  So I sat down and wrote him a long letter. Explained everything, left nothing out.  Explained why I think I started in the first place.  Took responsibility for my part in our troubled marriage.  Told him how I got the meds and how I quit. Told him I told my doctor and we can go see him together.  My doctor was a big help. He can answer a lot of my husbands questions.
I had my husband read the letter in our bedroom, and he came in the living room when he was done.  He came in looking drained, just sad.  I was so nervous.  But he took it well.  He said he knew something was wrong.  But never thought of drugs.  He thought I was cheating, so he looked almost relieved.  I think overall, he just happy I'm doing well.
And now I'm very excited about our weekend trip. I'll keep ya posted
Avatar universal
Welcome. Hey sorry to be a downer but working a healthy program means ya gotta tell your husband. Secrets keep you sick.
Avatar universal
hey Girl.....a big   "CUDOS"" to you for letting your hubby know....that is a huge step......I dont need to tell you just how freeing it is to do that with our spouses .....today my wife is 100% behind me ''doing the deal''...for me that is 3 to 4 meeting a week....speaking at the local rehab her in phoenix twice a month  working with my sponcer working with my sponceee's...it may sound like a lot but I get back 10 fold the effort I put in.....and it is still less work then using 24/7...''you cant keep it unless you give it away''now on the christian side of it....once you shine light on sin  it looses its power over you....Jesus came to set the captives free there is not much more captivating then addiction ...my disease has been out to kill me for a long time but God chose to keep me alive threw it..N/A..step 3...''I turn my will  and my life over to the care of God as I understand him'''....  it is that personal relationship with Christ that gives me a fighting chance.....there is freedom in surrendering this all to God....keep the faith sister and spread the good news
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Gnarly<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
495284 tn?1333897642
COMMUNITY LEADER
I am so proud of you for telling your husband.  Now you will be able to give your all to your recovery as there are no secrets.  You will also find a new meaning to your marriage as it is now based on truth.  I am feeling relief for you!!  There is no greater joy than to watch someone else work their recovery in a healthy way. Mine thought the same thing before i came clean with him and now he is my biggest supporter(and worst critic!)  He holds nothing back and tells me the things i need to hear.  Just know there may be some anger at some point but just remember your actions will speak louder than words.  Oh this just makes me so happy!!!
1801781 tn?1461633069
good job!  Scary, I know..but secrets are dangerous to addicts.
Avatar universal
Just realized what your user name means.....   Great news about telling your husband and right before a retreat will make the weekend even more special.  Heard this thousands of time------
Secrets keep you sick!!!  Enjoy your retreat
4522800 tn?1470329434
WOW!!  I knew he would of known something was up!

My Hub thought I was drinking or had a hangover or something. We have been married going on 31yrs now and he knows I could not ever drink every day. I was blown away when he told me this. Now he is right beside me all the way!!! Even more so then ever before. I am SO happy for YOU & HUB. This will bring you a bit closer for sure.

Good One Gnarly & DS!! Hugs!!
Bless us ALL!!!!
Avatar universal
Hello all. Just wanted to give you guys and update. My husband and I have been doing great. We aren't bickering, I'm not giving the silent treatment. We are actually having fun together. We even had sex! A couple times. This is so new to both of us. We were just coexisting befor . Just roommates raising kids. Now we are on our way to being a real life married couple.  We enjoy each other's company. We used to escape each other whenever we could.  I pray we stay connected. I had resigned myself to a loveless marriage, and just try and raise good kids. Now I see hope. Which was nonexistent just a couple months ago
Anyway , thank you all for being my conscience when mine was absent. I'll keep you up to date
Thanks again
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495284 tn?1333897642
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
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