Relapse Prevention

[Nursey7]

So the Roxy withdrawal was really bad for this already depressed little soul.  So much so that an argument with my husband sent me spiraling before I knew it!  I decided it would be okay to take multiple handfuls of Ativan and wash them down with some rum.  After all they weren't technically "opiates" right?!  My 21 year old son, my baby, took me to the ER.  This was followed by an ICU admission, step-down unit and a 72 hour hold (a "1013" in Georgia) to a psych hospital for attempted suicide.  7 days later I made it home!  The following is what I got from it after I was through being pissed off for being sent here for what I considered an accidental overdose:

So this has been the worst and best week of my life.  I have learned that God truly wants me on this earth awhile longer.  I have met, interacted and actively listened to some of the most horrendous stories from the most amazing souls.  I have cried tears of joy and sadness at the very same moment.  I have hugged some of the most wounded people I have ever met.  I have suffered from guilt, humiliation, worthlessness and hopelessness.  I have praised God and said the Lord’s Prayer with the ability to strengthen me.  The Serenity Prayer also meant a little more than it had in the past.  I know God has great plans and a purpose for my life.  I have learned again I have the most amazing husband God could have ever provided me.   God has also blessed me with the most awesome 3 children a mother could ever hope for, want or need.  So today really is the first day of the rest of my life.  I am grateful and humbled by this life event.   In the words of Joel Osteen “I am a victor not a victim.”  

[kyle505]

We've all done things that we either have forgotten or want to forget. I think that if you're meant to remember what happened then you will.
Don't let the thought of your son's involvement eat you up. You can work through this IF you allow yourself some grace, and eventually forgiveness. Don't pick at the wound, let it heal.  We are here for you. You know that. Always have been.
K

[Nursey7]

Thanks for the support guys; I really needed it!  It's started out as a very rough day.  The structure in the hospital was exactly what I needed so it's very scary being out here on my own now. I am not sure it's good or bad that I don't recall any of the events from that night.  I struggle  with the thought of my son having to see me like that.   I pray for healing!  I did go to a meeting tonight ;-)

[mommymarieme]

Hey there honey! I am so glad you are back i was worried about you! Thank God you are ok!! I am so proud of you for coming here and telling us what is going on that was a big step and took a lot of courage. :) i am here If you ever need any thing at all. Vic is right we all love you!! :)

[VICourageous]

Girl you are person and we make mistakes..God will turn them around for us to see the light. You have had sooooo many struggles since I first got on here.
My Heart really reaches out to you and my Prays will be with you. Just try to keep looking at it in a good way..You keep learning and learning by some of these issues.  
I 100% DITTO what Klye said..Keep on pushing Girl..We wuv U
Bless

[Brightfutureahead]

Seems like you have peace in your heart. Proud of you!

[gnarly_1]

HI so sorry you have gone threw so much but your Faith is inspiring to me keep the faith Jesus will get you threw this he did for me you might want to consider recovery with the rooms of N/A it will help you out in the long run good luck and God bless......Gnarly

[kyle505]

You continue to amaze me. Like most of us, you've been at this a long time; you've hit highs and lows, but seem to come out of it all a bit stronger and with a determination that is lacking in some that come to this forum.
As I've shared with you many times, I failed for over 15 years; no attempts to end my life, just times when I wished I didn't exist. You've had your moment, and it sounds like you've learned from it. I look forward to incredible progress, and, along with so many others, will be here for you every step of the way during your new journey. Only the best,
K

[HappyDays2Come]

Oh I'm so sorry about your w/ds, argument with your husband, and the awful events that transpired. However, it seems as though some good came after all was said and done and you have the strength to continue moving forward. I remember early into my w/ds I was so very fragile and any little thing would upset or set me off. It will get better with each passing day and you'll come out stronger than ever. Please keep taking it day by day and remember that you are so worth it. *big hugs*