Relapse and spending ALOT of money

[peaches1982]

Hi everyone, I am still clean from heroin my drug of choice for 2 1/2 years.  But I have been on a pain pill binge for a few months now.  I moved to a new area 2 1/2 years ago after I got in alot of trouble, I thought it would do me good and it did.  I wanted to go somewhere that no one knew me and I didnt know anyone.  I am happily married to a drug free man.  But I am doing my probation here and I recently did 100 hours of community service, while doing that I met a few people and started talking with them and now I can get oxys and and any pill I want.  I started shooting up the oxys and taking 5 to 8 percocets a day and I have spent almost 2000.00 on drugs.  I am now tapering off, I know what to expect but it is hard when the stuff is a phone call away.  My husband does not know how bad I have gotten but he does know I have been taking pills.  He does not know about the money either I have anxiety issues and I am so nervous about the money.  I do not know what I should do, should I just be honest and tell him?   This is really driving me crazy. It is like I have went back in time and I am repeating what I was doing 2 years ao back home.  I am very confused.  I know I have got to stop.  What is wrong with me?  I have been through treatment and know I have a problem, I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest.  Can any one relate to this problem with relapsing several times?  

[FriaryGrad]

Hey again.  Your husband can't understand about the disease of addiction; if he did he wouldn't give you his pain pills. My longtime, live-in "boyfriend" (we're both 56, hence the quotes) can drink half a beer and recap the bottle and put it back -- something alcoholic me couldn't even imagine.  I could not pace myself, even if I knew that I couldn't buy liquor until 6:00 a.m. and was going to be desperate by then.  If my drug of choice had been in pill form, I wouldn't have been able to pace myself either.  Go to NA or AA, and get your husband to Al-Anon.  There was one meeting a week that I could go to, where they met at the same time, but in different rooms. Your husband won't be pleased, but if you ask him to accompany you to NA or go to Al-Anon, he'll know you're serious about treatment. And they will tell him that relapse is common, but that he's got to stop enabling you, he'll know he's got to take their advice. You need to get help together; I'm not sure why he's giving you his pain pills knowing your history, but he's got to learn more about addiction or you're not going to be able to stay clean.  We're all pulling for you, so please start pulling for yourself, too.  It's hard, but its SO worth it.  

[cathy5841]

no doubt your hubby will be upset...but, remember he loves you and will forgive you. my daughter was an iv user so i know what hell you are in.  you need to be honest with him and ask him not to give you the pills.  you gotts stop all contact with anyone who uses.  including your dealers.  you can do this.  you will be sick for a week more or less, but you can do it.  i could not taper either.  i had to go cold turkey cuz if i had them i snorted them.  so, cold turkey may be your only real option.  i was snorting a good deal more that you are taking and taking the pain pills too.  you need to find some sort of after care.  there are reasons you use....you have to deal with them.  good luck.

[kk143]

I too sometimes wonder why my husband would put up with me...he had never done anything except love me through all of my bad choices...I too ran up credit cards, stole money, lied..lied..lied, and I have relapsed twice, but each time he helped me through it and seemed to try so hard to be sympithetic...I really feel like today we are closer than ever...we have been together since we were 14 and we are now 31 and have been married 10 years in Aug and I really have been on something everyday of our marriage with the exception of a few months...I started taking methadone to help me with the opiate addiction and have now tapered myself off completely...it can be done but you have to be honest with him...please tell him today...just do it it will make everything better...i promise just apologize and ask for his help and forgiveness, he loves you so much we know that or he would be gone...give him credit and appreciation for all he has done for you by letting him in to your world...it is the only way he will ever relate and come close to understanding the sickness and difficulty of what you are dealing with!!!  Please feel free to contact me anytime...you can do this just let today be the day...you can put it off forever and then it will be too late...you are a strong person and know you can do this...Karie

[wannabefree330]

Well, telling yourself you are still clean from heroin is not as truthfull as we would all like to think.  The pills are giving you the same euphoric feeling and the behavior is exactly the same. hiding, sneaking, stealing (the money), and most important-the injecting.  It's all the same.  I am on my 2nd relapse now and Frairy hit the nail on the head- we have to figure out what led to the relapse.  What was going on emotionally?  It occurs waaayyy before even picking up the drug so, try to think back.  For me, it was getting involved with an unavailable man and knowing it was wrong.  TELL YOUR HUSBAND!  you need the support he can give you.  AND, he needs to know so he'll stop feeding your addiction.  him giving you his pills is detrimental to your recovery.  If he doesn't need them, even having them in the house is a hazard for you.  It's good you aren't shooting them anymore, but the secrets you are keeping will destroy you and eventually lead back to the needle.  Sounds like he loves and accepts you for who you are.  It's not your fault you are an addict, it's just in our chemistry.  BUT....It is your fault you are actively using AND THAT YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT!!!  You did the best thing you could by reaching out to others with the same problem.  Seems everyone is in agreement you need to tell him.  And, you know you want to get clean-thats another great thing.  You've done it before, and can do it again.  For me, it's harder every time but it's still doable.  
Accept responsibility for your relapse (you've pretty much done that), and now, keep working on getting clean.  Just slowly taper little by little, if you can't, get medical help.  

[peaches1982]

I was doing 40mg oxys 3 times a day.  I have stopped that now.   I cant beleive I stuck a needle in my arm again.  As for the pain pills I am having a hard time tapering because the more I have the more I take.  So as soon as I wake up instead of taking 8 I take 4.  I dont no what I am going to do.   I do agree with you cathy, I know I should tell him.  I have lied so much, when we first got together I hid my heroin addiction from him for 2 years.  We were together a few months and then I moved in with him and he let me have his debit card and thats when my addiction was full blown, I took ALOT of money thousands.  I got caught, got arrested and he and my parents helped me through it all.  Then we moved to his home town and got married, after takin all that money he still loves me.  Do you think he will be as forgiving this time?  Like I said he has never used drugs and I dont think he understands addiction.  He also gets 60 percocets a month and he lets me take them because he dont really like them.  He thinks that they last me all month and that is far from the truth.  I want to stop, because I am sick of being sick when I run out I never remember anything I do, He says he hates the way I act when I take pills so why does he give them to me?  What should I do?

[redrodeo]

Hey Peaches,
     Sounds like you got a full blown relapse going. The disease will do anything to protect itself.  Lying or omiting the truth from your husband is normal drug addict behavior when we still want to use. You didn't mention if you were involved with any 12 step programs.
     Let me tell you about my situation. I had been clean and sober in AA for almost 12 years. And about a year ago I had severe neck pain and eventually started taking vicodin.
Then about 8 months ago I started tx for hep c and that was very painful. So the mds didn't want me to take pain pills with tylenol in it. So I tried several drugs and ended up with a new drug called OPANA  its oxymorphine. So I finished my hep c tx in May. But after taking it that long I am addicted to it. I've tried tapering down and that doesn't seem to work for me. So I don't know what to do, I am confussed also. I'd like to go in for a medical detox but that would create alot of problems. I have about 60 or 70 Suboxone
and am thinking about doing that and get off of that in 21 days. Which would probably work but the little drug addict in me doesn't want anything to do with it.
       If this was helped you and theres something I can do for you drop me a line.
       Red

[FriaryGrad]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time; I can relate about relapsing, and how hard it is when your drug of choice is easy to get.  Mine was alcohol, so obviously recovery couldn't just be about avoiding the drug, it had to come from within me.  Do you recall how you were feeling when you relapsed?  With me, relapse started well before I picked up a drink -- it was a sense that I couldn't face the world any longer sober. I didn't drink for about 2 weeks after that, but didn't get help right away, even though I'd just gotten out of a very expensive rehab stint, and knew all about the disease of addiction. I had to go back to rehab a second time to learn all about why I drank; not in theory, but personally.  I finally learned I had had depression all my life (53 years at that time) and began treatment for depression.  I now have NO desire to drink, but will have to be vigilant my whole life, in case my antidepressant stops working (my doctor called it the "poop out effect" and said that I might have to switch meds in order to keep the depression at bay).  Tell your husband - he's probably aware that something is getting worse and will appreciate your honesty.  I could never taper -- my alcoholism was so severe that I couldn't deal with the cravings following one glass of wine - if you can taper yourself you've got my admiration, but if you can't then get medical help for your detox.  I wish you the best and hope that you'll find peace really soon...it's out there, I promise.  

[lifesaride]

i think your husband would be more understanding than you think. i bet he already realizes you have a problem. he'll respect you more (and you'll respect yourself more) if you go tell him about it. look you dont have to tell everything all at once.just start by saying i think this pills got me hooked. the money stuff thats last, whats important here is you , him, and your health.Teddy

[cathy5841]

hi peaches, we can all relate with relapsing...its something most addicts do.  i personally think you should come totally clean with your hubby.  being honest is also a part of recovery.  the stress fron hiding your secrets can cause you to relapse.  you know what to do and how to do it.  you can do it...stick around and keep posting.  and stick to that taper.  how much oxy were you doing a day??  where are you on the taper??