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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

Relapsed

I feel so ashamed....I got ahold of a bottle of 90 10/650mg and just could not resist. This thing really has a strong grip on me.Within a matter of days I was right back where I was. Does anyone recommend suboxone. I tried taking an anti depressant and it helped a little but just did not give me that feeling of over all well being and warmth. I can take 2 or 3 vicodins and its like god wraps his arms around me and I feel so warm and special like there is nothing I cant do. I need something that is going to give me stability for atleast 3-6 months. Something to allow me to get into a routine and get a clear head. I signed up months ago to do a triathlon next month. I was suppose to be training this whole time. That was a goal that I set for myself and I'm not even doing that. I'm starting to get that feeling like I'm taking more from the world than I'm giving back. Thats such an awful and shameful feeling. It makes you feel like a child again. Any ideas of how I can get through this. I've heard alot about suboxone but it's so expensive. I have a dr. that is willing to taper me but that doesnt seem to work. I always feel like I'm standing on a ledge hanging over the side being held up only by a thread. Lost and hopeless
11 Responses
Avatar universal
Before suboxone, I would recommend getting into some type of aftecare to help you stay clean. Relapses suc k, I have had many and each one seems to keep getting worse. How many are you taking a day right now? What caused this relapse, do you have rx's or just got a hold of a bottle?

Remember there is always hope and life without these drugs is a much better life. Good luck, you can do this. Keep posting
Avatar universal
If you have it within you to train for and do a triathlon,you have the strength and determination to beat these stupid pills.
It takes enormous willpower to continue a triathlon.
Take some of that energy and determination and fight this enemy.
Treat it like a triathlon and while detoxing you can exercise and train for the triathlon.
Take a few deep breaths and go for it.
Quit now,
Do your body a favour.
Avatar universal
Thanks for the response...It's nice to know someone is out there for you...gizzy32 I am back to about 10 a day and it's just a bottle that I got ahold of. But it seems like these pills are everywhere. I'm not sure what caused me to relapse. I have been dealing with alot of demons from childhood experiences and it seems like evrytime I turn around one of my triggers are beinig pushed. Thank You for the encouragement pharma9. I Am usually a very active person, triathlons, kickboxing..but I get fall into these holes that are just so hard to get out of.
Avatar universal
I think all of us can relate to the trigger part. All my relapses in the past were triggered by something and instead of asking for help, I would say **** it and go get dope. If you can limit some of your triggers, it can make this battle a lil easier. I had to break a lot of contacts and friends for my sobriety, but it's worth it.

Do you think it's possible to do a quick taper? Get back to what you love doing and get this pills out of your life. Freedom is waiting for ya man.
Avatar universal
I have a lot of admiration and a little jealousy for people who are so athletic.
I now have arthritis and can only do easy things like yoga.
I remember how much determination it took to run 1/2 of a mile when I was younger and able.My chest hurt,my legs hurt,I hurt and it took all my strength to finish that run.
I can still feel the pain.
A triathlon has to be so much harder.
So..you do have it in you to fight this fight.
Avatar universal
You have to stand firm with yourself. You know you have a weakness. With that said you, yourself have to take the steps to be prepared for such situations. It literally takes less than a second to walk away from that bottle. It helped me to call both my Docs immediately and inform them of what I have done. They now know and can handle the situation accordingly. I have a single person that I got extras from. I told them to tell me no if I so much as looked like I was going to ask. Be proactive in your endeavor, cut off all roads that lead to set backs. You don't need this stuff, you want this stuff. I "want" lots of things but, I need my life. Sometimes I'm blunt but, a week on the outside clears the vision. Also, I had a first sign I was on the right path yesterday. My new Mens Health mag came in, on the cover it read "Build your body, Change your life". Thats a sign to me.
Avatar universal
The Dr. said he would taper me if the anti depressant didnt work. I've always been fearful of taking an AD...go figure...I dont have a problem taking painkillers....Do you take any type of anti depressant or did you just quit all meds?
Avatar universal
Thanks for the response..I was just reading your thread. You seem like a strong guy. I like the rule ( you must be able to see 8 abs ). And sex was scary the first time...lol I think it is time to jump. I will keep everyone posted on how things are going. Thanks for the support.
Avatar universal
Thanks! I like to keep some humor in it. Can't be business full-time! I used to take Anti-depressants. I got over that hill when I found they don't do much. Exercise is as effective as Prozac I've read. Exercise is awesome. Even if you find a kick ball league, dodge ball, etc. Those incorporate a lot of laughs as well. Life is short, spend it laughing, even if it is at yourself. I tell fake stories all the time and use myself as the butt of the joke.
Avatar universal
Hey Jb stay focused.Good luck on your triathalon I competed in about 30 tris from 94-2000.The training is awsome.Last sunday i entered a swimathon and got first place,with 230 laps.Easy competion .The recovery and focus is very simalar to training the only difference is to not pick up, know mater what.I think your biggest trigger was halving the pills in the first place.I am clean from opiates 62 days today and with the weather and the way my body feels today if I had pills I may convience myself to just take one.If I were to do that I would be right back to 30-40 vikes or perks a day.I went C/T like jumping into a cold ocean on race day without a wet suit.I have done that before as well.Good luck I will pray for you my brother
Avatar universal
Congrats on 62 days Skiddy...I read your post ..like jumping into a cold ocean on race day without a suit...What a visual...LOL
I am sure you have done that as well.
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