Rock Bottom

[Jen629]

It's hard to believe that I finally hit my rock bottom last Saturday. Even though I have my disabilities I have been taking more and more meds over the past three years, of course to be completely numb from all the physical pain and emotional pain. I often wondered why over the years I have had many surgeries and was always able to put them down after couple of weeks and move on. I live with my mom now and it has gotten so bad that she had to lock up her room and hide them. Well, you know, I always broke in and found them. When I came out of my stupar early Sunday morning I realized I had taken all of my ambien again, all of my percs and ultram. I had just gotten them filled two weeks ago. I was all alone again for a few days and don't remember a thing. That is when I knew enough is enough. Taking it one day at a time, thanks for listening : )

[peaceinknowing]

I know this isn't a thread that you started windows, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you right now and I hope that all is well.

[peaceinknowing]

It's completely amazing to me as well that so many strangers, all from different walks of life, have come together on one website just to assist one another through what we all like to call life and our road to recovery. I've said it so many times but I'll say it again that I do firmly believe that this forum was my saving grace through my darkest hours of my home detox. There is so much to learn out there, and so many people willing to hand out the information that we all seem to need through these times where we feel that our level of faith in ourselves AND God have dropped. Just continue to know that I am behind you 100% through all of this, and I'm always just an email, phone call or thread posting here on the forums away. You ALL are in my thoughts and prayers right now, and just keep smiling because I love each and every one of you.

[Cissy373]

You sound so much like me, I became disabled from an accident and my surgeries so am limited as to what I can do, I just try to keep my mind busy, puzzles, movies, anything that works.

I also am going through this WD alone, I think my hubby suspects but until I can see if I can do this I don't want to worry him, so much going on in our financial life thats all he needs is one more worry.

So I am very THANKFUL I found this forum, it just may be a SAVING GRACE for us all.

Just know your not alone, that helps alot even though we cant see each other just reading every one else' words helps a LOT.

Cissy

[windowsca]

Hi, me again.  I was just wondering if you've utilized the health pages to help you through this.  There's a lot of info regarding detoxing from opiates that seems to make sense to me.  I'm probably not the most qualified for more than a hand to hold.  My only real drug "problem" was a few years of cocaine use about 15 years ago, and somehow I just stopped.  It wasn't hard for me once I decided.  I think I have a good control of mind over matter.  I had a mastectomy in 2000, that took over nine hours of surgery and with the exception of morphine the first night in the hospital, I never took even one pain pill.  My real experience with drugs comes from losing my husband, eleven years ago to drug addiction and recently my son has gone through, what seems for the moment anyway to be opiate recovery, after getting addicted to Norco originally after a sport injury and a relapse ten months later that blew into shooting up Oxy and almost dying at age 19.  Everything I've put him through has been holistic and it's working extremely well, 1 year later.  

How did you get so many  health problems at such a young age?

[windowsca]

Yeah, I saw peaceinknowing post that you're having a tough night and I love this site so thought I'd check in and let you know some other crazy Ca girl is still up!

[Jen629]

Where did you come from? You got here just in time. Ya, I have my fair share of med issues, they are toppiling over one another now. Coming from someone who worked thier whole life and to have lost thier own home and to no longer be able to work is difficult. I have heard of the vinegar but unfortunately I cannot of anything with acid. I would love to have some company thru this journey : ) Thanks for the quote, I like it. I just would like to help others from going thru any of this agony.....

[Jen629]

thanks for the kick in the butt, keep em' coming, get some rest!

[sinkorswimintoronto]

This is tough stuff........so be tough.
We'll talk tomorrow
Goodnite

[windowsca]

Hey Jen!   I'm in Ca too.  You're lucky to live here, there is so much help available in CA and this site is an unbelievable source of comfort and strength to get you through the emotional end.  I tend to encourage going holistic at all cost - it's healthier, less expensive and there's no risk of getting addicted to yet another drug.  It looks like you do have your share of health issues, for sure.  If you look up almost any holistic thing you can think of and google it for detox - acupuncture, sauna, yoga, herbs, hypnosis, you can put together a very comprehensive program that  can and will get you through this quite comfortably.  As a bonus things like acupuncture and dry heat saunas have been proven to be extremely helpful with chronic illnesses like fibromayalgia.  Much of your depression is likely caused by the drugs themselves.  The bladder infections, probable weight issues that come with some of your other ailments, cholestrol levels, and more - I swear to God this is true - can be eliminated by drinking an ounce of Bragg's Organic Apple Cider Vinegar every day.  I know you only came for advice on how to get off all those damn drugs, but these illnesses need to be addressed at the same time - they are what started this mess!  Let's research this avenue a bit together and see what you think.

I'm doing a quote day, so here's yours ~

“When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure”

Peter Marshall

[Jen629]

When I came to this site I never expected to get this kind of support from others! I am starting to get the dizzy, tired, nauseous feeling pretty bad myself. But the body won't stop moving. Between the wd's and all of these emotions that are coming out I don't know what to do with myself. I am also going thru ambien wd and cannot sleep no matter what I try. Any suggestion on how to turn off the mind? lol, we are going to be so exhausted when we finally calm down a bit. Don't worry about dragging your tired *** back here to check on me : ) I hope you get some rest tonight, another day down......

[sinkorswimintoronto]

Hey You,
Hang in there....i'm having my own agony tonite as well. Can't type much because I'm getting dizzy I'm so tired.
We are here, and remember that. I will drag my tired a** over to this keyboard all night if u need it...but I hope you dont.
Stay Stong

[peaceinknowing]

Things are going pretty d a m n good for me right now. Once again, I owe a lot of that to the forums and other members here who've been such a huge part of my road to recovery. Like you, I went through the emotional rollercoaster of going through all the WD symptoms that were physical AND mental. The physical part of the WD is a cakewalk compared to the past that seemingly comes back to haunt you every now and then. That's why a lot of us tell new members that the best thing to do while you're self detoxing from home is to get out of the house as much as possible. I know it's hard to do when you feel like a pile of dog mess at the moment. But there has to be some ounce of determination in there somewhere that forces you into the shower, puts some nice smelling lotion on and heads out the door, even if only for a few seconds.

The hardest part of the recovery for me is going to be staying clean from the pills. I haven't had as many cravings as I've read that others have had, but I know those days are not as far as I wished they would be when they do come to bite me in the rear. It seems like you're getting the idea when it comes to how you go about getting your mind off of what's going on with you both physically and mentally, though. The more I posted here on the forums, the more my mind was occupied. The same goes for when I would FINALLY get out of my apartment. It was like the more I just drove around in my car with the music blaring, the more my mind was set at ease with a different setting for me to focus on for the moment. I know it sounds corny, but it's the God's honest truth in the matter at hand, let me tell ya!

Like you, my family has no idea what's going on with me right now. In fact they see me as being the same old me that has always been there, only with a little less energy and spunk to my step when I'm around all of them. I know how to put up a front, so that is just what I have done when I am around any of my family members and I'm just not in the best of moods on that particular day or at that particular moment in time. I know a lot of the members here tell me to tell my family, and I see their point of view with their bit of advice with this.. But right now, there are things going on in the family that need to take priority over me at the moment. It's time for me to do me right now. When I feel as though I am completely over this "hump" in my road to recovery and I realize that things with family have settled down to a certain extent, that is when I feel it will okay to tell them what I am going through, or what I did go through, rather.

I hope this helps.. Just keep posting and go with it!

[Jen629]

It is not very easy to share, and I never shared this with anyone. My friends and family have no idea of what has gone on. As I read your message I was wiping the tears. I have no where else to go, this is it! I am hanging in there tonight, just very restless, how are you. Thank you so much for words, that is the inspiration for me : )  We are already getting our lives back and it can only get better. Please let me know how things are going with you.

[peaceinknowing]

I am still very proud of you, and thank you so much for posting this. All the posts that are personal in one way or another, that shows our true sides and why we are here are always the best posts in my opinion. You are an inspiration to me, and I pray that this message finds you well this evening. Whatever you do, keep posting here on the forums and continue to let us know about your progress when it comes to the road to your recovery. You and I WILL get our lives back one way or another.